The socialist firebrand has led Venezuela for the last 14 years, and says he will use his new 6-year term to deepen his "Bolivarian revolution".
Chavez's long reign has been controversial. Supporters laud his success in reducing the country's income inequality and improving the plight of the poor though government assistance programs.
Critics allege he has squandered Venezuela's vast oil resources, failed to diversify the economy, and used the tools of the state to bully the opposition.
The Daily Currant sat down with President Chavez in his Caracas office for an exclusive interview to discuss his plans for the next six years:
DC : You have been massively reelected by your people. What are your goals for the new term?
HC : My primary goal is to completely destroy the Venezuelan economy by the year 2018. We've had a lot of success over the last 14 years. Inflation is around 30%. We rank below Djibouti and Hati on the Ease of Doing Business Index. But I think we have much, much further to go.
DC : Your critics claim that you have already destroyed your country's economy. Is there anything left to ruin?
HC : Oh yes yes of course. There are plenty of areas we can target. Take agriculture, for example. Do you know that it is still legal to own a farm privately in Venezuela? I mean this is an abomination. I plan to entirely collectivize agriculture within three years, which should decimate productivity and raise prices for everyone.
The most important sector to undermine, however, is oil. Selling our massive oil reserves to imperialist nations has lowered our unemployment rate, filled government coffers, and paid for vital programs for the poor.
However, this kind of capitalist exchange is clearly unacceptable. In a few months I will began exporting oil only to "revolutionary" countries such as Cuba and Laos. They might pay us less, but our sales will be ideologically pure. This policy will significantly limit our exports, drying up foreign exchange earnings, and crashing our currency. This should lead - hopefully - to hyperinflation.
DC : I'm sorry, you mean to say you are actively pursuing hyperinflation?
HC : I don't think you can properly destroy an economy without hyperinflation. Wiemar Germany. Post-war Hungary. Zimbabwe. These were the worst economic meltdowns of all time, and all involved inflation rates of over 1000%. It's the nuclear bomb of economic warfare, and I can't wait to set one off. And personally, I think hyperinflation sounds like fun. It's exhilarating to walk into a store and have a new price every day. At my age being forced to do math just to buy milk helps keep the brain young.
DC : How would you respond to your critics who say that as president you should be improving your country's long term economic health, not harming it?
HC : My critics are neo-liberal Yanqui imperialist pigs who are trying to ruin my country with colonial capitalist policies that will lead to a Chilean-style economic disaster. Have you seen the misery in Santiago? The glittering shopping malls. The new metro system. A sustainable, well-funded pension system. Movie theaters screening Hollywood filth.
We will fight with every ounce of our Bolivarian blood to keep the madness of economic prosperity out of our country.