Rick Santorum Files for Divorce, Blames the Gays

Jul 29, 2013

120224114310-tsr-santorum-wrong-team-00002007-c1-mainFormer Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum filed for divorce today.

According to papers signed by an Allegheny County judge, the former Republican presidential candidate cited irreconcilable differences with his wife of 23 years.

The move comes as a shock to the family and friends of the couple, who have seven children together and always projected an air of marital bliss. But in an interview outside the courthouse with local television station WPAV, Santorum said that he had no choice.

"Unfortunately the homosexuals have ruined my marriage," he explained to reporter Bruce Nolan. "Every year more and more of them get married, and every year the relationship with my wife gets worse.

"Ever since the Supreme Court struck down DOMA, we've been sleeping in separate rooms. It's like I don't even know who she is anymore. This is what the gays want: to destroy the institution of marriage. We won't be the last."

Square Peg, Round Hole

According to the filing, the pair have agreed to split all assets equally and share joint custody of their children. His wife will keep the family home and automobiles, while Santorum will keep most of the couple's wardrobe.

Several seasoned divorce attorneys say that such an amicable financial settlement is unusual. But in an exclusive interview Santorum explains money was never really the issue.

"The real problem was in the bedroom," he says. "My wife kept complaining that I talked too much about gay sex while we were making love.

"I was just trying to explain how all the anal and oral things they do are filthy and disgusting compared to our intercourse. But apparently my wife didn't appreciate hearing about bears and twinks while I was inside of her."

Santorum says he's ready to move on and has already started leasing a bachelor pad in the Logan Circle neighborhood of Washington, D.C.

"Single life is going to be hard," he laments. "There aren't a lot of women interested in an aging father of seven. I might have to get creative about who I date."

Santorum served as Pennsylvania's senator from 1995 to 2007. He unsuccessfully pursued the Republican nomination for president in 2012, placing second behind Mitt Romney.

  • pete9001

    What a stupid spoof.

  • Asa DeMatteo

    Well, if any gay man offers him his, um, hand, that man will have his gay card immediately revoked.

  • Abbi Orenstein

    its a spoof? awww… I thought he really did file for divorce and blame us… I mean he is that stupid…

  • http://freeourfreemarkets.org/ Steve Banicki

    What an A-hole.

  • Neil

    Duh! The Daily Caller is satirical so all they do is a spoof. LOL @ you.

  • princessfab

    This is priceless. :)

  • CaptCorona

    ummm..I think you meant the Daily Currant..it is posted all over the page and site after all.

  • Abbi Orenstein

    please forgive me as I am very new to this website and did not know.

  • Natalie Fisk

    Knock knock! it’s time to open the closet Rick!

  • Mike Nash

    Thank goodness. Now I can focus on masturbation and fellating men. Rick Santorum’s marriage was a making me nearly celibate.

  • Glen

    What an F’n loser!!! It sounds like HE was the cause, not the gays.

  • bamcintyre

    So his wife left him because some gay couple wants to get married? What a tool. I’ve been married for 40 years (this time) and my wife has not thrown me out yet because my sister is getting married to her partner.

  • drebakms

    HAHAHAHAHA! At least he gets the majority of their wardrobe. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

  • Thomas Aschemann

    “Rick Santorum is gay. Blames sexy men.”

  • DD

    So basically he’s saying his gay tendencies have shown his marriage to be a sham. He wouldn’t be the first, and right behind him will be Michelle Bachman’s husband. It’s ok Ricky, we accept all gays. Come on out of the closet, and bring your wardrobe with you!!

  • Suzanne Longo

    I think it’s funny, considering how obsessed Santorum is with gay people.

  • pwatson

    A total jerk. Why would he even think of talking about what gays do while he is with his wife sexually.Unless of course he is ready to come out of the closet. Notice,I didn`t say making love..he probably hasn`t done that in years except when he`s using his right hand.

  • Paula

    this is satire, you morons.

  • Paula

    and you are stupid enough to fall for this crap.

  • Paula

    so basically you are so dumb you do not get this as satire…

  • Paula

    you moron. this is like the onion. its satire.

  • Susan Norman

    How in the world can this turkey blame gay people for the failure of his own marriage? By his own admission, he obsessed on gay issues and lifestyles while he was making love to his wife. What an idiot!!!

  • MikeParent

    The whole GOP is Satire.

  • youmustbejoking

    OK, this one is funny! I guess it would be the only way the right’s meme about gay marriage threatening their marriages could take place.

  • Jeff_Selbst

    Paula: You are clearly wasting your time. These posters are not getting it.

  • Sal1126966

    He’s gay

  • vonnegut

    You do realize this is satire, right?

  • Gilda Morkert

    More WTF_NESS from these reichwing crazies. Talk about an obsessed lunatic.

  • Fred Staff

    You know if I thought for one thousand years using all of my imagination I don’t think I could come up with this. What a stupid statement. It would have been much easier if he had just kept his pie hole shut.

    I thought he was a swinging Catholic? Guess I was wrong.

  • OutInTheOC

    “Unfortunately the homosexuals have ruined my marriage,” he explained
    to reporter Bruce Nolan. “Every year more and more of them get married,
    and every year the relationship with my wife gets worse.

    So now its myself and my husbands fault? Really Rick?

    Every year the relationship with your wife gets worse and you point the finger at someone else?

    And this guy wanted to be president? Give me a @ucking break!

  • LyndaLBD

    He was so obsessed with gay men having sex…he couldn’t shut up and pay attention to HER. I’d say hes bordering on gay. RICK SANTORUM IS….GAY!

  • Dooner P. Jenkins

    Satire needs its own font.

  • Blackberry_Riot

    This is satire, no?

