Man Responsible For Olympic Ring Mishap Found Dead In Sochi

Feb 08, 2014

olympic-rings-mishap-doctored-by-russian-tvThe man responsible for operating the Olympic Rings during last night’s Winter Olympics opening ceremony in Russia was found dead today.

According to local reports the body of Boris Avdeyev was found his hotel room early this morning with multiple stab wounds.

Avdeyev was a technical specialist responsible for the Olympic Ring spectacle, which embarrassingly malfunctioned last night. Five animatronic snowflakes were supposed to transform into Olympic Rings. The first four functioned properly but the fifth snowflake failed to change shape.

Although his body was badly mangled and the wounds were consistent with a struggle, so far officials say they don't suspect foul play.

“Sure there were stab wounds and bruises all over the body,” admits the lead investigator on the case. “But who knows what caused them. Maybe he tripped and fell on a set of knives. Right now we’re ruling this an accidental death.

“It’s terrible when accidents like this happen. But then again, maybe Mr. Avdeyev should have thought twice before he screwed up the Olympics. Accidents tend to happen to people who betray Russia.”

Despite the government’s story, fellow hotel guests reported hearing a struggle in Avdeyev’s room around 3 a.m. local time.

“There was a very loud noise last night,” Canadian bobsled member Guy Lafleur, who was staying two hotel rooms down. “I called the front desk but the phone didn't work so I went to the room where the sound was coming from and saw three big men leave the room.

I asked if there  was a problem and they told me to go back to my room. Then this morning I find out the guy inside was dead. Very scary I told the police what I saw but they told me to forget what I saw. They were very intimidating.”

Putin, The Man You Can Trust

It was reported that Vladimir Putin was visibly upset with the botched ending of the ceremony and he may have been out for blood. He stormed out of the stadium and took off in a helicopter before the media could ask him any questions.

The embarrassment of his nation could have been too much for him to handle.

“Putin loves Russia to death,” said Alexander Zhukov, the Russian Olympic Committee president. “He also loves accountability.”

While there has not been accountability from the contractors responsible for building the Olympic Village, the ceremony was a world wide event for everyone to see. Putin may hold that to a higher level.

“If he feels the Ceremony reflects him, who knows what he’ll do to seek justice,” said Zhukov before part of a hotel ceiling crashed to the floor beside him. “All I know is Borris Avdeyev failed Russia and got what he deserved.” More of the hotel began to crumble and the interview had to be cut short.

  • Johnny Wilson

    Those crazy Russians.

  • FakeAlert
  • http://komkon.org/~bushel Vladimir Bushel

    Fake news, already rejected.

  • MiDora

    So fascinating how sick can be a mind of a person making up stories in less than 1 day.
    The whole story is fake. Including the hotel crumbling with ceiling falling :) Not so fast, gentlemen, not so fast.

    If anyone would kill the person responsible, trust me, the body would never be found.

  • Tage M. Hall

    Canadian Bobsled Team Member … Guy Lafleur … HA HA HA !!!

  • CaptainObVious

    THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR POINTING OUT THIS IS A FAKE STORY. OMG. I ALMOST BELIEVED IT UP UNTIL THE POINT WHERE I REMEMBERED I WASN’T A GULLIBLE AMERICAN BRAINWASHED JESUS LOVER.

  • Really?

    Did you go to the theater to watch Disney’s Frozen and yell “THIS IS
    FAKE!” the whole time? This is a comedy website. If anyone
    would take the time to read the damn story they can clearly see that
    it’s satire. It’s a joke. It’s fiction. Plain and simple.

  • Craig Little

    Captain Obvious there is nothing wrong with loving Jesus, He loves you! He died to pay for your sins.

  • Literal_Jim

    You LITERALLY just made CaptainObVious’s point. Well done.

  • Guest

    What a sick evil country, at least it’s officials who should face the firing squad. To err is human. Glad I don’t have anything to do with this country.

  • Craig Little

    I thought someone would say that, it is sad that you all assume that those of us who have Faith in Jesus are brainwashed. Is it not possible that we read, study, research our Faith and others faith and come to our own conclusion that Jesus Christ is the way!

  • stig781

    Jesus didn’t die for anyone. He never walked on water, healed the sick, he never existed.

  • Stalin

    The story is true!!! How gruel!!! And those that says it is fake just want to cover up everything!! Shame on you!!!

  • SomeGuy

    Are you an idiot? Everyone, even atheists can’t deny that Jesus existed, it’s damn near proven that he did. You can debate whether or not you believe he performed miracles or if he was the son of God, but denying that the man existed is sheer ignorance.

  • Pasan Gonakumbura

    And it wasn’t the fact that you’re reading the Daily Currant that tipped you off? God bless you.

  • Craig Little

    stig781 what is your evidence to support such a claim and dismiss mine. Could it be that you simply refuse to acknowledge your need for a Savior and to be forgiven of your sins.

  • Charlotte Otwell Payton

    I’m a Jesus-loving American, but not a brainwashed, gullible atheist. THANK GOD!

  • Charlotte Otwell Payton

    Prove it stig.

  • Charlotte Otwell Payton

    It takes more faith to be an atheist than it does to believe in God. Belief in God is the obvious, believing in nothing is the suspension of disbelief.

  • N

    http://teespring.com/sochirings
    I just thought he’d be fired.
    Not fired upon!

  • Bogdan

    Your ability to read and write has nothing to do with Jesus.

  • Bogdan

    Yeshua did exist, as his wife and children, and his mom an dad. And if you believe that he did walk on the water, then you need some mental counselling.

  • Bogdan

    Of course this is fake. But, there have been and will be so many deaths for stealing the money and not being able to get ready for the Olympics in time, but you will never ever ever get to know this. This is Russia, and you don’t even know how big Russia is (so much space to hide whatever they want). So, foreigners in here, shut up and enjoy the sportive events.

  • Tatiana

    And, they forgot to mention that guy was gay!!!

  • Johnny Jihad

    Jesus does exist. He mowed my lawn last week

  • Talfrost

    And nothing to do with being brainwashed either . You people are starting the next great hate movement , good for you!

  • cancanjody

    More faith to be an atheist? Whatever works for you. lol

  • LissaKay

    You don’t screw up Russian Olympics. Russian Olympics screws up you.

  • David M Bleile

    okay I’ve read several of the comments on here and I want to know where the proof that Jesus existed. and Died on a cross and rose again from the dead, and ascended into heaven Is.. Show me Please!! and I am not talking possibility I want Concrete, Factual, irrefutable
    evidence!!!! :-) not BIBLICAL EVIDENCE or references… we all KNow that the BIBLE is NOT PROOF. it has been so twisted in it’s translation and origin that it can not be taken literally or figuratively and it sure is not History as if it were the dinosaurs would have been on NOAHS ARC!!!

  • LissaKay

    There’s isn’t proof such as you request. Sorry. You take it on faith, or you reject it.

  • Lee Butchart

    ACTUALLY YOU IDIOT JESUS NEVER EXISTED ITS BEEN PROVEN THAT THE 3 SOURCES USED 2 PROVE THE EXISTENCE OF JESUS ARE FAKES CREATED CENTURIES AFTER THE EVENTS WERE SUPPOSED 2 HAVE OCCURRED ULSO IN RECENT YEARS NEW EVIDENCE HAS COME 2 LIGHT THAT MAY STATE THAT JESUS WAS CREATED 2 PLACADE THE JEWS THE SIMPLE FACT IS WHEN CHRISTIANITY CAME ABOUT IT FIRST PROPHESIED THAT THE END OF THE WORLD WAS NI AFTER THE DATE CAME AND PASSED WITH NOTHING HAPPENING THEY CREATED A NEW WAY 2 CONTROL THE POPULATION AND STAY IN POWER AND WHAT BETTER WAY THAN A HAVING SOME MORTAL MAN BE THE SON OF GOD AND HAVE HIM SACRIFICED FOR THE GOOD OF MAN GO FARTHER BACK IN TIME 2 ANCIENT EGYPT AND THE FIRST EVER VIRGIN BIRTH ISIS GAVE BIRTH 2 HORUS SUPPOSEDLY ON DESEMBER 25TH ULSO HORUS IS SEAD 2 HAVE DIED ON A CROSS AND RISEN BACK 2 LIFE IN 3 DAY AND HES NOT THE ONLY RELIGIOUS FIGURE IT APPEARS IN HINDUISM BUDDHISM JUDAISM SO GO LOOK AT A HISTORY BOOK OWW AND MAYBE CHECK OUT THE WALL OF THE LUXOR TEMPLE AS IT GIVES THE FIRST KNOWN DEPICTION OF THE TRINITY RELIGION IN PRINCIPLE SEEMS LIKE A GOOD IDEA BUT IN PRACTICE IT IS A DESTRUCTIVE FORCE AS PEOPLE WILL ALWAYS DISAGREE AS 2 WHICH IS THE RIGHT WAY 2 FOLLOW “GOD”. AND IF THERE IS A “GOD” THEN ALL THE ATROCITIES CARRIED OUT IN HIS NAME WELL IN MY OPINION MAKES “GOD” UNWORTHY OF ANY AND ALL PRAISE

  • David M Bleile

    well then until such time as they can produce such proof I’ll have faith that I am correct in my belief that it is the “GREATEST STORY EVER TOLD” and miscatorgorized as as NON-FICTION!!!

  • LissaKay

    Yes, you surely can … until the day comes when you are shown otherwise. You are also free to seek this out yourself. If you have an open heart and mind, and truly desire to have this knowledge imparted to you … :-)

  • Michael Palmer

    It’s not because If you did at some point your assumed common sense would engage and you’d realize the apocryphal literature you call the gospel was co opted when the church decided Jesus was a useful tool for controlling people. Isn’t it funny that it took 300 years for the miracle of resurrection to actually occur. And that the story of Jesus and his virgin birth is so remarkably similar to all he other folklore of the time?

  • David M Bleile

    I’ve been Catholic, unitarian, assemblies of god, pentecostal, Lutheran, and baptist and they are all the same.. hypocrites,, back stabbers un-loving human beings!! I don’t subscribe no ever will I again to any religion, creed or Faith on this green planet we call MOTHER EARTH!!

  • LissaKay

    So you’re rejecting Christ because of what PEOPLE did?

    Oh yeah. That makes sense …

  • Kami Killdren

    If you laid off the caps lock and used a lick of punctuation, someone might read that. Meanwhile, read up on the Gnostics. You kind of skipped over them in your theology lesson.

  • Willem Meijerink

    Your totally crazy this is a hoax

  • Herson Cruz

    1st century Historians such as Tacitus and Josephus wrote about a Jesus who was crucified. You can start there.

  • juggy

    is there really a Canadian bobsledder named guy lafleur ? lol

  • -_-

    Are people seriously getting upset and actually arguing over this? This is ver immature.

  • aldijs

    If he uses caps lock, then he knows what he is talking.

  • florent

    typical russia

  • Amanda

    Sick evil country??? I believe you’re from USA or UK to say so… i can’t imagine anyone else to be so offensive… Well, today I discovered so many “nice things” about americans and britains,that i do not really doubt…In an article written about Olympic games, the author didn’t even know that St-Petersburg and Leningrad is one city and not 2 different ones:-D He was British, and he published many articles… I wonder how a person can write an article if he doesn’t have any idea what he is talking about?! Is it a trend in USA and UK?I bet you don’t even know any foreign language…but, actually, is your life.And I don’t want to offend anyone, as I believe that every person is different and it is not fair to judge anyone by nationality! But to be honest we are also glad that you don’t have anything in common with our country,as we don’t need there people who hate us.

  • mizrewlav zim

    Your last sentence was extremely powerful. It got me thinking how true that is. wow

  • Not Brainwashed

    Wrong. Read a book that isn’t the Bible and you’ll find out why it takes exactly ZERO faith to be an atheist.

