Woman Kills Three For Last X-Box at Chicago Wal-Mart

Nov 30, 2013

Walmart_exteriorA woman was arrested today for stabbing to death three shoppers at a Chicago-area Wal-Mart in order to secure the store's last X-Box One.

Mary Robbins, a married mother of two, reportedly wrestled her competitors to the ground before fatally wounding them with a sharpened Phillips head screwdriver. 

The victim's names have not yet been released, but are said to include a sociology student at Northwestern University, a chemistry teacher at at local high school and a young pregnant woman buying a system for her brother.

Robbins fled the scene and was apprehended at home hours later after police identified her license plates on the store's surveillance camera. Although many are shocked by the senseless violence, the alleged perpetrator is unrepentant.

"Of course I'd do it all over again," Robbins proclaimed from a Cook County jail cell. "My little Dustin is going to have an X-Box for Christmas this year. No one can take that away from him. Not even the police.

"Shopping isn't a hobby for me, it's a war. So I have to spend a little time behind bars. So what? I didn't punk out. I fought hard for my family, and I'm proud of that."

X-Box Dead

Today's incident of shopping violence comes on the heels of what experts are describing as the deadliest Black Friday weekend ever. All across the country people are dying at an increased pace. This year will drastically exceed last years death totals for this Holiday season.

“The figures we are looking at this Thanksgiving are incredible unnerving… and this data is just from Thursday night. We only use to have to worry about Friday," said FBI Specialist Harry Carry.

“We had six people trampled to death at the Best buy, four at the Bed Bath Beyond, and two fatal stabbings at Wal-Mart,” said Miami police spokesman Sgt. James Loftus.

Inside a local Target, the crazed shoppers had lost what was rest of their minds. “We came outside and the Quiznos was burnt to the ground by angry shoppers. I think the Target had ran out of some kind of toaster,” said a shopper who wished not to be named because she was supposed to be bailing out her boyfriend who had punched another shopper over a set of soup ladles.

A witness says an old lady beat a kid with her purse in order to get the last toothbrush holder.

“I don’t even have real teeth anymore and have no need for such an item but it was over 35 percent off. I might be old but I’m not dumb, of course I will take advantage of that deal,” says 88-year-old Margaret Robinson.

According to Wal-Mart, America’s largest retailer, the company admits that more than 5,000 shoppers will be killed at their stores this holiday season.

“We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said.

One shopper, Sami Zayn, described the day as "chaos" and went on to say, "Thanksgiving used to be about fighting with your family, not other shoppers."

  • Johnny Wilson


  • Rebecca Sessa

    Yeah people died….”hilarious”.

  • Bradley

    Ha she said she’s not afraid to spend a little time behind bars. Guess she does not no the penalty for killing someone. Hope she rots for the rest of her life. Killing someone over a Xbox, never got why people get so crazy during black Friday. I think black Friday should be banned to many violent incidents during it.

  • Lisa Dunlop Willaert

    Ghetto trash being ghetto trash..Enough said

  • Crystal Mabes

    You do realize this is satirical right?

  • buttjangles

    it’s satire you retards

  • JubieRules

    It’s called satire people. Look at the articles on the right side “Pope Benedict Comes Out as Gay”, “Government Opening Free Gas Stations in Poor Neighborhoods”, “NASA Finds Message From God on Mars”

  • Reina

    This is fake? Not funny at all…..

  • willfred100

    lighten up they make these stories to show us how stupid we can all be at times.

  • Andy

    Why, why do people just dont do there christmax shopping early like the rest of us i don’t know, its much better and less dangerous! you can still find bargains all over, you just need to look!

  • John Smith


  • Andy

    But that woman who killed in that Wal*Mart store over a silly X-Box Game sis term, she should be Given “The Electric stock chair” Death! with NO trial… End of story we don’t need people like that in this world.

  • Karen Oliver-Paull

    You all do realize this is satire and not factual, right?

  • egreenfi

    How could anyone possibly not get that this is satire and a very funny comment on our society?


    before I read the comments…”im like this has to be a joke”

  • ManintheStreet666

    Interesting troll fu

  • Cristy Rawks


  • Cristy Rawks

    WHOA! You do realize that is a horrible word don’t you? Use idiots but not that word please. Thank you. 😉

  • Lindsay Girard

    cancel Black Friday all together

  • Tackett

    The sad thing is its completely believable. The reason many are taking this as serious is because it could literally happen.

  • Guest

    Spend SOME time behind bars??? SOME???? Say bye bye to the light of day lady, your days are going to be spent in a prison cell….. Really hope it was worth it, your kid just lost their mother, THINK ABOUT YOUR CHILD!!! I’m sure he’d rather have his mother than some X-box… Now, he has possibly lost both

  • Pustulio

    Fake But True ….hehe

  • Ethan Surbaugh

    time to start burning these stores down.

  • Honestly

    To all who are shocked that people would actually believe this article was true, the reason is simple – people really ARE that depraved. Our culture really has become THAT awful. Horrible enough to make something like this believable. Reading this article, it sounded plenty believable… until the section about Walmart, 5000
    deaths in their stores, and their response to it lol.

  • Kevin Blankenship

    Yes no way did this happen and the further details are so giving it away! lol In defense of all who believed it though critical thinking these days takes a back seat to the common depravity of the entitlement mind!!

  • Abrasive

    WHOA Don’t you know that that is ALSO a horrible word? I would urge you to read this before telling someone else to refrain from using ableist language and replacing it with more ableism!

  • Delirious

    El Generico!

  • atlmanwhore

    They totally copied South Park who in turn probably copied someone else. Originality is dead.

  • Mr. Boston

    I agree. She should be hanged for this while being forced to watch somebody run her xbox over with a truck.

  • basicallybeyondbasic


  • Idiotard

    Both of you retards should shut your idiot mouths.

  • Cool Guy

    Do Americans really know how stupid they look to the rest of the world? What an embarrassment.

  • P

    I don’t believe this at all!!!

  • Rhonda

    This isn’t satire…it’s completely stupid and pointless…and totally not funny. Try harder.

  • Khadija Hicklin-Muhammad

    You guys DO get that this is a satire news site right? Meaning, it’s not real news? It’s parody? Comedy? Should I pull out the Power Point presentation or break out the sock puppets?

  • Jackie Tipton Figueroa

    well,I hate to say this because I love to shop for good deals to but maybe they should stop all black friday sales,and thanksgiving day sales

  • #bruce

    excuse me geniuses. have you not been paying attention to the goings on in this crazy a– country lately. every other week some nut shoots 12 or 13 people with an assault weapon. young lunatics run around sneaking 70 year old women. a guy kidnaps three young women and keeps them as his slaves for a decade. a woman gets 20 years for firing a warning shot into the ceiling of her home in an attempt to avoid another beating from her abusive spouse. so no i do not have a hard time thinking that some lawyer went berserk and killed three people at a walmart on black friday. it’s par for the course around here.

  • willie

    A persons life is not more valuable than a x-box.What is this world coming to?

  • Gary Long

    If you believe this you voted for Palin.
    No wait you voted for big bird in the last election and your house isn’t a house at all, but a mirage that heats and cools you..

  • xolindzxo

    This whole wide world has gone crazy…..its not going to get any better either….not just holidays….I like being a hermit when I can….

  • Judy Allen

    You suck for printing such garbage.

  • Judy Allen

    It is not funny at all.

  • Picky Wassah

    “fatally wounding them with a sharpened Phillips head screw driver.”
    In Chicago, we don’t need no Stinky guns. We kill with anything…
    can somebody send a nice link to Moms against guns!
    I hope that can see the NRA is about guns not Screw Drivers….

  • High_Tech

    Because the way this society is devolving, a story like this is quite likely to be true some day.

  • Brooke Shapiro

    Because 2 people were killed at a Kohls. It’s happening. That’s why it isn’t funny.

  • getasenseofhumor!

    hey dumb@$$, it’s satire, not real!

  • Shoshone Spirit

    I wonder if this is what it was like when the Pilgrims massacred all the natives and got their land for free from the Gov’t…I guess history will repeat itself.

  • divamobile

    I feel bad for little Dustin that he has such a horrible mother. I honestly hope that he hasn’t been exposed to that line of thinking and attitude for too long. Four lives were taken (the baby) for that X-box. Please let him be given to a good family.

  • Jtl
  • Hannah Maitland

    He’s gonna have an xbox but not a mother. What are you teaching your children with this attitude? We spend the day before being thankful for all we have and the next day you destroy a family over this? Have we really come to the point in society where people’s lives are worth nothing more than an xbox? This is heartbreaking. My thoughts and prayers go out to the family who were devastated by such greed and gluttony. This is not what the season is supposed to be about.

  • Jtl
  • Hannah Maitland

    You say people’s critical thinking is taking a backseat for thinking this might be real?

    these are real stories. That’s why this one is believable. Big words don’t make ya smart kitten. They just make you sound like a pompous douche.

  • Fez

    They need to learn that their use of “suppose” is correctly used as “supposed”

  • Shannah Doane Russell

    It’s plain stupid and UGLY!

  • Chris

    wouldn’t the Xbox be evidence and taken away? This women has NO remorse, that is unreal her “little” time behind bars needs to be changed to a “Long” time. There are three families devastated over stupid Xbox.. and this woman is holding her head up high. Ok, no more trips to the USA for me.

  • DaveakaLambsev

    Thank God!

  • Seriously?

    You really think all of those other things actually happened or that she really stabbed three people and that was her quote? This is a satire “news” site. It isn’t real.

  • DaveakaLambsev

    and this one gets the most likes!

  • Come on now

    Not a real story or a real news website. Satire.

  • Bruce is a moron

    You’re a moron then.

  • Cool Guy Not Bright Guy

    No more stupid than a foreigner believing this story was real.

  • Hannah Mondumba

    Those stories don’t come close to comparing to taking out three people with a screwdriver and not being stopped by anybody else.

  • jerm

    And punctuation takes a back seat to postulation.

  • omegaman22

    Retards, your bus is waiting.

  • dumbassbelievers

    you do know this is fake, right? its funny how little research anyone does before believing the first story they see, probably on facebook too..

  • omegaman22

    Wow! GOOD JOB! Twit.

  • Roots

    It’s morbid that his death could have been cause by someone else’s carelessness….

  • melody drosos

    I do believe that the black Friday shopping sprees should be stopped completely. There is no sense in people acting like a bunch of idiots, retards, what ever you want to call it over trying to save a little money on things. Stores should keep the normal store hours and just mark things down a little at a time from Thanksgiving to Christmas so everyone can shop without all that retarded activity from idiots.

  • Ron Schaber

    The Onion’s fake story was better, citing 42 million dead.

  • Ron Schaber

    I think you’re going to have to pull out the jumbo crayons and safety scissors for some of these morons.

  • DailyCurrant

    Yeah that made a lot of sense….

  • Phil

    I just feel that it should go back to Friday. Don’t take these people away from their family’s. Some people only have two holidays to share with they family’s and greed is taking that. They say money is the root of all evil and it is showing.

  • Ron Schaber

    Their absurdity is what made it funny. They didn’t generate as many butthurt comments. Your story is too believable. Something like this COULD actually happen. Especially in Chicago.

  • Mike Hawley

    I think the areas in which these insane acts of violence occur .. says it all .. but ppl are afraid to speak the obvious.

  • Edwin Alexander

    if they were all killed, why are there natives among us today? Outcome based education…

  • Edwin Alexander

    babble on..heh heh

  • Jim

    I type with my mouth.

  • Justin S Shields

    No I think he was saying that critical thinking of the SHOPPER takes a back seat, because a lot of people who do this are desperate for the deals of Black Friday because they live on entitlements. So many people lose critical thinking during Black Friday and do stuff pretty much like this.

  • Justin S Shields

    Wasn’t really satire done right. I do satire. It’s supposed to be humorous. The thing is, given past incidents with Black Friday and the general decline in quality of society as a whole, this article is completely believable.

  • Justin S Shields

    It’s not too hard to believe, considering the general decline in the quality of society and given that many Black Fridays in the past have involved people being killed.

  • Justin S Shields

    I do satire myself, and some of the other articles look funny, but I don’t see how this is funny. Even if it weren’t about murder and about events that do actually happen on Black Friday (people HAVE been killed before), it’s still not funny. I mean, I get it. I”m not laughing. But I get it.

  • Chef Luciano

    I don’t go out and shop during holidays to any of the big box stores.

  • Melody

    This story sounds completely fake

  • bohica2

    The Corporations are to blame, they just want to sell and don’t care how many die .Can’t Chuck Schumer and Hillary Pass a Law to make us all “Feel Safe” ?
    After all …”Think of the Children” . There should be Limit on how many “Sales” you could attend ..maybe we need a national ID and register all buyers before they can participate in a Black Friday Sale.
    (change a few words and this parody would sound like a NYT anti-gun article)
    Paranoia sucks huh ? 🙂

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Let it go.

  • Nolans Handyman-Plus

    I bet you get a lot of women with that talent Jim

  • Walt

    If she did this to complete strangers, image what she would do it she really hated you.

  • Walt

    I hope she repents, and puts her trust in Jesus Christ. I having helped to abort a baby (murder) am no different than here, except that I have been forgiven by Jesus Christ, though I deserved it not!!

  • gilesgal

    You do know this is a fake news site that makes fun of the local news

  • gilesgal

    Goes to show you how gullabe people are

  • gilesgal

    Relax, this is all fake….

  • jaxon

    well merry fing xmas!

  • ugh

    Ugh. They got me! I posted it before I read it on FB!!

  • JTRoberts


  • Zarathustra

    1 lyke = 1 prayer for person stabbed.

  • Just me

    Well I guess stores should only to black Friday’s online only. If people cant except the fact that others have as much right to a item as they do and be grown up about it, then they just shouldnt be allowed to enter the stores for the sales. 1st person to get the item should be the one to get it, no questions asked, thats the only right. Let the stores do it all online, that way people can get the items without even getting out of their homes.

  • Just me

    Maybe. Maybe not. Walmart would actually know how many deaths happens in their stores a year

  • Just me

    The law should go and get that XBOX and break it in front of the family’s who have lost loved ones

  • Questioable!!

    Everyone should really question the legitimacy of this site before jumping to conclusion and becoming outrage. If you think this is factual journalism just because you saw your friend shared it on Facebook, you may as well get all your news from the supermarket tabloids. Just saying if this was actually true why is this the only news site that is cover a triple homicide do to black Friday?

  • ray

    LMAO im like this is terrible until I saw the walmart spokesperson comment

  • For real??

    Everyone should really question the legitimacy of this site before jumping to conclusion and becoming outrage. If you think this is factual journalism just because you saw your friend shared it on Facebook, you may as well get all your news from the supermarket tabloids. Just saying if this was actually true why is this the only news site that is cover a triple homicide due to black Friday?

  • Walt

    No I did not thank you for letting me know.

  • Redneck Packrat

    How about retarded idiots? Is that redundant or a magnification of the idiocy displayed by a person?

  • Redneck Packrat

    Omega, that presents a paradox. They’ll need a really LONG bus to fit in all the short-busers on this comment section!

  • Redneck Packrat

    PEOPLE! Please, PLEASE, straighten out your hockey helmet and place your drool cup where you don’t knock it into your keyboard before you respond to this story with your butthurt comments! Nobody needs to get hurt in the compilation of these comments. They’re actually as funny as the story!