  • forby

    it is a joke you idiot.

  • Zachary

    I’m new to this website, brand new, this is satire right?

  • rossaimer

    We all knew Rick was a closet “beef cigar” smoker!
    The poor wife must have suffered greatly pretending to be young boy while Ricky would fantasize making love to one.
    Now, he can perhaps merry Mr. Bubba, while Mrs. Rick can find a real man.

  • Dragontech64

    The problem is that the GOP stupidity has made it harder to tell what is satire and what is not.

  • forby

    Um didn’t the fact that Santorum accepted the Wardrobe as settlement as an indication that this isn’t real. damn people are stupid. No wonder the world is doomed.

  • hdtex

    Nope.

  • hdtex

    Paula stop being a biznatch you biznatch,

  • Peter

    Did his wife prefer sweater vests also?

  • hdtex

    Paula only just figured it out…..and boy does she think she’s smart!

  • Steve

    Hey Paula, is this satire?

  • Wanda Lark

    My question is how does he know so much about what they do if he hadn’t experienced it for himself? Tell the truth Rick you wished your wife was a man that’s why you talked about it in the bedroom while making love to her, you secretly wanted a man.

  • Mad Max

    Rick,Please just Go AWAY & let people live there own lives. Stop blaming every one else for your failures.

  • JAS

    Mr. Santorum is an oxymoron – without the oxy

  • Carlos H. Thorne

    Now he can marry his boyfriend, most republikkkans have gays lovers anyway…

  • alice215

    yes it is like the onion.

  • Guy Faulkes

    I’m so discouraged to see how many commenters think this piece of satire is real. We’re doomed as a country. We’re all a bunch of Forrest Gumps.

  • Glenda Branson

    I am sorry. Even Rick Santorum isn’t that stupid. He has to know that the reason they are getting divorced is that he is an ignorant prig.

  • Lee

    This can’t be a true story? Can it?

  • Silver Surfer

    He took the “wardrobe”? I guess it’s safe for him to come out of the closet.

  • Pip

    Is this real life? LOL.

  • RICARDO

    PROBABLY HE IS NUTS

  • Ia Ensterä

    Wow, gays yield so much power….apparently even more power than his God, upon whose name he swore to stay married until death do the mortals part…. Hmmm… Yep, that’s a lot of power…. I should go use it for something…

  • Dustin L. Hopper

    Is this an Onion article?

  • Meester Gumby

    Hey gullible people:
    currant, not current

  • Hector

    Comic Sans

  • martinsnapp

    Obviously satire, but funny!

  • neecie

    he JUST filed for divorce and is already thinking about who he’s going to date next? perhaps THATS why his marriage failed?

  • Maine011

    s-a-t-i-r-e…

  • Deb Parkman Morris

    Is this for real? Sounds like a joke to me. No one could really be using that as an excuse, much having actually done that sort of thing in the bedroom. It’s the most ridiculous excuse I’ve ever heard anyone make up.

  • joey

    No need to call everyone a moron, just because they are not so quick on the uptake as you are. Be nice.

  • joey

    What, like the fruit? Red currant or black currant?

  • TheBibleIsRightYouAreWrong

    Fools mock at sin.

  • ScottColbert

    Only fools believe that.

  • Pedro Rodriguez

    The writer should have done his homework; TV stations in the Pittsburgh area are with a K, not a W!

  • GG

    Why do ALLLLL POLITICIANS find something other than the issue at hand to blame?? This has to be the most coocoo response I’ve ever heard in response to “why are you getting a divorce?” He had to of been on a completely different teleprompter when answering this one …WOW

  • MC

    He is a stupid republican…….she could no longer stand looking at him!!!!!!!!

  • TheBibleIsRightYouAreWrong

    I’ll see you on the other side, Scott, when we find out together who is right. Jesus Christ spoke the Truth. You are a liar.

  • chachadodah

    Is this a joke? Did he really say those things? Too weird.

  • Phil Maskell

    ” while Santorum will keep most of the couple’s wardrobe.” … What? He kept a lot of HER clothing? OH MY GOD HE’S A TRANSVESTITE AND SECRETLY GAY!

  • scat

    IT’S NOT REAL. IT’S SATIRE!

  • AB Negative

    Yes, honey, this is a joke. This entire website is satire. Like The Onion.

  • scat

    IT’S NOT REAL. IT’S SATIRE.

  • AB Negative

    It’s not real my dear, the writer had to use a fake station.

  • Guest

    Oh, I’m sure he will be able to find women who are as bigoted as he is. The man is a nut case.

  • Zachary Boswell

    We’d all be lucky to have the heart and genuineness of forrest gump!!

    But yes we are doomed.

  • Hexalpa

    But Funny !!!

  • Colin Murphy

    Is this real? It sounds like it could be an Onion article.

  • Colin Murphy

    I mean Republicans have gotten to the point where the satire and real life are almost unrecognizable.

  • Jdmdaily

    I was completely thinking the same thing! Ha!

  • NYRican

    Please show the video of him stating this. After a google search, there does not appear to be a station with those call letters, let alone any video of him stating those awful things.

  • plus15

    Which brings up the obvious question Is Rick Santorum having an affair. Santorum is the holiest Republican a scandalmonger of the highest order. How long is this going on. His then blaming his marital problems on homosexuals is utterly sensational. I can’t wait to hear Dan Savage’s take on this bombardment of everything the Right-Wing says it believes as Holy.

  • picnicfun

    This is an April Fools joke.

  • night crone

    Maybe gay marriage is ending his marriage, because he discovered he was really gay while describing everything to his wife?

  • shamare

    His next job may be as a drag entertainer, so they will come in handy

  • Teto85

    Sophomoric Onion wannabe.

