Newt Gingrich Invests Remaining Campaign Cash in Mega Millions Lottery

Apr 22, 2012

Long-shot U.S. presidential contender Newt Gingrich has unvieled a bold new strategy for keeping his faltering bid for the Republican Party's nomination alive despite the near mathematical certainty that rival Mitt Romney will ultimately be declared the nominee.

America's two major parties determine their candidates for president through a months-long byzantine process of primary elections conducted in each U.S. state and territory. Each contest awards candidates a certain number of delegates who will make the official choice at party conventions in late summer. A candidate must accumulate 1144 delegates to win.  More than half the contests have already taken place and Romney currently has 550 delegates compared to Gingrich's 132.

Despite his infinitesimal chances at winning he race, Gingrich has vowed to stay in to the end. This quest is looking increasingly difficult, however, because  his campaign is reportedly millions deep in debt and has little cash on hand. Calls for Gingrich to bow out have been deafening, and have  grown louder as the press has revealed that taxpayers are still paying thousands of dollars a day for his security detail.

"With this $100,000 I have 100,000 chances to win a $55 million cash jackpot."

Yet the mathematically challenged former history professor has announced today that he not be dropping out and will instead be seeking to replenish his campaign resources by investing the remainder of his campaign's cash balance into thousands of Mega Millons lottery tickets.

"What the liberal media elites don't want the American people to understand is that there is always a way to raise money if you need it.," announced Gingrich at a press conference carried live by all major American news networks,

"With this $100,000 I have 100,000 chances to win a $55 million cash jackpot - which will be more than enough to pay for a campaign to defeat Mitt Romney by 70 points in all the remaining states."

Although purchasing multiple tickets does indeed increase the odds of winning the lottery, experts calculate that Gingrich's chances of winning the jackpot with 100,000 tickets will only be 0.056 percent.

The Daily Currant emailed Gingrich at his campaign's official email address asking for comment on these calculations. After a few days someone claiming to be Gingrich emailed from a Hotmail account to say simply:

"I will be the nominee."