  • mary


  • Jammila Ward

    This woman is not smart in her comments. Saying that her son is well worth it, well what she doesn’t realize – is that her son will not have a mother for a long time! Because in Texas – if you kill a child i.e pregnant woman – you are going away for a long time!

  • DailyCurrant

    Exaggerating to the point of silliness is not funny.

  • Frontal Lobe

    I wish people would go to the “about” page on these websites instead of instantly sharing. Research is still a handy skill to have from school. However, since people seem to be too lazy to do a basic check, I’ll do the favor.
    The Daily Currant is an English language online satirical newspaper
    that covers global politics, business, technology, entertainment,
    science, health and media. It is accessible from over 190 countries
    worldwide – now including South Sudan.

    Our mission is to ridicule the timid ignorance which obstructs our progress, and promote intelligence – which presses forward.

    Q. Are your news stories real?

    A. No. Our stories are purely fictional. However they are meant to
    address real-world issues through satire and often refer and link to
    real events happening in the world

  • mitchek

    lock this bitch up and throw away the key

  • Ruth Sager


  • Em

    Error 404: fucks given not found.

  • kim Jones

    I wish I knew this woman I would have bought her one on ebay or craigslist and she could spend the rest of her life with her children.

  • kim Jones

    I don’t do Black Friday because the people who are rude and selfish bring out the devil in me. So, I stay home like an angle.

  • kim Jones

    A few days??????????? This woman needs life sentence obvioulsy she is twisted and don’t need to be around children especially to raise them.

  • Pompadorkus

    honestly, it’s totally possible that it wouldn’t be.

  • Leo McKenzie

    I’m sure “little Dustin” needs an Xbox more then a Mother who will now spend life in prison……..

  • Philip Janovick

    This is sooooo untrue……….. ????? 😉 But it did sound good…….. Why hasn’t it been on all the National news channels………. ??????

  • Philip Janovick

    I Yam We Todd Did…………….. 😉

  • Sheryl Hunter

    because two people died at Kohl’s and shoppers at a Wal-mart knocked down barricades and trampled a worker to death.

    I wish this was just some amusing satire, but it is happening.

  • Guest

    sounds premeditated to me

  • Jason Andersen

    Satire does not have to be funny.

  • DangIt Bobby

    I like chocolate milk!

  • “‘Of course I’d do it all over again,’ the University of Chicago educated lawyer proclaims from a Cook County jail cell, ‘My little Dustin is going to have an X-Box for Christmas this year. No one can take that away from him. Not even the police.”

    “‘Shopping isn’t a hobby for me, it’s a war. So I have to spend a little time behind bars. So what? I didn’t punk out. I fought hard for my family, and I’m proud of that.'”

    You mean to tell me that kind of attitude, expressed in such wording, came from an attorney? How do I know this article isn’t fabricated?

  • Paula Larson

    Nope, it’s not. It really happened.

  • sunshine

    This World Is Sick.

  • camarla

    Don’t ya think this incident would be on national news if it were real? This is not a real incident, but this is where we are heading unfortunately.

  • RayParsons

    Only in America

  • Wow.

    This isn’t real. You’re pretty much a moron if you read this entire article and believed it to be real. I hate American culture as much as anyone, but I won’t get all worked up over this and share it with my friends because it’s so obviously fake… Need I explain why?

  • Jason Andersen

    No one died at Kohls. Post some sources if you think otherwise.

  • Jason Andersen


  • Catherine White

    I am grateful for articles like this….. it is teaccing me to easily discern the truth from the BS you see on the internet

  • Jason Andersen

    If this was real, the police would confiscate the xbox as part of the case.

  • UneedaBiscuit

    You’d think a peek at the Trending stories would be a good tip off, but considering the number of people who take Onion stories seriously, I guess there’s little hope.

  • Virginia Murphy

    Imagine if this is how people are acting now for deals what if society ends?

  • Rebekah Gilmer

    I do not believe this story. No one in their right mind would say the things that woman supposedly said about killing 3 people. The writer is a hack and this is a hoax.

  • Where’s the attribution to this story? I see NO ATTRIBUTION and can find no credible news report this actually happened.

  • Funny

    It had me till the interview with the lady. I just figured, “Chicago? Yea, that sounds about right.”

  • Big Jim

    The last 2 paragraphs give it away that its a fake story.

  • josh

    wouldn’t it be four people dead if one of the victims was pregnant?

  • Keith F

    does this really happen in our society today. How sad that we have turned into this kind of society. This kind of behavior is unacceptable hope they have no xbox at he prison.

  • goddessDiana2you

    1. This site is known for spoofs pertaining to popular current events.
    2. There are too many discrenfrencies for this to be valid.
    a. A Uof Chicago educated Lawyer in Cook County Walmart
    b. Carries a “Sharpened flat head Philips screwdriver” Ok. those are 2 different types of scredrivers. And why would an Attorney carry around a prison style prison fashioned style weapon?
    c. She is sitting in a Cook County Jail. Ummm nooo. She is a wealthy Attorney. Her Parnters and Associates will get her out.
    d. She openly confesses to Reporters and the media. Ahhh an ATTORNEY?? LOL YEAH RIGHT!! If anyone knows the 5th Amendment, it is an Attorney.
    e. The FBI is involved. The FBI does not get involved in local matters and the critera for the FBI to be involved in a murder case is extremely specific. this case falls under local jusridisction
    This site sucks at tall Tales

  • Donny

    This is obviously a fraud or satire. You would have to be from another planet to believe this story. But it is funny!

  • bingi

    let me guess, the murderer must have been black woman.

  • bkay82

    stayed home and always will .. not worth socializing with criminally insane for any product

  • josh

    this story is bullshit just like every other story listed on this page, these reporters must work for the obama administration. Constantly lying about everything, even if it is stupid

  • sara

    people have gone crazy all of the people that go out to store on black friday need to be put in a mental hospital cause they are crazy if u r going to buy something go online they have the same deals online like they do in the stores and it is more safer and u wont die buying online

  • josh

    The FBI specialist Harry Carry lol

  • josh

    there was a shooting. lesson learned is shop online or pack heat wherever you go. If you don’t your just asking to be a victim.

  • Jamalc

    yep. obama invented satire.

  • josh

    You ever wonder why there has never been a shooting spree or armed robbery at a walmart? That’s because a lot of rednecks shop there, myself included, and a lot of them pack heat, it would be an instant death sentence to anyone who attempted it.

  • BulletsNotWords

    Obviously this story is a hoax, but in general there’s a definite trend throughout American society. I increasingly view other people, not as human, but as expendable combatants in the way of my goals. I could certainly do without the vast majority of trash clogging our country.

  • Juergen

    I don’t believe this story. One can search the Chicago Tribune, the Sun Times and NW Indiana Times and there’s no mention of the event.
    By all means, prove me wrong, but I couldn’t find any corroborating stories.

  • Dan

    Probably because it is satire

  • truth doc


  • Debbie VanNorstrand Swanson

    And this is why I believe Black Friday should be banned for what it is… a black day in history for people who are willing to maim and kill for a sale that is not unheard of. Many sales go on these items throughout the year, and yet people think this is the only time to wrestle for what they deem as spectacular. Let me tell you what is spectacular – a life. These people disregard life just to spend the almighty buck! We need to end Black Friday shopping and close stores on Thanksgiving. Let’s get back to our roots and do the right thing.

  • Jamalc

    My fellow wrestling fans will appreciate the last two paragraphs of this story.

  • Jamalc

    Satire isn’t always meant to be funny.

  • Jamalc

    Yo, DailyCurrant, thanks for your articles.The reason why I like yours over the Onion is the fact that you can ALMOST believe them. You guys have actually tricked me once or twice. I love it. =)

    Special props for the Wrestling references, too!

  • Jamalc

    HO-LY COW!

  • Pete

    You might read their About page, this is all satire and no real news. It is however satire on recent news and events.

  • Voice of Reason

    shoulda just went on ebay..

  • Roz4real

    You spent a lot of time analyzing this story.

  • J.d. Baird

    The problem with fake stories like this is people are gullible enough to believe them. I had to correct this story on facebook a few minutes ago. People suspend common sense and post the most outrageous stories before verifying their authenticity.

  • Jordan Bolduc

    Maybe you should wonder why people do think it’s legit , and its not because they are stupid …. It’s because this really doesn’t sound far fetched coming from The US

  • Mike G

    My first inclination, before reading the article, was to check out the source…..”The Daily Currant” ,,,they didn’t even spell “Current” right lol. Oh well, it was funny satire 🙂

  • Ryan S

    It’s freakin satire people. Not real. A joke. If you couldn’t figure that out after the last three paragraphs there is no hope for you.

  • Ron Schaber

    Tell it to Monty Python

  • Tammy Sides

    Harry Carry is the fbi agent??????????? sounds like harry scary to me.

  • Mike G


    The Daily Currant is an English language online satirical newspaper that covers global politics, business, technology, entertainment, science, health and media. It is accessible from over 190 countries worldwide – now including South Sudan.

    Our mission is to ridicule the timid ignorance which obstructs our progress, and promote intelligence – which presses forward.

  • Doug Hauser

    Here we are…the National Enquirer of journalism site. More garbage then a landfill, all yours for the taking.

  • goddessDiana2you

    took me about 15 seconds. it is called “Common Sense”.
    I am a Professional Writer and Reseacher. Analyzing text for validity is what I do for a living. If more people learned to use their brains and not believe everything that was spoon-fed to them, things would be far different.

  • troym40

    And now she’ll just be in prison forever, great.

  • Sherena Alwayzkeepitonehundred

    shopping is war lol well let me strap up when i get my goceries…too funny

  • disqus_Tj7YVrsGSF

    lmao! Hilarious. And if you don’t understand this is satire you are an idiot. “more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive” lol

  • Amanda Shroads

    Well great, congrats, Mom of the Year. Your kid will have an X-box and now he won’t have a mother. Which in this case, might be a blessing.

  • Ben


  • Linda

    I’m just curious if the so called savings are worth a persons life? I had rather pay full price than to risk someone getting hurt or killed.

  • fred

    We need to out law phillips screw drivers immediately !!!

  • Ben Love

    for a damn video game? you have got to be kidding me!

  • simpleman39

    this woman which claims to be an attorney is going to do time now for killing 3 people over a stupid x box & she’s unrepentant & proud of it. I wonder if she’s proud now that she’s doing time for a stupid game, when all she had to do was go to another store. what is this world & society coming to?

  • E

    “I don’t even have real teeth anymore and have no need for such an item but it was over 35% off.”

  • Darcy

    Pure fiction. Check out their own “about” page if you want proof. Really people, do you believe everything you read without looking into it?

  • Robert R. Jackson

    Lol this isnt real. Ironic that I couldnt tell until the last paragraph where they got two comments from “Charlie Haas” and “Sami Zayn”. <——those are the names of two WWE Pro wrestlers BAHAHAHAHA

  • Lisa Prescott

    I know it’s a parody but it really isn’t that far off the mark.

  • Rose Gonzales

    this is crazy, they should make it illegal. Black Friday is nonsense, people get crazy. They should just keep cyber Monday, its much safer and no one gets hurt.

  • Barbara J Power

    “…we see this as a positive.” He’s talking about 5000 people dying in Walmarts around the country in one 4 day week-end. Talk about cold hearted. It’s time to stop the fantastic sales all in day or two. These stores could change Black Friday shopping by offering the sale prices over a month–say till Christmas.

  • Ash
  • Grosko

    That woman deserves the death penalty. She 0 remorse for what she’s done.

  • Ian Kelly

    America has become a materialist society. Very sad for these women’s family’s at Christmas. This woman was a shockingly horrible person to do such a thing. What on earth has gotten in to people.

  • Doug Whitten

    Just to let you know, I wouldn’t put it past someone. Talked a a lady at Best Buy in Portsmouth, NH and she said they had to break up a fight over a Best Buy card even though they had told the 2 men there was more out back. Black Friday needs to be canceled people can’t go shopping without turning into animials

  • Alex Richmond

    At first it looked real, but the further down you go it starts to show its not real, not that i put it past people during black Friday to go insane.

  • Patrick This ABC video mentions a Kohls shooting incident at 1:19. It said there were multiple injuries, it did not say anyone died.

  • Astro

    Doesn’t matter…if someone’s opinion is shaped by a satirical article they took seriously, they’ve adjusted their worldview based on something that didn’t happen. Just because it *does* happen is beside the point. If someone thinks these things happen more often than they really do, their world view will be skewed by bad data.

  • Lesly

    anything posted by the daily currant is with tongue in cheek!

  • DeWayne Durrett

    I laugh at anyone who refers to Snopes as the gospel.

  • Kathy Campbell

    I hate to burst that little bubble you live in but it does happen every black friday! so maybe instead of hiding in your house get out more!! and stop thinking you know more then any one else!

  • Liz

    This is why I don’t go to stores to shop. Online all the way

  • Janna

    I’m from earth and I totally believed it. All of it!

  • Dave

    What is so funny about it?

  • Keith Jalbert

    Wow what a fuckin idiot

  • Rep

    If you think Philly got a bad rep look at Chicago.

  • Rep

    Time to ban all knives as well as guns!

  • theclarinetist

    Compared to what usually happens, it’s exceedingly far-fetched. Discounting Car Crashes, the last Black Friday related death happened in 2011, with 3 deaths before that in 2008.. It seems the issue is media bias/sensationalism more than anything.

  • DMT_Open_Your_Mind
  • Havins

    Props for the Sami Zayn reference at the end of the article.


  • Diana Price

    If you’re going to do a parody site, the stories have to be so crazy no one can believe it, whereas this is totally believable. Gotta amp it up a bit, guys.

  • wmglowworm

    I am a associate at Walmart and people do go crazy on Black Friday. It will get worse before the authority step in. You safest move is to shop on the Internet.

  • Chris

    To all who believe this article is true – you’re stupid. Wouldn’t we have heard about this on an actual news site, like CNN or MSN?

  • zedthewizard

    well, the 5000 dead wasn’t the giveaway; it was the callous comment that more kids will be killed making that crap.

  • thuglove68


  • Elkethus Degrace Lauzon

    this is obieusly fake

  • kono

    lol @ cnn and msn “actual news site”

  • David Sims

    Spoof. Ain’t no 5000 people getting killed in Walmart over the weekend. I might have believed fifty, but the writer had to go over the top. Now I have to add the Daily Currant to the Onion and the National Report as a website not to be taken seriously.

  • DailyCurrant

    5,000 dead isn’t enough exaggeration?

  • Mare Luisa Denis

    funny that you believed it!

  • Mare Luisa Denis

    it takes 5 seconds to verify it.

  • Voice of reason

    Guys. This website does satire. It’s not a secret.

  • swag

    swag on


    “Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive.” — Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass

    Ten or twenty years ago, I would never think such thoughts as my two points below, much less expressing them publicly but times have changed.

    1. For the sensible and those who attempt to teach right from wrong, boycott. Do not buy from Walmart. In fact, do not buy at all, except perhaps for small children. In terms of gift-giving, give of yourself. It’s not “cheap” at all to genuinely and selflessly give of your time, your energy, your compassion to those you love and even those you do not know. For Christians to celebrate the birth of Christ, let me remind you simply: What would Jesus do?

    2. For those who wish to continue to gorge on rampant consumerism at the risk of sanity and common sense and decency, I say, “Go ahead. Have at it. In fact, enjoy yourselves at Walmart. They’ll take your cash.” The more of you who fight to the death and kill each other over material possession, the less of you there will be.