  • ElsaFanDude

    wait.. Frozen was fake!? damn it…

  • Real>DealNFake<Jake

    WOW mention Jesus and the planet explodes…….Jesus did exist, i believe, not the way most folks think. But who am i to say how and what someone else should believe in. It is an interpretation of the readings. It is ignorant CaptainObVious….. You as well have the right to interpret it as you see it. Attacks tells me you are undecided………Probably can’t make the final decision. Is the glass half full or half empty…..I say too much glass!!!! That my friend is intelligence not BRAINWASHED………

  • CaptainPlanet

    hey man I’m just saying but… categorizing yourself with a certain religion is exactly the way to become a hypocrite. I’ve been a Christian with at least three denominations and I can tell ya, that’s why I don’t really identify myself with any single denominations anymore. Also Christian are just sinners who admits they are at fault, not any better than normal people, so if you see a pastor cheating on his wife that’s not out of the ordinary. The point of Christianity isn’t to make us perfect, but to acknowledge our shortcomings and strife to be better for God rather than ourselves.
    p.s. calling the earth our mother has got to be in a religion somewhere :p

  • whattheheck

    Guy Lafleur was a hockey player in the NHL and later a coach. Wow

  • sarstan

    This is not a funny at all.

  • Dmitry

    How many people are ready to believe in a fake story! Some idiots in Twitter even suggest to bomb Russia..

  • Danielle

    I believe this country to be absolutely disgusting in MANY ways and I am NOT American nor British. Nice stereotyping.

  • Diane Young Christian

    I can’t believe that this discussion of a humorous piece devolved into a religious (or lack thereof) free-for-all. Talk about your nonsequitor.

  • SSUMOLOTOV

    bring it on…

  • anders bjørnø

    How are you going to identify who’s jesus? There were no ID cards given out back then…? You’re working off of faith even then because if he’s not here in the moment then you’re believing he existed based on stories, not evidence. If they did find a body and it was jesus, they’d still have no 100% accuracy to finding any relation between him and what the bible explains.

  • An Atheist

    I have faith that god doesn’t exist…..your point is invalid

  • Concerned

    I fail to see what any of the things anybody in this forum said had anything to do with the article or it’s validity. Just a bunch of people out to criticize others for their beliefs? Give it a rest, God gave us the right to choose what to believe in for ourselves. Quit acting like children and insulting each other’s beliefs. To my Christian bothers and sisters he says pray for them. To the non believers out there your free to make your choices as well. So why all the word slinging? I’m very glad this article is fraudulent, terribly sad story.

  • An Atheist

    wow, you actually just took the same thing most atheist’s say about you and used it on them……what was that in the bible about “love thy neighbor” and the idea of treating others as you wish to be treated? I have thus far gained that you want to be insulted, I however wish to be treated like a person. Good day maam….

  • Ricardo Rosado

    Bullshit! Bet the man is alive and well.

  • Concerned

    It would not be called faith then?? Faith is believing without seeing??

  • An Atheist

    But a man walking on water does? I’ll never understand religion. It only seems to cause wars and disputes over something that doesn’t matter in the slightest. We all, regardless of faith or lack of it, wish to have peace and an end to conflict. So why then, is the idea of a celestial almighty being, something that cannot be proved or disproved, a subject that inspires hate? If we all really wanted peace so much, we wouldn’t need the idea of a god to achieve it.

  • Bill

    Ha Ha…Trouble in Putingrad or Putingraft which ever you prefer. Perhaps that was the Freedom Ring…as in Let Freedom Ring !!!

  • LissaKay

    Sure … why not? When one is able to think outside of the very constricted box defined by what one can see, feel, hear, taste, smell, etc., then one can marvel at and appreciate that God is supernatural and capable of extraordinary things, far beyond what our tiny human minds are able to comprehend.

    But as for the hate, strife and ugliness in the world, that is solely the fault of imperfect, evil-natured humans. Ascribing to God the imperfections of man is silly … especially when He made it possible for us to escape our fate of condemnation.

  • http://www.blagoplanet.com/ Thomas Bodetti

    I tend to believe that anyone that has a belief in unbelief so strong that they are compelled to go out and attempt to convince everyone that they are right and everyone else is wrong needs to have some mental counseling. The truth is simple, you can believe in what you want to believe in it may come in many different types of beliefs, Luck, Karma, Kismet or any number of religious beliefs As long as what you believe to be true does not force me to change my beliefs or to subscribe to your beliefs, then do what you want.

    The moment you attempt to force what you believe on others then that is wrong, simple truth but apparently so difficult for some to understand.

    Just like everyone has a different viewpoint on any number of subjects most people do not try to convince everyone else that they are right and you are wrong, they do not go out and call you names or call you ignorant.

    Anyone who cannot deal with the fact that we are different and we have the freedom and the right to do what we want to do as long as that does not involve violence or forcing your point of view on someone else.

    Think about that and you will see what is wrong.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/elijahmowattlarssen Elijah Mowatt-Larssen

    And this is why we hate Russia…

  • cat

    TL;DR. ps. LOUDD NOISES

  • sean

    I call bullshit.

  • Believer

    He rose from the dead!!! How do you explain that?!?!

  • heavensent

    How did this become a religious debate?

  • Chris Hodge

    You both need to keep your opinions to yourself, religion is a personal belief, not anything you can change or should even try to, it is something learned and not easily broken, but, hey, maybe go outside, and open your mind and ask yourself if your happy, if the answer is no, maybe ask the next question. try it, its sorta fun.

  • ArthurKirkland

    Man, Russia’s freaking crazy… o.o;

  • Daniel

    This fake article was about Olympic rings and all of a sudden the discussion is about religion and Jesus …..

  • daveeed

    he’s using caps he must be right!

  • Michael David Davis

    Unfortunately, stig781 does appear to exist.

  • WoW

    The people commenting here are embarrassingly idiotic… way to knock the human race down a few pegs you morons

  • SDJohns

    Unicorns also exist… I have faith they do, so they do… Can you show me evidence that unicorns don’t exist?

  • juggy

    I know that iam a avid hockey fan that’s why I asked lol

  • JP

    There is more proof Jesus existed than what proof we have on Caesar.

  • Richard Cranium

    I don’t hate anyone but if I did it’d be Russians right up with Mexicans and Puerto Ricans… If I hated anyone it’d be them in that order.

  • niceguy

    Alien gods rule!!!

  • cv

    Unless Jesus is part of the Russian mafia, stfu about your stupid US religious stuff.

  • Tyler

    I remember an awesome hockey player for the Quebec Nordic’s named Guy Lafleur back in the day, buuut that’s about it lol

  • Kisses

    This is quite possibly the most annoying post on the internet.
    It hurt my eyes to read. Do you really think that anyone could take you seriously when you state your opinion in such a way? Ignorance is believing that typing in all “caps” inclines anyone to take you seriously.

  • Alexandre Khodjaiants

    What a bull. Anti Russian propaganda again.
    Alena Dubinsky

  • truth is out there.

    you guys im reading your comments. and its quite distressing. this is not the spirit of the olympics. and cmon a light didnt work. i thought the opening ceremony was class.

  • batmanroxus

    Russia, a complete failure, incapable to putting on the games, and this is the direction our leftist friends want to steer us… crazy

  • Charles

    Lee, get off the meth and the caps lock, learn some English and a bit of literacy. Take a piece of advice, too…you are much better off keeping your mouth shut and letting people wonder if you are an idiot, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. That is old but sage advice. Get a clue.

  • http://www.baldypal.com/ BaldyPal

    Here is why the dinos weren’t on the Arc

    http://oddfunny.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/dinosaurs.jpg

  • Anastasia Duchevski

    Kisses, relax. The technician got fired. Nobody died. OK, Putin is not perfect, but this article is just as credible as the fact that the Pope is gay.

  • Anastasia Duchevski

    Sorry, hon. Russia is an incomplete failure because it is a young democracy, whereas the old democracies… well, think about it.

  • truth is out there.

    i like russians, there cool. i like everyone, and the olympics is the on

    ly time we all get together, once something goe’s wrong it all kicks off. lets just watch the games. the games are a long haul. i think its been a spectacular opening. there have been games in the past were things were just not cool. ok one of the hoops didnt work, lets watch these athletes battle it out. and get involved. peace

  • Justin

    Something I’m aware of atheists saying is a person is just imagining their prayer was answered any time they say that it was. Due to that, something I’ve asked some atheists is, if that is the case when a person who has accepted Christ as their Lord & Savior prays, how did the following happen: In the past, every 4 or so days, I would have 1 – 5 epileptic seizures within 18 or so hrs. But one day they just stopped…, & 9 or so months later I still hadn’t had any. Then, as usual, I went to church, but this time a Christian family I know from another time zone was there. That day I learned that 9 or so months back they had had my name added to the prayer list of the church they normally attended. A week & a half or so later though my seizures started back up. Then, 4 or so weeks after… they started back up, I learned that, after the family got back home, they had my name removed from the church’s prayer list due to how well they heard I was doing.
    By the way, also take note that them having my name removed from the prayer list the Sunday after they spoke to me, & me having another seizure a half a week or so (in other words, 4 or so days) after that means the 4 or so day cycle started back up as soon as they stopped praying for me.
    Accepting Jesus as your Lord & Savior, which requires you to let go of your pride, is the only way a person can as well as will receive eternal life.
    By the way, looking at it from a neutral perspective, I would rather accept Him as my Lord & Savior & a belief that claims you will not be punished for eternity be correct than vice versa. Play life wisely, everyone. You’re better Saved than sorry.

  • Guest

    I almost believed this until the hotel started crumbling. Honestly I wouldn’t put it past a corrupt government to murder someone who embarrassed their country.

  • Lee Felsenstein

    Stephanie Miller, who hosts a wild radio show, has used Guy Lafleur’s name for decades as part of her performances.

  • Josh Giles

    If Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection is a hoax? It has to be the greatest and most flawless of all time… I doubt that its a hoax, its easier to believe he is alive and that God is the creator

  • Tylert

    I love Jesus but what does this satire article that’s intended to poke fun at the Russian government, have to do with Jesus?

  • JustCurious

    Alright, so you’re very knowledgeable of Christianity, that’s cool. Have you researched other Faiths’ by any chance? Or consider science for the explanation of some things? Not all, but some.

  • Linda

    You must be an extremely sad pitiful person. I really do feel sorry for someone with your amount of anger and rage. You dear one need Jesus very much.

  • Justin

    Maybe that statement came out of love. Maybe that was just her way of showing perspective.

  • ‘Merica

    It’s a fake story, calm down guy.

  • khaled

    Do you really think that ?!

    Way to what exactly ?

    And is he god ?

    If he is not god then what is he ?

    And finally what is your solid evident that Jesus is god ?

    Thank you

  • Marc A Gibbs

    jesus was a schitophrenic pediphile that liked to mind fuck people like you….your probably a creationist….retard!

  • Marc A Gibbs

    The only thing people should worship period is knowledge….Period

  • jesus

    I like turtles…

  • Marc A Gibbs

    Define this god….your faith is based upon ignorance….The church has killed more people in the name of “GOD” than any other organized group in history. Superstition is bliss. Jesus was a false prophet and god is a superstition….

  • Gløsing

    First off: Your experience doesn’t mean anything to anyone who knows a little bit about mathematics. Wierd stuff happens randomly all the time, there is absolutely NO consistent evidence showing that prayers have any effect at all.

    Secondly: You’re talking about Pascal’s Wager (google it) when you’re saying that “You’re better saved than sorry”. That philosophical hypothesis was refuted over three hundred years ago.

  • Marc A Gibbs

    Religious people have no place in modern society….Jesus was a false prophet and God is a superstition…

  • Piret Rhapsodos

    Stop compensating with “Big Words”, and talk normal. This isn’t some Engrish Essay.

