Hundreds Arrested In Global Warming Hoax Scandal

May 20, 2012

Scientists and politicians the world over were stunned today to learn that the fringe conspiracy theory which holds that global climate change is a hoax perpetrated by scientists, European governments, and the alternative energy industry turns out to be true.

The office of the United States Attorney for the District of Columbia announced this morning in Washington D.C. the arrest and indictments of 378 people connected to a decades-long effort to convince the global public that Earth's temperature was warming and that human emissions of greenhouse gases were the cause. The scheme was hatched in the early 1980's and aimed to profit from shares connected to companies involved in the alternative energy business - especially manufacturers of solar panels such as the bankrupt firm Solyndra.

The brazen conspiracy penetrated the highest levels of business, government, and academia. Among today's arrests were General Electric CEO Jeffery Immelt, energy secretary and Nobel prize laureate Steven Chu [pictured] , Bruce Michael Alberts (CBE)  the editor of the US scientific journal Science, and Philip Campbell who holds the top job at the UK's leading journal Nature.

A warrant has also been issued for the arrest of billionaire George Soros, who is thought to be the brains behind the financial aspects of the scheme. Soros, however, fled authorities before he could be apprehended and is currently en route to France where it is expected he will be granted asylum by fellow conspirator François Hollande.

The Long Con

"They used their money and influence to fool us all."

The federal indictment charges that these five men were the ringleaders of the organization and first hatched the conspiracy together in 1981 in a hotel room at the London Cavendish Hotel (then known as the Cavendish Mayflower). They first faked scientific data to claim the Earth was warming, then attained top jobs within the academic and business establishment in order to silence dissenting voices in the scientific community.

"The on the ground scientists, the people actually doing the measurements have known for quite some time that the Earth's temperature is actually cooling," says a top climatologist at the US state of Montana's leading community college. "We all know the Earth is cooling, and we couldn't figure out why we couldn't  get our data published - until today. I guess it's true what they say. Always follow the money."

As he unveiled the indictments the US District Attorney reflected on the surreal nature of the conspiracy, "These are some of the smartest people in the world. And yet the best idea they could come up with to make cash was to spend their entire careers creating a global panic about something that didn't exist so they could invest in industries that hadn't yet been invented. It boggles the mind."

Greed is Green

However, some experts have been more prescient on this issue. "The solar energy industry provides 2% of all the energy produced in the world. These guys control too much. They're just too powerful," says a political science professor at Stanford University in Palo Alto,  CA - who would speak to The Daily Currant only on the condition of anonymity.

"I mean the energy industry is the largest industry in the world," our source explains, "If you have a stranglehold on just a tiny fraction of it, the money you earn can buy you scientists and politicians around the world. That's what these guys did. They used their money and influence to fool us all."

U.S. President Barack Obama is said to be stunned by today's news, but is already working on a plan to restore the public's credibility in science. The White House has issued a statement reading in part "Whether the Earth is cooling or warming, the public has a right to know it is not being mislead. Today's events are a sad day for our nation and for the scientific process."

Obama is expected to name climate expert and Texas governor Rick Perry to replace Chu as a signal of a new bipartisan effort to restore integrity in science.