Glenn Beck Calls 911 After Accidentally Eating Halal Pizza

Feb 05, 2013

glenn-beck-0011Conservative radio host Glenn Beck called 911 today after accidentally eating a pizza prepared according to Muslim tradition from a Arab-owned pizzeria.

According to a review of the emergency 911 tapes, the 48-year-old commentator was afraid he had contracted food poisoning from the "contaminated" meal and expressed concern that the restaurant may have links to terrorism. 

The incident began in the offices of the Blaze TV where an employee had ordered out from a new pizza place for lunch.

"I heard really good things about this pizzeria called Mazaras. According to Yelp its like one of the best in Texas," explains Howard Beale, a producer for Beck's network. "So I ordered it for the office. And everyone loved it. It was some of the best pizza we've ever had.

"But then someone asked me what this word 'Halal' on the box meant. And I didn't know. I figured it was like a style of pizza. You know like New York style, Chicago style, Halal style.

"We were all puzzled by this 'halal' thing so we Googled it. And wow were we shocked to find out it was an actually Muslim thing."

The term halal refers a method of preparing food that is consistent with Islamic teachings. It is comparable to the term kosher in Judaism.

"When he found that out, Glenn immediately started going into panic mode," Beale says. "After a few minutes in the bathroom he called 911."

The Daily Currant has exclusively obtained a transcript of the 911 call, which reads as follows:

--

911 : Hello this 911. What is your emergency?

Glenn Beck: Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Hello? Hello?

911: Hello sir what is your emergency?

Glenn Beck: Yes I think I might have been poisoned.Oh my god, please help. Please.

911: Okay calm down. How do you think you've been poisoned?

Glenn Beck: Pizza. I ate a pizza that I shouldn't have eaten.

911: Okay, so you think you have food poisoning then?

Glenn Beck: Yes ma'am.

911: Do you have any signs and symptoms? Any vomiting? Nausea? Diarrhea?

Glenn Beck: No, nothing like that yet. But I can feel the poison inside of me. I know it's coming. Please help!

911: Help is on the way sir, don't worry. What makes you think the pizza you ate was poisoned? Was it undercooked?

Glenn Beck: No no nothing like that.

911: Well then I don't understand. Did you put something on it?

Glenn Beck: No no. It's just...I don't trust the place that it came from.

911: Okay sir where did you get the pizza?

Glenn Beck: Its was from Mazaras in Fort Worth

911: Oh Mazaras? I love that place. Great sauce.

Glenn Beck: Oh yeah? Well did you know that it's run by Muslims?

911: I did not know that sir. Is that relevant to your problem though?

Glenn Beck: Relevant? Ha! That is the problem. You don't know what Muslims put in food they prepare for Christians. No one does.

911: Okay...

Glenn Beck: I mean think about it. It's the perfect opportunity. Millions of unsuspecting Americans. How do you know Al-Qaeda isn't opening halal restaurants all across the United States right now, just waiting for the right time to strike?

911: Well sir that's unlik...

Glenn Beck: And the Muslim Brotherhood. Have you seen what they're doing in Egypt? How do you know they're not already here in America funding these sleeper cells? Think about it. Family owned restaurant? It's the perfect cover!

911: So you think that a local Arab pizza place is associated with Al-Qaeda and the Muslim Brotherhood and might have poisoned you in an act of gastrointestinal terrorism?

Glenn Beck: Exactly.

911: Okay well, paramedics are on their way. Did anyone else eat the pizza with you sir?

Glenn Beck: Yes there were six of us. We're all gonna flipping die! Just hurry!

--

The owners of the pizzeria say they are shocked by the incident, saying there's nothing dangerous about eating halal food.

"It's basically just making sure we don't use pork. That's pretty much the only noticeable difference," explains Ahmad Rida, owner of the restaurant.

Authorities say that in the end Beck did not have food poisoning. He was diagnosed with an acute anxiety disorder and given sedatives to ease his paranoia.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=15919530 Rebecca Jay

    “gastrointestinal terrorism”

    Bwahahahahaha!

  • jorge

    Hahahahahahahahahaha.
    Funniest thing ever. Its all starting to make sense now

  • http://www.facebook.com/umairarif86 Umair Arif

    hahahaha….dang these ppl r funny…

  • samera

    stupid jerk!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Kenan.Karakoyunlu Kanan Karakoyunlu

    no brains at all, or absolutely brain washed by media…hahahahaha

  • Fatima

    Gastrointestinal terrorism!! Bwahahahahaha ! Ridiculously dumb.!! Blonde

  • Foash

    okay thats good .. lets order from it you already advertise for the halal place .. thanks u

  • Jimomas

    Idiots and cowards.

  • Alan kn

    Good idea …

  • ruslan

    faggots…faggots everywhere..Muslims are good people and have amazing food!

  • Hilal

    What a sick moron!

