Actor and comedian Eddie Murphy made headlines today when during a live television interview he lambasted Republican Vice-Presidential Nominee Paul Ryan - calling him an "evil elf" and "an embarrassment" to America.
Although the interview started as a straightforward chit-chat, in typical Australian fashion the conversation soon turned to sex and politics. Having just finished a segment on the American political conventions, the anchors were keen to get Murphy's thoughts about the upcoming U.S. election.
Murphy at first demurred, and the conversation shifted to the female anchors' impressions of Paul Ryan's physique. But after two or three minutes host Lisa Wilkinson realized that Murhpy had been completly excluded from the segment, and playfully asked him to join in:
"Eddie what would you do with Paul Ryan?"
After a a few seconds Murphy replied:
"I'd put him on stage at a comedy club, tape his mouth shut and charge admission. Because Paul Ryan is a fucking joke."
"First of all. Everyone's talking about how sexy he is. Oh he so sexy. Oh he so sexy. I guarantee you - I get more pussy than Paul Ryan. OK? I got more pussy last night than Paul Ryan's got in his entire life."
"Paul Ryan is the kind of mutherfucker who fucked his sister's hot friend once in high school and hasn't shut the fuck up about it in thirty years. He's walking around acting like he's some big man. Meanwhile she's married, has four kids and is fatter than Jessica Simpson."
"And of course I don't understand why anyone would want to fuck Paul Ryan in the first place. Small forehead. Big ears. He looks like an evil version of Santa's Elf."
"Like some fucked-up demented elf that climbs in your chimney, takes all your Christmas presents and gives them to rich kids."
Homo Unius Libri
As the anchors sat in amused silence, Murphy's focus turned to Ryan's policies, where he showed an unexpected understanding of political philosophy:
"But that's not my main problem with Paul Ryan. My main problem with Paul Ryan is that he's fucking ignorant. He claims - listen to this - he claims that his political beliefs are based on a single book - Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand."
"How ignorant can you be to claim that one person or one philosophy has all the answers? Plato? John Locke? Montesquieu? Jefferson? Descartes? Fuck 'em! I'm sticking with this novel I read when I was 8.."
"And of course in this case, the philsophy isn't even a sophisticated one. Ayn Rand basically boils down to this: rich people are hard-working gods, and poor people are lazy pieces of shit."
"Now look I've been dirt poor, and I've been filthy rich. And let me tell you, ain't no one lazier than rich people. I haven't worked hard on a movie in ten years. You know why? Because I don't have to. I don't have to be good anymore - I'm rich. Hard work is for people who haven't made it yet."
"And let me tell you when I'm on set - there is no one working harder than those people who are serving the food, or doing the lighting, or cleaning up the sets."
"I think Paul Ryan is an embarrassment to my country, I really do."
"If you born poor - go fuck yourself. Die in a fucking gutter somewhere. And make sure you dig your own grave before you do because we're not paying for your burial. That's who Paul Ryan is. That's what he represents."
The anchors spent some time nodding and agreeing with Murphy's assessment, before he closed on a more personal note:
"You know I've been very successful in my life, and one thing I've learned is that if you are lucky enough to be successful, you have a responsibilty to help those around you who weren't so lucky. I take care of my family, I take care of my friends. I take care of people I don't even know sometimes - because I know that everything I've been given is a blessing."
"And Its the same thing with countries. If a country is successful, it has a responsibility to help those that didn't make it . That's a moral obligation - no matter what some dead Russian failed screenwriter says - that's just a moral obligation."
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