  • http://aidan.info.tm/ Aidan Cheddar

    Well, this just proves the writer knows what they’re talks about, and considering Rick’s recent history, it’s easy to fall for.

  • Wally Linebarger

    I’m beginning to enjoy the comedy of errors in the comment section as much as the satire in the main article. For those of you offended by the article remember what that great Republican Congresswoman Virginia Foxx said:
    ”Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you.”
    —Rep. Virginia Foxx (R-North Carolina)

  • Mike Tyson

    I would have just jammed it in her A S S

  • Ganja Granny

    What is even funnier than this fake story is that people take these obviously satirical pieces seriously. It never fails! Hmmm….I have a GREAT sale going on some prime real estate. Just send me $20, cash, to my p.o. box and I’ll tell you ALL about it! LOL

  • corkgirl

    What an idiot he is and such a backwards attitude to have I the 21st century

  • D Umbo

    I wuz a celibat fur a wile anit waznt musch fun anthen I wen out the uther nite an met a frenzch gurl an she couldnt speek english anhad a small compooter ware she tiped frenzch and pressd abuton and it beecame englicsh !!! crazy man !! but it waz goggle. She waz a bit dum bacauz she coudlnt undrestand the frenczh change bac wen i tiped in the english. SO many engliszh wurds are frenzch an stil she dident underestand. like ill transelate wat ive just rote for youz in frenczh an you can sea wat i meen……….Je wuz une fourrure de celibat une ruse anit waznt musch plaisir Anthen je wen la uther nite un rencontré un frenzch gurl une, elle ne trouve rien à speek anglais Anhad un petit ware compooter elle tiped frenzch et pressd abuton et il beecame englicsh! fou! mais il WAZ lunettes. Elle WAZ un bacauz dum peu elle coudlnt undrestand le frenczh changement bac wen i tiped en anglais. Tant de wurds engliszh sont frenzch un stil elle dident underestand. comme malade transelate wat ive juste rote pour youz dans un frenczh vous pouvez mer wat i Meen. But I still got a cuddle so santa rorum shood lern frenzch like me!!!! wive my words shrunk?

  • jensenfan1978

    A divorce occurs because one or both don’t want to be a part of it any more. Nothing else.

  • Leigh Ann Spence

    But isn’t that half the fun?

  • kim

    That is the dumbest reason I have ever heard for a divorce, obviously he must have some kind of issues and wasn’t truly in love. If that all he could think about when he was making love to his wife.

  • Jay Volk

    I cannot stop laughing, What a tool.

  • Invisible_Girl

    Why, when you are on a satire website? Shouldn’t that be enough of a clue?

  • chipgoltz

    Poor guy, his wife wouldn’t wear the strap on.

  • Chase M

    The vitriol that comes from haters of those with opposing viewpoints in pathetic. You hate him and cast aspersions upon his bad fortune. You stay classy, you liberal weenies….

  • YouKnowMe

    Stupid and not even funny. And I despise Santorum as much as anyone. This joke is SO hackneyed. Or as you say in the 21st century, IT’S BEEN DONE.

  • 10thman

    This is a joke, right?

  • 10thman

    Pretty good knock-off, if you ask me.

  • Brittany Correa

    Rick Santorum is such a hypocrite.

  • to_tell_the_truth

    Kind of hard to tell. It’s all over the Google’s net listings but not on their news listings. Hmmm …

  • to_tell_the_truth

    It is Sanctorum who is “the joke”.

  • to_tell_the_truth

    Sanctorum is the one who casts aspersions. Read the article for ‘proof’.
    (Or should that be, “for spoof”?)

  • to_tell_the_truth

    “Fool me once, shame on you, fool me, you can’t get fooled again.” – George W. Bush

    Virginia Foxx: “Story of Matthew Shepard’s Murder A “Hoax”.

    There. Fixed it for you.

  • pat L

    Look for Rick on OKCupid, username: DicksAndBoredom

  • to_tell_the_truth

    Not so “obvious”, per the comments.

  • panacea

    you know what they say….the more homophobic a man is, the more in denial he is

  • panacea

    NOOO, say it ain’t so

  • A Drake

    I bet he goes all the way and marries a goat.

  • ke

    does he have a gay lover?

  • Darnell

    this idiot, you’re marriage ruined boo lol crazy

  • Darnell

    this idiot, you’re marriage was already ruined boo lol crazy

  • Rastmatical

    …Do you speak English?

  • LaSantaHermandad

    Oxymoron is a topical gel that it applied to dumb peoples zits. Kinda like the pendejos who really think that the article is true.

  • James Lee Lucier

    So when does he come out…?

  • Scott Leger

    I wouldn’t have put my name on this turd either

  • K C

    Geez it is your fault only that your marriage failed you stupid idiot. Quit blaming others for your down fall. Sounds like you are gay to me if that is all you talk about in the bedroom…

  • RealityChck

    Is this a satire piece?

  • D Umbo

    yeah an now i can speek frenzsh wenever i want. wy you asking?

  • chazmanr

    Yes, it is satire; no, it is not like the Onion.

  • Robert E. Cruz

    I thought I had logged on to FOX News by mistake!

  • mervie

    this is satire, isn’t it? if not then ole rick is as gay as the most flamboyant queen in s.f.

  • chevalmarin

    Whoever wrote this article is pretty messed. Pretty nasty thing to do to anyone.

  • PATRICK CHEWING

    He trolls us all

  • BdoMcGregor

    Isn’t the best satire at least plausible as reality?

  • Acts01

    What do you mean!? He did it to himself!

  • GreyBuddha

    They forgot the part where he became a cashier at chic-filet.