  • Yusuf Abdullah

    I take a different view. This was an obvious abuse of the 911 system by Beck and carries a criminal conviction. It should be investigated as such. Also, possible defamation of Mazaras or other civil claim giving rise to civil damages for harm to business or causing incite full hate. If facts are true, Beck knew better or should have known better as one experienced with the laws of the media and/or his possible influence as a celebrity of sorts. It is not humorous and if true, Beck should be held accountable. If facts are as stated, this appears to me to have been done by Beck for its deranged humor effect and/or publicity.

  • disqus_OpOTHqzQ2B

    They made him pay for the dispatch, right? Like they do for other “fraudulent” calls

  • Abdullah khan

    This is a joke right?

  • John

    NO reputable news wire is reporting this. HOAX!

  • pakiboy

    what stupid asshole !! ..

  • Guest

    Wow, this is the most shotily constructed propaganda I’ve read in a while. Do you guys wake up laughing at the fact that people believe the things you publish on your website?

  • http://twitter.com/ABEomination Abe Reeder

    You guys know this is a satire website, right? None of this actually happened. You may want to take that into consideration before you call Mr. Beck horrific names.

  • rslocombe

    Nice, this is going to be priceless publicity for this pizza place. They should send a thank you card to Beck.

  • http://www.facebook.com/carolyn.s.benfield Carolyn Sumner Benfield

    We have so many MORONS full of hate that they don’t understand the humor. Gotta blame somebody. Still must be Bush’s fault. Keep drinking the red kool-Aid!

  • http://www.facebook.com/carolyn.s.benfield Carolyn Sumner Benfield

    It’s a sattire dumbass! If you don’t understand check the American language! While checking deranged check 09/11

  • http://www.facebook.com/carolyn.s.benfield Carolyn Sumner Benfield

    yuk! I will pass, thank you very much!

  • http://www.facebook.com/carolyn.s.benfield Carolyn Sumner Benfield

    I LOVE BECK

  • http://www.facebook.com/carolyn.s.benfield Carolyn Sumner Benfield

    yeah, maybe; he ca afford it!

  • http://www.facebook.com/carolyn.s.benfield Carolyn Sumner Benfield

    I LOVE HIM–SO FUNNY!

  • Lweis

    Well it’s ur loss lmao cos it’s yummmmmy

  • ash

    Hahaha lmao..im a muslim n i wud hate to poisen any1..iv gt bettr thingz 2 do! Peace to any other race dat is reading this :)

  • Gosh

    I think hes diagnosed with been a dickwit that needs to be pissed on

  • nocturnal

    This is why everyone hates ignorant Americans.

  • nocturnal

    Just as much as your caps lock?

  • Guest

    He says stupid things, but Beck is no idiot. For all things Beck, see The Glenn Beck Review.

  • http://twitter.com/ABEomination Abe Reeder

    Wait, what? I was simply pointing out to the people that were insulting Beck for this that this didn’t actually happen.

  • http://gamewhen.com/ Michael T

    Kudos Daily Currant.

    That was extremely well written — clever, creative and funny.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bob-Khan/100001233672866 Bob Khan

    It’s amazing how gullible people have become. Nice work DC, keep bringing the great laughs.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bob-Khan/100001233672866 Bob Khan

    I doubt most of them do. It’s a hard concept to grasp for the ones that think media is honest 100% of the time. While they are sheep, they still serve a purpose.

  • http://twitter.com/Chutza C

    This shows how uneducated America is. This site is satirical which means the stories are not true, just humor, yet people believe it as if it were fact. No one questions anything anymore. It is sad that there are so many sheep.

  • http://www.facebook.com/BDL911 Brad Donald Lannon

    All these people falling for a comedy fake news site is actually very depressing. Worst is some media people falling for it and reporting the made up stuff on this site as fact. I used to think people using the daily show as a primary news source was a joke. I dont think that anymore. Really sad the ignorance of those that think this story is real.

  • Matthew Shaw

    I love it when someone is unjustly called an idiot. It makes me laugh. I think satire wouldn’t be funny if it didn’t fool some people. That’s where the real comedy gold is. All we hear is “Glen beck is and idiot because I don’t know what satire means!” and “I can’t believe how dumb someone can be for having a story made up about them that makes them look dumb! What an idiot. Serves Glen right for being the subject of a false news report!”

  • sspate16

    dude, I don’t think she was talking about you. More the people you were pointing out the satire for.

  • sspate16

    you do realize that this is satire right? it didn’t actually happen.

  • sspate16

    yes, it is a joke, this didn’t actually happen.

  • Karl H

    This is rich, Thank you The daily current. While the satire is great comedy it is nothing to be compared to the shear level of stupidity and gullibility on the internet.

    Unfortunately there is no way to locate and sterilize those that have taken this satire as serious, And in that is the true shame. Because unfortunately without such control these people will breed indiscriminately and often. And thus the film idiocracy becomes life, imitating art, imitating life.

