McDonalds Introduces Pomegranate Double Big Mac

Jun 08, 2012

U.S. fast food restaurant chain McDonalds has added a "healthy" new option to its menu by introducing a new antioxidant loaded Pomegrante Double Big Mac, The Daily Currant can reveal.

The new sandwich will launch in test markets next month, and is set to be introduced worldwide by the end of the year. It esentially consists of a Big Mac doubled in size with six pomegranate arils sprinkled on top of the cheese. 

Although the burger will have double the calories, sugar, and saturated fat of a regular Big Mac, the inclusion of the pomegranate - which contains chemicals that top Moldovian researchers have shown to slow the growth of fat cells in spiders - will allow the Oak Brook, IL based company to market the product as a so-called "functional food" with health benefits.

A spokesperson for the company explains the product's development:

"Our research showed that although our customers loved the taste of the Big Mac, they were concerned by the fact that it was one of the most unhealthy things on the planet one could possibly put inside their mouths. So we decided to add some pomegranate. Problem solved. "

Buns and Butter

The magic of pomegranate power means that McDonald's customers will no longer have to choose between eating well and staying healthy.

Shirly Watson, a 325 lb (147 kg)  traffic instructor from McMinville, Oregon says she hopes the new antioxidents will help her lose weight:

"This is fantastic! Finally I can eat my daily Big Mac with no guilt. "

James Jackson, a 400 lb (181 kg) retired truck driver currently on disability for obesity claims he can finally drop his burdensome doctor-ordered vegan diet for the new burger:

'Frankly I was getting sick of all that green leafy bullshit. Sure my blood pressure and cholesterol have been down, but fuck it! As long as it has pomegranate I'll be OK."

McDonalds claims to have several new functional food products on the way, including the Açai McRib, Flaxseed French Fries,  and the Chocolate Triple Thick Shake with Fish Oil.

The firm expects that the new line of functional foods will boost the firm's profit margin from an already healthy 20% to nearly pomegranate-like 30% in the next five years.

Susan Johnston, a 135lbs. (61 kg) corporate attorney in New York City who owns shares in McDonalds says she approves of the company's new strategic direction:

"If this boosts their margins, that's wonderful. Maybe I can afford to eat at Nobu every week next year!"

 

  • http://blog.thecodewhisperer.com J. B. Rainsberger

    Sigh. The plural of “lb” is “lb”, just like the plural of “kg” is “kg”. Otherwise, cute.

  • Kal

    I think this is a conspiracy against the American people to kill them en mass. Now McDonald’s is talking of this bullshit about functional food. Lols

  • Gan596

    XD Dude I work for McDonald’s and I can tell you this is bull. No way will this be a success for a few reasons. A) Although there are a few idiots, the majority of people are not THAT stupid to believe this could be even partially okay. B) McDonald’s Corporation would actually LOSE God only konws how much money by investing in these things when he sales levels would be HORRENDOUSLY low. And the let’s add to the fact that this article says McDonald’s would startmaking flaxseed french fries. Sorry, but McDonald’s will NEVER change their fries. That’s the McD trademark.