Pope Benedict Leaves Office With Epic Latin Twitter Rant

Feb 27, 2013

pope-benedict-xviPope Benedict XVI went out with a social media bang on his last official day as head of the Catholic Church.

In what can only be described as one of the most epic rants of all time, the 85-year-old pontiff took to Twitter to vent his uncensored thoughts about President Obama, Planned Parenthood, Rihanna, the Dalai Lama and a host of other world figures. 

Over 100 tweets were sent on the official @Pontifex account in a little under 40 minutes, before they were all quickly deleted.

At this time it is unknown if the tweets were the work of hackers, someone inside the Vatican, or if they came from Pope Benedict XVI himself. They were, however, written in fluent Latin, a language few others outside the Catholic hierarchy speaks.

The action began with the Pope explaining that he had been celebrating his departure and was a bit tipsy, but wanted to learn how to use Twitter before he left:

Pope-wine

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pope-twitteruse

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The rant continued for a another 123 tweets. We've saved the best 25 below, and translated them into English.

 

25. Sticking Santorum

Pope-Santorum

"@RickSantorum You need to take it easy with this anti-gay rights thing.  Its making us all look bad."

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24. Bieber Fever 

popzbiber"@justinbieber Have you ever considered joining the Catholic Church? We like men who look like little boys."

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23. Slamming Obama

Pope-Obama

"@BarackObama Kicked your a** on that contraception mandate. Don't hate the player Barack, hate the game."

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22. Archbishiop of Canterbury

Pope-CAnturbury

"@lambethpalace 8,000 followers? Seriously?  Are you running global religion or a local vegan coffee shop?"

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21. Hillary from Fresh Prince

popehillary

"@Karyn_Parsons Fresh Prince was an EPIC show! Sucked when Trevor died though. Big love to my sista'!

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20. The Onion

Pope-goodonion

"@TheOnion Stop associating sexually explicit terms with little children. That's our job."

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19. Lady Gaga

pope-gaga

"@ladygaga Whore!"

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18. Paris Hilton

pope-paris

"@ParisHilton Are you seriously still around? Ugh..."

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17. Planned Parenthood

pope-planneparenthood

"@PPact Say hello to Darwin in hell for me."

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16. Lena Dunham

Pope-lenadunham

"@lenadunham Hey I don't mind the nudity, but can you get Brian Williams' daughter to do most of it please?"

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15. Brian Williams

pope-bwilliams

"@bwilliams Seriously dude your daughter is smokin'."

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14. Chris Brown

Pope-chrisbrown

"@chrisbrown  You should visit the Vatican. We got some nuns that need to be put back in line."

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13. Carlton From Fresh Prince

Pope-carlton

@alfonso_ribeiro Yo Carlton! You're in Hollywood. Do you happen to have the phone number for Brian Williams' daughter?

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12. Dalai Lama

Pope-dali-lama

 

"@DalaiLama Is it Kosher for Buddhists to smoke weed? Seriously thinking about converting."

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11. Garry Shandling

pope-shandling

"@GarryShandling Larry Sanders was brilliant!  "You may now flip".

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10. Todd Akin

pope-akin

"@toddakin I'm extremely pro-life. But I think we can all agree the world would be a better place if you had been aborted."

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9. Daniel Tosh

Pope-tosh

"@danieltosh I got some great confession footage for you. PM me your number."

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8. Ellen

pope-ellen

"@TheEllenShow For $1 million dollars I can sell you a heat shield that will protect you from hell. Indulgences are back baby!"

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7. Trojan Condoms

pope-condoms

"@TrojanConnects MURDERERS!"

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6. Bill Gates

Pope-bill-gates

"@BillGates Hey we should hang out some time. We both make shitty products people are forced to use."

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5. Taylor Swift

Pope-Swift

"@taylorswift13 If you write a song about our special time in Bali together, you're going to hell."

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4. Rihanna

poperihaggggg

"@rihanna Hey, you'll love Christianity. Its all about turning the other cheek."

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3. Charlie Sheen

Pope-sheen

"@charliesheen Hey I get off in 36 hours. Meet me in Vegas with a kilo of blow?"

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 2. The BBC

pope-bbc

"@BBCWorld Yo good job with that Jimmy Savile thing. Any more child rapists need hiding? I'll send you my CV."

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1. Leaders of the UK, Canada, Australia, Mexico, and Ireland

Pope-FuckYou"@David_Cameron @pmharper  @JuliaGillard @EPN @EndaKennyTD

F**k you. F**k you. F**k you. You're cool. And f**k you. I'm out!"

 

 

  • zyrne

    Do they not teach Latin in schools anymore? You guys spectacularly botched this.

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