Bill O’Reilly Arrested For Assaulting Department Store Santa

Dec 24, 2012

Bill O'ReillyFox News host Bill O'Reilly was arrested in New York today for assaulting a department store Santa Claus at Macy's.

According to local reports, the 63-year-old conservative pundit was shopping at the venerated Manhattan landmark for a last-minute Christmas gift and became enraged when the on-site Santa wished him "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas."

Witnesses say that after a brief argument O'Reilly punched the Santa Claus in the face and wrestled him to the ground before a throng of onlookers. The two then traded blows for close to a minute before security guards broke the fight up.

The Santa Claus, a 47-year-old man from Newark, N.J., is recovering at NYU Langone Medical Center from injuries sustained in the brawl and is expected to undergo several surgeries tonight to repair nerve damage in his nose.

'Merry Christmas Motherf**ker'

Sheila Johnson, a 33-year-old computer programmer from Long Island, witnessed the entire ordeal and describes what she saw:

"The Santa was wishing everybody 'Happy Holidays' as they passed by. And most people were in a good mood, so they said 'Happy Holidays' back. But when he said it to O'Reilly, the dude went ballistic."

Johnson says that immediately upon hearing the phrase "Happy Holidays," O'Reilly dropped the package he was holding, turned to face the Santa, looked deep into his eyes and unleashed a verbal tsunami of anger.

"What the f**k did you just say to me? What the F**K did you just say?" O'Reilly screamed. "Did you seriously think you could get away with insulting me - ME! - with your anti-Christian, secular 'Happy Holidays' filth?"

"Hey buddy, I don't know what your problem is," the Santa replied, "But it's my job, I can say whatever I want."

"Oh really pinhead?" O'Reilly retorted as he stepped into the Santa's face. "You think you can just abandon the Judeo-Christian values that made this country great? F**king say whatever dumb f**king communist phrase that comes to mind?"

"Pretty much," replied the Santa.

"Oh yeah? Well I got a little present for you Karl Marx," O'Reilly threatened as he raised his fist. "Merry Christmas motherf**ker." He then connected a punch straight to the Santa's nose.

O'Reilly is well known for his "War on Christmas" segments on his eponymous television show, in which he argues that the phrase "Happy Holidays" is destroying America.

His program has been canceled tonight and replaced with a special edition of the morning show Fox & Friends. He was arrested at the scene, released on a $10,000 bond, and is expected to face charges of assault.

  • Pete Allman

    Hopefully, he’ll get to spend some jail time and reflect on what he did to ‘Santa’ in front of all those people

    Personally, I think he’s just a little pissy because h and his toadies aren’t considered real journalists.

  • amynator

    Oh This is great read this http://www.ficksitall.blogspot.com (3rd page on the right) WAY MORE details on this, there were like 4 more witnesses, it gets a lot juicier, believe me, check it out, it’s well worth it.

  • Bobbie

    He should be charged with a hate crime!

  • This is so delicious, I feel for the guy playing santa of course, but I’m going love watching billy boy worm his way out of this.

  • this is made up and I hope you get sued big time.

  • jep07

    ,,,so you defend poor old Bill? Brainwashed much?

  • Parody and satire are protected by the 1st Amendment, but thanks for playing.

  • John Yevrah

    You need help.

  • Andeeme

    Charming… really. Loving his CHRISTMAS spirit.

  • Uh, you do know this is satire, right? It didn’t actually happen.

  • If this is for real I hope Santa doesn’t settle. It would be nice to see Bill O’ do some time.

  • I just hope that if it did happen, there were no kids witnessing this show of stupidity on Billo’s part. Not every body is “Christian” and so it’s perfectly alright to say “Happy Holidays”. I totally agree with that. But instead of offending no one by putting one belief over another, the “Christians” of this world take offense. I think the Father and Son of the faith would have a really big problem with Billo reacting this way. It’s not the “Christian” way to behave. But so few behave in the faith’s tenants.

  • Commissar Molotov

    Uh…this sounds like a joke.

