Vladimir Putin Kills Grizzly Bear With Bare Hands

Feb 08, 2013

Vladimir_Putin_attends_Russian_Cross-Country_Skiing_and_Biathlon_Paralympic_Championship_in_SochiRussian President Vladimir Putin reportedly killed a grizzly bear using only his hands today while trying to save a group of babies and pregnant women from attack.

According to state-owned television network Rossiya 1, the heroic incident took place in the Siberian city of Irkutsk, where Putin was attending a meeting of regional governors.

After the event ended the attendees left the hotel and headed for their limousines. Off in the distance, however, Putin could make out a bus full of new and expectant mothers stranded in a field.

As they cried for help, a giant deadly bear closed in on the group and tried to enter the broken-down bus.

'"When I saw the bear approach, I knew what needed to be done," explains Putin. "I don't allow such lawlessness in my country."

Russia for the Russians

Witnesses say Putin first tried to reason with the bear, offering it one last chance to leave the area unharmed. However, the bear's ferocious attacks against the bus continued.

In the space of 30 seconds Putin then overpowered the bear with the "force of a thousand men," flattening it on its back and then snapping its neck.

Their ordeal finally over, the women on the bus cheered at the sight of Putin delivering the final blow. There were no reported injuries or deaths, although one woman was treated for shock.

"Once the bear was neutralized, I repaired the bus's engine and drove the women and children to their destination," Putin says. "Everyone in Mother Russia has the right to live free of fear."

National news reports have labelled Putin a "hero" and a "savior" and spontaneous pro-Putin rallies have sprung up in Russian cities nationwide, praising his latest act of noblesse oblige.

Putin himself, however, remains modest about the incident, saying he was just doing what anyone would do in his situation.

"I try not to get emotional about things like this," he insists. "I am a leader. As far as I'm concerned this is all just part of the job."

Putin has effectively led Russia, as either president or prime minister, since 1999. He is widely considered to be an autocrat in the West, and is facing increasing calls for democracy at home.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/John-Matuz/1208338054 John Matuz

    Russia’s leader is snappin grizzlies necks and ours wears mommy jeans….wtheck?

  • Guest

    Public relations…Russian style

  • iwan

    What a bullshit haha

  • Ben

    What the heck is an Onion news story doing here?

  • Vitaliy

    This must be a joke. There are no grizzly bears in Siberia. It is well recognized fact though Vladimir Vladimirovich has killed two polar bears with bare hands and one bigfoot with an AK74 (modified).

  • Thrasymachus Archipetrix

    You bought it! Ha ha ha! That’s great.

  • sasquatcho

    Yeah…. A guy can really snap a bears neck…. You are an idiot and probably bought in and voted for obama. I hate stupid people