  • Mare Luisa Denis

    and NEVER shop at walmart again! where one spends their $ is a political statement! Do YOU support such a crappy store?

  • Janice White

    REALLY!? Wal-Mart’s spokesman said this:

    “We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said.

    … the company admits that more than 5,000 shoppers will be killed at their stores this holiday season.

  • Mare Luisa Denis

    yea, get out on black friday and risk your life to be a consumer…totally worth it for an american pig!


    Yes, I understand the original article is a joke. What’s not a joke is how close to truth something like that could be. Hence, my two points about consumerism, especially in America.


    “One shopper, Sami Zayn, described the day as “chaos”…” Am I the only person here who recognizes the name Sami Zayn? ¡OLÉ!

  • yupyupyup

    Or just look at the name of Currant instead of Courant? Never mind, that would require thought on their part.

  • Mare Luisa Denis

    seriously, CNN? HA! iread bathroom walls before most ‘actual newsites” and get more honesty

  • Janice White

    NEVER. EVER. AGAIN will I step inside a Wal-Mart.

  • Mare Luisa Denis

    there is no god.

  • sgmur

    As opposed to what, Fox Entertainment (Only an imbecile would call it “news”)?

  • Mare Luisa Denis

    no, it’s because they’re stupid and never bothered to learn how to think critically. they’re sheep.

  • sgmur

    The whole concept of satire is a tad bit over your head, huh?

  • Mare Luisa Denis

    you are so cool that you ‘pack heat”! america at it’s finest!

  • Mare Luisa Denis


  • RhettButler1

    Animals, savages. What else can you say? The age of entitlement is here. And the war chant is “I want mine now” with no thought of anything else. We don’t even shop until at least a week after Thanksgiving. By that time, the idiots have spent all their welfare money.

  • DisgustedWithYourSite

    This is s sick and twisted page to post such things. You’re just as sick as the ones who do such things. There is enough sick and twisted things that do happen. We don’t need “fictional” posted as if it actually happened. You should be disgusted with yourself! This is my only post to your site and will ignore any replies. You’re not worth any more of my time.

  • Raul

    Not sure if legit or satire. :/ I really don’t think a Wallmart spokesmen would reply in such a cold insensible manner. I’m gonna take this as a satire, a well put one at that.

  • frita laisy

    this article is garbage and fake!

  • osirus

    noooo because they are government ran, and they dont report real news, they are owned by that corporate i illuminati, they only tell you what they want you to know, there are other news sites that report this same thing and it is true, wal-mart runs them!!!! wake up!!!! dont be a sheeple!!!

  • That guy

    White Or Black???

  • Val

    This is really disgusting that people feel a need to beat and kill each other over material things. A woman beating a kid with her purse for a toothbrush holder and she doesn’t even have teeth? I refuse to participate in Black Friday because it brings out the worst in people.

  • Lionel Slice Jolly

    somewhere in the middle I kind of figured out it was fake. Still funny though, funny cause it’s fake and they totally make the first chick sound like she’s black and ignorant.

  • james

    a real douche bag

  • Sure Yvette Wood

    Seems like the bud kicked in…

  • NO

    WOW Charlie Hass…. Thanks for giving me a reason to STOP shopping at Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart may want to invest in hiring a new spokesperson!!!

  • No

    “We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said.

  • TehFork

    its an exaggeration of the truth basically

  • Jack

    This has got to be true. Its on Facebook.

  • Billie Jo Mullins

    A little bit of time behind bars? How about the rest of your miserable life moron!

  • lol

    Because you’re a gullible idiot

  • Really??

    PSYCHO MUCH???? It’s aweful how we as a society have become so materialistic that we would be willing to kill just for more useless junk that fills our hearts with greed. I am trying to teach my own child that christmas isnt about whats under the tree but who is with you around it.

  • youradouche

    fuck you.

  • Tear

    Terrible writing, not funny, not worth reading.

  • kono

    why does it automatically have to be fox news? as if it was the only other outlet for information? you people are funny

  • tgunn

    This has got to be the worst fake article I ever read !

  • pfehrman

    Legalizing gay marriage, unrepentant shopping murders, baby murders, government excessive control appearing to get ready for sharia law, millions of muslims preparing to kill just about everyone including each other…on and on and on…our world is in big trouble; doesn’t anyone else see this?

  • patty

    so sad really thats why we dont have nice things fun things and thats why im scared to walk out my door because of people like you u . wow u deserve to stay were your at its just not about u and your kids you r a childess iqnorent person but see it didnt get you no where cause you can even be with your son thats what a greedy bithch will get you ash

  • Chuck

    I believe it simply because it said it happened in Chicago. I’ve seen a girl nearly beat to death there for owing someone a dollar. I’ve seen someone get shot there for a lighter.Pride runs rampant there. Add Black Friday sales to it…. it’s really possible.

  • mamadodge6
  • James

    Black Friday Sales should be stopped altogether and Stores should be held responsible for Deaths and Injuries.

  • MekNes

    It comical that people do not realize this is a satire article from a website that post satire news. It’s not real. It amazing how people blindly follow what they read without even doing simple of searches to see that it false. No wonder propaganda is so easily believed like most articles about Russia.

  • desselle0010

    WOW we need to ban those assault screwdrivers or ban black Friday.

  • Poopie Pants

    It’s kind of difficult to tell that this was meant to be a satire, because it’s not funny.

  • Guest

    Fn animals

  • Guest

    Black friday is for black on black crime really.

  • DagneyTaggart

    People are posting the Walmart killing as real on Facebook. These articles are very damaging and cause chaos. You guys should be arrested for posting such awful things and calling it satire!! If you are going to post lies and create mayhem on social networks, please post in very
    Large letters that this FAKE. To laugh at such heinous stuff is beyond barbaric. You are worse than the people you write about.

  • Ry_the_Stunner

    I’m laughing. Not at the article, but at you for believing that was actually a true quote.

  • heyhey!!

    allot of people get killed by getting trampled and my brother was there that day.. 1st in line then they move the shelf everything is on and the last people ended being first and the first in line where last.. it ended up being a choking competition they were all choking each other to get to the Xbox one.. but the Xbox 1 sucks.. you can’t buy games in stores you have to upload all of them. you have to have internet on your t.v. and you can not share games or play your game at the level you were at if you go to a friends… the dumbest thing ever but since their kids want it they will choke people .. trample and kill people.. fight.. and yes even stab.. so this is a sad story and to those who think it is funny I hope you find out you know the people that died .. i don’t think you will think it is funny after that..

  • Black Friday sales and fatalities.

    You can’t have one without the other. Which is why had I went (which I never do), I wouldn’t go unarmed. I’ve got one way to deal with a stampede of Wal-Hippo’s.

  • heyhey!!

    i agree.. thank you God for having at least one smart person here!!!!

  • Barry52

    It actually wasn’t the headline I found unbelievable, it was the so called “statement” from the woman. The part about not “punking out” and she would do it all over again. That is when things started smelling. lol

  • Christian Pilosi

    This satirical article is in extremely poor taste because a Walmart employee actually was trampled to death at a Long Island store on Friday.

  • Sam

    Neither was A Modest Proposal but he obviously didn’t want people eating babies!

  • Shauna

    this story isn’t true, why the fk don’t anyone look to see if the GD information is correct before commenting or posting, not everything you read is truth

  • kadiboo

    they had me until tht part too, I’m like, how callous can one be? They talking abt 5,000 deaths like its nothing. smh! all for likes

  • Greg Richey

    It is pretty sad that you can not tell the difference from satire and the real news.

  • Noman Ansari

    This is satire. Check out their other articles people!

  • indy47906

    that there is no god doesn’t matter. the problem is that people believe there is with no proof.

  • indy47906

    not a “funny comment”—a SAD comment

  • kadiboo

    none of these words are acceptable..js

  • nevada

    Satire is not supposed to be funny. It’s supposed to shock you and draw your attention to a condition in society or the world by pointing out the absurdism in the reality contained within the satirical piece. You may laugh at satire, but the laughter is a painful laugh, because the condition is true and the problem is real. Maybe she didn’t stab someone for an XBox, but there was a stabbing over a parking spot in a Walmart parking lot. An article like this is supposed to have you say WTF is wrong with people. Not omg that’s sooo funny. And no, SNL is not satire.

  • kadiboo

    dwl.. some of these comments have me Ctfu.. lol

  • Allen Bercowetz

    it may be satire but; the fruit NEVER falls far from the tree.

  • Marie Miller

    you are the gullible idiot for not learning that if you have nothing nice to say to say nothing. unless you shop at every walmart in the usa which i’m sure you don’t then you don’t know if this is real. for all you know it could be and you are the idiot.

  • anon

    Damn this mare luisa bitch is mad. Look at all her comments. Seriously get off the computer before you hurt yourself. No agenda by anyone will fuck my life up that seriously. You let them win basically by being so effected by them. I’m not going to go into it more than that, because it’s purely opinion based.

  • Harlowrose

    It’s not that far from the truth…

  • Dan

    Exactly, since when is all satire funny? It’s supposed to be thought-provoking, not laugh-inducing.

  • Patrick Longworth

    I saw the article being discussed at facebook and from the limited details, despite how violent a society the US has become, I figured it would be a satire item…of course this so-called “satire” website makes it “its business” to run stories that are false (essentially lies). I realize some people may think it is great that shots are being taken at the corporate elite and corporations through this cowardly article but really when a lie causes undue concern, if not panic, then there is an issue of perhaps a criminal offence having taken place.

    Personally, I think this site owes a lot of people an apology regardless of their “harmless” intentions.

  • spookym

    Can I get a rain check?

  • Understanding humor

    Did anyone read the headlines on the side articles? Pope Benedict comes out as gay? NASA Finds Message from God on Mars? This is satire. Come on folks.

  • Patrick Longworth

    As opposed to a “crappy” corporation like Coca Cola? Or your store of choice, perhaps? There are things at Walmart that aren’t good, that need to be changed, however a full boycott of Walmart really only hurts the staff who work there, not the corporate leaders who likely don’t even notice that you’re angry at them…

  • Patrick Longworth

    The site is failing its mission then as it is actually promoting further ignorance not intelligence.

  • George

    snopes satire/xbox

    It’s fake, guys.

  • Arkain

    I could not stop laughing.

  • Patrick Longworth

    Yes, just grow up.

  • Patrick Longworth

    Grow up too.

  • Patrick Longworth

    Talk about a generalization, if not a racist comment.

  • Stop the world! I want to get off!

  • Patrick Longworth

    Are you that much more intelligent just because you happen to be aware that the article was a lie, a falsehood? I wonder. Certainly you don’t seem to have compassion for those who have been “fooled” by the lies on this website.

  • Fred
  • Patrick Longworth

    Someone is smart only because you agree with them? Doesn’t sound like very intelligent analysis on your part.

  • Fred
  • Patrick Longworth

    Grow up and try not to insult people who are not as “insightful” as you are or believe yourself to be….

  • stop the world i wanna get off

  • Patrick Longworth

    It’s not an exaggeration, it is a lie.

  • Befree0214

    if you couldn’t tell this was satire, you should hold your breath til you pass out.

  • Leende

    People who act like that are not well to begin with.

  • LOL

    SAME! i believed it until i read walmarts response and I was like….maybe not.

  • b
  • Wake Up Wake Up

    Those of you calling this fake I don’t know if this is real but, America has 4,156 Wal-Marts. So all you need is 1-2 deaths per each Wal-Mart to equal 5,000 deaths (1.2 deaths to be exact). It is very possible and not so hard to believe, especially during the holiday season because you not only have natural death and the typical violent death but crazed shopper violence caused death.

  • Wake Up Wake Up

    Oh, here’s the site I used to find the number of Wal-Marts in USA

  • Betty Sanchez

    The xbox shopper , I hope she gets life, so let’s see what a little while in jail is. U BITCH, kill 3 people over a game. Rot in jail.

  • Jamalc

    Dude. The names that were used in this story are from professional wrestling.

  • Jamalc

    Charlie Haas is a professional wrestler.

  • Rachael Laurence

    How could we not believe a story like this when people get online to fight with one another? Just because someone has a different belief than yourself is no reason to call the other one out of their name; want to make situations like this better … teach the children not to be bullies like you often are. I’ve seen people get killed over a slice of bread and it is entirely possible this did happen. If you feel the other person is wrong, either ignore it or politely correct them, being a little nice goes a very long way. I wish I could see people on post in the future being civil with one another, hmmm I wonder if Christmas wishes actually work.

  • Phil

    There are other people reporting this story as well if you check google. Not just this one.

  • john


  • nolan bautista

    Is this The Onion?

  • beenthere

    Know one can be that twisted for a toy!!!1

  • sarah

    You seem to have missed the fact that this is a joke website….

  • Sheryl

    When there are school shootings, the government is up in arms about taking away our guns. However, I do not see them weighing in on this ridiculous behavior. #1, the stores should NOT be allowed to be open on Thanksgiving Day. #2 No store should open before or after regular operating hours. #3 Holiday Sales should only be available on-line. That way, no one can physically hurt another person!! Let’s all put Christ back in Christmas!! Killing one another over toys, is not what the holiday is about!!

  • Chris Evans

    Yeah.. With a name like Harry Carry (Harikari / Seppuku, anyone?) I mean, honestly. 😛

  • sarah

    I am personally much more concerned that more people are not more aware of what it is that they are reading. How do you get the end of the article and still not catch on that it’s satire…??

  • dannyboy

    i beleived it because at a walmart iw as at near philly 5 people where killed shot to death out side the store for the tv`s they had.

  • Samantha


  • Guest

    “So I have to spend a little time behind bars. So what?” 30 plus years for a first degree triple is a little time? She needs a great lawyer and a truck load of cash if she hopes to have the charges reduced to second degree or she will never see the light of day again.

  • Me

    You’re fighting with somebody over the internet. You lose.

  • me

    Us americans are not a race, and it was a pretty fair generalization.

  • Jamalc

    I thought they were referencing the awesome baseball announcer

  • Max Blood

    she must be black

  • LawStudentMaryland

    this is real it was discussed in my criminal justice class a similar case happen over here. R.i.p Paul Walker Fast and the Furious(Brian O,connor)

  • Bricks

    A wildly intelligent “grown up” like yourself should be able to think of some clever comebacks, don’t you think? Your mediocracy is pathetic.

  • angel torres

    is this a bad joke ?

  • Guest

    I am ashamed of what my nation has become. What a joke. What a sick, disgusting joke this nation of idiots is. Truly pathetic.

  • quiche

    What about Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal”?

  • Sara

    I find this absolutely hilarious that everyone is arguing over different peoples’ opinions XD

  • Carey Peak

    I think MSNBC broke this story!

  • Guest

    Her child has a X-Box, but no mother! She’s a complete fool!

  • Valerie Bush

    Her child has a X-Box, but no mother. She’s a complete fool!

  • ZombieSnail

    It’s kinda sad how many people believed that. What’s even sadder is, it wouldn’t surprise me if it were true. But it’s not. I mean you really think that would be Walmart’s reply to the death of 5,000 people? Also, if there were a triple homicide due to an X-box, I doubt this would be the only place to cover it.

  • Sandy

    When will the stores start sharing the blame in this madness?

  • stacey

    This women has already showed no remorse and will probably do it again next year. Forget some time behind bars go straight to the death penalty (only because she said she would do it again). What is wrong with people these days. Killing others all for at least a $10 difference.

  • Thurman Puckett

    And this ladies and gentlemen, is why you pre-order.