  • Ruth Mostert Pellegrini

    Yep!

  • meke delabonte

    you are a jerk off though

  • Doug Rayner
  • Emma

    I think that this discussion won’t lead to anything but insults. Is it that hard to accept peoples faith in anything instead of insulting them? I am an atheist but I do not insult people who believe in anything because of that.

  • mariam

    აფხაზეთი და სამაჩაბლო საქართველოა !
    Abkhazia and Samachablo are Georgia !
    абхазия и Самачабло это ГРУЗИЯ! !

  • Ruslan Akmedov

    A knife maker can literally make a point, i think figuratively made a point was what you meant to say.

  • Lee Gattis

    easier??

  • PraiseGod

    Your so wrong in so MANY WAYZZZZZ TRY YER SPIELING CHEIK 4 1 And Then Go From There……. and now i’ll pray…

  • Carlisle

    Y’know, it’s kind of funny to me how articles with nothing about religion in them still end up with religious arguments in the comment section. Nice going guys. Really, good job team.

  • satan all the way

    jesus is a fake, asked him to take the wheel while i grabbed a beer next thing i know im in the ditch

  • Bella

    Seriously, so fed up with that Anti Russian Propaganda, accept it the Sochi Games are one of The Best so far, ceremony being spectacular and breath-taking! Haters .

  • Headn4heavenRu

    Hey Obvious…. it is not only in America! Jesus is everywhere.

  • tcon1377

    how do you know it takes more faith are you an atheist? ever heard of the big bang that happened billion of years ago. that’s a fact. The bible was written by man

  • heyhey

    the fact that they said “sure there were stab wounds and bruises but maybe he fell on a set of knives” should indicate this is fake…dumbasses.

  • Sandra Hajek

    I think this thread got a bit off track, lol

  • Maskeladden

    He died 2000 years ago to pay for my sins today? Wtf.

  • http://www.youtube.com/boonski Boonski

    I believed this until I read, “Although his body was badly mangled and the wounds were consistent with a struggle, so far officials say they don’t suspect foul play.“Sure there were stab wounds and bruises all over the body,” admits the lead investigator on the case. But who knows what caused them. Maybe he tripped and fell on a set of knives. Right now we’re ruling this an accidental death.”
    That’s when I realized it was fake. Anyone who still believes this is true after that, deserves to how did they put it? Oh yes, trip and fall onto a set of knives. lol

  • rosco

    belief in nothing is bullshit god is also bullshit, belief in the universe is were its at , get a grip and do some research, theres a lot out there . nothing what crap !!!!

  • Sarah Johnson

    Ok, now this thread just went waaaaay out there lol this that this that this that….wait- he had a wife and kids! Thank you for your comment. You made my evening.

  • tromokrat

    Right you are. Don’t mind the atheist pieces of scum.

  • Draven Chiam

    you must be a megalomaniac to believe that your God would take time off killing children and innocents making plagues and diseases.

    just to make sure your seizures end
    letting go of your pride, don’t make me laugh, there is nothing more prideful then believing that some higher power would take notice of you above all others

  • Levent

    Why did you have these seizures in the first place and why don’t you blame the Savior for making prayers necessary to be saved.

  • max.

    Fake

  • wow

    And all this because one person said “GULLIBLE AMERICAN BRAINWASHED JESUS LOVER”

  • nickolaskusha

    აფხაზეთი და სამაჩაბლო საქართველოა! Abkhazia and South Ossetia in Georgia! Абхазия и Южная Осетия в Грузии!

  • Harvsbuddy

    I believe that none of these posters on this thread really exist.

    I can only read these comments because I do have faith that utter stupidity exists.
    These words are MY proof.

  • john

    the big bang is a theory, not a fact. Nobody can know for sure having not been there at the time.

  • Heidi

    There is a difference between having faith in a ‘god’ or other sort of deity pertaining to any certain religion but it does NOT MEAN the person should be pushing their responsibilities and blaming what errors /they/ make on “God”.

    This isn’t the Crusades. “God” Doesn’t tell people to kill people, for example. And God does not tell people to go to war.

  • http://www.thechildhealthsite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=1 Edcedc8

    but you are a moron.

  • http://www.thechildhealthsite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=1 Edcedc8

    I have.

  • http://www.thechildhealthsite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=1 Edcedc8

    you – you aren’t very bright, are you.

  • http://www.thechildhealthsite.com/clickToGive/home.faces?siteId=1 Edcedc8

    failtroll has failed to troll.

  • TMG

    A point is more than just the tapered, sharp end of a tool. It is also the significant or essential element of what is intended or being discussed.

    He still literally made a point, but Jim’s counterpoint was ironically dull.

  • Jimmy Richmond

    About

    The Daily Currant is an English language
    online satirical newspaper that covers global politics, business,
    technology, entertainment, science, health and media. It is accessible
    from over 190 countries worldwide – now including South Sudan.

    Our mission is to ridicule the timid ignorance which obstructs our progress, and promote intelligence – which presses forward.

    Q. Are your news stories real?

    A. No. Our stories are purely fictional. However they are meant to
    address real-world issues through satire and often refer and link to
    real events happening in the world

  • Kirk

    The message in the book is love! Faith is at the simplest explanation, is love!
    Love the haters, they are going to hate, that what the do,it’s very hard to not be so right that hate rears it’s truth, in your face,and takes no prisoners,

    I get no place I want to be telling others to go to Hell,and blessed when I tell them I believe why I believe in going to heaven,it works for me, and lots of others!
    How’s that hate religion thing working for ya?
    Right fighting is human nature ( it’s loving you when it sucks to be you )
    That takes rolling up your spiritual sleeves! O,yea and some faith!
    I’ll take my simple mind and smile at ya, knowing you need to be right!

  • djnsv

    “tripped on a set of knives” ahahha maximum trolling

  • Олег Игнатьев

    From Wiki.: “Guy Lafleur,(born September 20, 1951) is a former Canadian professional ice hockey player …” “Dailycurrant”, the Websyte, You Can “Trust”. By the way, it’s the only syte, where you can find this article, BBC, Eurenews etc. know nothing about this.

  • Jeff

    Prayers don’t work. Otherwise why doesn’t God ever heal amputees?

  • Dan

    Compared to other beliefs, that might be the case. But compared to every-day reality, where there are NO solid proof of creationism, you are wrong with all your study and research.

  • Anton

    You forgot to say, that he was killed by a bear with a balalaika

  • OnionLover

    Maybe he drowned in a bucket full of knives…

  • studebeker

    According to Olympic charter unopened (red) ring represent American continent so if this hoax would be true I would blame a CIA for this guy death

  • Rodney Edens

    Faith is a belief without empirical evidence. Atheism is the rejection of belief, especially in a deity or deities. Saying that it takes more faith to be an atheist, is the same as saying that you believe there aren’t any deities even though less evidence stands to support your position. A greater amount of faith wouldn’t be needed, unless there was a lesser amount of evidence to support your position. So, saying it takes more faith not to believe, is like saying that less evidence supports your position and yet you hold to it all the same.

  • Disc-in-chains

    CS Lewis: “The wish that God doesn’t exist can be just as powerful as the belief He does. I’d even say choosing to disbelieve may be stronger evidence for His existence, since you have to be aware of what you’re denying.”
    Freud: “I deny the existence of unicorns. Therefore, they exist?”
    (Excerpt from Mark St. Germain’s play, “Freud’s Last Session”)

  • Mikhail Golenishchev

    There is no jesus.

  • Shakhar

    The “Big Bang” is NOT a theory. God said “let there be light” and BANG!!! there was light. As far as atheism is concerned, God doesn’t believe in atheists.

  • dane

    do you believe in santa claus and the easter bunny too? in a few hundred years some future idiot will find a copy of the avengers and try to convince everyone that thor is the almighty god of the human race and that iron man, the hulk and the rest of em are his apostles that helped to spread the good word. jesus goddamned christ, you look to fairy tales so you won’t have to actually think for yourself.

  • Djeez

    Near proven….So it isn’t proven at all, you are just as ignorance as you claim he is… I beleive in MYSELF, i have to make my own choises in life, Not some god, not some other spiritual beeing, ME, i respect others who claim to beleive in God or Allah or whatever, as long as they dont FORCE their beleives on me…Respect one another, as god tells you in the bible and if you dont beleive us your common sence en respect other people’s choices, how wrong they appear in your point of view…Let them find out on their own…

  • DJDubstar

    The word “Theory” does not mean what you think it means. “Theory” means an idea which has been tested and proved to be true.

  • Michael

    Piret is this better? “UR Rtarded”

  • YouAmazeMeGuest

    Where the fuck did you come up with Jesus in this convo?

  • impyrious

    Let people believe whatever they want to, as long as they do not get others involved who do not believe. Fighting over these things is useless

  • HELPUHELPURSELF

    TIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH GOD YOU LOSERS AND IF YOU BELIEVE IT DOSE THAN YOU ALL ARE GOING TO BURN IN HEEEEEELLLLLLL

  • Nope you’re wrong

    Tis better to sit quietly in a room and let those around you think you may be an idiot than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

  • Shakhar

    Sorry I don’t believe in isis or horus. The end of the word is nigh means near. Let me have the bible verse that gives the date that you speak about that passed already.

  • Shakhar

    LOL

  • http://www.silentrocco.com/ Silent Rocco

    OK, satire…. good one! :)

  • Илья

    Нас наебали, расходимся.

  • PYSTALI

    Atheist are incapable of using logic.

  • Stephen Wolf

    why would any news broadcasters even put this on the internet they should be acousted

  • Verbal

    So…how about that Russian guy, huh?

  • Triple S полностью

    YOU IDIOTS! Buy your brain before you write such nonsense! This is so stupid, I have no words …

  • Alice Morri

    Don’t be so naive, people! Use your brains first!
    http://dailycurrant.com/about/
    Quote:
    “Q. Are your news stories real?
    A. No.”

  • Big Swole

    If you hate Jesus, so be it; but don’t hate the underlying message of love, compassion and putting others first. He never once condemned gays, liberals, or anything of the like. He condemned those who used religion to control. The Old testament, and other ‘prophets’ did all the condemnation.

    Buddha and Muhammad were just as honorable, irregardless of their personal choices; the message remained the same. As with did the Hindu’s, Taoists, and Atheists, even the pagan Romans and Greeks. for a community to prosper, one must always place your needs under those of others; should everyone do that. A Community cannot help but flourish. no, not in a Communistic way, not out of government control; but of love-filled passion.

  • bob

    Putin killed jesus

  • Believe it or not

    Well if you believe in god explain the 800,000 to a million year old foot prints found in England just a few days ago. Also, if the bible were true we would all be brothers and sisters because god only created one man and one woman and they had babies, which populated the world. Then he wiped the world out again with a flood and then Noah’s family repopulated the world apparently. So if the bible is real, does that mean God and the bible condone incest?

  • Agnostic

    I’d just like to point out that all this thread proves is that there are really stupid people who are religious and really stupid people who are atheists. So many of these comments are so ignorant I laughed my hole off reading them. There may not be evidence supporting any religion but it’s impossible to prove that atheism is correct either. That’s why I am an agnostic. It’s also unbelievable that an article like this always seems to end in intolerable religious debated that nobody will ever win so well done for all wasting your time.

  • bigbangtheroy

    “I just saved 10%………………….switching to I DONT GIVE A FUCK!!! **facepalm**

  • technikalia
  • skeptixxx

    and the Gold Medal winner of the “Hootin’ Tootin No Disputin Putin” is Boris Avdeyev. RIP.

  • Wiccan Mama

    LOL I was just thinking the same thing…hwo did we get here from the post being fake???

  • lenamd100 .