  • Steve Morton

    Jeff, don’t get your panties in a bunch. O’Reilly wouldn’t do it. Not because he’s too smart, but rather because he doesn’t have the balls to back up his bullshit. …Sorry ladies.

  • jillymoe

    Come on guys … satire, parody … though it should probably say so somewhere, but the outrageous nature of all of it should make it apparent it’s fiction. Sorta funny though.

  • Garret

    Way to go Bill. lol.

  • When like O`Reilly learn how to keep Christ in Christians, then they will be better heard when they say to keep Christ in Christmas.

  • good gawd you people are gullible

  • TheDaleks

    What the article doesn’t say is what gift Bill-O was buying. Turns out it was a loofah.

  • Delia

    Well, it’s not The Onion, but it’s up there.

  • DailyCurrant

    The Onion is a low-brow knock off or USA Today. We’re much more intelligent, but we’re not for everybody.

  • Delia

    You do seem to have fooled a lot more people than the Onion. Most Americans are on to The Onion now, although not the North Koreans.

  • I love it! He’s such an idiot. Ya think they did a cavity search?

  • I would sue him for every last cent Fox pays him to sit on his pulpit and preach his BS!

  • Delia

    You’re going to have a long wait.

  • How about 2-5 in Sing Sing?

  • Balfasar The Average

    The Irony of a FOX ‘News’ watcher being offended at a made up story is not lost on me.

  • This is funny, but too funny to be true.

  • Performance art.

  • proletariatprincess

    This is satire, but I have always said that Happy Holidays also means Merry Christmas and Happy New Year…or whatever the hell anyone wants the solstice holiday mean.

  • tom henry

    stop using bad language to tell your sorry, stupid media.

  • You can’t make this up! Well we could and it would read just like this.

  • Hard to tell fact from fiction sometimes..

  • Holiday – derived from HOLY day. Hmm. Secular? I think not, Bill-O.

  • Why do people think this site is real? It’s like the Onion y’alls.

  • Mephistos

    LOL!!! So Billo is the Grinch? I don’t think he, however, can be redeemed like the Grinch was. Nice holiday stream of language, Mr. O’Reilly. What a two bit sorehead you’ve become. I hope someone got it on phone video and put it on YouTube!! You want to talk about consequences in your book of ethics, Mr. O’Reilly? Well, you just stepped into a pile of them…. Have a nice day, Billo. In fact, have a nice future in this coming year – you relic of the Cold War.

  • Mediaite: No, Bill O’Reilly Was NOT Arrested For Assaulting Department Store Santa

  • Please Santa sue the satanic troll who does not have the vaguest idea of what Christianity is about. He needs to be taught a lesson.

  • It’s satire, people–just a joke. It didn’t happen.

  • Ken

    War on Christmas? I think Santa said Billo the Clown was like a “whore on Christmas.”

  • Ms. Samantha Sapde

    Damn, you people are pathetic. It’s humor. It’s funny. God, you people would spoil a wet dream!

  • Brian McCabe

    I can’t stand O’Reilly and I hate his anti-secular rants, but for this piece to stand on its own as satire it should have been more over-the-top ridiculous. The way it was written the story is too consistent with the guy’s personality to immediately dismiss it as impossible.

  • There is No question that Bill O’Really ( O’Reily ) would NOT be considered living a Christian life, or talking the talk. Hate is NOT Christlike, so it is the sort of thing one might expect from the hypocrite . Were that it were true for the humor…my bad. OTOH, I don’t wish him in life any bad, his actions and life will be judged in the end by a higher authority whose test is LOVE

  • He makes a living on freedom of speech how can he deny it to anyone else?? O’Reilly’s behavior was more Karl Marx than anything I have ever heard. Point your finger you have four pointing back at you.

  • Jen In Vt

    Man I wish this was true!

  • Dave K

    Is this FOR REAL? Why on EARTH would you punch a man who is depicting a PAGAN icon for wishing you a HAPPY HOLIDAY? Santa Claus is about as Christian as the Christmas Tree, the Yule log, carolers, gift giving, and the fact that Christmas is celebrated in December. In other words, he’s PAGAN. Originally, it was Odin who visited families with his flying horse Splepnir. He left presents in the boots of children who left food for Slepnir. Sound familiar? And this clown actually punched a man playing Santa Claus because he said Happy Holidays?