  • Ben Cairns


  • john

    tis the season to be stupid

  • Linda Jones Stone

    not true

  • Lily Valli


  • By writing/posting this sort of “satire” articles, someone/some group is seeking to discredit and trivialize true accounts of interRacial violent cime.

  • Foxtrap

    next thing you know, the Xbox One has a disc drive issue.

  • Blam
  • DailyCurrant

    The article didn’t mention anyone’s race.

  • lexi

    what is wrong with people? I mean really, shop earlier and forget the 10 dollar saving. Sick people.

  • meo

    It may sound like a bogus article now, but reread it a few years from now and you will see that it jinxed our future…

  • jeannnnie1

    I am sure we would have seen this on the news, this has to be a joke

  • beegirl

    Really!! If this is true, I hope she didn’t get to keep that X Box!!

  • Well Done

    LOL too fun. Assuming this is a phony story. But you know, the way things are going…

  • Well Done

    That it’s believable in 0bamamerica is not the fault of the writer.

  • BorisBulldog

    How do you know which stories are true?
    Is Paul Walker not really dead? How about Amy Winehouse?

  • Frontal Lobe

    Hearing those voices in your head again, John?

  • Frontal Lobe


  • Frontal Lobe

    and you…stupid.

  • LAMESBURYstinks

    Not shopping there doesnt hurt the staff. Only help the republigoons. Understaffed and underpaid is the store motto. Do they know that Wal-mart tells new hires to head to the local welfare office and at least get them some food stamps if not an extra welfare check. If you work at Wal-mart you are entitled and management will tell you so. Besides this is a store that private labels through sweatshops. Why is it anything bought from here breaks fast. It couldnt be they demands that higher cost materials in the products be replaced with cheaper plastic materials. Why is all the food like products sold there stale, couldnt be they tell the food companies to repackage other stores out of date returns so they can then turn around sell it cheaper. And Americans think they are getting a deal.

  • XBOX

    She will be having a x in her box in prison. Not the X-Box she bargain for!

  • XBOX

    Time to ban all Phillip head screwdrivers!

  • Theo TePaske

    Being an employee of Walmart, I can tell you that no spokesman or representative of our company would ever say what was implied in this story. However, I will say that fake news stories such as this one are often based on real life scenarios and events. People have actually done this stuff. This is one major reason why greed is one of the seven deadly sins.

  • fuckpeoplearestupid

    You’re failing to get the point

  • mike

    i hope she roots in jail for the stupidity she just did, u think that killin 3 people, technically 4 cuz of the pregnant woman, will put u behind bars for a little while, ha u got another thing comin! have fun with ur “new special friend” cell mate, while little dustin wonders why mommy cant come home for a really loooooong time!

  • fuckpeoplearestupid

    So true it hurts.

  • Stealth Mode

    We can
    all Thank the liberal Media for creating this type of Caos. The families of the
    victims should be allowed to Stab her to death with the same sharpened
    screwdriver. And NO her little Dustin is Not going to have
    that X-Box for Christmas this year because it is evidence in a Murder case.

  • jeannnnie1

    Q. Are your news stories real?

    A. No. Our stories are purely fictional. However they are meant to address real-world issues through satire and often refer and link to real events happening in the world.

  • Nick from Good ol’Canada

    I’m don’t know if this is true, but if it is, the corporations that have these sales, they need to look at the big picture and realize that, the profits they make are not worth the lives lost in these sales. They need to stop having black friday events

  • Heather Lester Belletete

    What is sad is that people have been so dumbed down that they have no idea what the word satire means. Anyone with any common sense can tell this story is a satire. Yes, people have gotten so violent, I don’t dispute that, but when you are reading a news article, there should be certain things that jump out at you and scream “not true” or “exaggeration” If you can’t tell the difference then there really is no hope for this world. Jeez!

  • Alex Lodner

    While it was obviously not a true story, it was still in poor taste. There is nothing funny about a pregnant young woman being stabbed to death. At least The Onion is funny! This
    was pointless.

  • Karen

    Danny, I agree. It is definitely funny…a satire liked you stated.

  • Chris Dontneedtoknow

    People are just that crazy. I went into our local walmart on Thursday night to get in on the cheap deal for a phone. I even went early and they phones were already gone before the sale time. People were lined up from check outs to the garden center and in between. I told the manager that they were stupid and very unorganized and walked out. I found the same item online on Friday and ordered it and got free shipping and I didn’t have to put up with all the BS at the store.

  • Charles

    I believed it until the part about the old lady and the toothbrush holder.

  • triste

    The sociology student and chemistry teacher on the other hand…now that’s funny, right?

  • Chris Dontneedtoknow

    Walmart just doesn’t give a crap as long as they get their money.

  • I bet a Conservative mentions this in a speech.

  • Stella Benz

    It’s a satire site, but this piece is in EXTREMELY poor taste, since people actually HAVE died this way

  • kendo

    This is satire? I think the writers need to look up the word satire, because this is perfidious dribble. If you won’t look up satire, at least look up perfidious.

    The article is moronic at best. There is no humor, irony and anything else that would make this satire. All your doing is posting garbage for others to spread because they’re not smart enough to do any critical thinking.

  • Teelove

    They should no longer have Black Friday sales, limit everything to online, that way nobody knows anything

  • St. Louis Wrestling

    Daily Currant is DEVOID OF HUMOR. BORING.

  • Shaun Behrens

    They aren’t going to stop having Black Friday sales, limits their earning potential, and did you catch the bit about a projected death toll of atleast 5k people from thanksgiving to christmas?

  • AussieRogue

    this article is BS it never happened

  • Gradynini

    This quote needs to be famous.

  • Wow… you are out there huh?

  • Sharon Reinert

    this is a joke, right. only place ive heard all of this.

  • Rocco

    What in the world is going on with today’s society? Then people wonder why American has the largest prison population in the world? It doesn’t help at all when your parents are people like the crazy lady in this story! Dear Lord, Ban Black Friday, and just keep it safe by doing Cyber Monday only!

  • Antonio Cesaro


  • Tamyanna Graves

    WOW!! Wal-mart needs to be held accountable for this incedent and all of the other horrible deaths, seems like this happens every year at wal-mart!!!!

  • Gabi Harrison

    I think we should really think about banning black friday sales. Even if this article isnt true, people have been killed over items that we really dont need.

  • CzChick23

    You realize it’s a satire site?

  • Cynthiac

    This is exactly why they should end Black Friday. They should just have really good sales that are not advertised. I guarantee you that they would sell everything because the shoppers that are already in the store would be calling all their friends and letting them know about the sales. The stores would actually make more money that way because they would be selling more stuff to people who are coming in watching for the sales to start but there would not be thousands of idiots running for a few TV’s at one time.

  • silaxo1

    Truly you are an idiot Lamesbury (Lame is appropriate), but I do have to agree with you on shopping at Wallmart.

  • Shawn Kerrick

    You are really going to far with your comment..repacking old stale food to resale.. That is just a little to much..


    People have died before on black friday for these stupid “special” deals.

    Corporate run America for you.

  • Whatevs

    <.< Lol @ people who believe 5,000 shoppers will be killed at Wal-Mart from Thanksgiving – Christmas. If that were the case, Wal-Mart would be shut down…and all of it's monopolizing bullshit — Target, Sam's Club…you all know it.

  • olinross

    What so ironic is this is just junks made in China they are fighting over….

  • Timmy A DeShano

    Google key words and click “news” I googled Chicago and Walmart.. nope nothing there.

  • Chad Busch

    that an x box is worth killing let alone buying

  • slayer

    this person is a waste of sperm……………complete waste

  • You ever have anything remotely worthwhile to say ?

  • Got it confused with a reWrite of it on another site: the reWrite was similar, cept referred to the perp as “hispanic, possibly black”…… Or maybe this one is a reWrite of the other. Not sure which was the original “satire”.

  • Skeptic7

    Its satire

  • Steve Wilde

    I’m just curious, does that make you feel like you are superior in some way calling people names over the internet ? Makes you feel as if you actually have some power over your pitiful life.

  • Revxism

    I’m send the lot of you to hellz

  • Stephen Carpenter

    I get your argument, but it shows how the internet is making society more blindly ignorant. People believe posts without checking their validity. Despite the fact that the internet and media coverage would have you believe the world is in the toilet, last year we had less violent crimes in the U.S. than any year since the mid 1950s. I am gonna take a wild guess and say the population was smaller then. Even petty crime is down. The difference is now we hear about a crime in Oregon even here in Tennessee. We know what is going on all over the country. It probably doesn’t help that a lot of people believe fake news sites.

  • CapN Kirkland

    even if the story isn’t true. i wouldn’t be surprised if something very similar has actually happened somewhere.

  • Aaron Busch

    That’s the last Xbox she’ll be Robbin… Someone takes there games a little too seriously… She couldn’t wait a couple weeks for the next shipment? Or at least purchase them off of eBay…

  • Mohamad

    FBI Agent Harry Carry kind of gave it away for me, up until then it was plausible. Pretty sad commentary on the state of affairs in our country.

  • Bob

    This is a satirical newspaper and it’s stated that way on their homepage. Everyone needs to read a little before jumping to conclusions. Of course this story isn’t real!

  • Blackberries

    “Our culture really has become THAT awful.” Name a year or decade where the country was less violent?

  • Luram

    Stupid americans

  • joe

    A full boycott of walmart doesn’t hurt the corporate leaders????????? If they don’t make any money from me, that hurts them right where it matters, the pocketbook. As for coca cola, I don’t buy their products either.


    fake story

  • Arizona

    Yep, your name says it all.. you really are LAME

  • mjm

    thats not pride thats textbook ignorance, so basically everyone in chicago acts like a rabid animal with no communication skills or thought process, is that what you meant to say?

  • FYI It actually says that all these stories are fictional!

  • JamJam

    This story sound like a movie that I watched the other day – if Wal-Mart expect 5000 shoppers to be killed this shopping season then this period should be looked at as a cleansing. One weekend a year persons should be allowed to kill for bargains – why not, its happening already why not make it official –

  • Holly Moore

    We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not
    like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making
    this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart
    spokesman Charlie Hass said. They ACTUALLY PLANNED on this, like discussed this … in a meeting? That is the most disgusting statement ever! I will NOT be shopping there again. (To Wal-Mart: I never really shopped in your crumbly stores any more – just went with someone else to get a thing or two. NOT ONE MORE TIME.)

  • Sisshi

    Given Wal*Mart had that guarantee offer if you’re in line/store within an hour of the sale starting you got the item you wanted at that price even if it wasn’t available I would think that the trample thing would kinda go down. Plus, they also offer a price guarantee that if you bring in the add from another store with a lower price that you bought the item they give you the difference on a gift card. I mean, with all that I would think at the very least the amount of injured would go down.

  • Jim Wingert
  • Secret

    Sad, these people lost their lives for a toy. The others lost their lives for a sale.

  • tldavis123

    I try to spend my money else where when I can.I was talking to a lady working at our wall-mart in Muskogee,she said most of the staff working there is not even getten paid enough to get off welfare benefits.If you thnk about it wall-mart is not only getting cheap labor but there employees are turning around and spending there food cards there and giving part of there wages back through the tax payer supported benefits.

  • Ojibwe

    America, land of the greed, home of the insane!

  • librarian

    You check the sources of whatever website or media outlet you’re getting your news from. For instance, as someone posted below, the about page on this website clearly states that it is satire, and that none of their stories are real.

  • Samantha Darr

    seriously people?, what is the world coming to. people care more for material things then peoples own lives. did she ever think how that kid probably feels now. he is getting an xbox that his mother killed couple people for including a pregnant!!!! That kid is either going to be really upset or she is showing him a bad way to get what he wants. no wonder this new generation is so bad. look at their families influence. im scared to see what is to come in the future. scares me to even bring a kid into this world. so much bad stuff! also she says its worth sitting behind bars for a little bit. A little bit, ha you should stay their the rest of ur life, evil doer!!. Try taking care of your kid from jail!…..poor kid. I feel bad for him for real. She shuld never see the outside world again, expecially with her thought process. Your wrong women!!!

  • Scott Smith

    CNN and MSNBC will not report these stories ONLY because a gun was not used. The 2 TV stations you mentioned are very liberal and if they cannot promote gun control, they will not publish the story, no matter how brutal.

  • lisa d

    sadly Wal-Mart is the only store we have to shop at in our town… the only one.

  • WTF

    I hope she gets skull fucked with a screwdriver in prison, hick fuck.

  • Noonespecial

    I like how you managed to spew your insane political hatred along with the rest of your ridiculously stupid rant. Surprised you have the ability to write.

  • Samantha Darr

    americans are just created from people coming over seas to live in america. People from germany, ireland, china, etc. Americans are people who are citizens of america. i call myself a mut, cuz im mixed with like ten different races. your right were not a race, but we are all different races. People from everywhere come to america to make a life for theirselves here. Citizens of america are called americans!

  • Samantha Darr

    who are u to call people stupid. its their opinions, if u thought something was true and it wasnt and u didnt know that would u like it if people called u stupid. For real man

  • Dennis

    It’s okay, idiots have a hard time understanding satire.

  • Bob Sackamano

    People. The Daily Currant is a satirical news blog. It’s fake

  • PinC

    Get a life—idiot!!~!

  • Samantha Darr

    no but you should call people stupid!!! Who are u to judge people?

  • Phil Shaffer

    people harping on walmart, as far as i know this is still a free country, people choose to work at wallyworld for some reason. you can’t expect big pay on any entry level job ,most people know this,you start out small then work your way up. walmart is no different than coca cola, pepsico,or anyother large company.most of the people that i know that has worked at walmart any length of time love it.

  • Samantha Darr


  • Samantha Darr

    really, what u gonna shot someone dead if they do u wrong. Stupid!!!

  • Samantha Darr

    this sounds like were going into the the olden times when there was cowboys and indians…..shoot to kill when you want something or disagree with someone. Wow!!

  • Samantha Darr

    really, just because you dont have a gun, now u gotta worry about being a victom and being shot…..crazy shit!!1

  • Samantha Darr

    me too, sales are not worth peoples lives!!

  • Samantha Darr


  • Samantha Darr

    wow thats all u have to say….you must be the bus driver then

  • Dave Landry

    what earth?

  • Dave Landry

    well if google says that it`s true…it`s got to be true

  • Proud Tea Party Supporter

    Well it looks like little Dustin lost an XBOX and his mother for Christmas. Way to go MOM. You say you will be spending a little time in jail? With THREE murders hanging over your head, try a lot of time. You ruined every one of your sons Holiday seasons forever over this. Hope your happy now. Rot in jail!

  • frashman
  • Geoffrey Tillman

    But that’s not true. Crime has been going down for years. Violent crime particualrly. It’s just that the 24 hour news cycle and the race for ratings lead the media to scare people and make them think things are far worse than they really are

  • vulcan1500

    The real pathetic people are the ones that actually read this and still believe it is factual…Grow a brain people!

  • Bob
  • Paul Aguirre

    did walmart somehow take out an insurance policy on these 5k expected to be killed in their stores…?? just like they do with their employees…??

  • becca_isaacs

    I’m laughing out loud, reading this article.

  • karasovera
  • Joe

    This is what happens when the God of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ is absent in these people’s heart. How far was she drawn away from God for her to take such an action and be so unrepentant afterwards.

  • Livvi White

    a present to die for

  • CrystalGary Kerr

    The Daily Currant is an American satirical news blog that focuses on politics, technology, and entertainment.[1] A number of its satirical stories have been taken for true news reports by press and gullible members of the public

  • goldfisheyes

    Lol a little time behind bars? Sounds more like a life sentence to me. Suck on it bitch..