  • Sir Nick

    Awww I fell for it. But I believed someone like him would actually say this!

  • Susan Norman

    Got me! I thought it was the truth! I fully expect this news to be coming along soon! LOLOL

  • Susan Norman

    Actually I thought it was the unmitigated truth!!!
    lol

  • MamaBeck

    I guess the wife finally figured out the true meaning behind “homophobia”.

  • LALA

    i didnt know till i started scrolling the comments either – thinking how off the article was and being confused…

  • Abbi Orenstein

    wow… um ok thank you for you opinion… I disagree, I think it very rude to call me stupid, but I will not justify it by being rude back so I will simply forgive you and move on.

  • michael bates

    is anyone surprised ….a republican blaming everyone else for the mess they make on there own …. way to go rick, you gutless loser ,blame the gays ..This looks a lot like karma

  • chevalmarin

    Can’t you tell it’s a spoof by someone who hates Catholics? I’m no fan of Santorum but come on.

  • David P. Newhard II

    OMG! He must be the perfect match for Anthony Weiner! PERFECT! LOL. Everything will be ok Rick, you just need some d*#k ;-)

  • James Allen

    Think of it this way: the fact the people assume this is real news says something about the state of real news.

  • Troy Allen Engstrom

    Because your spelling sucks

  • damnarama

    The Daily Currant is a satire magazine like the Onion. So, yes.

  • pandapal

    OMG! And to think my hubby and I have allowed our gay son to live with us for several years. We’re doomed.

  • Nick

    You are seriously illiterate and a degenerate. Nothing in your post is spelt correctly nor are the French translations anywhere close to proper. Faites-vous éduqué!! Y’en’a rien si pire!

  • freud

    Could be she felt that he was more interested in the sexuality of other men than his wife.

  • jgif

    Maybe his wife didn’t sleep with him any more because she has a girlfriend.

  • Captain Obvious

    Please don’t feed the troll.

  • GmaGardner

    I didn’t know till I was reading it out loud to my husband while he’s cooking dinner and he starts cracking up & telling me it’s a spoof!
    I have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!

  • GmaGardner

    Takes one to know one…. neiner….neiner…..

  • Rory Bucky Barnes Waterfield

    “His wife will keep the family home and automobiles, while Santorum will keep most of the couple’s wardrobe.”
    what, so she’s naked and he’s cross dressing in his spare time?

  • D Umbo

    Man I try an help everywun get layd with frenzch chicks an all I get is nasty responses. I dont nowe why i bother. I cant help it if my speling suks. I get loads of red lines but no help.

  • D Umbo

    Okay I wont. Wats a troll?

  • bill Weaver

    another one bites the dust……….Straight people have destroyed their own marriage statistics……and as for Ann Coulter, I wish that woman would just crawl off to a dark corner and die. Just like other nasty pests.

  • Roosevelt Arje Jackson

    See how easy we get distracted from the main idea. Lets get back on focus, the concern is Santorum

  • Oosik

    str8frm

    Whilst the satire is, or should be, quite obvious to mindful and critically thinking people. In reality many of the spundumb tea addled minions of both the Bishops and Barons would not only believe but beginning recounting anecdotal ‘facts’ as evidence supporting such preposterous claims.

    Think back to the Prop H8 debates when the forced tithe subsidies from the taxpayers helped fund the fight to relegate the LGBT to the 4/5′s status of slaves.

    The New Apostolic Reformation movement actually foster such claims in their crusade for Christian Dominion – their version only, in their attempt to insinuate their Sharia Law into the secular laws of the land.

    They seek to criminalize sin!! Although sin ain’t un-Constitutional, nor can a sin-based crime withstand the Constitutional lemon test.

    In fact I’ll bet that if this piece were posted on some of the sites the tea addled faux faithful Christian get their guidance and opinions from that it would eventually end up in the AM and Fox news reports as “true story”.

    Remember that far too many people agree with Bachmann, Palin, Perry and even the god made, ” A woman’s body can not become pregnant from a -> Legitimate <- rape"

  • goodsirius

    What an utter joke! Whatever happened to taking personal responsibility? And this, coming from a legislator? He should be ashamed of his remarks.

  • Alex Masters

    Couldn’t happen to a nicer scumbag.

  • yo mero

    oh republicans so stupid they enjoy being exposed!

  • Spongegirl Circleskirt

    Okay Rick. Maybe your wife just thinks your are an asshole.

  • http://www.facebook.com/jbekmom Suzanna Schroeder

    While i know it is satire, I so wished it were real!

  • #concernedforhimNOT.

    This is the funniest & most ridiculous thing i’ve ever read b4 in my life….Dude your making love to your wife, and are so wrapped up with GAY FOLKS, your thinking about their love making!!?? Wishing you were getting some is what it seems, sir your Gay!!! Seriously!!!

  • Savage fan

    can’t wait to see what Dan Savage does with this!

  • TOTOJO

    So much for the “SANCTITY” of Marriage A–Hole!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!!!

  • Candy

    Funny reading these messages, if you can !The comments, most of them are from the so called ‘ I only want to be treated equal ‘ crowd yet if referred to or spoken about in this manor would scream discrimination! Everyone’s true colors will always surface! LOL it was a joke!

  • Wayne Marion

    He and his wife are fools. If they really loved each other nothing can break thedm out. They are fools and I pity them.

  • Teresa Nolivo

    i think you are kinda funny

  • Teresa Nolivo

    ya but this one is to close to the truth

  • Teresa Nolivo

    thats exactly right

  • TonyHanna
  • Teresa Nolivo

    I knew it as soon as I read this Santorum served as Pennsylvania’s senator from 1995 to 2007. He unsuccessfully pursued the Republican nomination for president in 2012, placing second behind Mitt Romney. I said this person who wrote this has got to be totally diluted. But everything else seemed to fit perfectly fine.

