Kirk Cameron Ready to Start Curing Gays With Breastmilk

Aug 29, 2012

Kirk Cameron: 100% HeterosexualFormer child television star and flaming heterosexual Kirk Cameron announced today that he has created a clinic dedicated to curing homosexuality though the so-called "breastfeeding method".

The technique, first described by Missouri Congressman Todd Akin, involves breastfeeding adult male homosexuals for at least four weeks in hopes the constant attachment to a female sex organ reorients their sexuality.

In an interview with Christian radio station KKLA , the former Growing Pains star [not Leonardo DiCaprio, the other one] says that as soon as he heard about the controversial procedure he knew he had to get involved.

"I remember exactly where I was when I first heard we had a cure, Cameron explains,  "I had just landed at LAX from a trip to Key West.  I refreshed my Twitter and saw Akin's interview."

"I was dumbfounded. I immediately called Pedro, my personal masseuse and science adviser, and I asked him 'is this for real?' He said 'as real as it'll ever be.' And that was enough for me. I was in."

Sugar Daddies, Bitter Mommies

Cameron says he's lined up donations from Christian mega donors and is currently looking for real estate in the Castro neighborhood of San Francisco and the West Hollywood area of Los Angeles, where he plans to set up his first two clinics.

"Guys like Foster Friess and the Chick-Fil-A corporation have been very generous," he says, "We don't have to worry about money."

However, despite its large, ample and growing bank account the project - tentatively named Nectar-of-Life Ministries - is not without its difficulties.

"It turns out its very hard to find lactating women willing to allow a gay man feed from their breasts. I was kinda surprised by that. Don't women realize what's at stake here? I mean we have a cure! Come on ladies line up and do your part!"

He says that without an influx of volunteers he may have to resort to hiring wet nurses from the Philippines.

"We'd rather do this the American way, but if good American women won't step up and serve their country, we might sadly have to outsource the live breastfeeding part."

Gay rights organizations have expressed growing concern at the "spray-the-gay away" movement, which has took the evangelical world by storm in recent days.

Susanne Salkind. managing director for the Human Rights Campaign tells The Daily Currant:

"That guy from Growing Pains is clearly bitter because his little brother on the show went on to become Leonardo DiCaprio and he become nothing. There is no evidence that homosexuality is a disease that needs to be cured."

"Maybe Curt or whatever his name is should focus on finding a new agent rather than finding new ways to prove to himself he"s not gay."

 

  • ChrisLI-NY

    Dare I ask what do lesbians have to drink to be cured!?

  • Michael Ryland

    “I was dumbfounded. I immediately called Pedro, my personal masseuse and
    science adviser, and I asked him ‘is this for real?’ He said ‘as real
    as it’ll ever be.’ And that was enough for me. I was in.”

    It’s the “personal masseuse and science adviser” that makes it art.

  • LOL

    This whole interview sounds like a joke. So strange. And to think I once had posters of Kirk Cameron plastered all over my walls and had a dream to marry him one day…

  • bubba

    I think he is trying to find ways to “cure himself”

  • Johnny G

    Wow people- this is not news, it is indeed a joke. When will people learn not to trust the media? If I was Kirk I’d be suing these losers for their fake news.

  • DailyCurrant
  • Victor

    Is this a joke?

  • Nate T

    How is the female a breast a sex organ? I didn’t think those were directly involved in the baby making process, or maybe Mr. Cameron doesn’t know how it all works. I think what is really going on is that they are going to try to get a lesbian version of the clinic going. I don’t think they are going to have a problem with finding male volunteers for that one.

  • Matao

    I am starting to feel a bit gay… may I have my dose?

  • Rubes

    Best response ever!! I died on the floor laughing so hard. HAHAHAHA!!!!

  • China Grove

    That is what I was going to comment on. The breast is NOT a sex organ, it is the method by which mammals feed their young. Did not even satirical journalists attend their science classes? Or are they all confused little platypii?

  • Xera

    Cum. Male sperm…shocking huh? Guess I better start sucking cock, eh?

  • Steef

    yes, it says in the FAQ that none of the stories on here are true, that they are based off of real events, but then entire story itself is fictional.

  • nowaynohow

    this can not possibly be a real article?!?! Who the hell would be the lactating volunteers? I call BS on this.

  • Smirf

    I’ll donate to that one! Lol Not anti gay or anything. Just pro blow jobs!

  • terra_dactyl

    Propaganda… I know religion drives people to do some crazy things but I don’t believe it drive any sane person to volunteer for something as absurd as this. I pity anyone who’s read this and truly believed this crap was real.

  • DailyCurrant

    First of all, the joke is that Akin and Cameron think it is a sex organ. That is not the viewpoint of the journalist.

    Second, female nipples when stimulated often produce an erogenous response and provide sexual pleasure to the woman. In that limited sense breasts are unambiguously a sex organ insofar as they are capable of providing sexual pleasure.

    Thank You.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/ZKKJ34VAN6KUEWPEEULWRW5DSA Albert Rogers

    At first I thought this was some guy doing the Maher / Stuart / Colbert, type of satire. Then I saw it was a “Christian” radio station. Or is he a mammariphile voyeuristic mole?

  • Mr. How?

    When did people lose their minds. We all know a grown man drinking a woman’s breast milk is no cure but there really are pills for the mentally disturbed who are pumping this ignorance. Yuck.
    ..

  • http://chippietherfid.com/ Jane M. Agni

    Kirk Cameron is a brilliant, God fearing man. This is sure to cure the flamboyantly sinful desires of men affected with the gay bug. He has my full support.

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