  • Chrissy
  • Chrissy

    As noted in the Daily Currant’s “About” page, that web site deals strictly in satire:

    The Daily Currant is an English language online satirical newspaper that covers global politics, business, technology, entertainment, science, health and media.

    Q. Are your news stories real?

    A. No. Our stories are purely fictional. However they are meant to address real-world issues through satire and often refer and link to real events happening in the world.


  • Renee

    considering the several grammatical and spelling errors, i would assume this isn’t a reliable source. geniuses. it’s completely obvious that it’s fake.

    and a woman who’s looking at charges for three murders wouldn’t be “in county jail, behind bars for a few months.”

  • Jeff

    And she is currently still alive why????

  • thatguyJMM

    Good work, bonus points for namechecking El Generico

  • concerned internet

    Go back to tumblr before more sjws show up and start arguing about privilege on a satire site

  • anthony agresti

    So what, we’re hostages to other people poor decisions. Wow Patrick Longworth, this reality you paint really sucks! There is nothing in the world that would make me buy there crap and I reject the notion that it is my civic duty.

  • InReality

    Honestly Joe, you’re right. If everybody did it, it would hurt them. But with their annual revenue being around $500 BILLION a few shoppers deciding to boycott doesn’t really affect them all that much.

  • bonj100

    ““We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said.”

    I knew Walmart was a tacky place. This just proves it.

  • DBZ

    And you are that person who always jumps into a debate online to say “You’re fighting with somebody over the internet. You lose.

  • BettiBlu

    Don’t think this is true. Can’t believe this statement rings true.

    According to Wal-Mart, America’s largest retailer, the company admits that more than 5,000 shoppers will be killed at their stores this holiday season.

  • Mary Stanford Dibble
  • larrz28

    Guess Chicago better put a Ban on knives now!!!!!

  • Kim

    Man, folks believe anything. it’s FAKE,

  • Dee

    This is so exaggerated I don’t know how anyone could believe it! She stabbed and KILLED three people with a screwdriver???? and no one was able to stop her before three people actually died? from a SCREWDRIVER!!! Come on- this is stupid!

  • Guest

    I don’t believe one word of this bullshit

  • Stephen Dalcin

    I could understand if it was a PS4, but a Xbox 1? LMAO

  • Norma-Jean Hunter

    STOP the black Friday sales…a new law should be put out that these kinds of sales can no longer happen and if they do close the stores forever…a life is not worth a sale , don’t care how much it is marked down…

  • Adam Travis

    Aah satire, beautiful sweet satire. I got a good laugh out of this one, but the sad fact it is’t not far off from total truth. Guess that’s the point of satire, eh?

  • bonnie

    I really don,t think that these people did these horrendous acts But when I watched The stores opening and the people just pushing, shoving elbowing and hitting people .Walmart and the other retailers should have lots of security so they can have a handle on the crowds of people they know are coming. Stronger doors and letting so many in at one time.These vidios show maybe these sales should be done differently to make it safer for everyone.

  • Barbara Streeter

    Is this similar to The Onion? Do ya THINK?

  • Abe Lincoln

    Do people comment so seriously on also?

  • BoredOfSpam

    This is so obviously a wind-up…
    How do I stop getting this **** on my timeline????!!!!

  • Lauren Singer

    She said a little time, um hello u technically killed 4 people(unborn fetus counts).. she will get life and I hope the police take the xbox away from her and I hope the victims who were buying them for loved ones (regardless if dead)get free ones from Microsoft.. So sad, and the bitch has no remorse, burn her at the stake!!

  • DelSil
  • Woodstuck

    Cannabis is safer than shopping in America – But it is illegal? Shop with me online – No killings, no taxes, no cameras and no lines – Shopping for something they truly want? Priceless.

  • Abe Lincoln

    Hopefully y’all don’t vote.

  • Rocky

    I appreciate satire, however a small disclaimer at the bottom of this article would help not spread disinformation… since I have never heard of the daily currant I was not aware that it was not true and now I need to re-inform those I passed it on to….

  • DelSil
  • Just Sayin’

    “Of course I’d do it all over again,” Robbins proclaimed from a Cook County jail cell. “My little Dustin is going to have an X-Box for Christmas this year. No one can take that away from him. Not even the police. SOMEBODY PLEASE TAKE THE XBOX AWAY, THE KID DOESNT DESERVE IT AND NEITHER DOES THIS SCUMBAG

  • Another bitter cynic

    One might believe the story, because it’s simply not funny [enough/at all] to think it could be a joke. Keep reading the Onion if you want to be amused by this drek.

  • Another bitter cynic

    Tell that to the security guards and shoplifters who die at Walmart all too frequently.

  • village-idiot123

    Insanity for sure. Sue the stores for inciting riots and causing deaths. Yes the stores are at fault with limited inventory and below wholesale pricing they are intentionally inciting this insanity in the mentally unstable. I refuse to go in this insane shopping world and have reduced my Christmas spending by 75%. I still have to get a few gifts but I am not falling into to this spend spend mentality. All it is greed not good will.

  • Another bitter cynic

    Demanding unionization, an increase in minimum wage will get their attention. Coupling it with eliminating all welfare for Walmart employees will get the people on the picket lines.

  • Babz Covington

    hey now , tabloids are the only true journalism left…

  • BreakingDeadMen

    The Onion>Daily Currant. You just have to accept that. I’m sure they accept that vintage National Lampoon>The Onion.

  • As a retail associate who worked Black Friday, only after the quote from Margaret Robinson was I skeptical, and only after Charlie Hass’s statement was I sure the article was fake… Walmart would never admit to the working conditions of their manufactures/suppliers!

    To anyone wondering the retail outlet, I’m a Walmart associate. The best way to describe me/my coworker’s feelings leading up to the 6:00 sale? [see attached]

  • Walmart is a race to the bottom… I’m ashamed to say I work there. (and do my best not to when anonymity isn’t involved)

  • Trish

    This is NOT funny – in any shape, way or form! It is sick!!!

  • lessthantolerant

    LOL! The Onion is better.

  • BaronSabato


  • Donald

    i thought this was fake at first!! lmao


    I must be mistaken but did Hass walmart pr say it is a positive that more kids died making the product than buying it???? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE???? OMG. DO NO HARM!!!

  • wtfisthisshit

    I like the last quote “Thanksgiving used to be about fighting with your family, not other shoppers.” Yeah. Thanksgiving also used to be about not fighting with anyone, and now people are being killed over bed, bath & beyond. Black Friday should be forced online ordering imo. No one would get stabbed, and there’s nothing you can do when they run out of stock.

  • Margie Thurman

    I think that this black Friday man made day, should be banned. Its getting too crazy out there. The public is taking this to serious! Also it’s not only dangerous for people that’s shopping, what about the employee’s that works at the stores. This is not worth taking a life, and it’s not worth loosing your life over no item; I rather be alive and give love than to fight and kill over and object. If a child has survived this long without an X box or computer they will defiantly be happier with having you in their life and alive. You are confusing your child. Are you worshiping an idol???? Love is priceless…. Thanks for reading.

  • Frank

    Sounds like hot items such as the X-Box and PS4 should only be sold online.

  • VBGurl

    I’ve been reading a lot of your comments and I’m guessing you haven’t realized this article is satire. A woman did not actually kill three people over an Xbox. Terrible things have happened to people over sales, for sure, but this particular story is not factual.

  • Eric Swinson

    The problem is society is so close to this being the norm that I am no longer outraged. When we read an article like this and don’t think “This is insane and can’t possibly be true” I think it’s time to reevaluate our value system.

  • Eric Swinson

    Unless you totally live off the land It’s hard not buy Coca Cola’s products. I bet you are not even aware of 5% of the brands they own or the products they make. They own 23 different brands of bottled water alone.

  • Charlene Robbie Williams

    I was so upset about reading this story yesterday only to find out it was all BS! Our world has enough horror and tragedy without making up more and sensationalizing it and making people feel gullible and foolish. I looked for it on the news last night only to be told today it was crap. You should be ashamed of yourselves… karma.. karma will hold you accountable and I pray it doesn’t hold you to THIS standard of journalism. MORONS!!!

  • Charlene Robbie Williams

    nothing about this is FUNNY.

  • Beth Anne Kirkham-Wille
  • goddessDiana2you

    took 15 sec to analyze the article. It is called common sense, something most people sadly seem to lack.

    I am a Professional/Technical Writer. I also write for the web. As a researcher and Technical Writer, analyzing text for validity is part of my trade. I must be certain that the material I am researching/cover is valid and also do background research on the author. For me, this article is a “No Brainer”

    It is a shame the masses are so easliy duped.

  • Rachael

    this woman clearly should NOT have kids, and institutionalized for having no remorse. wtf is wrong with people today? is their happiness really THAT dependent on material goods that they’re willing to hurt people for it? her son will have an xbox, but she’ll be in jail for years. yeah, i’m sure he’s a happy kid….

  • Joseph Kasak

    Did you just snope out a well known satire site? You better go let the folks over @ The Onion, know too.

  • Ramon Carroll

    If by depraved you mean that they CHOOSE to sin against God and their fellow man then i agree. But if you are implying that men are somehow born wanting to kill over an X box i disageee.

  • robmusicman

    ‘That’s why I’m ordering a F-16 Jet Fighter and a Army Tank for this Christmas in order to be prepared for next season’. As silly as that statement is, it is as ignorant and stupid it is to fight other shoppers at any store over any product, let alone kill someone, this is insanity at it’s best! And that’s no joke!

  • I actually thought this was real until the 5000 figure near the end 😀

  • Throwaway

    Goes to show: If you’re gonna try to copy the Onion, you better be funny.

  • obiwan

    Some people go on the warpath with stories like these. I recognize it as satire, but many people are quite literal about everything and will not see this as satire. For your own protection (and as a courtesy to others), please identify your stories as satire. Often singular stories from your blog wind up on sites such as Facebook as stand-alone stories. Those not familiar with your publication (and there are many) may not recognize your story as a satire and react adversely or inappropriately. I appreciate your satire because I know of your publication and intent. Many see your content without the benefit of knowing it is fake. Please identify satire to prevent a rush to judgment by the uninformed (and unaware.)

  • JamesPF

    What is her race? not mentioned this is protective journalism.

  • Basheba Heard

    I’m calling BS on this statistic …According to Wal-Mart, America’s largest retailer, the company admits that more than 5,000 shoppers will be killed at their stores this holiday season. And what’s with this? ..“The figures we are looking at this Thanksgiving are incredible unnerving… and this data is just from Thursday night. We only use to have to worry about Friday,” said FBI Specialist Harry Carry. Harry Carry, really?!

  • Sad Sad Days For Humanity

    I can’t believe the Walmart Spokesperson actually said this, well, I can but WOW.. he’s got balls of steel. “” “We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said.

  • mom4mins

    Amen..some people are past sick…but, sick really don’t speak for them.

  • sarcasm

    Hey I’ll kill three other peoples moms, and get sent to prison so my own child doesn’t have a mom, but it was all for a good cause… four motherless families for the holidays, that’s the spirit… flawed logic anyone?

  • CJ

    Has this man lost his mind? “Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said. He works for Wal-Mart – what more can I say?

  • Elena Skok

    Perhaps Black Friday should be outlawed and replaced with candlelight vigils for the victims of shopping violence…..I remember when I was younger we would just go to the mall on “the Friday after Thanksgiving” to see the Christmas displays. I hope little Dustin enjoys playing with his X-Box while his mom spends the rest of her life in prison. What a crazy world! On Thanksgiving we give thanks for what we have, on Friday we kill people to get more stuff!

  • 7citizen7

    If this is true, I personally hold EVERY business that has Black Friday sales, at least partially responsible. If the stores had decent prices all year long, such as 2 (or 4 or whatever number) days a month for all sales, people would not get worked up into such an all fired frenzy, knowing that there would be another sale next month!!!

  • shep

    This has just gotten continually worse over the years. I have been in retail for nearly 40 years. People are crazy. Personally, there is nothing out there that I will stand in line for hours or physically fight someone because I wanted something. I am from the days when people were fighting over the Cabbage Patch dolls. That was minor compared to the consumer nowadays. The retailer condones this bad behavior from the customer which makes some feel that they can do anything from accosting fellow customers to sales personal. The retailer does not want to appear negative to the public, therefore not forcing people to accept responsibility for their own actions.

  • Andrew Pritchard

    You drink bottled water? Why would you do that?

  • Kripper

    The real tragedy is how badly the American education system failed you.

  • M

    Imaginary because this story is fake. Come on.

  • shawkitty1939

    Actually, it was the accused/arrested woman who did the deed, but honestly, do these stores that promote this crap not bare some responsibility, as well? You are right, our society has become nothing but a bunch of greedy, narcissistic thugs. I don’t even want to imagine what will be the next worse than this thing to happen. Awful.

  • Ryan

    I don’t think this article is true. For one, Robbins would be behind bars for life for murdering 3 people, not “a little bit of time.” Second, the quote from the Wal-Mart spokesman is unprofessional and no company would use terminology such as “like” “junk” or that kids dying from putting the products together is positive. This article is obviously a scam & 5,000 people aren’t going to die in a Wal-Mart within a month’s time.

  • Max Blood

    your not even worth my time

  • Brandon

    Ultimately, Full Boycotts do not hurt a major corporations, because the first way to prevent the company from going under is to start laying off millions of people from the stores, which include the cashiers, managers, and regular sales associates that stock and maintain the appearance of the store. The big guys just sit back and come up with stupid ways to try to get people to spend more money and come up with stupid marketing schemes to get people into the stores… they get paid the most and do the least. so boycotts don’t hurt the heads of major corporations…

  • Morgan Sokol

    I can’t believe some of you think this is true..”Shopping isn’t a hobby for me, it’s a war. So I have to spend a little
    time behind bars. So what? I didn’t punk out. I fought hard for my
    family, and I’m proud of that.”

  • Peacemonger

    I see now by reading further comments that this site is sort of like The Onion and that this piece is supposed to be satire. I agree that the site needs to identify itself and it’s articles as such, as people do re-post such articles as truth and it starts a whole big thing. Obviously, I am among the people not familiar with this site. :/

  • Guest

    I hope she spends forever in jail and her family tells her what trash she is.

  • F__kWpg

    The article had me at first. Because I use Chrome browser (not for much longer though) the comment section did not show up at first. With some of the other stupid stuff that happens on black friday and every other day of the year, this would not surprise me if it actually was true. I am REALLY glad to find out it is fake though. I would really hope that humanity would not sink to that level. But again I would not be surprised if this really did happen. Evan at some point in the future.

  • Dale Furno

    If anyone believes this, You are as retarded s the submitter

  • rs1123

    The giveaway that this is fake is that the woman’s son is named “Dustin” and not LaQuan or Shaquille or Shontwayne or something that sounds like a hood ornament for a French car.

  • asdasd

    Well little Dustin isn’t gonna have a mother his life

  • Cori

    Donny, I work at Wal-mart. We have had people pepper sprayed, knocked over, trampled on, associates have been hit, people have been run over by carts, hit by cars, run off the road for an item, and many other horrible things. So yes, a double, considering 1 person lived, homicide is no surprise. Our local Best buy had a gun walk up and pull out a gun and pointed at people just to be the first person.

  • Poppaea

    This can’t be real

  • rs1123

    WalMart still sells guns and ammunition. That is one good thing.