  • D Umbo

    thanks teresa youre a babe x

  • Calif_man58

    This cannot be a real article.
    Is Santorum THAT delusional? Even scarier is that people voted for him? There
    should be a law that only middle of the road people can hold political office.
    No far-left or far-right allowed. Couldn’t be any worse than it is now. Just a
    thought…

  • nyc_nystate

    I agree this is a stupid spoof. I say that because this was dealt with in a real situation when the Minnesota Senate Leader had an affair:

    http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/23/amy-koch-affair-scandal-lgbt-community-apology-_n_1167644.html

  • AliSam

    I’m sure he can find a nice man to hook up with, perhaps his hint was all about this when he commented “I might have to get creative about who I date” LOL

  • marie speranza

    Divorce is never nice, but sometimes completely necessary…who wants to talk about anyone in bed with your partner, if that was the case…

    can cause trouble one day…imho…and for Rick to blame gays is silly…who knows anything…

    So, “believe half of what you see”, none of what you hear..as .some say…

    The detailed info was TMI…

    Seven children…I hope the parents remain friendly and civil…and may each make a new life.

    Sometimes thou protest too much.

    And sometimes it is true…that …

    “SILENCE IS GOLDEN”… What personal belongings/stuff each of them is taking…makes no sense.

    Bless them, and bless us all…we are– …little fish in a big pond…trying to survive.

  • cwil

    Why don’t you right click on the red lines?

  • Brettany Renée Blatchley

    “Unfortunately the homosexuals have ruined my marriage,”

    What an absolutely despicable thing to say. Let’s burn queers while we’re at it, right??

    Since “Christians” think that I am “uber-gay” by being trans, I suppose I am partly to blame for the Rick’s unfaithfulness…”Father, please forgive him for he knows not what he does.”

  • ZatDudeO

    Sounds like someone is in the closet. He really is a gay. He can deny it forever, but I’ve heard this story a thousand times before from a thousand gay men.

  • TK

    Your marriage failed because you failed as a husband, so don’t blame the gays for your failed marriage! You need some serious help mister. FYI, we fought for equal rights and not just the right to marry! If you were any type of politician, you would of known this. So, as we exchange our vows, you’re busy dealing with divorce court. How ironic. So, you’ve just added to the growing list of heterosexual’s that are filing for divorce! Bravo. So before you place blame on anyone, your marriage failed because you failed as a husband!

  • Rick in Toronto

    Is this for real :) TOO FUNNY!

  • cookielee

    How much should we bet in the next few years he comes out of the closet.

  • Rachael_Jean

    This sounds like a joke.

  • LeslieFish

    I swear, this is a classic stand-up comic routine! And Santorum doesn’t even know it.

  • Jpf92780

    Is anyone else reading what Santorum’s is subtlety saying and getting the sense that he may be subconsciously Gay? “I might have to get creative who I date” humm!

  • D Umbo

    so i clic on hte red lines but they juts nuthing ?? I dont have a right click. wots a right clic jus rong clicks man. wy you playing with me

  • skeptica

    “Single life is going to be hard,” he laments. “There aren’t a lot of women interested in an aging father of seven. I might have to get creative about who I date.”

    That means he’s looking for a husband.

  • Sam L

    Have you ever read mark twain’s “a plan for for the improvement of English spelling”?

  • pockyboy

    Yea, but The Rickets said “Fool me once, bend me over and tool me twice … you big beast!!!” Our apologies to Mel Brooks.

  • BECCA

    Rick is gettingWHAT HE DESERVES 4 HIS HATRED AND SCORN

  • MAR

    No. Nothing should ever be in Comic Sans

  • http://whenfallsthecoliseum.com/author/kwatson/ megapotamus

    This is a JOKE, morons.

  • http://whenfallsthecoliseum.com/author/kwatson/ megapotamus

    Look at some of the other ‘stories’. Just look at them. Read, imbeciles.

  • Guest

    That only makes the person that wrote that! Look even more dumb then he or she already is!

  • Susan Norman

    Actually I bought it hook line and sinker! I have been expecting this news for months and just thought it had finally arrived. :)

  • BOBinBrooklyn

    We might understand you better if you wrote in English. This is getting lame, Dude!

  • BOBinBrooklyn

    Sacre Bleu! Je ne comprend pas!

  • fred

    everything should be in Comic Sans !

  • D Umbo

    Bob you look like your a reely nice guy but man you need to find a sense of houmer. I clikced on your name to reed your posts and I aktually fel asleep! The pluto stuf and the germany and korea stuf and not one larf. If this waz a reel room I recon I’d have Kurt Vile playing in the backround. Letz all put our zen together to help bob smile. Its wat you say not the way wat you spell it.

  • Iphthalia

    “His wife will keep the family home and automobiles, while Santorum will keep most of the couple’s wardrobe.”

    Now, what would Ricky be doing with his wife’s wardrobe?
    Is Ricky trying to come out to us?

  • Diana

    Please tell me he actually said these things!

  • NottaBigot

    is this real? OMG? This guy (if he actually said this) should be in a hospital for the mentally insane

  • BelleStarr

    I wuv comic sans.

  • BelleStarr

    No PROBABLY about it. He’s definitely nuts.

  • Irmgard Alderman

    who cares. I understood. It was funny!

  • NavinJay

    It’s a joke but the strangest thing is, it really sounds like something he would do.

  • CRITTER

    Don’t disparage Forest Gump!

  • DesertSun59

    LOL! The funniest part of this is anyone talking about bears AND twinks in the same sentence.