    ” News ” website reported the death responsible for the Olympic rings

    Publication time : 10:38

    last update : 11:00

    blog printable saved as a file to mail photos

    ” News ” website reported the death responsible for the Olympic rings

    On Saturday , February 8 , The Currant Daily website posted a message about what kind of Boris Avdeev, referred to in the publication responsible for the disclosure of the Olympic rings at the opening ceremony of the XXII Olympic Winter Games in Sochi, was reportedly found dead in his hotel room .

    - Opening of the Winter Olympics in 2014 . picture story

    In the same publication , describing the incident to ” ADEEVA ” version of the site quoted a famous anecdote about the fact that the victim ” tripped and fell on the knife , and so a few times .”

    Despite the fact that The Currant Daily (” Daily currant ” ) is a famous humorous psevdonovostnym site, a message about ” responsible for the death ring ” widely dispersed social networks and quoted some English-language media.

  • lenamd100 .

    My tongue is Russian,Listen to the press conference and interview Putin – is the primary source.

  • lenamd100 .
  • FrendlyRussian

    Dear Americans, 90% of the information about the Olympics games in your media is a lie :(

  • Johny

    Is it not possible that we read, study, research our Faith?

    No its not possible because if its rational fact based and believe constructed using scientific (the only non-subjective and VERY accurate) method than its not faith. Faith means believing without evidence.

  • Johny

    We clearly observe that god of gaps getting smaller and smaller with each scientific discovery, with each generation becoming smarter and not believing in superstition and you are saying that atheists require faith? Right….intellectually how we see people from from medieval time, people after 100 years will see you, They will refer to you as… “Those people use to believe in… [insert any myth you believe]… (and than giggle follows)”

  • Guest 111

    You so-called atheists should be ashamed of yourselves. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but when you insult others because of their beliefs, that’s just dehumanizing and wrong. Its extremely arrogant. Just because you don’t have faith doesn’t make you a better person than people who do. Its similar to telling someone they are inferior because they are gay or black. Its attitudes like these that lead to things like genocide (remember the Holocaust?). Get off your high-horse. As a both a scientist and Christian, I believe one can believe in both science and faith. To me, they are 2 separate things. Faith does not need science, nor science faith. I wish everyone could try and understand other peoples points of view without judgement. Maybe then we could be a little more accepting of each other.

  • Yana_Russia

    Are you damn crazzy?! Dont talk about my country like that!!!! How dare you are!!!

  • Ray Hamilton

    I would give anything I have to be with you when your end comes. I would love to see what you think about God then.Much Love. Most People don’t have trust in God when things don’t go the way they want them to.

  • Niall

    Propaganda masquerading as ‘satire’. My, my, an awful lot of ‘influential’ people in the West really do have it in for Russia. Jealous much?

  • Всеслав

    такой бредятины даже во время холодной войны не было.

  • jonny

    Gravity is also a theory. Do you also not believe in that?

  • Philip Galindo

    Revisionism means changing the meaning of a word when the word does not mean what you would like it to mean. ie theory

  • dato

    true story

  • Ignorance is bliss

    Spot on wrong. Belief in God isn’t obvious. If it was obvious it would take no faith to believe in him. Therefore you would need no faith which would in turn take away from it being a belief it would be a fact. How about trying to have more faith.

  • KRW57

    Absolutely correct Charlotte. If you don’t believe after reading “I don’t have enough faith to be an atheist” by Turek, your mind is closed and there is, sadly, no hope for you. God bless you.

  • Mike

    it lodges

  • Mike

    it’s a lie

  • ascott4655

    i hope all of these comments are as fake as this story. this.is.ridiculous.

  • Ignorance is bliss

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6uRXBFNlYJ4 Just listen to this and forget all of the bullshit.

  • house

    it’s a lie

  • guest

    Thats the definition of a law not a theory. Good try though.

  • Leprechaunxwwwx

    You read it in a book you are saying?

  • 666

    If you have studied to come to the conclusion that Jesus Christ is the way you have failed.
    You should look into the scientific research of the development of the earth and the human race. You can choose to believe this too. Just as you choose to believe in Jesus Christ. It’s not a matter of study or reading some book, it depends on how you look at things in life. Most people that believe in god have people around them that also believe in god. I grew up with only a few of those people around me and that’s most likely why i don’t believe in a god.

  • [email protected]

    How did an joke article on the Olympics open the opportunity to bash Jesus lovers? Makes me wonder if there are some who are just looking for any opportunity.

  • http://www.derekwilliams.net Derek Williams

    no, it’s a “lie”

  • http://www.derekwilliams.net Derek Williams

    no, it’s a “lie”

  • http://www.derekwilliams.net Derek Williams

    Good luck with that, but Science and Religion don’t make good bedfellows, since most of the Bible defies Science.

    When it comes to religion itself, there is no single religion that represents a world view. They’re all fighting with each other.

  • Danno

    When CBC air’s the story I will listen to what they have to say. Until then…..

  • bnchy

    Where was Boris Badenov and Natasha? I knew they were still up to no good.

  • Kayla Jean

    Why do people post in other languages? Google translate is not helpful, lol

    Is there a way to translate the page, so they read it in their native language.. or do they read it in English, then respond in their language..

    mostly just curious.

  • Lee Wilkinson

    LMAO..Falling on a set of knives happens, I fell on a set last week, I accidentally cut my penis off & will never be able to have anymore kids, other than that I’m fine as a daisy..

  • Hannah

    More to the point, and less about the insignificance of religion, THIS IS BRILLIANT. “More of the hotel began to crumble…” Honestly, would you even be surprised if this did happen?

  • Sambo

    Facts are ideas that have been proven to be true. Theories are society’s idea’s that have the MOST evidence supporting sed theory. Wow even atheists can be dumbasses

  • J

    Really? 300 years? Except we know that Paul’s letters were written and in wide circulation much before this time and spoke extensively of the resurrection. If you’re not going to believe the Bible, at least do the proper research and don’t believe everything you hear others say about it in order to discredit it.

  • Pleasestopfighting!

    Why has this developed into some religious debate exactly? Christians, why can’t you stop fighting with the atheists? Atheists, why can’t you stop fighting with the Christians? There doesn’t need to be some big fight about this, especially on a satirical article about the Russian Olympics of all places. We need to stop making naive generalizations about everyone else’s respective faiths. This is going to get nobody anywhere. This debate has been going on for centuries, and its certainly not going to be resolved in the comments of some Daily Currant article on the internet. As for the argument about religion starting wars…. (because I’m, admittedly, a little bit offended by this, being a nondenominational peace-loving Christian myself)…. do people not also fight wars in the name of peace??? What about oil, money, land, power, etc? Just because people fight over something doesn’t make it inherently evil. Just let people have their beliefs (for the most part, they really aren’t doing any harm), and expect that you should be allowed to have yours. You know…. Give Peace a Chance! :)

  • Kayla Jean

    it’s satire.. it’s made to be funny.. this whole website is full of joke news.. none of it is real.

  • Kayla Jean

    it’s satire.. you’re supposed to laugh..

  • idiots

    You people are fighting a losing battle. The bible is a great storybook. Just like the koran. All written by men…It is all put together to control the masses like you. And I dont expect you to understand that because youre already controlled.

  • Opie Jones

    This kind of stuff happens regularly in Russia and other countries under Russia’s influence – particularly to journalists. But the rest of us can sit back and make fun of it, right? I mean who cares – it’s not us. Really hilarious satire.

  • Ernest Allen

    Might as well be true: See former Putin critic and now dead Russian journalist Anna Politskovskaya: found shot in the back of the head in a stairwell and initially ruled a suicide by police until her family members assembled enough evidence to goad an investigation. That’s how the Russian government rolls.

  • Chris Rigley

    At first I thought you said “fish”, “It takes more fish to to be an atheist than to believe in Jesus Christ”, and I thought,”No,that can’t be right. Jesus was good with Fish”.

  • Karl

    Not quite true, but close. A “theory” is an idea that is yet to be disproved. You can have all the evidence in the world to make a theory stronger and stronger, but it will never be 100% proven as it only takes one measly piece of evidence to disprove a theory.

  • Captain Impervious

    And yet, surely if you were to explain your animosity toward “brainwashed Jesus lovers” you would use words like “narrow-minded”, “judgmental”, “hypocritical”, “self-righteous”,”hateful”, and “unintelligent.” Ironic.

  • live and let live

    Ahh! The classic “They’re All Going to Laugh at You” Postulation. VERY intellectual.

  • Guest

    That was cute.

  • Stay in school, kid

    Sorry, you lost me after you called someone an idiot and then unleashed several dozen lines of all caps, misspelled, asinine nonsense.

  • Guest

    Lee, using the “logic” of your last “sentence”, we should also denounce love, money, food, land, property, science, and politics.

  • logical and neutral

    u know nothing (-jon snow)

  • Internet Explorer User

    Internet Explorer

  • Guest

    Word. Let’s skip the religion vs. science pissing contest and try to figure out how anyone could have thought this was a real news story when there is a link on the same page with the headline “Justin Bieber Rushed to Hospital Following First Erection.”

  • my two “sense”

    You guys are all wrong. In the end nobody knows what is going on. Science is only applied on our earth. On Mars/Jupiter/galaxies far away, our science would not prove true. There would be different physics and different laws of science depending on a lot of things. The human race knows nothing, we are so small, we are so incredibly small in our universe that there is no real way of knowing exactly what is happening around us. Sure, experiments have been proven to show that life can be created from nothing with certain levels of gas and certain amounts of energy that were found on earth millions of years ago, but that shouldn’t change the fact that all of the “stuff” around us had to of been made from something.. Or does it? We only know life to be creation and death, a beginning and an ending. But what if that was only the small picture. We have no idea how rocks formed from nothing, we have no idea how matter exists without a creator of some kind. Can science prove how we have gigantic balls of gas/rock/materials in space from absolutely nothing? I would say no, but I would also say that there are some things we will never know. A big “bang” doesn’t prove how there were materials here in the first place and a creator doesn’t explain who created him. It’s like we learned in grade school, matter can neither be created nor destroyed. It just transforms shape/chemical structure. I for one don’t believe in a creator because I can’t see the logic in it, I believe in science, in life, and in creating a sense of content throughout ones life in order to be successful. I believe in meeting the goals you set for yourself and making your life mean something. But going beyond that, I can’t really tell you what is actually happening because life is too complex. The fact of the matter is, none of us were there, none of us can describe how matter formed from nothing, none of us can say how large the really big “room” (universe) we are all in, so there is no true answer. Science and religion only go so far in describing what is truth and what is false. Believing one thing over something else doesn’t make you less/more conscious either, btw. I have terrifically gifted friends who believe in god and jesus who have something I can’t say I have, the willingness to believe in something even though there is “science” telling you it can’t be true, just because of a deeper feeling of connection.. I’m quite jealous I don’t feel this, and hope it leads to a much happier view on life for them.

  • Guest

    It’s nice to see someone post something on the internet in the interest of being a decent human being, instead of trying to prove someone else wrong/show off how smart they are. Thank you.
    Stop the douchebaggery, people!

  • Guest

    Firefox

  • Benny Varkel

    And you know this how?

  • Guest

    SUPER jealous.

  • Mike

    Keyword “easier”. It takes heart to know and understand that when you and your loved ones die, you die for real. You don’t go to a place where your best moments and feelings are relived again and again. You don’t get to be with all of your family and friends around you. You cease to exist. Just like everything else on the planet and in the universe, when your time is up, it’s up. If you don’t believe that than you don’t believe in the basic scientific principles that show that humans are nothing more than organic matter made of atoms and cells like all other creatures and plants that surround us on this earth. Therefore you should stop taking medicine when you are sick. Ask god for help. Every time you use science “you do every day” you disprove god, and your belief in god. Since you don’t believe science is real don’t use your computer built using science. Don’t eat food from a box that’s been processed using chemicals and treatments designed with science. Don’t drive your car, don’t watch tv, don’t even use light bulbs since, according to the bible, lightning is gods wrath. And catching god’s wrath in a little round piece of glass made by man is impossible, right? If you want answers, just look around you. I don’t need to tell you these things.