  • some guy

    Out of everything in this article, the utter lack of remorse for how many people will lose their lives this holiday season by Walmart’s spokesperson is really what did it for me. He couldn’t assure people that steps were being taken to make this season’s shopping experience safer? No, because more kids will die making that junk than buying it, that’s the biggest bullshit statement i’ve read. I now remember why i don’t shop there

  • The__Universe

    You know this is fake don’t you?

  • Mfgcasa

    Waltmart makes more money then most countries do.

  • USuck

    Unlike “me” who called NO ONE a name, I will call you a duchebag.

  • Karen Guidobaldi Grau

    I seriously hope that the Judge in this case requires her to give back the game console. Psychotic b#$%h

  • Robyn Merry Wilcox

    I stay home on black Friday & Thank God that I’ll be alive to celebrate Christmas! I don’t want anything bad enough to go out & have to fight for it!

  • Manny Panning

    Little Dustin Robbins can visit mommy in prison……

    ….but he got an X-Box One! THANKS, MOM!!!!!!

    Fuck humanity…..

  • Dan Smith

    the more I read, the more obvious the prank.

  • derp

    I can see killing for a PS4, but not for an XBOX.

  • Barfscarf

    Oh thank god. I saw this article and I totally believed it. Then it occurred to me that it was on the Dailycurrent.

  • Phil Grove

    Did you once give thought that shoppers like you and many around the country are why stores are open on Thanksgiving,but what really pisses me off did you also once even think about those having to work and not being home with their families like you had been, no they were meaningless to you. and to all the shoppers at all stores that were open. Meaningless never giving thought they like to be home to.Thanksgivig Day shoppers never once think about those who HAD TO WORK.
    That behavior is self centered, selfish and lacks any empathy of those who are force to work. Why do we even have holidays anymore if people are going to have to work ????????

  • Darren Thomas

    It’s Chicago, would you expect anything different??

  • Phil Grove

    All of you who shop on Thankgiving day are as guilty as GREEDY CEO’s or the store wouldn’t be open, Do you ever once give thought to those forced to work Thanksgiving Day that just maybe they’d like the day off to be home with family all day to enjoy Thanksgiving like you shoppers got to have….NO you didn’t think about your fellow Americans who being force to work on a Holiday because they’re meaningless to you,
    That behavior my friends is self centered, selfish and shows a lack of empathy for others-meaningless others…GREED ABOUNDS IN AMERICA TODAY.
    WHY because we can’t wait ONE MORE DAY to shop,gotta have it now-TODAY on Thanksgiving Day at a BIG DISCOUT that’s ALL that matters.
    It’s got to the place ,why even have Holidays if many are going to have to work anyway.

  • prj829

    What a friggin idiot!!!! Its hard to believe anyone is that friggin stupid but she probably voted for Obama also!!!

  • Martin Kirkwood

    Dear american counterparts svs that you guys live in the anguish of disaster after disaster however here in Canada walmart stores here have a great system when comes to black friday sales they expand the sales fror a long stretch of 1 whole week and here they offer rain checks for the items on sale and if it is not available you can get the next item equal to it that may be a bit expensive more brought to the same sale price we also have a great carreer training course programs to educate those that need experiences within our regulated job carreers this in turn also highly levels the behaviour of us canadians to equally never fuss durring sales events and there is also no long line ups the flow of checking out has been easily handled well at walmart’s and targets our newest store franchise that took over our zellers company. we feel for you guys over thier and wish nothin like that to happen to you all . please if any come to CANADA and shop you will see a difference in our sale off days than what happens thier i invite only you to stay calm shop and enjoy the friendliest group of workers we ever could have ty and god bless you all.
    kilbeeshoney123 of Canada

  • Pamela

    We need to stop the “Friday after Thanksgiving” shopping!!! This has been out of control for years and time to put a stop to it period!! Retailers are too concerned over the money and could care less about what they cause.

  • poohmama

    This is why I have not shopped WalMart on black Friday for over 8 years after My last experiance was horrific and after that I said never again.



  • Pinkgloopglop

    Jacka$$, there is no deprravity here. All it is is a bunch or stupid people trying to get the first.

  • LithFlower

    You know I don’t find it sad that it’s a joke and I believed it, I find it sad that I only believed it because it seems like something that could actually happen in this country.

  • James Smith

    This is so stupid, that people would make these kinds of comments and this article trying to impress readers. Wal-mart ought to sue these journalist for stating That Charles Hass claimed 5000 people would die….and calling their merchandise junk.

  • Angela Darden

    That x-box won’t be going to her son for Christmas. It is part of the evidence of murder. It will be held until after her trial, and any appeals are over. That kid might get that in about 2 years if ever. She is ignorant that she was fighting for her family. Now her child or children will grow up without her, and maybe even in fosfer care.

  • Angela Darden

    Just because you don’t spend your money isn’t going to stop somebody else from spending theirs.

  • Patrick Longworth


  • Lindsay Haisley

    Someone is trying to one-up The Onion.

  • jorge


  • Our Own Demise

    Human apocalypse, not zombie apocalypse… we are taking ourselves out~ What is this world coming to?? :/

  • flipxfx
  • raggiedolly

    WTF is wrong with you FOR REAL? Why would you make up such a story. of course it is real, it happen in Chicago, from where the President came from or that is where he claims to come from . no doubt it is a BLACK person that did this because of their mentality … they think everything is owed to them.

  • SRSwain

    Is this story for real? I found the whole thing a bit on the “urban legend” side of things.

  • WTF

    Not saying I believe the article but what does go on during black Friday is nuts.

  • LeeAnn

    This one isn’t true but the one about the young man trampled to death in Walmart’s electronics area is. Which is why it isn’t surprising that so many people believed this.

  • fred

    Ok this is not a news website this is: By the end of the day links and excerpts referencing this article were being circulated via social media, with many of those who encountered it mistaking it for a genuine news item. However, the article was just a bit of humor from the Daily Currant which spoofed the consumer madness of “Black Friday” Thanksgiving weekend shopping sprees.

    As noted in the Daily Currant’s “About” page, that web site deals strictly in satire: The Daily Currant is an English language online satirical newspaper that covers global politics, business, technology, entertainment, science, health and media.

  • Guest

    So AT LEAST 15 dead so people can save a couple of dollars. I hate consumerism.

  • The Truth

    See you at Walmart tomorrow !

  • The Truth

    I love Walmart !

  • amber p

    people are depraved and at some point i wouldnt be surprised that these events could take place on some level. the absurd comments was the tell all that it was fake. Verified on snopes its a myth:

  • Tom Gray

    The staff that work there are already hurting, dumbass

  • David

    Sami Zayn?


  • republicansneedadictionary

    tell me how romney is any better than obama. and when u think u have an answer, please think harder and fact check it

  • kenhammond

    Death penalty but also torture for this woman.

  • Lili

    ….aaaaand walmarts response was just as bad as the women who stabbed three people to death… nice…

  • prj829

    Tell me even one thing Obama has done that has been good for America?? He has done nothing but lie, double the debt, take vacations costing millions of dollars..Obamacare is the worst thing ever except for Obama…He is destroying this country and people like you are allowing it…He is trying to destroy our rights everyday…Are you blind or just stupid???

  • Bmerri01

    not true but almost believable in today’s society

  • Megz

    A boycott may actually help them earn a decent wage so that their store doesn’t have to host a food drive so that they can have thanksgiving

  • D B

    This is your complete Bull*hit article. It never happened but they make it seem as it did.

  • jeremy

    this is so fake come on…. it is funny though .but noone should believe this ,5,000 deaths really?

  • Jerry Garland Brown

    The three victims might not be dead if one person in the store had had a gun!

  • whitnic

    And that’s different that most jobs how? I’ve worked countless jobs in the food service industry, retail, and even a telemarketing position and they all paid less than Walmart pays their employees, so I guess you should boycott all stores and fast food restaurants.

  • BlueSkies

    This is a messed up joke. How would someone be able to stab three people with a screwdriver? I mean, wouldn’t she lose her place in line? That right there tells you it isn’t true.

  • Ron W Smith

    Your ignorance and lack of education is glaring but you are the perfect example of someone that eats a steady diet of liberal garbage. Before you condemn Walmart too much think about this. The American people looking for a deal made Walmart what it is today. You talk about sweat shops. Americans unwilling to pay the cost of union labor opened the door for companies like Walmart to buy cheap products made in China. People get on these sites and talk the talk but too many won’t walk the walk. So what happens. Americans remain unemployed and you wear a shirt that was soaked in the sweat of some poor kid working 16 hours a day for $2.00.

  • Ron W Smith

    WOW, You sure showed them didn’t you. I hear that they are still talking about how you walked out and they had one less person to deal with. I’m sure that not one of them wanted to be home with their families.

  • sean

    aaaaaaaand this is why iv given up all hope in humanity

  • Ryan S.

    Stuff like this is why the rest of the world laughs at America. Seriously.

  • barackaflocka


  • barackaflocka

    Lol what were they doing standing in line to be stabbed

  • blerg

    Last name is Robbins. Shocker.

  • Manunder

    You people do realize the Daily Currant is “Satire” news the onion …relly folks lighten up and read your comments…SMH

  • Mark Cabrerra

    The Daily Currant is The Daily Cocksucker

  • Unreal

    This makes me sick. Our society and some of these people are disgusting. Aside from the competition aspect of getting the best deals, it’s an outrage that none of these people seem to show any remorse. Regarding the murders over the x-box: do you think “Dustin” would be happy that his mother had ruined the lives of multiple families for a simple material object he will probably be using for 5 years at most..? These People are disgusting

  • tootsierollz

    you idiots… walmart is a retailer. unless something they sell is their own brand, they get it from another company and sell it for a share. thats how all stores work other than shops that make everything themselves and only sell their own product, which are more expensive than what most people can or want to pay for. you go to walmart and buy an xbox game, you get the same thing you could have bought at target or best buy. the product isnt produced by walmart. they may not care for it when they receive it, but otherwise its the same. if you bought it at best buy, congrats its still made by some 12 year old in china. its walmart policy and employee treatment that makes it so corrupt

  • Lisa Marie Rink Gibson

    Actually working at Walmart only hurts the employee,, Then when you get hurt it gets worse :/ -Ex Employee..

  • gespinb3549

    You people are all boobs. This is a SATIRICAL page! None of this is real though the stories are based loosely on current events. Sheesh!

  • John Winkle

    guess what even if america boycotts walmart the asia market of wal mart makes more profit then the domestic market, the average customer here gets a 10 dollar bottle of wine in china they buy a 5000 dollar of champs

  • John Winkle

    people dont get on welfare because the work at walmart they work at walmart to keep their welfare

  • republicansneedadictionary

    Where did Obamacare originate? Romneycare.And before Romneycare? The Heritage Foundation. I see you didn’t take my earlier post into consideration at all. Nor was I supporting Obama. He just happened to be the lesser of two evils.

  • Desiree

    this is totally bogus ………..all the same it does in reality happen……I do not shop on Black Fri anymore I usually do it all online………here in our small town we had a friend go to walmart this year…….he could not even get in the door and parking was on the grass and in the streets………so I have 1 question ….is it worth it?……………….n thank you i’ll pay full price and keep what sanity I have left :)………….happy Holiday’s everyone !

  • Kris65

    Why does everyone rant about this? No one thinks about Housekeepers who have to clean up crap at a hotel or resort on Thanksgiving because people go on vacation. No one cares about cops or nurses working. Screw that, Walmart decided to be open on that day so its their fault, not the shoppers.

  • weepinbelll


  • BreakingDeadMen

    Don’t we all need a daily cocksucker in our lives?



  • BreakingDeadMen

    Yes, I see that it is in you to ignore any input you get from frontal lobe.

  • Ben Parker

    I just love the names they used..
    Charlie Haas and Sami Zayn?
    For those that don’t know, they are both Professional Wrestlers.

  • Matt

    “We include people killed from Thanksgiving to Christmas, so it’s not like they are all dying in one day. Besides, more kids will die making this junk than they do buying it, we see that as a positive,” Wal-Mart spokesman Charlie Hass said / ANNNND entire article is fake bullshit as usual.

  • Common Sense here

    Obviously fake.
    1. One woman would not be able to stab and kill 3 individuals one after the other with bystanders.
    2. This crime wasn’t in any news outlet in the chicago area.
    3. They added a pregnant mother, nice touch.

  • Cantbelieve

    Article sounds fabricated, and made up by anti Walmart enemies. It wouldn’t make sense to do this legally.

  • mememe

    wth, NOBODY should die in a store….nobody!!!! What is this world coming to? IDIOTS..GREEDY IDIOTS.

  • notsoclueless

    That would be nationalist not racist. Americans are a Nation not a Race

  • Clancy Carr

    Mr White no!!!

  • paul

    soooo the guy from fast five died last weekend

  • wow

    your an idiot

  • sam

    not true at all

  • Doris Casey

    is all that stuff true???

  • Aloff

    You could always try clicking the ABOUT tab on the page you gullible idiot.

    The Daily Currant is an English language online satirical newspaper that covers global politics, business, technology, entertainment, science, health and media. It is accessible from over 190 countries worldwide – now including South Sudan.

    Our mission is to ridicule the timid ignorance which obstructs our progress, and promote intelligence – which presses forward.

    Q. Are your news stories real?

    A. No. Our stories are purely fictional. However they are meant to address real-world issues through satire and often refer and link to real events happening in the world

    Q. Who are your influences?

    A. Bat for Lashes, Dave Brubeck, Regina Spektor and Jeff Buckley.

  • Britguy

    only in america are people so self centered and greedy…….war on middle east? i say nuke the yanks beore thier corporate disease spreads!

  • Tanny Imsoblessed Mathews

    You are an extra special MORON. I worked at Walmart and was glad to have a job, my manager never told me to apply for food stamps,nor a welfare check, Walmart employees do work hard, I am a witness to that, but I’m also a witness to the fact that others have worked harder,and for less,myself included

  • Tanny Imsoblessed Mathews

    I believe he’s a mental health patient…

  • Tanny Imsoblessed Mathews

    And then some! Missing all the aces from the deck…

  • Tanny Imsoblessed Mathews

    Yes! I shop where I save the most money, I’m not being mean or uncaring, but I can’t help the kid in the sweat shop,nor Walmart’s crew, I’m just a woman who worked hard (for 30 years) and lives on a fixed income…

  • Wise up!

    The Daily Currant is an English language online satirical newspaper that covers global politics, business, technology, entertainment, science, health and media. It is accessible from over 190 countries worldwide – now including South Sudan.

    Our mission is to ridicule the timid ignorance which obstructs our progress, and promote intelligence – which presses forward.

    Q. Are your news stories real?

    A. No. Our stories are purely fictional. However they are meant to address real-world issues through satire and often refer and link to real events happening in the world

    This is from the Daily Currant’s own site.

  • Bonnie Knapp

    How does one murder 3 in broad daylight amid hundreds of shoppers and dozens of employees without being stopped? They watch? Police weren’t called right away? And I know from working at Wal-Mart, they usually have police on duty that day, besides regular Security. Yet she got away and just took off? Noone ran after her, seen the car, or got the license plate number? They had to view the store camera? And if she thinks she’s getting out of jail after committing a triple homocide, she’s crazy!

