Drug Addict Continues to Make Bad Decisions

May 04, 2012

Lindsay Lohan, the former Hollywood actress turned celebutante sans égal, has shocked the gossip columns and the celebrity blogsophere by making yet another bad decision.

The 25 year old professional substance abuser has reportedly been apprehended by Santa Monica police after driving her black Mercedes Gelandewagen down a pedestrian-only boulevard on the city's famed 3rd Street Promenade in pursuit of a man dressed in a black rabbit costume. 

Witnesses say that Lohan spotted the man - who was promoting a new 'fast as a rabbit' high speed internet service provider - while driving alongside the mall on her way to a private beach party in Malibu. Disturbed by the man's appearance, she rolled down her window and began shouting with ascending vigor "Animals make me frown. The dark rabbit must be put down. Animals make me frown! The dark rabbit must be put down!"

"Animals make me frown. The dark rabbit must be put down."

She then turned her vehicle into the pedestrian mall and charged towards the man, forcing onlookers to scramble for safety. Lohan quickly crashed into a newsstand, whereupon her airbag deployed and she passed out.

No injuries were reported.

Police say Lohan was on PCP at the time of the incident, a powerful hallucinogen known to produce dissociative states.

She is expected to be charged with aggravated attempted manslaughter, but prosecutors will have to do without the testimony of her intended victim who is refusing to cooperate with the police investigation.

23 year old Ricardo Alverez of Torrance, CA was starshocked when he learned that his attacker was none other than the famed Lohan. "That was Lindsay Lohan? Oh my god. I should have asked for her autograph! We love you Linsday!"

Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton reportedly experienced several spontanious orgasms when he first heard the news and is currently being treated at Cedars Siani Hospital in Los Angeles for severe fluid loss.

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