  • This is begging for a lawsuit.

  • Darn, I just had my hopes crushed. I would have been SO happy to see that last of that disgusting POS!

  • Rob

    O’Reilly is a bully, a douche and a wart in the ass of progress. Waa, waa, waaa all the way to the bank. Shmuck without a proper cause. ($$ comes to mind)

  • It’s a parody, but wishful thinking to folks who would like to see the last of that potato faced jackass.

  • derp a derp

    Let me explain something, this is not a good look for Bill in any way. Bill may talk a lot of non sense but he is a smart educated man and certainly aware of the consequences of such actions. Under no normal state of mind would he ever put him self in this situation. If the conversation above is accurate I am certain Bill was on something. There’s been speculation before that Bill has a drug problem, with out a doubt if the incident played out as described above Bill was high out of his mind. No way a sober rational Bill would react this way and bury himself in so much shit. I am not advocating his views or suggesting he is not an asshole but, this is out of character. Berating veterans and making threats on his television show is one thing, but assaulting a mall Santa in a mall and rating such madness… that is definitely a drug moment.

  • Satire?Parody?They need to say that.That is a very believable story.He’s a nut journalist(Use that term loosely)who works for a nut news network(again use the term very loosely)that says and does derange sh*t.I could see this story playing out exactly as written.

  • thetreyman

    he must be silenced for his opinions.

  • thetreyman

    i’m with you. it is time for us to never have to hear anything that goes against what we think is right. political prisons are what president obama’s second term should be about. how can we get this ball rolling.

  • Avocadopunk

    Well this is “The Daily Currant” it’s just like “The Onion”. So get a grip people! You really should consider the source. However Fox did recently call the Westboro Baptist Church a “Left Wing Cult” LOL

  • thetreyman

    i know right. people getting beat up is fun.

  • thetreyman

    wait. what? this isn’t real.

  • thetreyman

    is “potato faced jackass” the PC term?

  • thetreyman

    bill advocates for the state ownership of all property and labor? that i did not know. what a jackass he is.

  • thetreyman

    ah, some people let their hate get in the way of rational thinking.

  • thetreyman

    drugs. oh that is good. i will start spreading that too. if enough people start to believe it then it must be true.

  • thetreyman

    yes, people we think are evil should not be defended whether they are guilty of anything or not. if people like that jackass billy O don’t get in lock step with us than we should petition the government for his arrest. forward comrades.

  • thetreyman

    i know, i do a lot of drugs too.

  • thetreyman

    i know. can you believe he donates all the proceeds of his merchandise to charity. what a jerk he is.

  • thetreyman


  • thetreyman

    um, i think that was china that was fooled by the onion.

  • Walknot

    Fred Phelps was a big Al Gore supporter in the 80’s, even held a fund raiser at his house for Gore at one time. Of course, thats when Gore was anti-gay… Phelps also ran in various Kansas Democratic primaries and even ran for Mayor of Topeka several times. Now Phelps does think the current Dem Leadership is “evil” but he sure isn’t a Republican. He is pure Democrat.

  • Kunal

    The article has no obligation to be obviously satirical. The Daily Currant is a satirical publication. I didn’t know that either, but the reader always has an obligation to verify an unfamiliar source. Since I didn’t recognize this source, I immediately Googled the story.

  • Click on “ABOUT” at the bottom of the page. It’s the first thing listed

  • I think every Good Christian should go find a Salvation Army Bell Ringer or Santa Claus and test them. If they say,” Merry Christmas,” They’ll get a pass. If they say,” Happy Holidays,” Crack em one in the face!!! C’Mon my fellow Christian Brothers and Sisters!!! Follow My Lead!!! :::Rolling Eyeballs::: The only good Christian is a Democrat Christian 😀

  • Although, I haven’t been paying too much attention to the news the last couple days, I’m inclined to agree, since this is all I’ve heard about this matter… But, I’ll be looking to see how much make up Bill’s wearing to hide the bruises the next time I see him on television…lol

  • CloneSix

    Jon Stewart didn’t tell them that so it must not be true. ; )

  • LOL FOX news viewers will beleive anything!