  • Tanny Imsoblessed Mathews

    Walmart is not the only place open on holidays, and I worked many many holidays as a young woman, but I never worked the whole day, I’d work the 2nd or 3rd shift, having had time to enjoy myself with my family, you do what you have to do to survive…

  • Jordan Mykal Cross

    “So i have to do a little time behind bars”…Um, with THREE dead, it is likely you will spend the rest of your depraved, disgusting life behind bars. And technically, it is FOUR dead, because one of the victims was pregnant. I hope this bitch ROTS in prison for the rest of her life, and to all you people reading, if you didn’t think so before, BLACK FRIDAY IS BRINGING OUT THE WORST IN HUMANS. STOP GOING! If you stop attending ‘black friday’ events, then stores will STOP HAVING THEM.

  • James William Jake Frizell

    Neither do most jokes, it just makes them wasted opportunities.

  • nightmareluffy

    if black friday is that bad why not just stop doing it.

  • ChiefTroll

    anti Walmart enemies = Walmart supporters. Why would supporters write an article that puts Walmart in a negative light?

  • BuffyRN24

    LOL, gotta love the imaginations of the satirical writers out there, this is ALMOST as good as the story “The Onion” came out with. I absolutely LOVE reading the arguments that follow when people actually believe the stories!!

  • Varcoe Korey

    lmao no way this is real

  • dtclm2kids

    @Kris65 exactly I use to be a housekeeper and I have two kids but sometimes I had to work on the holidays Thanksgiving nor Christmas was not an exception.You do what you have to do to take care of your family.Its things in life we all dont want to do but hey that’s life suck it up deal with it.Stop turning every damn thing into a cause dont try to boycott places for being open on the holidays.Be thankful you got a job and if you are not satisfied with the pay get another job.Go to school get some training but dont blame people who shop there.I did not like working on on those holidays nor the crappy pay from the hotel but you know what I did went out got another damn job!!!!

  • Carl

    Hog wash for sure.

  • theonesketch

    so were going to excute that crazy bitch for killing what intails to be 4 people right? She said no remorse for doing it and shed do it again, FOR AN XBOX!!!!! Give her the chair tomorrow, no waiting, no appeals.

  • Charlene Young

    Mary Robbins and Margret Robinson. HMMM Stay away from M.R.s during shopping trips.

  • mena

    GEE! People are crazy. How can someone do that? And WTF with the wallmart spokesperson???

  • Gabriella

    I am shocked! This crazed idiot murdering people for an XBox is beyond belief, but what is worse is her attitude. I truly hope they throw this woman in jail for the rest of her life. Her son is better of with his Xbox than his mother!

  • Gabriella

    When did this Black Friday thing start, anyway? I don’t remember this when I was a kid nor when my kids were little!

  • nonogood

    this isnt real but daily currant should do a better job of letting people know its satirical

  • Robert

    Well their response to it does make it pretty unbelievable but you got to think if it weren’t for that response the amount of deaths would be pretty believable considering their is more than 4000 stores in the US alone about 3000 of which are super centers, and that isn’t counting the walmarts in other countries.

  • The Enthusiast

    Modern day Natural selection.

  • It’s not that hard unless you are eating foods that you don’t know the sources of – such as restaurant or fast food. If you are committed and prepare food it’s doable.

  • Well, you are correct about the sweatshop thing, but unfortunately Wal Mart does not have the market on this. All major brands of clothing are produced in sweatshops by adults and children alike in very poor conditions. Like yoga wear? Premium brands like Lululemon? You’d think with the quality and price of those items they would be made ethically right? Wrong.

  • Marie Miller

    so you start a story just to start an argument with people and to get people to call each other names. hmm and people are calling me and idiot???? don’t you think there is enough stuff going on in the world right now that you should have to start something to get people to argue and call each other names. my point was not to call someone else an idiot because it makes you the person saying the ugly things an idiot. call someone name for the sake of just to degrade them is a form of bullying. and do you really think that should be allowed? me NO!. but you just keep telling me im the idiot because i think you all shouldn’t be calling each other idiots and swriting stories just to start people arguing. if you were that good of a writer could you write stories about the real things going on in the world to maybe help someone instead of these lies.

  • justme

    taking into account the possibility of this article being blown out of proportion, when it comes to wal-mart alone, if you have netflix you may be interested in a couple documentaries one called “The High Cost of Low Prices” and the other focusing on the dangers of imported goods (which, to be fair, is done by other retailers too) called “Death by China”…very eye opening.


    Nobody can take his XBOX away? Actually I’m pretty sure it’s evidence in your triple homicide now and probably already taken away….. so nice try mother of the year….


    Saddest part of the story is Little Dustin actually wanted a Playstation 4…


    I hope she doesn’t last long enough to spend a life behind bars…. if I worked in that prison I’d sneak the screw driver in myself so someone could shank her and have her die the same horrible painful death her victims did….

  • lisajean1970

    See as soon as it said she was married, I knew the story was fake. That and the fact that it’s on The Daily Currant.

  • Nanabus

    I worked at Wal-mart for 15 yrs. and I was never told to go to welfare. I worked hard but the managers never said anything to you if you done your job. They give good raises every year. Your raise depended on how you worked, though. I made a lot more than other jobs were paying. They have a 401K plan and they put money into it for the associates. So I think all of you who are making these false comments should work there before you start talking about things you know nothing about..


  • Ovidiu Radu

    South Park got real!

  • 0507mommy

    “A little time” try a life time behind bars.

  • Mahmoud Ablan

    In her defense, the Xbox One comes with a Kinect and you can watch TV from it so if you ask me, she’s justified in killing those 3 (technically 4 since the one was a pregnant woman). And now her little boy knows how much his mother is willing to go to get him an Xbox One…well, that is except willing to go to another store that has more..that’s just a crazy way of wasting precious gas.

  • India Carey


  • Eric Swinson

    Did I say I drank bottled water?

  • Sheryl Hunter

    Nope, you are right. I am not sure if I read it wrong, or if facts were wrong and corrected later. Someone was shot while dragging a police officer with his car, but neither had life threatening injuries.

    However a worker did die at Wal-mart ..again.

  • Eric Swinson

    Unless you are growing it in your own garden from seeds stock with documented lineage more than 30 or 40 years old using only collected rain water and natural fertilize, you absolutely do not know the origins of your food supply. You would be surprised to know how many “organic” and “sustainable” farms that Coca-Cola and McDonalds own around the world that sell their products directly into the market.

  • CrystalGary Kerr


  • Steffon-James

    Rot in jail you crazy bitch hope you never se your kids again

  • Tortillasoop

    yeah but there are degrees of giving in, things are not in black and white like you’re suggesting Eric; there is always some wiggle room.

  • CordieB

    Yeah, I saw this on FB yesterday; came to this site, and thought, ok, this is a hoax. Why was it not broadcast anywhere but on this site. I checked major news sites; and thought it not worth sharing this nonsense. And the part about the woman saying she would do it again made me think to myself, really… why isn’t she in jail. Some people will believe anything. You’re right though, the atmosphere in our society makes this believable for many. Sad, but true.

  • The Santa Party

    I’m sure she’s a beautiful lady who voted for me and for The Santa Party (Democrats) whenever she can.

  • Guest

    Well this story is true my husband was punched in face trying to go into the store he worked at. the store was not open and plp started attacking him. police had to take the employees to back of the store so they could get clocked in and open the store.

  • Jill Visak

    Perfect example of someone who worships something other than God himself. No regard for human life, no courtesy (especially on the roads anymore), selfish self centered materialistic society. As for that piece of garbage that stabbed the three to death FRY HER and quick! we need to start sending a message here or it will continue to get even worse. And the other piece of garbage from Wal-Mart with his foolish comment he needs to be fired. You couldn’t pay me enough to shop at Wal-Mart for what they stand for and committed and allowed to happen on their premises. they’re better places to shop and prices are just as reasonable also we need to support our local small businesses more, buy American more need I explain why people. This fine article written by me not her ty.

  • Jill Visak

    Hey do yourself a favor and take the time to learn something, do a case study on Wal-Mart and you will find out plenty. Sam is rolling in his grave.

  • archer1203

    snopes says this story is false

  • Mike Wheatley

    I think I’d much rather have my mom home for Christmas, and not in prison, then a stupid video game system.

  • Mike Wheatley

    sure Mom may face the death penalty, but what a small price to pay for her kids, huh?

  • D.Mon

    Gotta read,people!SATIRE! Ya gotta LOVE it!

  • Guest

    He’s not going to have a mother, but he will have his Xbox –Pure madness !!!

  • D.Mon

    Amazing how the conversation deteriorated(broke down). It started as comments on a satirical article written by people with delightfully twisted senses of humor to a heated political debate on the pros and cons of shopping at Wal Mart…the problem with today’s society is that people take things entirely too seriously…lighten up, people! 🙂
    By the way, I shop at Wal Mart because it is cheap. When you need to pay to live, you find the least expensive way possible.
    Local Ma and Pa shops in my area are what most people call “Boutiques”. I refuse to give them my money for items that are WAYYYYYYYYYY over priced.
    So there! 🙂

  • Visitor


  • Guest who

    Here’s a point, and something that stays on topic. The alleged parent in this article said she was proud of getting her kid an xbox, and she talked about having to spend time in jail for murder being okay, and that she didn’t punk out. Do you think she stopped to think about the kid NOT having a mom to help him grow up, that is not incarcerated? This type of moronic behavior simply isn’t logical to me. I doubt seriously that this happened, although people’s behavior these days would not surprise me. They are lost, simply put.

  • BoBo


    The Daily Currant is an English language online satirical newspaper
    that covers global politics, business, technology, entertainment,
    science, health and media. It is accessible from over 190 countries
    worldwide – now including South Sudan.

    Our mission is to ridicule the timid ignorance which obstructs our progress, and promote intelligence – which presses forward.

    Q. Are your news stories real?

    A. No. Our stories are purely fictional. However they are meant to
    address real-world issues through satire and often refer and link to
    real events happening in the world




    I think the word you failed to read is “satirical.” It is not the fault of this website for posting it, but the fault of the people reading and posting on it to verify what kind of site they are reading and posting on. Arguments and debates are an excellent way to challenge your own views and push you to question and think about the world you live in. So look past calling people “idiots.” If that is how someone chooses to express themselves there is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with them, so just write it off as their problem. Just think of all the questions and issues this piece has brought up. How do you feel about THOSE issues?


    I don’t know I thought the part about the girl bailing her boyfriend out of jail because he punched someone over soup ladles was pretty funny.

  • Vanessa Has Favour Scott

    I believe that this black friday or black thanksgiving needs to end….to many people are gettn killed over material things

  • Larry Goodenough

    Thats too funny… :/

  • Everyone buy the ALL IN ONE, XBOX ONE….
    Free advertisement, endorsed by Microsoft Corp….

  • Gliese Steliferous

    So correct me if I’m wrong, but did Wal-Mart officially state that kids are dying while making products that Wal-Mart sells?! What an evil company

  • Shawn

    They don’t care what you think, get over yourself.

  • schmoj

    How about Asstard?

  • Raine Toole


  • Mark Harrison Near

    This site, unlike the Onion is not funny or outrageous enough to not mislead people. The worst, most pointless site on the Ubernet.

  • CupCakes

    This lady is a complete IDIOT!!! now she going to PRISON for MURDER…DUMMY!!!!

  • USA

    its called ‘idiot america stampedes to the malls’

  • Denver Bob

    Ban all assault screwdrivers …. They are deadly.

  • Joey Janikowski

    Thank you sir. This explains it 100%

  • JT

    Um, no. The Wal-mart death happened 5 years ago.

  • JT

    Well the other reason is they don’t report fake stories.

  • JT

    And some people believed that one was true too. “Oh, 15% of the US was killed on Black Friday, that is plausible.”

  • JT

    And how many people have died on Black Friday at all of the Wal-Marts combined over the last 6 years? ONE. And 5000 is believable?

  • JT

    THIS IS NOT REAL. You really think 5000 people will be killed at Wal-Mart shopping?????

  • Ghost

    Scary stuff … really its the weirdos

  • JT

    It’s possible she’s purple, since it was all made up.

  • Random Guy

    I would recommend that we all get together and BOMB all of the stores on Christmas while no one is there.

  • Joshua

    For everyone that thinks people are not this crazy, I beg to differ. Walmart had a 34 year old man trampled to death mere seconds after opening the doors and when asked to make way so others could get to him to save him, the shoppers were more worried about standing in line outside then if the man lived or not. Black Friday is a wild and chaotic day and that woman, should be arrested and imprisoned for life.

  • Polarbear

    I live in a very old neighborhood and the waterlines break often. The mud gets into the water lines. It takes a bit of water to run before the water clears up. So yes I drink bottled water. I also know The bottles are not eco friendly. But squishing them to a small little ball takes up less room.

  • omgwtfbbqhax1

    most of the perpetrator for these violence are probably females. further proves how emotional and irrational animals they are

  • shankarj6

    Satire!! Another “ONION”

  • Sam
  • polar

    I was at wal-mart today and there was only one tube of eye drop left. The oldest lady said you go ahead take it,so we argued to let the other take it,so we gave each other a hug saying oh well somebody else prob. need it more than we do.

  • whocares

    For a few seconds this angered me as much as the thought of someone missing the satire. Oddly, it seems to have had the opposite of the intended effect.. what other currant events have you been spreading as truth???

  • Diana Price

    Nope. Didn’t you see how many people believed this?

  • Stefano Francisco

    Were you not around for Tickle-Me-Elmo? People were dead serious about it. Videos of the fist fights and everything aired on the news.

  • tvnewsgirl

    This story is fake — IT DID NOT HAPPEN!

  • Shayne

    Get rid of the physical black friday all together and make it completely online and nobody would die, just servers.

  • whocares

    Yeah like explicitly stating everything on the site is satire. Oh..

  • Abraham Budhiredja

    meanwhile in africa….

  • Me<<<

    hmm… i like the idea of wal-mart. but I think that after doing a little research that I wont be shopping there anymore……..unless I have to…..hmm there are good points and bad points to all things. just think, one day, wal-mart will probably be the only place you will be able to buy things. After they push out the competition i mean who really has the power to push wal-mart around? The government? Don’t even get me started. Have a nice day

  • E.R.

    Boycotting Walmart isn’t about hurting the company or its corporate leaders…that will never happen because there will always be people out there who need to stretch their dollars to last through to their next paycheck and unfortunately, Walmart is able to help them do that because of their cheap prices. The TRUE results of boycotting Walmart is to spend your hard earned money on local and small businesses. I would rather spend my money helping my neighbor put food on their table, clothe their children, put a roof over their heads, than put another dollar in the hands of these greedy corporations who will only spend it buying another yacht, another million dollar home, etc.

  • ithinkerer

    Does worshiping God automatically strip of your ability to detect satire or do you just lack that ability by default?

  • ithinkerer

    Yep… sure is beyond belief. SOOO far beyond belief that some people would swear it isn’t real!

  • potato

    you say the word union as a wal-mart employee and you’ll soon be terminated of your employment there. seen it happen.

  • potato

    actually its a viscous circle of both. I’ve worked below the poverty line since I started on the workforce. You cant afford to live on a low paying job without taking the benefits. As soon as you get into a job that pays marginally better they cut your benefits down to nothing so really you aren’t getting anywhere. unless you can find a job that will just about double the pay of your typical 8 dollar an hour job at walmart, you aren’t getting yourself anywhere.

  • blkbeauty

    Wait so it’s not true

  • Vince O.

    Another thing to note that only dorks like me would note:

    Sami Zayn is also the name of a professional wrestler. Find it weird that such a unique name for such a unique character would appear in this article.

