Paul Krugman Arrested For Urinating on Teddy Bear

May 29, 2013

Screen-Shot-2013-02-03-at-12.01.45-PMEconomist Paul Krugman was arrested today for urinating on a teddy bear belonging to the 6-year-old daughter of rival economist Kenneth Rogoff.

According to police in Cambridge, Mass., Krugman stole the bear from a window sill at the Rogoff family home and was relieving himself on it when a passing police officer caught him.

Krugman had intended to return the pee-soaked bear to the window sill as part of a long running feud with Rogoff and his collaborator Carmen Reinhart over the merits of austerity.

According to witnesses the Nobel Prize winning trade economist resisted arrest and was shouting pro-Keynesian slogans to the officer and the onlookers.

"This motherf****r said output growth slowed when public debt rose above 90 percent of GDP, but he was f*****g wrong," Krugman told the police officer, "and you're arresting me? This little bitch falsifies his data, and somehow I'm the f*****g criminal?"

Behavioral Economics

Krugman has a long running feud with Rogoff and Reinhart, who in 2010 co-authored a paper which argued that excessive government debt slowed economic growth. That paper has since been found to contain numerous factual and methodological errors, and Krugman has not missed an opportunity to publicly blast his rivals' mistakes.

The disagreement took a new turn last weekend when the Harvard duo called Krugman out for his highly negative and personal attacks, deeming it "spectacularly uncivil behavior." Rather than back down, however, Krugman escalated the dispute by flying to Boston and bringing the fight to Rogoff's doorstep.

"This isn't sociology, this is economics," Krugman explained in an exclusive interview from the Middlesex County jail. "Economics is a motherf*****g war, and I'm a motherf*****g soldier.

"If this little coward didn't want his daughter's teddy bear involved in this s**t, then maybe he should have thought twice before he published a study that called into question my own personal beliefs about the relationship between public debt and growth."

Krugman is expected to be charged with public urination for the bear incident and defacement of private property for spray-painting the equation "AD = C + I + G + (X-M)" on Rogoff's garage door.

For her part, young Lindsey Rogoff says it will be hard to find a replacement for the teddy bear she called Samantha.

"It was my most favorite stuffed animal," she says. "Daddy said he was sorry. I don't know why Mr. Krugman has to be so mean."

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  • pinko

    Middlesex County jailers intercepted a letter from Paul Krugman addressed to young Lindsey Rogoff that said “Your father is an idiot. And there is no Santa Claus. So there.”

  • D Umbo

    I red the econymist once. My frend in prisun was into that stuff. We all had girly pics but he had the econymist. His name was Ponzy and he was cool with numbers so we called him the Ponz like the Fonz but the Ponz. No idea how he got sexy with the econymist but each his own. He had us all inves our ciggies in a amazin investmen opportunity were we would give him ten and he roconned he could get them to grow. Ive got so many ciggies in his oportuity now that Im like a prisun king. I ow big don about 100 ciggies coz mine are all tied up and growing and he can get meen but my originul ciggies must be about ten foot long now!

  • Manthan Bhatt

    This is the best article ever.