  • Guest

    Thanks, guy on the internet. I’ll spread the word.

  • Guest

    Hey, this is no place for measured, well-reasoned viewpoints.

  • Tooth Fairy

    Feel better?

  • ,saksfhkdslajdslhia!

    But if I did that, I couldn’t be a faux intellectual internet tough guy!

  • Guest

    Correction, it’s a “lay.”

  • Guest

    Safari

  • Guest

    easy for you to say.

  • Literal_Jim

    No, a knife literally HAS a point. It doesn’t make a point. In edition to being at the end of a knife, a point can also be an idea put forth by someone n a discussion. What the Guest did was LITERALLY PROVE the point that CaptainObVious was trying to make.

  • Guest

    In Soviet Russia, face palms you.

  • Guest

    I bought my brain at Target.

  • Guest

    LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Literal_Jim

    If you think praying helped your seizures then you’ve lost your mind.

  • Guest

    If by “thinking for yourself”, you mean “not being an internet douchebag named dane”, then yes, you’re right. Now tell mom to bring down some more Hot Pockets.

  • Dorothy Mantooth

    You leave Guy LaFleur out of this!

  • Sarr Sheffer

    <3

  • Guest

    Yeah! Haters should drown in their Haterade!

  • Broski

    Apparently, you forgot to tell him which way to steer.

  • Guest

    Was your GPS activated?

  • Guest

    Jesus was busy trying to eject your Nickleback CD.

  • Guest

    Did you say please?

  • Haley

    That was amazing. Thank you for that.

  • Guest

    It’s like fly paper for ignorant douchebags.

  • Guest

    And assholes DO have a place…it’s called the internet.

  • Michael B

    … as the hotel continued to crumble… LOL! Perfect ending!

  • cv

    Yeah! Stop liking stuff I don’t like! lolz

  • Guest

    It is?

  • Guest

    These colors don’t run.

  • Guest

    Egad! I think you might be on to something!

  • Jane

    what?

  • Guest

    Dinosaurs hate boats.
    +1 Science!

  • Guest

    All people are hypocrites, regardless of religious affiliation.

    *The More You Know

  • dude

    Guy Lafleur was an iconic French Candian hockey player. Satire indeed.

  • Guest

    Lots of things cause wars and disputes. Blaming them on one of those things simply because you find it distasteful doesn’t make sense either.

  • Guest

    That was quick.

  • Tolstoy

    Please tell me you wrote “gruel” instead of “cruel” on purpose.

  • troll

    I think it is great you read, study, and do research. However, an English education would have taught you that the word “faith” does not need to be capitalized since it is not a proper noun–unless you came to your own conclusion that it is. In that case, it must be true.

  • Guest

    How do you feel about bison?

  • Guest

    Frozen is clearly a documentary.

  • brodster
  • Guest

    “Please stop saying things like that.”
    -Jesus

  • Bliss is ignorance

    Buncha squares, brah…

  • Guest

    It’s like layaway.

  • Guest

    Careful, bud, you’re drooling all over mom’s keyboard.

  • Guest

    No, not really. What’s your point?

  • http://www.goveg.com/ The Holy Truth

    Netscape 1.0

  • brick

    I DON’T KNOW WHAT WE’RE YELLING ABOUT!

  • http://www.goveg.com/ The Holy Truth

    You have changed your name to Daisy now?

  • Dr.

    Also, a TV show called “My Wife and Kids.”

  • Guest

    If you think insulting someone on the internet is going to change their mind, then you’ve lost your mind.

  • tneveL

    Other than your clear misunderstanding of the words “Savior”, “prayer”, and “saved”, good point.

  • Dr. Clark J Nibbs, Esq.,

    “I worship knowledge.”
    “Why?”
    “Some guy on the internet told me to.”

  • Guest

    You can tell he’s serious ’cause he’s all “dot dot dot capital P Period.”

  • Guest

    “The church has killed more people in the name of “GOD” than any other organized group in history”
    -Marc A Gibbs, statistician, historian

  • Guest

    Nice.

  • Guest

    You must drive a Hummer. Jesus hates Hummers.

  • PaMaDu

    I haven’t even seen the opening ceremonies, but WTF!? ““Sure there were stab wounds and bruises all over the body,” admits the lead investigator on the case. “But who knows what caused them. Maybe he tripped and fell on a set of knives. Right now we’re ruling this an accidental death.” OH MY GOD….MAYBE he tripped and fell on a set of knives?? Really!? SMH

  • PaMaDu

    oh it’s not true? bizarre…. is the Daily Currant like “the Onion”…?

  • zed

    Wasn’t his fault. He was using apple maps

  • Haley

    WOW. YOUR CAPITAL LETTERS ARE REALLY EFFECTIVE IN PROVING YOUR POINT. PERHAPS THEY WOULD BE MORE SO IF YOU USED PROPER SPELLING AND PUNCTUATION.

  • rsdfwd

    Pute factual and metaphysical nonsense. Read a little. Then read a little more. And more.

  • rsdfwd

    That’s simply stupid. Try 100+ million in the twentieth century alone by atheistic governments.

  • Chris R

    Yes, the Daily Currant is exactly like the Onion. Satirical.

  • Guest

    thanks, caveman.

  • Literal_Jim

    See, that’s the difference between most Christians like you and normal people; I’m not trying to change your mind. Your mind is too far poisoned to change. I’m just here to laugh at your stupidity. Mission accomplished.

  • Guest

    All that and more on the next episode of “Hipster Conspiracy Theories with Niall”!

  • Elayne Shiohama

    okay…jokes on me!

  • Alexei

    Что блять? Вы там обкурились в своей Америки? Насмешили)) Никогда так не смеялся) Спасибо!)

  • Alexei

    What the fuck? There you got stoned in his America? Laugh)) Do not ever laugh) Thanks!

  • facts of life

    guess jesus doesn’t love the millions who starve, are enslaved and raped, tortured in the world. jesus apparently likes suffering; or is so weak he can do nothing or does not care or is not real but a big excuse for all to do nothing but hope, pray and make excuses.

  • Lanie Blackmon

    and so is yours. such fools.

  • Lanie Blackmon

    why would you care Benny?. Obvious you don’t know about God so your not worth any of us brainwashed jesus lovers time.

  • Christine Cruz

    Another nonbeliever and their angry name calling. Just adorable.

  • Lanie Blackmon

    God, here is another 666 believer to kick down to Satan. God bless your soul

  • Lanie Blackmon

    Read the bible and find out for yourself. God bless you

  • Lanie Blackmon

    You are Satan. We rebuke you in the name of Jesus.

  • Katrina Li

    Haven’t you leaned by now that EVERY discussion on the internet turns into a religious debate? It doesn’t matter what the subject is; you be talking about polar bears versus grizzly bears, or Batman versus Superman and it would turn into a religious debate. That’s how the internet works. It’s impossible to stay away from. You’ve just got facepalm and try and get to a site with a bit more sanity.

  • Lanie Blackmon

    Then show some respect to people on here. God bless you

  • Lanie Blackmon

    and he healed our Pastor last week.

  • Timothy Lambert

    How the fuck did this turn into a relgious argument. Oh i forgot this is the internet.

  • Lanie Blackmon

    I have one in my backyard. Love it.

  • Lanie Blackmon

    Hi Satan troll.

  • Katrina Li

    Your username says it all!

  • Lanie Blackmon

    God bless you. we rebuke you in the name of Jesus.

  • Lanie Blackmon

    Captain keeps changing his name. In the name of Jesus I rebuke you and your stupid posts. I’m out of here. so stupid this convo and the non believers.

  • Katrina Li

    At least someone gets it.

  • Katrina Li

    Touché.

  • Katrina Li

    Is it? What gave that away? /sarcasm

  • Moloveer

    Remember, Jesus saves, but, Moses invests!

  • ROFLMAOAY

    No, just indoctrinated into your faith in the same manner someone gets indoctrinated into any other cult.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Allāhu Akba!! Allāhu Akba!!

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Wow…and people wonder where the term “religious nutjob” comes from.

  • Syu Ito

    OH MY GOD。。。

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Ray – I’ve been dead for over 20 minutes. As I was dying, your imaginary friend up in the sky never once entered into my thinking. There is no legitimacy behind fairy tales and myth. I know what happens when we die. You don’t and are going to be sadly mistaken when you do.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Only fools believe in fairy tales and myths after the age of 9.

  • Believer

    You should read something besides your revisionist history. The Gospels reported the Resurrection before the second century. You should know what you are talking about before you spew your atheistic messages.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    The less time spent with brainwashed crazy people, the better!

  • Bernie

    Yep, because one can believe that matter always existed BUT it is impossible that a supreme being always existed, sounds hypocritical to me, now who sounds brainwashed hum?

    Not religious, just logical

  • ROFLMAOAY

    the bible is a story book of fables, not facts.

  • nonyabizzz

    I figured not even the Onion does anything in this bad of taste…

  • Believer

    Why do atheist always say this? Can’t you find any other stance than…You Christians are responsible for the deaths from the Inquisition, Crusades and every other war that occurred. What about the atheistic leaders Stalin, Hitler, Pol Pot, etc., etc., etc.

  • Believer

    Believing that we are merely organic machines is beyond belief…it boarders on stupidity. If you have never felt the stirrings of the human soul I feel sorry for you. And your description of what you think we believe heaven to be is laughable.

  • Believer

    Worshiping knowledge, now that’s really smart since our knowledge changes daily. At least God is constant.

  • Guest

    I thought Christians were supposed to befriend and spread information about Jesus to people who don’t know, not claim superiority. But hey, that’s just what the Bible says. No American Christian cares about that. Lol. Just the parts that help them point fingers and tell everyone why they suck.

  • DanaButlerAllDay

    Jesus was a man hyped up by religious zealots to further an agenda. If you look into alternative theories Jesus if he even existed didn’t want to be worshipped and some think was never crucified. The Bible can’t even be authenticated. Go save someone who wants it.

  • Rodney Edens

    I didn’t even touch on anything metaphysical. I was just critiquing what had been said from the perspective of logical semantics. In order to convey a clear message, it’s necessary to have an understanding of what it is you’re trying to say. Everyone is entitled to their own ideas, but when someone makes a statement that is self-contradicting then the message is lost, because it has been built on a flawed premise.

  • Believer

    This is another “thought” that atheists and other nonbelievers always assume; that being, Christians don’t look into other religions…they’re brainwashed! Christians don’t look at science…they’re brainwashed! I am a Christian because I have looked at other religions and found them wanting. I have looked at science and found it wanting. I am a grad. student. I’m not stupid or brainwashed. Christ offers humans the only hope in the future. I’m sorry Obama is not the hope of the future…although he claimed to be in 2008. If you have no hope your life is nothing more than a devastated wasteland.

  • Believer

    You may be able to prove this demographically but that is not why I am a Believer. My husband, my mother-in-law, and my father-in-law are all nonbelievers…his parents now have dementia and we have to live with them to take care of them. Nevertheless the hatred they have for me, and other Christians shines through, even through their dementia. The adversary is very strong, but not strong enough to remove my faith in Jesus Christ.

  • Believer

    And you can sit on your high horse of not belonging to any “cult” because?

  • rsdfwd

    You think so? Then you don’t know what metaphysics is.

    Your first statement is flatly false. Faith is based on evidence – do you not have faith that your car will start?

    The rest of your argument defeats you – there is more evidence that there is a transcendent power than that there isn’t.

  • rsdfwd

    The Bible has nothing to do with it.

  • rsdfwd

    Terrific non sequiturs! Please come back with more.

