Iran Plans to Legalize Marijuana

Dec 14, 2012

t1larg.iranian.presidentThe Iranian government announced Thursday that it plans to legalize marijuana for both medical and personal use, according to state media.

Iran’s parliament approved a bill that would allow Iranian citizens to purchase up to 2 ounces of marijuana from private, state-licensed stores and cafés.

The proposed law taxes marijuana up to 25 percent. Commercial marijuana growers would need to apply for a permit from the Iranian Ministry of Agriculture.

Middle East experts say the proposed law is unusual for Iran, an Islamic theocracy that has been governed by a highly conservative clerical elite since 1979. Under Islamic law, the country strictly forbids alcohol and drug consumption.

Zagros Mountain High

But the law is endorsed by ultra-conservative President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who has championed the measure as a way to cut down on Iran’s prison population and to bring in extra revenue to the country, which has experienced a prolonged economic crisis because of economic mismanagement and international economic sanctions.

“Iran’s prisons are filled with thousands of people who have been arrested and imprisoned for possession of what is, quite frankly, a harmless plant,” Mr. Ahmadinejad told the state-run IRIB television. “It doesn’t make sense to spend our resources imprisoning such people when other serious crimes, such as the consumption of alcohol or women disobeying their husbands, are happening each day.”

Mr. Ahmadinejad said the measure will bring an important economic boost for the country’s agricultural sector and raise much-needed revenue for the state through the collection of permits and taxes.

“I was quite impressed when I visited the cannabis coffee shops in Amsterdam (Netherlands),” he said. “I thought, ‘Our country’s soils are quite suitable for the cultivation of marijuana, so why not grow it here and sell it in our coffee shops?’ The evil Western countries have made life in Iran difficult through the sanctions, so marijuana will help our people forget their troubles and relax.”

A Friend With Weed...

Mr. Ahmadinejad then touted the high quality of marijuana that is grown in Iran and indicated that it could compete on the international market.

“We have thousands of varieties of marijuana that can be grown in Iran that are just as good, if not better, than anything found in the Satanic West: Tehran Gold, Mohammad Jane, Persian Grass, Larijani Lotus and Tabriz Tobacco, just to name a few,” he said. “Have you ever tried the weeds they grow in Great Satan America? I tried it in college at Tehran University and wanted to puke.”

The proposed marijuana legalization bill still needs to be approved by the country’s ultra-conservative Guardian Council, which has to pass all legislation. However, state media reported that the Guardian Council supports the measure because it is a safer alternative to heroin and recreational sex - both major problems in Iran.

Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei, the highest authority in the country, sees another fringe benefit:

"Long term use of marijuana has been linked to a lack of sexual desire in women," Ayatollah Khamenei said, “If we get our women high enough maybe we can cure them of their wicked sexual compulsions.”

The bill is set to be signed into law next week.

  • http://twitter.com/revraygreen revraygreen

    is this the Onion?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=723602397 René Martin

    This is highly unlikely

  • http://www.facebook.com/jason.rodriguez.16121 Jason Rodriguez

    lol we are imprisoning people here for murder and drug trafficking, and iran is worried about Women disobeying their husbands and recreational sex, Lol… we are so different huh?

  • http://www.facebook.com/xtensityx Scott Grissom

    Easily can tell its fake by the last 3 paragraphs lol.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=540928402 Dominic Carroll

    I do hope people don’t think this is for real.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ziggijacksontheoneandonly Zigbert Kiff Jackson

    Legalize it !! Wehre ever…

  • Soheil

    Bullshit

  • http://twitter.com/santoor_ostad A.B

    bullshit

  • http://www.facebook.com/Cory577 Cory Hampson

    Must be true, ClearUK has also posted this, Goodluck Iran, LEGALIZE EVERYWHERE!!

  • ممممم

    سسس

  • http://www.facebook.com/machiavelli.littlehorn Machiavelli J Littlehorn

    I can write bollocks too! Give me a job!

  • http://www.mushroomjohn.org/ John W. Allen

    Is he Looney Tunes or What?

  • tvalext

    yeah this is completely real bros. also santa and the tooth fairy want to deposit $5miillion into your bank account, just email them your credit card # and social security #

  • http://twitter.com/Cannadude Cannadude

    I got a hold of some Mohammad Jane stick dipped in Tehran Gold Hashish back before the sanctions. Man that was some gooey goodness.

  • Facebook User

    This is The Daily Currant. Way better than The Onion!

  • biggi

    bull shit man , i know these people allready they are taking the money
    from these shits , so why make it legal and reduce the money ????

  • http://www.facebook.com/azrulMAmir Azrul M. Amir

    Great, now both US & Iran are stoned. Perhaps they both might be lazy to fight after this. lol

  • http://twitter.com/504pro Dan the Man

    This may be funny but there is a lot of stupid people that will believe this. Like they believe all the other bs they are fed. Dis-information even under the guise of humor is not helping us as a nation. If anything you just confuse people and have morons preaching shit that is not even true.

  • Moj

    dont u feel its bullshit….u must be high with sth if u dont figure its fake!!!!

  • freetheleaf

    #Irannabis

  • Ario

    right

  • Ario

    I’m from Iran and I have to say BULLSHIT , because I heard nothing about this in here

  • mojodope

    r u high on meth or somthing, what legalization!!!!!!!!!!!

  • de Maillefeux

    Pollux need to manage new current tax in order to Institutionalise such product…?!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100004057650549 Mariya Sa

    This is fake news ………….!!

  • Stephan Williams

    Leaving aside the fact that this is a BS story…the fact is – they SHOULD legalize its use as medicine. Cannabis oil has been found to cure cancer! The chemo drugs and poisons that the west is withholding from Iran only kill people – not cure them. This would be a perfect opportunity for Iran to prove to the West that the oil is more effective than the West’s ineffective medicines at curing cancer while having the additional benefit of undercutting the trillions in dollars of profit that are channelled into the pockets of the people who own the major drug companies in the world. It would be a win win situation for Iran and it would splash mud all over the faces of those keeping this natural plant medicine from people dying of cancer everywhere!

  • joe

    I know this article is a parody, but Iran did actually legalise marijuana to some extent. Here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legality_of_cannabis_by_country

  • http://twitter.com/indoganja INDOGANJA

    “Long term use of marijuana has been linked to a lack of sexual desire in women,” Ayatollah Khamenei said, “If we get our women high enough maybe we can cure them of their wicked sexual compulsions.” <——- BULLS..!!

  • Andreas

    If a commentator on the Daily Current says so, then it must be true: dope cures cancer.

    No go and take your pills and let them put your white coat back on.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Matthew-Collins/100000750458374 Matthew Collins

    This gives “Getting stoned in Iran” a whole new meaning. :-)

  • wowjustwow

    the plant itself is legal in Iran they draw oil from the seeds. im so high now

  • astrolin

    No longer president, change your photo

  • jbg9617

    Excellent satire, Almost believable and in the style of Andy Borrowitz.

  • ra232

    Pot is *already* legal in Iran!

  • ra232

    It is already legal in Iran!

  • ra232

    Well the stupid people will be right because it was never illegal.

  • Jag

    This information is totally false. I’ve checked everywhere and this info have nothing of truth. I don’t know what’s your point!

  • Jag

    Growing cannabis is legal if planted for food purposes as the seeds are eaten by the Iranian people, and companies often draw oil from the seeds which is sold legally. Use of cannabis remains relatively low, at about 2 percent. So it’s not Legal to smoke it!