    So if you are reading this comment and you took this article seriously please for the love of God find some way to sterilize yourself. Do it for the children, the world has enough stupid people already and emergency rooms have largely bypassed all of the filters on the gene pool so without your co-operation you risk infesting the pool, Perhaps the child who might have cured cancer will never make such an achievement because someone somewhere picked up one of your sub-standard genes and thus produced a mediocre publicly educated burger flipper rather than a super human genius.

  • 11genealogist11

    that’s Mormon, actually, and no…he was sick but he’s gotten better. (You are on a satire news site. This is 100% fiction designed to full the gullible like you. Cheers, mate.)

  • MyShariaMoor

    Three “stories,” all satire, picked up and ran with by the most deliberately obtuse leftist tools, all because they’re “too good to check.” Priceless.

    I have become convinced the Daily Currant is actually Andrew Brietbart operating from beyond the grave.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ramond.taylor.5 Ramond Taylor

    and yet this is a FAKE story. there trying to bash Glenn but they /fail hard. i cant wait to hear glenn talk about u losers day.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Hugh-Jorgan/100002024590588 Hugh Jorgan

    You idiots, it’s a FAKE news website. Look up the word SATIRE in the dictionary.

  • ImJusSayin

    Looks like Glenn went fishin for morons and caught more than his limit LOL > What a bunch of LOSERS!

  • looloo

    Satire, that means, humorous fiction people. In other words untrue and made up, if you need a definition.

  • http://www.facebook.com/infernobeat Gangnam Djumv Stylee

    Haha you libtard cats got trolled by satire.

    Yall need another 4 years of college indoctrination on my dime.

  • JustJPs

    It’s the rabid uneducated libiot media.

  • Jeff Hall

    LOL, damn you people are simple morons. I hope you realize this is a satire site right? Idiots. Falling for fake news hahaha.

  • Chie chie

    The closer to the truth, better the satire!

  • http://www.facebook.com/thomas.bogan.5 Thomas Bogan

    How dumb does a liberal have to be to actually believe what they read on a satire website ?

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002830936475 Frank Jones

    HAHAHA! One must be a libturd to think this lame story is true. How come I’m not surprised?

  • Peg

    Glenn Beck is AWESOME! And our Prez is funding and arming radical Islam. Oh an Mexican narcoterrorists. ALL WITH OUR TAX DOLLARS. Beck is not the one to worry about. Just our own government. Prepare.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Deron-Reid/1029130975 Deron Reid

    If everyone hates ignorant Americans, then why do they keep coming here?

  • http://www.facebook.com/vrixxz Ariano Vrix

    idiocy at it’s max…

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1448898174 T Philip Knowles

    America falls for fake news everyday. Some of the dumbest folk on the planet

  • http://www.facebook.com/padma.drago Padma Drago

    First time on this page, thought it was true because i know how dumb, racist, and hateful some Am’cans can be….
    Anyway Arabs make the best pizza all over the world.

  • syed shareef

    I.really feel sorry for him. ADD 15 years to it and he will be ideal candidate for.mentle hospital. Hate eat your brain inside out. I will pray for his full recovery.

  • lazybeat

    what a bunch of retarded hill billys. fox news infused hatred. the US is one of the most racist biggited countries i have been unfortuntae to visit

  • Jakub

    This website is stupid. Just the fact that people can’t tell if it is supposed to be funny or not shows that they did a bad job. It’s just a crappy version of The Onion that tries too hard to sound real.

  • http://twitter.com/ABEomination Abe Reeder

    Perhaps. I was confused. xP

  • guy fawkes

    gay.

  • rayb-baby

    You absolutely don’t need this satire to call Phlegm Drek horrific names. He’s more than earned it over the years.

  • debra

    what an ignoramus…. the mind boggles….

  • BostonRocco

    Satire only has one “t”. Also, in America we speak the English language. there is no “American” language. Make sure you aren’t the one being a dumbass before you get all fired up and start throwing insults at other.

  • Guest

    More SHODDILY constructed than Blaze Tv? I thought it was quite well done myself. Funny stuff

  • LOL

    Almost as dumb as you are for posting comments like the one above on the internet.

  • LOLOLOL

    I agree that much of college is indoctrination. Particularly because of corporate investment. Whose college are you paying for dumbass? “Libtard” “Liberal Media” “Obama’s Coming To Get Yr Guns” Have you people ever stopped to look at how vacuous and boorish those expressions are? Liberals get trolled by untenable reforms. Tea Party assholes get trolled by the Koch brothers. We all get trolled by big business and the nanny state.

  • Guest

    I’m a muslim, i am not here to defend or contradict anybody’s perception. though that guy’s reaction tends to be classified as paranoiac, but from how those stupid terrorists(not muslims but terrorists, ISLAM got nothing to do with terrorism) have been publicizing our religion, it is obvious people are going to get scared of any muslim figure in today’s world. But still, over exaggeration should be directed towards a re-education of holding a no-prejudice view/thought/analyse towards any human being!(safe if he got a weapon pointed at you)

  • http://www.facebook.com/hassan.goolamallee Hassan Ali Goolamallee

    though it is a joke, these scenarios do take place in everyday life…