  • fuck you

    fuck all of you

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Because…I am intelligent.

  • rsdfwd

    Uh, what are you talking about? Three hundred years from WHAT?

  • rsdfwd

    Because they don’t do any independent research and just copy stuff the’ve heard, or else make it up and hope that nobody challenges them.

  • Rachael

    And “holy wars” have killed more than that. Fact: the catholic church has rewritten the bible. And is looking to make revisions again soon. It’s no longer the original Bible that man wrote. Fact: The same science that allowed us to create things like airplanes is the same science that says the earth is billions of years old. To deny the age of the earth is to deny the existence of airplanes. (Yes I borrowed that analogy from the Bill Nye and Ken Ham debate. It’s a great example.) Fact: Adam and Eve could not have possibly been the beginning of humanity. Multiple cases of incest from brothers and sisters and cousins reproducing with each other would have a disgusting amount of repercussions. Which is why incest is illegal and dangerous. Fact: Multiple studies have shown that, overall, Atheists know more about the Bible than Christians do. Fact: To believe in the Bible is to accept that it’s your job to stone anyone and everyone who says they don’t believe in God. How many people have you stoned today? None, I’m sure, Because you won’t want to admit that the scripture saying that exists. And once you look it up, because you will, you’ll make some explanation as to how it isn’t meant literally.

  • fiddlecub

    He. Hehehe. Hahahahahahahahaha.

  • Believer

    So you don’t affirm anything?

  • rsdfwd

    Not credible. You haven’t done any independent thinking or read enough philosophy.

    You can’t “look at things in life” in a vacuum.

  • Rachael

    You’re awfully rude. I don’t think Jesus was rude.

  • kiddsmoke

    From Russia to Jesus!! LMFAO at everyone who commented on a subject that has absolutely nothing to do with this article. One day all of you will see the light…Or maybe not. I dunno, We will see. BAAAHAHAHAHA…

  • rsdfwd

    Total baloney – make a sandwich. Got mustard?

    See if you can fix your confusing syntax. Anyway, the scientific method is based on metaphysics, and can’t be used to demonstrate itself.

    Furthermore, the really objective disciplines are mathematics and geometry – their premises can’t be questioned.

  • White Goodman

    There’s a professional dodgeball player named Peter Lafleur

  • Tonay

    Apparently you haven’t comprehended any of the contradictions your faith has with science and reality. If someone hands you a sandwich with 80% crap and 20% roast beef and tells you it’s a beef sandwich, by all means take your hearty bites. To me, it’s still a crap sandwich.

  • rsdfwd

    The really stupid part of this first-grader’s rant is that no population was ever controlled!

    English is your fourth language?

  • kiddsmoke

    From Russia to Jesus?? LMFAO at everyone who posted a comment that has absolutely nothing to do with this article. One day you all will see the light…Or maybe not. We will see….BAAAHAHAHAHA

  • rsdfwd

    Another ignoramus takes a shot at English and misses the mark…

  • Andrew

    I completely agree. Amen

  • rsdfwd

    Show ANY evidence that they do – first hand accounts, eye witnesses, biological evidence, herd tracking…

  • rsdfwd

    Secular historians disagree with you. What did they have to gain?

  • asdfa

    Well not all Americans are gullible and love jesus, only most, which piss off the rest of us, cause we get stereotyped because of them

  • Tyler

    lol right ooon dodgeball player hey, cool. AAAnd that’s about all we have to add to this really long conversation of arguments. So, to each their own alright people! let’s leave it at that.

  • rsdfwd

    (1) Show me the history to back up your holy was claim.
    (2) Back up your claim about rewriting the Bible. There are hundreds of manuscripts and fragments (maybe 25,000) that substantially agree. Show me any evidence for your outlandish claims.
    (3) The Bible does not testify to the age of the Earth. Oops!
    (4) You comment about Adam and Eve is a non sequitur.
    (5) Your sixth point belies your fifth! You don’t know what you think you know. There is no command for us to stone anybody.
    (6) You have taken the command out of context, but I’m sure the explanation (and it’s not what you have suggested) would escape your limited knowledge.

    Your name choice (how it got through is beyond me) shows your level of immaturity. Find another punch bowl to foul.

  • American

    Nope!!!

  • American

    I agree!!!

  • American

    Yeah, the same time you usually quit believing in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy. They are all in the same category.

  • Bob McDaniel

    LOL, tcon were you there? Where did the BIG BANG come from moron? Jeez, Science teaches you can’t get something from nothing, well…..except for the start of EVERYTHING. lol, no really. Science also teaches you can’t get life from non-life, well……except just this once on Earth.

  • Bob McDaniel

    again with the moronic behavior. Theory; a supposition or a system of ideas intended to explain something,
    esp. one based on general principles independent of the thing to be
    explained.

    It is not something proven true, if it is proven without a doubt or alternate theory to be true that is called a fact.

  • American

    A book of fairy tails.

  • HolyShiz

    The stupid… it.. burns…

  • Rodney Edens

    The discussion is metaphysical. I was responding to an earlier comment, not by arguing or commenting on the metaphysical merits of what had been said though, but on the logical consistency of the statements that had been made. As far as having ‘faith’ in a car starting, I disagree. For instance, if a mechanic had restored a car from the ground up and had reached the point where the car would be started for the first time, I assert that the use of practical reason would give the mechanic confidence as to whether the car would start. A posteriori knowledge would allow someone confidence of their vehicle starting. A priori knowledge would allow someone to gain transcendental confidence, such as in the belief in God. The main difference between the two is as to whether the knowledge was gained with or without having had a particular experience. In other words, if God were to appear before me (I use this as an example. I don’t however believe that anyone is capable of ‘seeing’ God in all of his perfection and splendor) I would then have tangible, experiential, knowledge of his existence. Not only would this eliminate any need for ‘faith’ in God’s existence, but it would also prevent me having any further ‘faith’ that he exists. All the same, I could still have ‘faith’ in God’s plans for me and the tenants of my theological beliefs. I think where we differ in opinion is on whether we’re viewing faith as the belief in God, or whether we’re looking at faith as a core part of following the paths God has set out for us. I think both are important parts. I had just been discussing it from the viewpoint of God’s existence.

  • http://asoftbreeze.tumblr.com/ breeeze

    Strange humor. You are sick.

  • http://asoftbreeze.tumblr.com/ breeeze

    You are all sick at the West. But nothing you soon immigrants from Central Asia will show what real joke.

  • disqus_8tyyTkni0o

    Wrong. Everything in science starts w/ faith; it’s called theory. Have you ever heard of entropy? it’s a scientific term. scientists deny science in order to deny God. Scientists should believe in a creator the most.

  • disqus_8tyyTkni0o

    My reply wasn’t to you so your point is invalid. You’re jumping in the middle of a conversation, ignoring all my arguments so you can say sth stupid. That’s your error, the deliberate of self-misguidance.

  • Vicious

    if you did any research you’d have realised the bible is book of fables not to be taken literally. Jesus loved everyone, including gay people, and did not spread one word of hate. You all seemed to have missed that point with your anti gay policy, your racism and the fact you think he was white (if he was, he would have killed as an infant because they would have thought he was the devil, as the only white baby born in the middle east, where, you know, they aren’t white)
    Please, don’t claim to have researched a damn thing, you listen when someone told you what to do and what to believe and read a book the wrong way, that’s all.

  • disqus_8tyyTkni0o

    The fool says in his heart there is no God, says the bible. How smart is it to think you get something out of nothing. Simple thinking!

  • Nyx

    Hot DAMN, you’re stupid. Learn a bit about what you’re arguing about, and then come back and try and make a point. Nothing you said makes any sense.

  • Guest

    How dare YOU are!!

  • Sar Casm

    Well said.

  • Guest

    One more time?

  • disqus_8tyyTkni0o

    The big bang theory is a fact to you coz you BELIEVE in it. you weren’t there. The big bang theory violates laws of thermodynamics yet you still believe in it. God created science, therefore science supports His existence.

  • http://asoftbreeze.tumblr.com/ breeeze

    Now I have to kidding. Americans hate you all over the world: in Europe, in South America, but as you hate in Central Asia, I think you do not need to remind … Joking, then you will be crying.

  • disqus_8tyyTkni0o

    It’s a great danger also malicious when you begin to speak for somebody you’re arguing against.

  • disqus_8tyyTkni0o

    What school did you go to?

  • Guest

    I read the dictionary and I couldn’t find the word “pute.” Should I keep reading?

  • disqus_8tyyTkni0o

    It’s sad when you’re an atheist and can’t spell

  • Guest

    Totally putting this on a bumper sticker.

  • Guest

    Funniest comment ever.

  • Guest

    Is it a picture book? I’d love to see what a fairy’s tail looks like.

  • disqus_8tyyTkni0o

    Atheist and intelligence don’t together. Atheists and fools, more like it. everything points toward God: science, logic, and common sense.

  • Guest

    Nice to see non-Christians are just as capable of misrepresenting Old Testament laws as Christians are.

  • Haeshu

    I’m calling BS on this story. This is how things go in the US, not in Russia.

  • Guest

    I was unaware that Heaven is an endless personal highlight show. Do I also get to pick an ESPN personality to narrate and throw out stupid catchphrases?

  • James

    Lol Guy Lafleur, was he rooming with cross country skier Bobby Orr? Maybe he was with figure skater Bobby Hull.

  • rsdfwd

    Maybe you could ignore the obvious typo (“r” next to “t’) and respond to the point. Satisfied with the correction?

  • http://asoftbreeze.tumblr.com/ breeeze

    I don’t understand American monkey.

  • Griffin Jay

    That can be arranged.

  • Guest

    Defining an entire group of people based on stupidity you see on TV and read on the Internet shows your own lack of “research.”

  • rsdfwd

    Your rebuilt car example is sleight of hand – why was faith all of a sudden in quotes? So, you don’t have faith that your car will start? OK.

  • Guest

    How do you KNOW you’re intelligent? Scientifically speaking?

  • Guest

    Leave Arby’s out of this.

  • Guest

    I put Fritos on my crap sandwich at Subway.

  • Liberal Stupidity @ MSNBC

    The Baracka economy and Hillary’s Benghazi are far worse than Putin. Mangina Dims love the Baracka brownweenie, though.

  • http://asoftbreeze.tumblr.com/ breeeze

    I remember the previous winter Olympics in Vancouver, while the opening ceremony is not completely parted head torch. In the first day was lost because of poorly made luge track.

    Another joke?

  • Eatz
  • Guest

    The arts can be studied and researched without the scientific method. What’s your point?

  • Bortly
  • Literate Jim

    Your assumption that anyone who criticizes you must be a Christian and therefore “stupid” and not “normal” demonstrates that your mind is “poisoned” by your own narrow-mindedness. “I’m just here to laugh at your stupidity” is a demonstration of the same kind of self-righteous, hateful attitude that you likely also attribute to Christians. If laughing at people you know nothing about yet sweepingly generalize as stupid is your “mission” I pity you.

  • Guest

    LOVE LOVE LOVE the Baracka brownweenie.

  • Clearly.

  • Jerry

    Hey there, I just thought that I might point out that the actions of a few Christians don’t define everyone. You’re right Christians are supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves. It’s hypocrisy and it’s the hypocrites who hung Christ on the cross. It’s sick. For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23. We are all sinners but by God’s son Jesus who died on the cross we can be seen as perfect in the eyes of God. All of God’s wrath was poured on his son and not us. May God bless you friend.

  • Jeremiah

    Amen.

  • santa claus + the easter bunny

    We believe in YOU, dane…

  • Guest

    The vocal minority on both sides make everyone look stupid.

  • zadd

    says the person who speaks of entropy defeating atheism when he can’t tell the difference between a closed system and earth.