  • sfcmac

    It’s fun watching the idiots (leftwing especially) who think this story is true. Satirical websites don’t register in their little minds.

  • That is the way Bill to spread Christmas cheer and show us what a Christian you are! You seriously need therapy! I hope Santa sues your ass for starting that fight!

  • I decided in 1970 that “Christmas” was way too commercialized and living in Europe courtesy of the Air Force, we did not have to subject our children to this type of corporate lifestyle. They learned about Father Christmas in England, the Magi in Spain, St Nichloas in Turkey and so on. We never bothered with Santa Claus which is an American corporate greed institution.

    I rarely have used Merry Christmas opting for Happy Holidays….the word “Holiday’ where is it derived from? It is middle English and can be dated back to before 950AD: hālig holy + dæg day It became ‘holiday’ in the 1860’s

    Whereas Merry Christmas comes from the 4th century “Christ’s Mass” which was celebrated on January 6th (Feast of the 3 King’s) in memory of Christ;s birth, which the catholic church moved to December to coincide with pagan ritual of winter solstice so as to assimilate that festival into the “universal church”.

    Using “Merry Christmas” began its popularity rise in 1843 courtesy of Dickens novel; A Christmas Carol

    It seems to me that Happy Holyday is much more appropriate than the Americanized greed trip of Merry Christmas

  • All of you PNW3D!!!!!!!!

  • Finally a well educated man. No wonder you made it to the air force 🙂 (my Honey was there too for 6 years). In Hungary we have baby Jesus bringing the gifts and helped by the angels. Love Thanksgiving , loath Christmas for the same reasons you mentioned here.

  • I hope you realized this is a satirical site. Right?

  • not just the left wing idiots. (me included) Some of my hard core republican “idiot” friends thought it was real too. Some do not know this is an “Onion” site

  • I think Phelps is getting deeper and deeper into his psychosis and because of the “freedom of speech” he thinks he can get away with more and more.

  • I do not think he is either Dem or Rep. I think he is insane.

  • I would take that sacrifice on myself if that would take this Joker out of the airs. Plus the $ I would get from a law suit would fix my pains

  • You deliberately go on FOX? What’s wrong with you man?

  • Just reading the peanut gallery is entertaining by itself…..

  • why a loofah?

  • TheDaleks
  • Dyrewulf

    He’s an idiot? This is called satire, sweetie.

  • I sure wish that Jesus Freak had been arrested

  • ProgressiveGrae

    Sadly, it strikes me as completely plausible given O’Reilly’s mean disposition. So the outrageous nature is really not sop outrageous.

    BTW – has he ever apologized for calling the US soldiers who were massacred at Malmedy war criminals? I mean, I know they were trying to take all those German bullets for some reason. But to call them war criminals seems a bit harsh.

  • Omg

    No, it’s not necessary for Mic Reilly to have assaulted Santi Claus. He engenders enough hatred among millions of viewers for one of his fruitcake fans to do it for him, just as Father Coughlin did before him in the 30s to engender attacks against Jews and others from his nationwide radio broadcasts

  • HistoryGeek

    Under the “About” link …

    Q. Are your newstories real?

    A. No. Our stories are purely fictional. However they are meant to
    address real-world issues through satire and often refer and link to
    real events happening in the world

  • kutepi

    U r great, l love u ; o)

  • Dennis O’Reilly

    Buying a stairway to heaven.

  • mendonik

    Although this particular story is satire, published a year ago, there was a real news report two weeks ago in 2013 about a self-described “Christian” woman punching a volunteer Salvation Army bell-ringer for saying “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.” This shows the extent to which O’Reilly and Sarah Palin followers are brain dead about the real Christian teaching to love your neighbor and not to do harm.