  • Inquisitor Soviatus

    Kill yourself.

  • Gin & Tonic

    lol

  • spauldi

    He has lost his mind if he thinks homosexual people ruined his marriage. He did it himself. Well, maybe they did…..if you’re close minded. What is done in each person’s bedroom should be between the people in the bedroom…not the neighbors.

  • Patsy Torum

    I’ve seen her wardrobe. And his. She won the whole shebang–the house, the cars, and he had to take the wardrobe.

  • Jim Ryder

    I’m not a babe but I think you’re funny too…

  • Humma

    My my!! Oh, how I love it when they preach all their Christian values….Such, bull…and why, I wonder, why am I not surprised?????.

  • Keith Jigleeottee

    No way!

  • Cindy Faulkner

    hahahahahahahahah good one ;)

  • Joseph Sinkovic

    I knew he was sicko but this is beyond sick. And this asshole wanted to be president. Now I know why republican men never get laid.

  • Rick

    What an idiot–he’s destroying the institution of marriage by not living up to his wedding vowels.

  • RICARDO

    i saiy he is maybe gay we never know unless he comes out as gay or bi and he is nuts!

  • Chris Suits

    the closet is being forced open by his wife; silly closet case trix are for seeing the blinding light.

  • Leonardo DaVinci Barnette

    Lighten up. Look at his screen name. He’s obviously playing an entire act for fun. It’s not that serious.

  • D Umbo

    No sam i hevent yet but i will. Do yoo stutter wen you speek as well as wen you rwite. ? Dont worry if you doo. My freind Harry has turrets and he stutters and stammers and shouts F…U… to everywone and hes histerical. The girls adore him. I pretended i had turets once but the crowd i was with just thout i was taking the piss (wich i was) and they beet the crap out of me.

  • Leonardo DaVinci Barnette

    What seems lame is you, knowing he is joking, taking it so seriously. I mean the article we are commenting under itself is a joke, comedy, humor. Lighten up, it’s just not that serious.

  • Mike

    IT DA GUYS, MAN, IT DA GAYS. LIKE I TOTALLY WASN’T A HORRIBLE HUSBAND WHO KEPT HIS WIFE DOWN. BUT GAY PEOPLE WHO WANT TO GET MARRIED, MAN, IT IS SOO THEIR FAULT. Republican logic in general.

  • Leonardo DaVinci Barnette

    That has to be the lamest, saddest, weakest, most unimaginative response to ever come into fashion.
    It may be popular, but it’s very lazy, and doesn’t show the user as very intelligent. Good humor is based in intelligence. Think about it.

  • D Umbo

    Ok. not kurt vile then. he can be a bit depresing. I think we let soviatus chose the music.

  • Leonardo DaVinci Barnette

    I know!! I’m reading these comments and smh. Lighten up people. It’s an entire site based in satire. “whew”

  • Leonardo DaVinci Barnette

    LOL !!!

  • Joe Downey

    Rick come out of the Closet

  • Linda

    He is an embarrassment to himself! His wife surely must be embarrassed that he described their bedroom activities to the public.

  • Tom

    Rick is an ASSHOLE!

  • MJ

    The people commenting who think this writer is really this illiterate are as pathetic as those who think this is a real article. Along with another commenter, I have to say, we are doomed. But in the meantime, I’m enjoying the ride!

  • Shively

    VOWS, not VOWELS.

    I’d like to buy an ‘e,’ please.

  • Debs626

    This man is clearly delusional. He won’t take responsibility for the downfall of his marriage instead he blames it on the gays?? He is obviously obsessed with gays, maybe he should come out that closet.

  • maljazur

    People!! STOP. Breathe….This is satire. A joke. Poking fun. Not true. Read the article again and consider whether Santorum would actually be quoted saying these things. I know we have been led to believe almost ANYTHING can come from the right, but….

  • Karl Peters

    This Can’t Be Real

  • zack06

    Sexual Identification system is here. Should satisfy most points of view.

  • forby

    GIVE THE GUY A BREAK. OBVIOUSLY ENGLISH ISN’T HIS FIRST LANGUAGE AND HE IS PROBABLY FLUENT IN 3 LANGUAGES BUT YOU WANT TO HAVE A GO AT HIS SPELLING IN HIS 3RD LANGUAGE. LET ME GUESS THE PEOPLE HAVING A GO AT HIM AR AMERICAN WHO DON’T SPEAK ENGLISH PROPERLY THEMSELVES AND HAVE TO WRITE EVERYTHING WITH A Z.

  • Jill

    Soooo, is this Santorum coming out?

  • bix12

    You’re just noticing? This country is swarming with idiots. Millions & millions of semi and/or total illiterates being told what to think, what to buy, where & what to eat, what medications to ask your doctor for, what medications to give your children…etc., etc.. It is astonishing to me. Everywhere I look, I see idiots, morons and imbeciles!

  • bix12

    Hook, line & sinker.

  • forby

    they’re RepubliKKKans, you cant expect them to have a BRAIN.

  • forby

    Well the FACT is he HAS filed for DIVORCE (considering he is a hardcore CHRISTIAN that expects everyone to live by the BIBLE where divorce is wrong) So they have taken something else he has tried to shove down people throat (pardon the pun) and used it against him to show how stupid and hypocritical he is on multiple levels.

  • forby

    I don’t understand. Hook, line and sinker. I understand what it means, but i don’t understand why you are saying it to me, as if i was the one that was set up to be sucked in to the conversation.

  • Adam

    I really hope this is a joke piece. Otherwise I think I know what’s wrong with the former (heterosexual) senator….

  • E3

    Dude, your hilarious… great stuff!

