Todd Akin Agrees to Debate ‘Monkey-Lover’ Bill Nye

Sep 02, 2012

Continuing his unconventional campaign for a U.S. Senate seat, Missouri Congressman Todd Akin has agreed to debate world renown science educator Bill Nye, saying he wants to "destroy once and for all the myth of the Darwinist monkey god."

Last week Akin claimed that Hurricane Isaac was god's punishment for Bill Nye's denial of creationsim. Nye responded by challenging Akin to a science debate during a live television interview.

Today in a press conference on the steps of an the Saint Louis Science Center  Akin accepted Nye's challenge and offered a debate on all matters scientific.

"I am here today to announce that I am wiling to come into BIll Nye's house - the house of science - and debate this radical Darwinist over his extreme, secular, Jesus-denying views."

"Bill Nye and my opponent Claire McCaskill represent the liberal, godless, monkey-loving agenda which is pushing our great nation into permanent decline. If we conservative Christians can win the battle of ideas, its the first step towards taking our country back."

Adversus Solem Ne Loquitor

In his speech Akin outlined the topics over which he wants to spar, emphasising his antipathy toward the scientific consensus on global climate change, evolution, and the origin of natural disasters.

Akin lambasted the idea that God would let the Earth get too hot for humans, and mocked scientists for thier inability to predict volcanic eruptions. But it was the congressman's argument against evolution that was perhaps most compelling:

"Bill if you think human beings and monkeys are so similar, how come I've never been attracted to one? I've been attracted to black women. I've been attracted to Asian women. And I've even on occasion been attracted Arab women, as shocking as that may be."

"But Bill, I have never in my life seen a female monkey and thought - wow there's a MILF. How do you explain that Bill? I thought we were all supposed to be same? I thought we were all just one big happy hominid family? "

"How can we come from monkeys if we can't even have sex with them?. It looks like that 'theory' of yours isn't as airtight as you say, huh Bill?"

Darwin's Wolverine?

Akin then argued that science and religion held separate and unequal claims to absolute truth:

"You see the reality is ladies and gentleman is that Bill has his god, and I have mine. He worships Darwin and his monkey disciples. And I worship the good lord Jesus Christ. We come from two very different worldviews. One has the power of truth on its corner, and the other has Satan. And Satan must be defeated."

"So Bill Nye the Monkey Guy, the gauntlet has been thrown, and the ball is in your corner. I'm ready anytime between now and election day. Just give me a call, or send me a tweet and its on."

"And Bill, I'll bring the bananas."

Akin's opponent  Senator Claire McKaskill issued a press release soon after the conference offering to pay for the debate out of her own personal bank account:

"I think this event would be great for the people of Missouri. I'd like to hear more of what Todd Akin has to say."

Take Action: Click the button to tell Todd Akin you want him to debate Bill Nye:


  • Bareyataghan

    “Bill if you think human beings and monkeys are so similar, how come
    I’ve never been attracted to one? I’ve been attracted to black women.
    I’ve been attracted to Asian women. And I’ve even on occasion been
    attracted Arab women, as shocking as that may be.”

    “But Bill, I have never in my life seen a female monkey and thought –
    wow there’s a MILF. How do you explain that Bill? I thought we were all
    supposed to be same? I thought we were all just one big
    happy hominid family? ”

    Is this for real? I’m stunned.

  • Death2Trollz

    Umm… check the top right corner of the webpage: ”
    The Global Satirical Newspaper of Record”

    I’ll let you guess which word is applicable here

  • “pushing our great nation into permanent decline”
    Todd Akin has a Serious case of “Projection”.
    Todd Akin needs to spend a few Days Standing in Front of a MIRROR.

  • CutItOut

    Daily Current: Please stop it. Please, please stop it.

    If your satire is so bad that no one knows it’s satire, it’s not satire, it’s an attempt to get people to believe the satire and post it as fact. When you do that, you’re doing a disservice to the political process AND playing a dirty game that Republicans have been playing for years.

    PLEASE, if you’re not going to make it more clear that your satire is satire (please see The Onion or The Daily Show for actually funny satire), make it more obvious that yours is a satirical website. The number of smart friends who have posted your TERRIBLE satire as true stories on their facebook walls is out of control. Please stop it.

    You’re awful.

