Trump Announces Casino on Site of Obama’s ‘Kenyan Birthplace’

Jun 01, 2012

Donald Trump, the millionaire son of a millionaire real estate investor, has announced today the development of 'Obamaland' - a $200 million hotel / casino complex near the site of what Trump insists is U.S. president Barack Obama's place of birth in Kenya.

The glitzy resort on the Lake Victoria shore is aimed both at serving Kenya's's burgoning middle class, and attracting international tourists interested in seeing Obama's supposed birth site in the East African country. 

"We got slots. We got blackjack. And we got the Lao Ladies -  tribal dancing like you wouldn't fucking believe."

Although Obama was born in the U.S. state of Hawaii - where his mother had lived for some time - a fringe conspiracy beleives that he was instead born in Kenya, where his father was born.

Despite multiple lines of evidence to the contrary, some figures on the American right have questioned Obama's American birth in what many believe is a coded racial attack.

Although most of these so-called "birthers" have long since reconciled themselves to the evidence, Trump had continued to trumpet the Kenyan birth theory in numerous TV and radio appearances in recent weeks.

Commentators and analysts have been puzzled by Trump's behavior, but in light of today's news many now see a commercial motive:

"It seems like he's been trying to build this up for awhile. If Obama was born in the U.S., it makes his new casino less valuable," explains a prominent gaming industry analyst at Morgan Stanley "The casino industry is all about creating illusions. Both Kenyans and conservative Americans would love for Obama to have been born there - and are willing to pay to make that dream a reality."

Look Who's Coming to All You Can Eat Dinner

The new resort will be located on the coastal town of Kisumu, Kenya's third largest city and capital of Nyanza Province where the Obama family is originally from.

It will feature all the standard bling and swagger of a Trump casino, but also have a refined African-inspired elegance:

"We're gonna make this a fucking destination. We got slots. We got blackjack. And we got the Lao Ladies -  tribal dancing like you wouldn't fucking believe." says Trump, who adds that .0000005 percent of all earnings will go to buying a pencil sharpener for the local school.

To capitalize on the U.S. president's popularity in the country the casino will feature a museum chronicling Obama's rise from a poor African peasant to the presidency of the most powerful nation on Earth. In order to attract conservative American tourists, the museum will also feature a copy of what Trump says is Obama's real birth certificate - which places his birth at Aga Khan Hospital in Kisumu on August 1st 1961.

Trump is currently in negotionaions with several major U.S. airlines to add direct flights to Kisumu from American cities with large birther populations - such as Blackfoot, Idaho and Huntington, West Virginia.

"We think the Tupelo market is gonna be huge," says Trump refering to a redneck town in the north of Missisippi.

The casino is expected to attract about 40% of its clientele from Kenya, 40% from Red State America, with the remainder coming from surrounding African countries.

Local reaction to the project was decidedly positive. Raila Odinga, a professor of business administration at the University of Nairobi explains:

"In Kenya Obama is a national hero, anything Obama themed is gonna sell extremely well. Trump may be an idiot, but he knows how to spot a market opportunity."

Asked for the White House's reaction to the news at a press conference this morning, spokesperson Jay Carney  was unable to mouth the words "no comment" and was simply speechless for 43 1/2 seconds on live television.

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