  • E3

    Lenny, some people are just too smart in the head to get it… or something along those lines… lol.

  • BRICE TUCHER

    RICKYS WIFE said HE spent FAR too much time TOE -TAPPING in AIRPORT TOILET STALLS, with his old senate pal LARRY CRAIG & ALWAYS WORE her underwear ,makeup ,& bra around the house

  • ME

    I call BS

  • bix12

    The “guy” you were yelling about in your 1st post has tricked you–hence, you fell for his nonsense ‘Hook, Link & Sinker’ Capiche?

  • Jeffers Dodge

    He’s being ridiculous. Nobody forced him to talk about homosexuals while he was making love to his wife. He chose to do that. He’s like most conservatives. He believes in personal responsibility for everybody except himself
    Take responsibility for your own actions, you big fat hypocrite!

  • Greenmoon

    Stupid lives here.

  • D Umbo

    Hey forby. i like hte shouting. I only speek englisch and now french. I dont know if english is the first language or how they diside which language comes first. They may have a languige olympics but i dont live in hte circles were peeple talk about akademic stuff like that. I tried to lern cokney slang and i could understand wat i was saying but not wat the other peeple sed. wen they cokney slanged back.

  • Fahad

    Why don’t you look into the mirror and try finding out.

  • Guest

    That should be “spelled” not “spelt”

  • barkway

    You folks do realize The Currant is akin to The Onion? Satire

  • Jay

    well, I don’t know anything at all about this guy, except I’ve heard his name. Just reading this and from an outside view, I would guess I will file it with the don’t believe everything you read junk.

  • svendska

    Well, Rick, it isn’t just the graying hair and seven children that will be detrimental to dating, it’s the “pillow talk”. Give me a break, what woman want to hear about what is disgusting, etc. during what is supposed to be the most intimate of physical experiences. You’re such a dumbass! Donkey faced too!

  • svendska

    I thought that was amusing too. Is he going to wear his wife’s clothes?

  • svendska

    Well Rick, graying hair and seven children will not be the only deterent to dating. “Pillow Talk” is certainly at play here. What woman wants to hear “disgusting” and “filthy” while sharing in what is supposed to be the most intimate experience? You’re a dumbass and a donkey faced one to boot!

  • phil_in_VA

    So…. the wife got the house and the car and Ol’ Ricky there got the WARDROBE? Hello!?!?!? Whipped much?

  • phil_in_VA

    It had me going, wishful thinking?

  • jcam

    Wow, many of you liberals are very stupid. You couldn’t figure out this is a parody from the title alone??? That is because you have been trained by liberal media to have nothing but hatred and contempt for those who disagree with your ideology. In addition, you are very, very stupid. The Daily Currant aims to parody the right, but they end up parodying the left by showing how stupid and gullible you are.

  • jcam

    Nah, it just shows that many liberals are stupid and gullible, and have been trained to have nothing but contempt and hatred for those who disagree with them.

  • jcam

    It is very easy for an idiot to fall for it. Don’t justify stupidity. The title should have raised flags for any moderately intelligent person.

  • jcam

    Liberals are stupid and gullible, and they have been trained by liberal media to have nothing but hate and contempt for anyone who disagrees with them.

  • jcam

    No. Liberals are that stupid to believe this obvious satire.

  • jcam

    I think it is funny that so many liberals believed this considering how obsessed they are with Rick Santorum and gay people.

  • jcam

    I love the way liberals are stupid enough to fall for this, and then they blame Rick Santorum and call him stupid. LOL.

  • Wozz

    I really don’t know what’s funnier….the BS story or the facts that half of the people commenting here actually believe it to be true!! People will believe anything they see on the internet!

  • D Umbo

    Fahad, man, youve been looking at too many faery tales. i looked it up and trolls live under bridjes and eat goats! I dont eat goats! i once ate a crocodile but nogoats. oh and a shark once as well. and some snales with my fresch chick. Goats is for beachwear robinson cruso style not for eating man. yuk

  • Ganja Granny

    With that definition, I am definitely not a “liberal”, and I am most certainly not a “conservative” either. I am simply an individual, and I draw my own conclusions. I seek understanding, and try to remain open to all sides of an issue; usually everyone has a reason for believing the things they believe, even if those reasons are sometimes misguided. I do not have hate, nor contempt for people who disagree with me, and I do not assume that any group of individuals are automatically stupid, gullible, hateful, etc., based on their politics. Those determinations are made on a person-by-person basis.
    Again, I repeat, it is hilarious the way some people take this satire seriously! Peace.

  • jcam

    I was not implying you are a liberal. I was merely pointing out why many other people believed such obvious satire. They are not very smart and have been brainwashed by liberal media. Read their posts. Many of them blame Santorum for the fact that they were stupid enough to believe it. They have been trained to believe every negative thing they read about those who oppose liberalism.

  • Allen Jones

    Incredible!

  • Abbi Orenstein

    dude I already said I was new to this site. but by all means continue to berate people who didn’t know it was a joke.

  • Abbi Orenstein

    Jcam, you really need something to make you a decent person. you have too much anger. try chocolate.

  • jcam

    Is it fair to attack Rick Santorum when it was you who made the mistake? The title alone should have raised flags in your head, whether you are familiar with this site our not. As soon as I saw the title, before I saw that it was this Web site, I knew it had to be satire. The problem is you have been trained by the liberal media to have such a low opinion of everyone who agrees with you while having such a high opinion of yourself, that you will believe any negative thing you see about about those who disagree. You have been well trained not to think by the DNC and the liberal media.

  • jcam

    I’m just pointing out the facts. You make a stupid mistake and then blame it on Santorum and call Santorum stupid. It seems you are full of anger for anyone who disagrees with, and you will believe anything you see in print if it is trashing those who disagree with your politics. You are a perfect tool for the left.