  • What an absolute gobshite…this will be bill’s easiest debate ever!!! would love to see it hope it ends up on you tube 🙂

  • Due to the number of people who have mistaken the posts recently as real, they have put in the corner “The Global Satirical Newspaper of Record”.

  • Todd Akin

    I really, really do not like monkeys, but I loves me some jackass!

  • the dirty game republicans have been playing? ummm, one conservative media outlet to hundreds of liberal ones. politifact and fact check agree that barack obama is lying 53% of the time when he opens his gob, and you are talking about “republican games”? you liberals must be on some sort of drugs.

  • we are in decline. if you have noticed, our currency has been devalued by 34% over the past three years… conveniently since obama took office. moron.

  • No,no,no….if people are stupid enough to think this is real then THEY are the ones who need to change…..Ive had friends with pHDs post vids from the onion as real – they are shamefully out of touch and so twisted up in their own agendas that they dont see clearly anymore.This is pure old-fashioned satire and its great!

  • wah wah… there’s actual real news that’s funnier than this

  • Bob Jones

    It is going to be very amusing watching Bill Nye thoroughly and completely embarrass this mouth-breather Akin.

  • Wizard

    Being attracted to other races? Todd Akin, don’t you know that’s a sin! Shame on you and your liberal beliefs.

  • Eryk

    The reason some people have hardship deciding whether or not this is real, is that this guy says things in real life twice as ridiculous.

  • Kelly

    I’m sure that the $700 billion bailout that started during the Bush Administration had absolutely nothing to do with this. Also… absolutely nothing to do with the Republican Congress who caused the US credit rating to drop. Or the Republican Congress who has stated publicly that there top goal was to insure that Obama wasn’t re-elected. Not to, ya know, actually govern the country…but sabotage it.

  • Jiggaman

    I am fiscally conservative and your “factual numbers” are exactly why hilarious articles like this need to be around…you hear something and repeat it without checking facts. Try 3% to 4% my friend!

  • Wildbreeze

    Wow. Just wow. Blast him away, Bill. Please.
    This is coming from a person with strong religious views who loves science. I love science. I love my religion. To me, they don’t conflict.
    Therefore, to me, this guy is the stupidest thing I’ve seen in a while.

  • Rob Cahill

    Can these people actually hear themselves when words come out?

  • annie

    ”You see the reality is ladies and gentleman is that Bill has his god, and I have mine”
    May I just say…. Not in a scientific way this sentence is not even gramatically correct
    So…… If he cannot even speak his own language correctly how can he run anything correctly

  • Frank

    yes Akin, please,please,please, debat Bill in a open,public forum so everyone who attends can see what a dangerous, close-minded moron u truly are.like the saying goes, keep your mouth shut and people may think u r a fool but start speaking and u prove them correct.

  • Pity, it would have been interesting. I think if the website wants to be honest in its role as a “satirical” site, they should put the disclaimer underneath the logo, where it would be more likely to be seen.

  • Kharma2011

    Go home, Todd. You’re drunk.

  • Kharma2011

    Satirical, yes. But, not totally unbelievable for this guy to allow it to spew from his maw. 😉

  • Kharma2011

    Worked for Orson Welles.

  • DailyCurrant

    Show me where on The Onion’s website it does this.

  • callissims

    Can’t wait to see Bill Nye debate this knuckle-dragger.

  • Grand Funk

    I love the part about the opponent offering to pay for the debate out of his own pocket, made me laugh the most. I think we should start a Kickstarter campaign to raise the money to put these guys together IRL – let’s see if reality can top satire.

  • Hugh Manatee

    Here’s some aloe…

    …for your BURN!

  • Grammar Troll

    Or start typing apparently

  • Buchanondorf

    I think he’s just releasing pent-up frustration at his inability to have sex with a monkey

  • no — not a real story, But sadly – Yes — Mr. Todd Akin is really like this.

  • Mike List

    doesn’t understand the difference between extant monkeys, extant apes, ancestral monkeys, ancestral apes, or the connections to ancestral humans much less modern humans. i wish my world was as simple as his.

  • Nadine

    This IS a joke, right? Borowitz slipped in and wrote this?

  • Here is 100% proof that an all-knowing, all powerful God did not create the world: The existence of Todd Akin.