  • CW Chef Pat

    I think their website ought to be taken down for instigating fraudulent stories….Some people read them and never check them and that’s understandable ….Just when you thought it was safe to go back into the water

  • JohnPA2006

    Can you blame the lady the XBox One is awesome, Dead Rising 3 is so much fun. I think the Black Friday death toll this year was a few thousand. I’ll never be over Macho Grande. I love this site, even more I love the people who havent realized its a satire site like the Onion !


    story is totally fake trust me my husband works for walmart and it would have been bought up in the meeting.

  • Crystopsy

    Sami Zayn the wrestler? lol

  • Truth

    its people thinking like that that got walmart to $500 Billion! EVERY PERSON IS SIGNIFICANT! Dont ever think that anyone thing is bigger than the power an individual holds. The way i see it, they get enough money from everyone else, so i do everthing i can to make sure none of it comes through my hands…. Mutiply that thought across the people and we wouldnt have the monster we helped create.

  • Carol Williams

    I think it turns people into savages. How can you not believe it is legitimate? Watch the news on tv for heaven’s sake. You do not have to be a rocket scientist to see the violent acts thanks to black Friday. It turns people into savages, and these people celebrate Christmas? I say get rid of Black Friday all together. I will not lower myself like this to save a couple of bucks.

  • Carol Williams

    it is not just walmart

  • mattiasmarois

    maybe if people quit working their they might change their ways, or go under, like in a free market.

  • Jimmy Tavez

    Fake – Reads like a rejected piece from The Onion

  • LaSantaHermandad

    Why is there no picture of Mary Robbins?

  • LaSantaHermandad

    The fact that there seems to be no picture of the murderous savage nor any picture of the victims, seems to suggest that it was a racial crime. I’m making no judgement as yet.

  • Paulie Walnuts

    I wish that I could say that you’re spot on when it comes to crime going down for years.
    The truth is and I have learned this from several people in law enforcement, that the reporting of the crimes has gone down; especially when the perpetrator is Black and the victim White. Crime is worse than ever; especially racial crimes against Whites including, beatings, rapes, murders and rapes AND murders, armed robbery et cetera seemingly ad infinitum.
    The horrible Knoxville atrocities committed against a young White couple who were going out to meet friends was arguably ONE of the most hideous crimes committed in the annals of violent crime.
    Google Channon Christian and Christoper Newsome. I live on the east coast and when I brought this up among at least 20 of my colleagues at the school where I taught, none of them had even heard about it. The details are hideous. If you’re on Facebook access Execute LeMaricus Davidson.
    Another one is the Wichita Massacre where young people were murdered after hours of sexual torture and beatings.
    The sucker punching of unsuspecting White people on the streets of our cities has become a trend and several of these assaults have resulted in severe brain damage and death of the victims, In all the cases the attackers were Black .
    adolescents and the victims White; several being elderly.
    This appears to be what the “Fundamentally Transformed America” will be like until the “victims” have reached their threshold of tolerance.

  • LaSantaHermandad

    No one that I spoke to in NJ had heard about Channon Christian and Christopher Newsom in Knoxville. I was talking to a group of more than 15 people and not one was aware.

  • Geoffrey Tillman

    This is flat out not true. Crime has demonstrably been going down for over twenty years. This is not something that can be argued it’s undeniable fact. and your friends anecdotal evidence is just that anecdotal. people 30 years ago lived in more violent times. It’s just that today we have multiple 24 hour new stations constantly pushing scare stories and reporting crimes nationwide that in the past would have only been local stories. It’s easy to look up old crime stories in local archives and the statistics are freely available. Don’t fall for the hype and don’t mindlessly spread falsehoods.

  • PoohBear

    Not shocked Just SAD!!! That Some IDIOT would risk a LIFETIME w/there kids for a THING!!!! Family is ALWAYS more important & lasts Longer ~ WAKE UP PEOPLE!! If this is what its about Im Ready to leave this Sad Unloving world ! Take me Christ because I KNOW its about U & Love& Caring… Not Things that Dont love us back! I work PT Barely paying bills because I KNOW the smile on my kids face when he comes home to me is SO WAY worth more than ANYTHING $ can buy !!

  • If_Only

    If people only knew what employee’s of Walmart have to deal with behind closed doors.

  • Sarah

    Correction there… SOME (maybe around 30%) work really hard. If you are a manager’s favorite, you get paid to stand around and do nothing. I was one of the few who worked harder than most there. I did my job plus my dept. manager’s job and everything else that I wasn’t supposed to do and the only way I could get promoted was to get my dept. manager promoted to assistant manager even though he never lifted a finger. Those who work hard get treated like crap a lot more because they’re not favorites. Walmart can be a dangerous place behind closed doors. But all that matters is if you are a hard worker, that’s your pride and no one can take that from you. Even store managers who don’t do anything, ignore problems, and fire you because you have a child that you have to leave work for and run to the doctors. Again, behind closed doors, Walmart has a lot of secrets. At least for the one in my area.

  • JeezusChrist

    Attention bone-heds, all stories on this site are bogus!

  • Jen

    “more kids will die making this junk than buying it” This quote cant be real….

  • Matthew Paul Colonna

    This is what x mas is now…

  • Max Blood

    no hes just a dumb f__k just like your mom for not swallowing

  • BreakingDeadMen

    I gather you are attempting an insult of some sort, but it didn’t really come together. I see where you are trying to go, but you display a poor understanding of how the reproductive system works and conflate it with a prepubescent understanding of human sexuality. Ask your own mother for the talk, it will be helpful to you.

  • JBlack

    This is a parody website, people. Like The Onion. So calm down. Although this story could easily have happened.

  • BreakingDeadMen

    Yeah, but the last answer is a lie. They should’ve gone with The Onion, National Lampoon, and The Realist, though they may not be hip enough for the last of the those three.

  • Name

    Wow over a stupid reason… Just because you can get that for something percent off doesn’t mean you need to kill people over it. Some people need Jesus in their life. No lie.

  • joel

    hahahahahahhaha lol

  • Michael Allen

    The Daily Currant is an English language online satirical newspaper
    that covers global politics, business, technology, entertainment,
    science, health and media. It is accessible from over 190 countries
    worldwide – now including South Sudan.

    Our mission is to ridicule the timid ignorance which obstructs our progress, and promote intelligence – which presses forward.

  • Floraetta Jones


  • Floraetta Jones

    My half brother worked for Wal-Mart for 7 and a half yrs. his Mother got sick and died then my half sister got sick and died. e had a heart attack and was in the hospital for a week and when he got out he had a drs. statement saying he had been in hospital. He went back to work and they told him he had used up all his vacation time and his sick time with his and mother. They didn’t need him any more and fired him for no call no show. He tried to draw unemployment and was told he couldn’t cause Waal-Mart had a loop hole to get out of that.

  • Max Blood

    1st off princess try getting on your high horse on another site, not on some fake post to something that has nothing to do with you. second stop reading into to much stuff on the internet its twisted your mind into over thinking everything then acting like you know something…3rd. you clearly misunderstood the meaning. not a shocker though really. by me saying what i said clearly shows i under stand it. cuz if your mom did swallow instead of spit it out and turkey baste it into her strange then you wouldn’t be here. so again why don’t you and your bf get on that horse of yours and f off and stop wasting my time with your dumb petty attempts at trying to sound important

  • Max Blood

    by continuing to stick your big nose into things that has nothing to do with you and trying to mount that high horse of yours its clearly showing you have no life and its the only way you can seem important to anyone. its sad really. that ppl like you scan hundreds of posts a day to find someone to comment to and then try to mount that high horse thinking your better. but your not and your more pathetic then most of the trolls you try to shine over. neither you or ur bf there r worth anymore time. so say what ever you want your only wasting your own time… can’t wait to see what you try to muster up next.

  • Gary Count Kellam

    i find it awful that I actually believed this up until the last 3 or 4 sentences.

  • Know your farms. Don’t buy anything from places you don’t know personally. I’m still unsure how this process is difficult. Time consuming no doubt – but how important is what you put into your body?

  • You are right. Along with that boycott lots of education needs to happen. They must happen together, however.

  • anaday

    What does Coca Cola have to do with A$$h–E? For your information, Coca Cola has chose not to air commercials for the months of November and December to use that money to help the people who have just went through the Tsunami in Japan and others who are down on their luck. Get your story straight before you ridicule a company that does care about the consumers.

  • anaday

    your loss Coca Cola is the best!

  • anaday

    Yay Coca Cola!

  • anaday

    What if he does, who made you the bottled water police?

  • Patrick Longworth


  • Tanny Imsoblessed Mathews

    So why did you send this to me? Seems like we pretty much agree concerning Wal-mart…

  • Curtis

    So are they gona try to take away our tools too like the guns.

  • Lily White

    Uhhhhhh, this didn’t really happen ‘name’.

  • Michael Morris

    Brandon – You seem to be the only one of these people who have commented on here who actually has any common sense.
    You are absolutely correct when you say that the way Mega Stores would deal first with a boycott is to decrease their workforce. Even though Walmart pays next to nothing to it’s employee’s, some are married and the combination of both working partners income is enough to get them through without relying on Government assistance.
    Its good to see that not everyone in this country is an absolute Moron….Merry Christmas,

  • Trollencio

    LMAO! I was shocked at first, until I started to read “X-box Dead section”, then I realized that it was fake. But I was like this O_O with the woman killing three people at Walmart hahah

  • Max Blood

    1st off princess try getting on your high horse on another site, not on some fake post to something that has nothing to do with you. second stop reading into to much stuff on the internet its twisted your mind into over thinking everything then acting like you know something…3rd. you clearly misunderstood the meaning. not a shocker though really. by me saying what i said clearly shows i under stand it. cuz if your mom did swallow instead of spit it out and turkey baste it into her strange then you wouldn’t be here. so again why don’t you and your bf get on that horse of yours and f off and stop wasting my time with your dumb petty attempts at trying to sound important i think your better off breaking deadmen or w/e nasty thing yo do…..

  • Max Blood

    by continuing to stick your big nose into things that has nothing to do with you and trying to mount that high horse of yours its clearly showing you have no life and its the only way you can seem important to anyone. its sad really. that ppl like you scan hundreds of posts a day to find someone to comment to and then try to mount that high horse thinking your better. but your not and your more pathetic then most of the trolls you try to shine over. neither you or ur bf there r worth anymore time. so say what ever you want your only wasting your own time… can’t wait to see what you try to muster up next.

  • Dark Matter

    When niqqers are involved everything is possible. Why do you think they call it BLACK FRIDAY?

  • Cali Sun

    thats REALLY f*&cked up man :/

  • jill

    FBI agent “Harry Carry”?,, lol

  • darioqqo948

    My Uncle Hunter
    recently got Ford C-Max just by part-time work online… look at here B­i­g­2­9­.­ℂ­o­m

  • Steve

    Am I the only one here who doesn’t hate walmart?

  • Wubba

    So you don’t want a job then? Retail jobs like this shrink with increased internet sales…

  • Guest

    I think her crazy behaviour goes way beyond that day in Walmart. I’m betting she has a long rap sheet and or history of mental issues. Those poor people. My prayers go out to their families.

  • BDX777

    I thought PS4’s were the one having problems restocking?

  • Brandon Roberts

    oh that makes a lot of sense to do that gotta love crazies

  • F U

    This site should go die in a hole!!!
    It made people outraged when this story was heard including me!
    What the crap is the point of posting freakin fake stories!

  • Space_Cadet_1952

    Wal*Mart board members pay themselves $500-750 million a year each while their ‘partner’ store workers exist on food stamps and government subsidized health insurance – like they give a damn..?

  • Hussein

    “my name is Hussein from USA, i want to use this opportunity to thank a great spell caster who helped me to bring back my ex lover after she has end up the relationship for four years now. naturally i don’t believe in any spell caster,cus there are a lot of scams but i run to him as directed by a friend of mine,when i told him he helped me and in two days my ex is back to me and it was real and i was really surprised…. for the solution to your problem in your relationship, u can kindly contact him at this email address: [email protected] or [email protected] My Regards…..”

  • Ronald Hinton

    I’m guessing all the dead are white – since no mention of race was made.

  • Guest

    Explain to us what happened then

  • Guest

    They act like coca cola kills u coca cola never shortened life or killed

  • Toshiro Hiroyuki

    They act like coca cola kills u coca cola never shortened life or killed

  • Johnny Wilson

    It wasn’t a real story.

  • Jace Mindue

    I agree black friday is stupid

  • TimGolden

    bro(t)her! don’t hate cavemen; help G-D to(o) educate cavemen

  • TimGolden

    bro(t)her! cling not to(o) fame nor to(o) fortune
    bro(t)her! cling not to(o) power nor to(o) praise
    bro(t)her! cling not to(o) booze nor to(o) (Imelda’s silver) shoes
    bro(t)her! cling not to(o) pills nor to(o) terrestrial thrills
    bro(t)her! cling not to(o) the sun nor to(o) a teeny tiny gun
    bro(t)her! these terrestrial things are your doll’s dolls
    Q: bro(t)her! what’s your doll?
    A: “that man!”s skin you (wee spirit) are in
    bro(t)her! cling to G-D

  • TimGolden

    G-D’S Two Part Plan for man (nunc)
    part I stop sinning (behave!)(stop being a dumb-he!)
    part II start saving (act!)(start being a smart-he!)
    G-D’S Two Part Plan for man (tunc)
    part I cease to do evil
    part II learn to do well
    ho ho ho
    bro(t)her! G-D knows who’s naughty and who’s nice

  • TimGolden

    bro(t)her! don’t ever be afraid to(o) deliver G-D’S Mail

  • TimGolden

    2004 Federal Sentencing Guidelines Require Employers to Periodically Train All Employees on Workplace Ethics
    (google it! bing it! aol it! ask it! yahoo it! info it! wow it! dogpile it!)
    Q: who is to blame (for the most recent NFL scandal)?
    A: man y people (he/she/they)
    Q: are players to blame?
    A: si!
    Q: are coaches to blame?
    A: oui!
    Q: is the commissioner to blame?
    A: jee!
    Q: are owners to blame?
    A: hai!
    Q: are district attorneys to blame?
    A: ja!
    Q: is G-D to blame?
    A: nyet!

  • TimGolden

    Q: bro(t)her! who really is to blame (for every single scandal)?
    A: bro(t)her! are not the complacent complicit?

  • TimGolden

    bro(t)her! do your best to(o)
    be pro-woman and pro-girl power
    G-D is!

  • TimGolden

    to all U.S. legislators,
    if you want (desire) to help millions of girls and women
    now and in the future
    then make law!
    Lily’s Law: 21 to buy laxatives; keep laxatives behind counter
    so(w!) THAT
    kids don’t steal laxatives!
    laxatives are addictive and do cause serious internal injuries
    to all U.S. legislators,
    don’t tell us THAT (you are pro-woman and pro-girl power)
    if you are unwilling to show us THAT
    ‘tell and show’
    to all U.S. legislators,
    if you tell us THAT (you are pro-woman and pro-girl power)
    then show us THAT
    (by you doing your best to(o) make Lily’s Law law)

  • TimGolden

    bro(t)her! I do don’t you
    want (desire) to ‘see and hear’:
    1) a Chinese pope right wrongs for G-D!
    2) a Jewish US president right wrongs for G-D!

  • TimGolden

    bro(t)her! let’s pray (yea!)
    for the EEOC and OSHA to(o)
    go global!