  • Kim Crowdis

    My tiny violins play sad music for Santorum and his dead marriage. I guess he wants a boyfriend more than a wife.

  • Abbi Orenstein

    well lets face facts he does say stupid things so its really easy to confuse.
    by the way I’m not the one who’s angery I simply read in my email there was a reply and I see you useing adhominum attacks on people. I think you could benifit from something that can alter your mood you seem to be in a bad one. I meerly made a suggestion. chocolate is really good.

    but I will take “perfect tool for the left” as a compliment. thank you :) I hope you have a better day.

  • jcam

    You call Santorum stupid, and you are attacking me for an ad hominem? Besides being stupid, you are a hypocrite. Just because I point out that you are stupid, doesn’t mean I am angry. After all, you keep calling Santarm stupid. Does that mean you are angry? I’m just being truthful. Can you even back your positions? What has Santorum said that is so stupid? It seems you think you are so brilliant, that anyone who disagrees with you is stupid. That is stupid.

  • Thomas Jacobs

    I suspect Rick doth protest too much against gays. His wife left him because of his fascination with homosexual acts!

  • http://www.nevadadivorce.org/ Nevada divorce

    Gays are only gay to annoy Rick Santorum.

    Conexa

  • lois752

    what Brandon said I am in shock that you able to profit $5714 in four weeks on the internet. have you read this web link w­w­w.K­E­P­2.c­o­m

  • tedtrent

    Is this some type of joke or something? I can not believe he said all these things and I’m gay!

    Plus, watch the new romantic comedy about gay marriage called, “Hidden Hills.” Visit HiddenHillsTheMovie.com

  • James Russel

    I’m pretty sure this one is more prophetic than satirical.

  • Criulo T

    I heard she’s been doin the butler!

  • RazorSharp

    did I really just read what I called my eyes scrolling across? I have heard it all…..wow…..really…..unreal….lol

  • RazorSharp

    he concerns me not.

  • Simone Elizabeth

    Dear Mr Assfuck,

    You are a assfuck!

    Luv,

    Me

  • Joe Blow

    This is almost true

  • Halfbaked1

    Those comments are just plain hard to believe. Somebody HAD to have made that stuff up. A normal person wouldn’t say those things let alone even think them. If he actually said them he has mental issues big time.

  • Halfbaked1

    I really don’t believe this article. It sounds like someone just trying to make him sound like an idiot. If it IS true? He’s an idiot.

  • Halfbaked1

    Really. Thought he’d lost his mind.

  • Halfbaked1

    Yep

  • Halfbaked1

    Shame on me, I didn’t know it was satiricle. Thought everyone went crazy.

  • disqus_DmHZ3EKXD3

    No one could destroy his marriage but him or his wife…apparently she had the nerve to stand up to him and his judgmental ways, and he didn’t like it.

  • Carol A Watterston

    What the fuck?!?! He’s succumbed to his ridiculous, closed minded and naive self. Since when did a gay marriage directly affect your life?!? He’s a closet gay…

  • Ryan

    Oh man, hope this isn’t a hoax, it’s just too damned funny!

  • Josef

    Funny

  • So_fed_up_with_stupid

    Geez you are so dumb. The reason she couldn’t understand you is because you have no damn idea how to spell. hmm according to your name though its not a surprise.

  • Wtf

    Every time I read this site its all lies and b.s.

  • Deborah Randall

    Please tell me this is not true.

  • disqus_PP1NilPKos

    This coming from a group that allows Republicans a total pass on everything so long as they bash the gays from time to time.

  • mr. r

    This article is a joke isn’t it. His type of thinking is not centered in any sense of reality.

  • mr.r

    Can’t you tell the spelling is a put-on?

  • Lois2

    Just like the extremist he is …. his wife couldn’t stand him either

  • Lois2

    Just imagine if he had been elected president.. and he can justify the end of his marriage to Gays… he is delusional our economy would have been dirt.

  • dbarto667

    Rick will need God’s help to survive this chapter in his life.

  • adamamy

    I’m still having a hard time wrapping my mind around this. They seemed like the most perfectly matched couple. They have a special needs child who needs both of them, and 6 more that needs them. I’m shocked at how much information Rick has said about the cause of the breakup. This is way to personal to dump to the public. We don’t need to hear it, and it’s unfair to his wife to talk about it. UH…..this is just unbelievable.

  • Checker

    So now he is ready for his dream man and all the filthy and disgusting things they do and he can´t stop thinking about…Sick man

  • ginger

    What ?????

  • The Real True Answer

    Well for many of us men that had our wife leave us for another woman, that would be a very good reason why many of us Straight Guys have trouble meeting a Decent Woman again since so much more women today are certainly Gay And Bi Now. And were Not To Blame At All since many women nowadays are so Very Extremely Dysfunctional Today which is Very Sad. And i am Very Sure that many of you other Guys will Agree with me as well.

  • theoldstoryteller

    This story is ridiculous! I believe it is a fabrication!

  • Oldsailor65

    I agree with you

  • Shirley Thompson

    Santorum is blaming someone else for his divorce (gays). Does that mean his wife prefers women to him? What an asshole, I don’t blame her!!!!!!

  • Guy Faulkes

    “Too” close to the truth.

  • jcam

    Because you are a Stalinist, you see those who support an atmosphere of free speech as anti-gay.

  • Nope

    There are way more comments saying that this is a satire than comments from people believing it. So you really don’t need to comment saying: “I can’t believe people fell for this lol”. We get it. You know this is satire, so you’re not a complete idiot. Congratulations.