Ahmadinejad Blames Jews For Erectile Dysfunction

Apr 04, 2013

Mahmoud-AhmadinejadIran's President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad blamed Jews today for the "global scourge of erectile dysfunction."

In a speech broadcast on state television, the Islamic firebrand claimed an international Jewish cabal is provoking male impotence though chemicals in bottled water and then making billions by treating the syndrome with pharmaceutical drugs like Viagra.

In the middle of one of his more typical rants against Israel, the United States, and global Zionism, Ahmadinejad unveiled his latest conspiracy theory.

"One of the most insidious new methods of global Zionist oppression is the effort to sap the life-forces of non-Jews around the world," he thundered.

"According to my closest advisers, almost 95 percent of Iranian men now have difficulty achieving and maintaining an erection. I have to admit that on very rare occasions, I have had such trouble myself, despite my legendary virility.

"Clearly we see the work of the Zionists in this situation. Why else would good Muslim and Christian men everywhere be suffering this embarrassing lack of manly function?"

Flaccid Argument

Ahmadinejad then detailed how he believes Jews have created this epidemic of male impotence.

"Jewish interests have taken financial control of all the bottled water companies in the world," he explained. "They have used the dominance to slip chemicals into our bloodstreams, which destroy our ability to become erect.

"Very attractive, sexually vibrant men have unwittingly become victims of this humiliating condition. But the Jew is not content to humiliate his enemies. He must bankrupt them too. And so they have created a cure for this induced disease - drugs such as Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra.

"Hard working men all over the world are spending billions on such cures just to keep themselves sexually viable. Many are facing complete financial ruin.

"And who sells these drugs? Just look at these pharmaceutical companies: Pfizer, Merck, Bristol-Myers Squibb, Glaxo Smith Kline - these are all Jewish names!

"We must unite to fight this conspiracy, beginning with a complete ban on bottled water in our country and a lawsuit seeking compensation for all the money Iranian men have spent on these terribly expensive erection pills."

Ahmadinejad has been president of Iran since 2005. He is known for his staunchly anti-Jewish views. Political observers in Tehran expect a ban on bottled water to be enacted within weeks.

  • Oh man, knocked it out of the park with this one good job.

  • Crockett

    Funny enough to be true. Well done.

  • He’s CRAZY enough to believe he said it! I’m on the fence as to if they were reporting fact that was crazier than fiction or just sending Insanedinejhad up satirically…

  • catfish

    aaaahhhh, Ahmadinejad’s ‘little joe’ quit working. hehehehehehe He’s upset! I think Obama is behind it.

  • the way to outsmart the municipal and the bottled water, is to buy water distiller and drink only distilled water. and if you want minerals buy himalayan pnik salt and you are all set and erect

  • Someone doesn’t get the point.

  • charlie

    it all makes sense now why he is so pissed off all the time….he cant perform!!! haha that’s great.
    Someone get him an American blue pill 😉

  • Hartley (Buck) Macklin


  • Hilarious.

  • marsha

    Purim again?

  • Princess

    Very good. But truth can be stranger than fiction. Remember when Egyptians claimed Israeli jean companies were secretly planning to cause Arab men to be infertile by selling them tight jeans?

  • mvdoc

    this epidemic he describes doesn’t seemed to have had any effect on their ability to have 4-6 children or more per family. His comments would be funny if he weren’t in leadership position and out of touch with reality. I’m surprised main stream media hasn’t picked up on it.

  • Ivor Bigun

    Hahahahahaha What a C**t lol

  • maddaddyssa

    Zionists are capable of this level of mayhem, and NOBODY TOLD ME??!
    What am I chopped liver?? Who knew? How I wish my ancestors were let in on the ground floor of all these Zionists conspiracies, OY VAY! I sould only be so lucky.

  • Robbins Mitchell

    Jews….is there anything they can’t do?

  • Merrybeans

    wow that’s really insane. like unbelievably insane.

  • DuckBenway

    Here’s another funny one…

  • This freak makes Hitler appear sane.



    This is the funniest thing I’ve heard all day.

  • Michelle

    I know he is mad, but to that point? Is this for real? I cant believe it that he would obviously make a total idiot of him self, he has before but not like that, anyway it’s very fanny)))

  • mr pink

    i am a jew and i am proud to hear how successful we are dominating and ploting against the rest of the world. this guy is insane!!!!!!!!!

  • HaakonKL

    It’s a joke site.
    Of course, with Ahmadinejihad, you never can tell, so it’s an understandable mistake.

  • Shanti

    I believe you ahven’t picked it up….

  • gp

    hahahaha.. i can’t stop laughing. all the wrongs are said to be done by the jews. This man is so pathetic

  • Nathan

    Maybe Ahmadinejad could provide quality drinking water for his people without being ‘forced’ to drink that bottled Jewish water.
    Blame always shows a person’s own shortcomings

  • lol : )

  • Why watch movies or visit cinemas, circuses or theaters, when the leaders of the World give us all the entertainment we want and totally free.

  • DrJayinLA

    Ahmadinejad is suffering from ED himself, so he has to blame the Jews for it. I’m not surprised.

  • SmallBizAdvisor

    A limp protest.

  • Well, the jews are a gifted people that has contributed to a lot in the world, but there is however a limit for their abilities.

    Regards Knut Holt