  • mcrognale

    This is NOT FUNNY. The Daily Currant is a humor site. Most know that but this is beyond the pale.

  • rapp

    You do seem to be quite stupid though.

  • Guest

    Harsh words about 10 year olds.

  • Jinx

    lol everyone’s a troll

  • q

    This is Trollapalooza.

  • Guest

    Sute.

  • Meh

    LOL. Try studying some facts.

  • http://insidmaldesign.com insidmal

    If you’ve read the bible, gone to church, and observed the natural world then it’s pretty unlikely to be a Christian without being brainwashed, lol

  • Guest

    apples and oranges

  • Rossi Mossi

    if this article is real i have no comment… just wow and scary

  • Literal_Jim

    So you want me to believe you’re not a christian? Nice try there, Peter. I love what you did with your name, too. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. ;-)

  • LAPD Hater

    LOOOOOL I thought this was real until i saw the related posts,

    “Russia to House Prison Inmates in Sochi Hotels/
    Vladimir Putin Dedicates Sochi Winter Olympics to Stalin/
    Vladimir Putin Kills Grizzly Bear With Bare Hands/”

    then i remembered this was the daily currant -____-

  • Vicious

    What makes you think I only watched TV? Try a masters degree and a lot of interviews with a lot of people from a lot of religions all around the world thank you. Christians in America are the most ignorant about their own faith, they are most likely to not follow their own teachings and the lest likely to volunteer or give to charity, lest likely to support a friend or family member who identifies as gay, most likely to misquote the bible and quote it more than any other religious group. I’m defining a select group of people (middle to upper middle class white Americans who identify as saved Christian, not any other form, like Catholic, Mormon ect. Just the one who were “saved” at one point in their lives. Just because I offended you, doesn’t make me wrong or ignorant, excuse me.

  • R

    Wow this got off track…

  • Alybee

    YAWN

  • Azrael

    Science: Big bang, Unexplainable high concentration of energy that explodes causing a chain of events that eventually result in the universe as is. What was before this event? Unknown. Why was this high concentration of energy there to begin with? Unknown. What purpose did it serve? Unknown. Why is there anything instead of nothing? Unknown. (Empirical-based)

    God: Unexplainable higher power, creator of the universe and of humanity. Always was, Always will be. (Faith based.)

    So why is it that people are so condescending towards those who have faith and choose to believe in God when the only other explanation of our existence is just as unsure and full of mystery. Can we not separate our own selfish existence from the bigger picture? Even if there was not humans, or an Earth, or a Universe, and the big bang theory is correct as far as it’s understood.. Well there is still something and not nothing. There was a concentration of light, or energy, and why was it there? Is it really that foolish to think there is not a God just because you cannot perceive it as a physical being? Maybe God is what’s on the other end of that concentration of energy. Maybe religion is wrong as we know it, does that mean a higher power cannot exist? All I am saying is, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND QUIT TRYING TO BELITTLE EACH OTHER. Science cannot prove God exist or does not exist, so there is really not a valid argument, and before someone says it, how the fuck do you know that there isn’t a sauce planet somewhere in the universe that giant flying spaghetti monsters live on? We barely know anything. Science is amazing, and fascinating, but it does not have to be the enemy of religion, and vice versa. I mean really think about it, One of us believes that a God created everything and thats why we, and everything is here, the other believes that we are just here, nothing created us, but there is an us, an existence, a universe, a concentration of light to begin with, a something and not nothing…. So how really different are the two beliefs when it comes to comparing and criticizing?

  • Alybee

    whats that have to do with ANYTHING BEING DISCUSSED IN TEH ARTICLE?!?!

  • Mat Talley
  • Denis

    Бля, я охуеваю от вас))) какими же надо быть тупыми) холодная война 20 лет назад закончилась, а вы все хуйней страдаете :DD

  • Poolala

    This sounds a little phony to me.

  • smiley

    How can anyone believe this?!!!!!!! He was stabbed death, but they don’t suspect foul play!!! How ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.skatevines.com/ SkateVines

    I almost died…. from laughing.

  • gaurdianaq

    Crap I almost shared this in disgust… then clued in this is a satire site.

  • D.

    Jesus is not real.

    That’s right. There’s no reason to be
    afraid of things that aren’t real. There’s
    plenty of real things to be scared of.
    Like super-AIDS.
    A new form of AIDS that is resistant to drugs.

    just one teaspoon of super-AIDS in your butt and
    you’d be dead in three years

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Right there is the problem!! Your “simple thinking”!

    Religion is nothing more than a human created system meant to control people. The hubris for anyone to believe that they have all the answers is absolutely absurd. The idea that you can attribute an answer for everything to an imaginary friend up in the sky is beyond ridiculous.

    How stupid is it to think that that a book of stories, written originally by people who were passing along stories that they had heard, equates to anything close to “truth”.

    The basic definition of “myth” is a “traditional story, esp. one concerning the early history of a
    people or explaining some natural or social phenomenon, and typically
    involving supernatural beings or events.”

    And who ever said that something came out of nothing?

    Please…your simple minded thinking is the problem, not those who require more than a story and set of rules in a book to be a good person, live a good life and achieve happiness.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Please…stop butchering what “science is”. It’s obvious you have no clue.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Yea…and Noah lived to 950 and the world is 6000 year old…right?

    Common sense is not found in those who believe in myths and fairy tales.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    It’s apparent that you need a bit of education.

    Atheism itself isn’t a principle, cause, philosophy, or belief system
    which people fight, die, or kill for. Being killed by an atheist is no
    more being killed in the name of atheism than being killed by a tall
    person is being killed in the name of tallness.

    Secondly, Hitler, Stalin, Pot Pol…etc. you claim were Atheists. That’s incorrect and if you spend 5 minutes researching it, you’ll see how ridiculous that assertion is.

    Thirdly, even if that were the case and we added up the deaths that were attributed to Hitler, Stalin and Pot. Then
    round up for good measure. You can safely say that the number is
    staggering. Probably upwards of 15,000,000.

    Finally, if you add up all of the lives that were lost in the name of one
    religion or another, you come up with a staggering figure that is in
    excess of 800,000,000. That’s eight-hundred-million. An
    eight, followed by eight zeros. So, even if the believers who are
    uneducated enough to think that Hitler, Stalin and Pot were psychotic
    mass murderers because they thought these men were atheists, it is
    horrifically clear that religious murder wins out.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    I suggest you avoid using the word “stupidity” when denouncing anyone who doesn’t believe in myths and fairy tales as you do. Just makes you look ridiculous.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    And I’d suggest you read the bible. That’s all an intelligent person has to do to understand how ridiculous it is.

  • SergeyAseev

    Now we know how many special agents present in twitter!

  • ROFLMAOAY

    No…your god is “easy”.

    We live in an ever changing world. Questions require answers. Science allows us to answer questions. Science has allowed us to uncover many mysteries found within the world we live in.

    We’ve come a long way since the days of believing that lightning bolts, thunder, earthquakes and floods were the work of angry gods. Science has provided us the answers

    When you don’t have to question things in the world you live in then you are reduced to being an ignorant participant in life.

    If you beleive that your god is in charge of everything and will provide for you then why do you continue to use science?

    Turn off your computer and cell phone. Turn off your lights and leave your home. Be sure to walk because your car was created by science. Leave your clothes behind because even they were created with the help of science. Don’t eat the food, because it was created with science as well.

    Venture out in that dream world of yours where your god will provide. Run off into the woods, build a shelter, cover yourself with a fig leaf and eat leaves and berries, but please get back to us next year and let us know how that goes.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Do you still send Santa Claus a letter to let him know what you want for Christmas?

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Well that’s not a surprise. Stupid people remain stupid people after they reach a certain age.

  • Benzo

    Brainwashed, naive, delusional, misinformed, desperate to find a meaning in life where there is none… pick your favourite!

  • paugrace

    And this, ladies and gentlemen, is how to start an online argument. Might blog more about my belief in God cos there will always be people who take offense on something relating to religion or faith.

  • Evgeni

    Hmmm… I guess, Kennedy was also killed by Russian government. Otherwise… No I mean… who else?

  • Daddio

    Hey, did y’all hear about the ACLU and an atheist suing because they don’t have an official holiday? The judge dismissed the case saying yes they do; April 1st.

    Psalm 14
    The Fool Says, There Is No God;
    14 The fool says in his heart, “There is no God.”
    They are corrupt, they do abominable deeds,
    there is none who does good.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Thank god you are here to tell us what to believe.

  • JoeLorenzo

    All we really know now is what happens when you die. And that is in line with what the bible says.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Thank you for imposing your beliefs on me.

  • JoeLorenzo
  • Athiest

    just more proof on why you should keep your damned religions to yourself. Way to take this off topic and turn it into yet another I am holier than thou plague.

  • JoeLorenzo

    How did we get here? How was DNA formed? You say it is science? All science means is “knowledge” in latin. You have fallen for the ol’ deductive error debate trick.

    Sounds outlandish = no god.
    We can’t prove = no god

    Is that your logic? An atheist can sometimes win a debate but they can not get us to the truth. And therefore, it is a pointless endeavor. I wish you the best evangelizing your beliefs.

  • JoeLorenzo

    All you have to do is show me that DNA was created from an accidental occurrence in nature. Then make it repeatable and observable. And then prove it was done in nature with no help from any intelligent being. Once you do that, I will listen to your beliefs. Until then, just say you don’t know and go make hamburgers or whatever it is you do. You are no scientist.

  • Chelsea

    LMAO – i lived there for a long time, and you are right – if it’s on or in the news, it’s a fact!!!

  • Igor

    I am not liking this the story of this happening. May be it is one a joke. And it is may be. I am wonder that people will do things. Funny.

  • J

    The Bible is not meant to be interpreted literally. As stated above, most of the books of the bible are ‘myths’ and back in the Ancient Jewish times ‘myth’ meant a story that explains a truth which is too complex to understand. This idea of myth was used throughout the Roman empire and in the pagan/now secular world. It is only recently that the definition of myth has been twisted. Also, if one were to study the Judaism, one could see how the New Testament of the Bible fulfills every prophecy of the Old Testament. The typology between the two is more than a group of men could have ever sat down and created. Please do research before making an argument – this is meant towards the ‘Christians’ and the ‘atheists’. My alma mater Boston College has great resources on their website. NewAdvent.org is phenomenal and anything written by Augustine, Thomas Aquinas, or Peter Kreeft will help ya’ll. :)

  • DERP

    I LOVE JESUS GOD DAMNIT AND MY LOVE COUSIN… I MEANM WIFE!!!

  • Slav2333

    Anti-Russian propaganda at its best. American retardness at its even better

  • Mohi Hashmi

    hahahaha lol u never know it might be true as well

  • Special Talent

    Fake… The thing about “falling on knifes” is just an old famous joke..pffff

  • Dada Ondrejkovičová

    oh god stop this bullshit! please, it’s not even funny.

  • Kris

    Actually read the bible then research history, 90% of the bible is copied from older religions, i.e. virgin birth to the son of god, son of god born in manger, the great flood. Christianity is like modern rap music….mostly remakes of older stuff made to sound better. The first worshiped “God” was said to push away the darkness and give life, today we call it the sun. Simply put the Bible is no longer even reliable in and of itself, case in point the death of Judas, in one book his gut bursts and his insides spill to the ground and he dies but in a different book he hangs himself. in one book David kills Goliath with his sling but in another he knocks him out with the sling and kills him with Goliath’s own sword. On a parting note keep in mind that the worst genocide in human history was actually the purges of the Christian Crusades. You can take Christianity on faith but when faced with facts it contradicts itself, it’s based on older faiths and is responsible for more pain and death than any disease war or natural disaster in human history. To this day Christianity is oppressive and causes people to go up in arms when faced with any opposition no matter how benign.

