Celebrities Celebrate Obama Victory With Epic Roman Orgy

Nov 07, 2012

Liberal Hollywood celebrities are celebrating Obama's reelection tonight with a 300 person orgy at George Clooney's house, The Daily Currant can reveal.

Godless elites of entertainment such as Sean Penn, Eva Longoria, Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt and Warren Beatty are joyously ringing in four more years with a debaucherous sexual free-for-all expected to last well into tomorrow afternoon.

We managed to sneak our intrepid correspondent into the mansion, and his reports from the scene paint a breathtaking portrait of liberal immorality.

Eyes Wide Open

"I arrived dressed as a Roman centurion because I heard the orgy was Greco-Roman themed. But by the time I got there everyone was already naked and covered in olive oil."

"The first thing I saw was Janene Garafalo, Julia-Louis Dreyfus, and Olivia Wilde pegging eaachother with strap-ons in the living room. Next I walked into a bedroom and saw David Duchovny lovingly giving Gary Shandling a messy Dirty Sanchez.

"Then I walked into the basement and saw Jennifer Lopez whipping Mario Lopez with a cat o'nine-tails while he was gagged and bound upon a St. Andrew's cross. The most disturbing thing is I'm not 100% that wasn't incest."

"But the main event was happening in the poolhouse, where George Clooney was leading a 100-man train on Angelina Jolie. I had never seen anything like it. I didn't know a single woman could take that many at once."

O tempora, o mores!

Our correspondent says the guest house had been made into a makeshift abortion clinic to instantly terminate any pregnancies that may result from the night's festivities.

A portrait of Che Guevara hung above the carousers, and drinks were served by Russian models in Soviet military uniforms.

Free copies of Karl Marx's Communist Manifesto were handed out as party favors, while pages from the works of Milton Friedman were used to clean up bodily fluids after each activity.

Before leaving, our reporter was able to snag a quick interview with reveler Brad Pitt in between a partouse with 7 of Charlie Sheen's exes and a bukakke session with Cameron Diaz:

"What can I say. We have no moral values," Pitt says "So we wanted a president who didn't have any either. And we got him. We're pretty happy about that."

Pitt then offered our corespondent an Alabama corn slider, an offer we're told was refused.

  • xdotcom

    That’s to an episode or two of Spartacus, I have picture of this in my head.