  • STOSH

    Never met one yet that wasn’t full of themselves.

  • Ruslan Akmedov

    Appreciate the witty reply. I did say, however, that a knife maker can make a point, not a knife itself. I am wondering now, ‘make a point’ is an idiom, or a figure of speech, which is to say, a figurative manner of speaking. Can we literally do something that is in and of itself figurative by nature? I was, of course, quick to jump on your comment because Americans often use literally in a sense that is is actually figurative. You, however ,have opened an entire can of semantic worms for me, so cheers for that! :)

  • Дмитрий

    it’s a lie! Его растерзали пьяные медведи на красной площади, когда он
    играл с матрешками на балалайке.

  • Rodney Edens

    What can I say, I like to live on the edge.

  • Rodney Edens

    I explained my position clearly. Through the use of a posteriori reasoning, making the determination of whether a persons car will start can be done. So, no I don’t have faith as to whether a car will start. I put faith in quotations to designate that the word was being quoted in that usage. I wouldn’t have used faith in relation to a car starting. So, to make it clear that I was using a word of someone elses selection, I used quotation marks.

  • LarryBirch

    You mean this story is as bogus as global warming right?

  • Rodney Edens

    I don’t agree with Dawkins and Stein doesn’t make a clear position of his thoughts on the matter. Stein was clearly questioning of Dawkins, but never asserted his own position. I haven’t asserted what my personal thoughts on faith are. So, to that degree, I’m in agreement with Stein. To make myself more clear, I do have a strong faith in the existence of God. We’re all free and entitled to our own beliefs though, and I try not to criticize anyone for theirs. I enjoy discussion and seeing how people support their positions. I think Stein was being critical of Dawkins for the sole sake of entertainment, which I don’t support.

  • ljhgfljgf

    If God created us and everything we can see, who or what created god?

  • კოლხი

    Abkhazia and South Ossetia in Georgia!
    Абхазия и Самачабло – это ГРУЗИЯ !

  • InMyView

    Late Mr. B.Avdeyev`s failure was even more critical : four of the snowflakes malfunctioned into plain rings. Only one retained it`s proud diversity.

  • Rodney Edens

    I didn’t mention science. I suppose the philosophy of metaphysics could be seen as a social science, but that’s about as close as I came. I never made the first mention of their being no God. I was just trying to make the point that to me evidence isn’t necessary to have faith. I’ve heard the nature of the universe, for example, used to argue both sides, and I’ve heard equally reasonable arguments from each. Where faith comes into the picture for me, is at this point. I don’t need to have evidentiary support for my faith. I don’t need for theists to win an argument to prove a position in support of God’s existence. Faith is enough for me. If my faith was based on something subject to change, like the knowledge mankind now possesses, then it wouldn’t be right to call it faith at all.

  • Victoria

    Well, that escalated quickly

  • TruthAboutSochi

    THIS IS A SCAM!!! DAILY CURRANT TEAM, IF YOU CAN’T FIND ANY REAL MATERIAL FOR YOUR CHEAP AND PATHETIC NEWSPAPER, PERHAPS YOU SOULD CONSIDER DEDICATING TO SOMETHING ELSE. SHAME ON YOU, BUNCH OF RETARDS!

  • Olga Tchernous

    “He loves you and he wants money!”

  • Pully My Chain…!!!

    Phoney…Phoney…PHONEEEEEY BS…!!!

  • Noonespecial

    Hilarious!

  • askjiir

    LOL.

  • Jay Dan

    Satire…. Satire… Perhaps people should learn to read before spraying the internets with their caps-lock laden fecal mouth sewage.

  • William Head

    The tipoff was “Guy Lafleur.” He played for the Canadiens.

  • A Name

    Erection?! Justin Bieber is a male old enough to have one???!!!

  • Stryder51

    Most people who suck don’t know they suck. And do you know why they don’t know they suck? Because they suck. Thus, they need to be told.

  • guest

    LOL!

  • Baden

    It’s Abama’s work. It was America’s snowflake. FSB (ex. KGB) working more accurace.

  • Chopperguy

    Here is the simple truth: If non-believers are correct, and there is no God, and Jesus is an imaginary figure, then when a Christian (or whatever said person of faith) dies, then they are dead… worm bait and nothing else… But if a Christian (or any other person of faith are correct) then what happens? Me, I’m not willing to take that chance. Jesus said love your neighbor as yourself, yet most Christians cannot do this, and why is it that most Scientists are liberals, and supposed to be people of tolerance, yet they have none for anyone that don’t think like they do? Sad.

  • songklatalks

    Who told you! it is not simply a suicide, Putin had plenty of time to make it disappear without media speaks!

    Sorry but I do not believe

  • CanadaGoose
  • ROFLMAOAY

    I certainly do! I affirm that there is no higher being than man. Man is only answerable to himself.

    I also affirm that there is no such thing as a Unicorn.

  • Worry about yourself

    Hey atheists go back to reddit. I personally do not care what people in, but respect other peoples decisions to do what they want and live their own life. If God does exist then that’s great, if it doesn’t exist and it makes people live a good life thinking it does than even better. Stop your my team mentality and get a hobby.

  • Dean Gwazda

    Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny were created to steal the Truth Away from Jesus Christ. The Truth of Christ wouldn’t have lasted to over 2,000 years if it was false. Remember just because you don’t believe in Jesus doesn’t mean Jesus doesn’t believe in you.

  • ben

    ““But who knows what caused them. Maybe he tripped and fell on a set of knives.” LOL!!

  • Winry

    So I’m a Christian. I don’t find myself to be brainwashed, I mean I make decent grades and I was able to figure out this was a fake the first time I read it. And to everyone saying that Christians are full of themselves, I absolutely agree with you. So when I say I’m a Christian I think I’d rather say I have a relationship with Jesus and don’t have some religious label, I just talk to a guy who created the universe ya know? And honestly most of the people standing up for God right now, y’all are being just as harsh to everyone else as they are to you. If we could all just love each other and do good works for others we could make the world a much better place to live in. Just saying, peace out guys.

  • getreal

    Lol… nice “talking point”, get that from your pastor? Ateists don’t believe in “nothing”… grow-up. Atheists DO reject truth claims that have no evidence to support them… doubly so for those that fly in the face of reason and rational thought. You benefit everyday from advances in science and medicine born from the hard work of those who rejected the nonsense of the church in favor of exploring the REAL world. You should be thankful for Atheists.

  • pleased to meet you

    The article contradicts itself. You can’t conclude that something happens randomly within a proposed set of guidelines. By definition, this experiment was designed based on a hypothesis which nullifies the point it’s trying to make.
    Nothing happens at randomly, what we experience as random is merely a lack of understanding what and why things happen.
    So this experiment, in the end still points to intelligent design.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    How about you actually die, as I’ve done, before you make claims about things you do not know. I’ve done the research, research that includes first hand experience and can say without a doubt that there is no such thing as god and no higher being than mankind.

  • bpl

    This is hands down one of the biggest and longest trolls I’ve ever seen…

  • TakeActionWAHM

    It takes no faith at all to be an atheist, you really don’t understand atheism if this is what you think. There is actually a difference between “believing in nothing” and “not believing in anything”.

  • TakeActionWAHM

    I don’t believe I get something out of nothing. I don’t believe I “get” anything. People have seriously confused ideas of what being an atheist is.

  • TakeActionWAHM

    Things do happen randomly within imposed sets of guidelines ALL THE TIME. Take a deck of cards, pick 3 cards at random – you are within the imposed guidelines of what constitutes a deck of cards – when you pick three cards you won’t be picking an ace of hearts, a ten of clubs and a tree.

  • devout agnostic

    Incorrect. Atheism is not a rejection of any belief. Atheism is a belief unto itself in the nonexistence of a deity. A belief, I might add, that lacks empirical evidence as much as the opposite stance. The place where the assertion is incorrect is that it takes “more” faith to be an atheist. It takes exactly the same amount of faith to take either position on something that is impossible to gather any evidence on.

    As to those on this thread who attack those of faith for being vicious zealots or brainwashed morons, perhaps you should look in a mirror.

  • TakeActionWAHM

    Wrong – a scientific theory has absolutely nothing to do with faith, in fact it’s the exact opposite. Science starts with a hypothesis “I think that X will happen when I do Z”. This hypothesis is tested over and over, until it is either shown to be true or not – if test after test bears it out, it becomes a theory.

    A scientific theory is based on quantifiable and repeatable tests, and basically means that “according to all our tests, this is the most accurate information we have”. A theory also is eager to be disproven – disproving a theory is a way of making a HUGE step in science because it opens the door to new learning.

  • Justin

    My response is not as long, from your perspective, as it appears to be. Read this paragraph & you’ll understand: In the Bible we’re told that we separated from God the Father when we did something that He didn’t want us to do; in other words, when we sinned. Something else that we’re told about in the Bible is pride being a reason people deny Him. Below is a comparison of this & a young adult separating from their parents by moving into an apartment at too young of an age. Of the paragraphs that begin with all caps, please read, at least, the one(s) that’s first words match your religious belief & also read the paragraphs that do not begin with all caps.

  • VladTheLad

    And this is why everyone laughs at Americans

  • devin

    I cringe when I read these stupid religious comments. Religion is full of idiots. God isn’t real. Stop reading your book and think for yourself, you mindless crowd of sheep.

  • Rue

    What does a jesus lover have anything to do with it?

  • Justin

    WHETHER OF NOT YOU BELIEVE THAT WE’LL EVER BE DIVINE, IF YOU BELIEVE THERE’S NO GOD WATCHING OVER US compare yourself to the young adult shortly after they move into the apartment. At this time their thoughts are, “I’m doing things on my own & providing myself with all that I need. I am not depending on anyone.” Due to this, the young adult feels like their placement in life has gained height & their pride loves that, doesn’t it? Keeping this in mind now, study yourself. Are you, concerning religion, not claiming the same things as the young adult? What is your placement in life if what you claim is true? But now, what is your placement in life if you will never be divine & God really is someone who’s divine & wants you to get down on your knees & worship Him? Like the young adult concerning their situation, your pride doesn’t like the placement that this would mean you have in life, does it? Something else for you to think about is the fact that you can say, “I believe God doesn’t exist.” Now though, think for a moment. If you say that, do you feel pride like you do when saying, “I don’t believe God exists?” You don’t, do you? The sentence eats at your pride instead, doesn’t it? Notice that, for that particular reason, you would rather say, “I don’t believe God exists.” Like I said above, we’re told in the Bible that pride is a reason people deny God. When you read the Bible verses below, remember these things including the fact that if God does exist & you will never be divine your placement is low. Whereas, compared to that, if what you claim is true your placement… gains height.

  • Guest

    Actually Russian got a subtle hint of its president. #SochiProblems #RingFail

  • Justin

    IF YOU BELIEVE THERE IS A GOD(S) WATCHING OVER US & PROVIDING US WITH THINGS, INCLUDING DIVINITY IF SO, BUT DISAGREE WITH CATHOLICS compare yourself to the young adult when they’re loaned money so that they can stay in the apartment another month. When this moment arrives, & they’re presently asking that person(s) for the money, how much do they really feel like they’re depending on them? And how much, when they’re heading back to the apartment, do they truly feel like they’ve been provided with the money? At the same time, think of the fact that whoever loans the young adult money is using their financial abilities & paying the apartment… through them. How much, though, does the young adult feel like they are paying for the room themself? In addition to these things, think of the connection to their parents that the young adult felt before moving out…, that relationship. Even if their parents are who they go to at this time, do they feel any connection to that person(s)? Keeping this in mind now, study yourself. Study yourself as hard as the young adult would need to to answer the previous questions correctly. How much, on the inside, do you truly feel… like you’re depending on this god(s)? And how much do you truly feel… like you’ve been given… the things that you claim this god(s) has given you? At the same time, think of the fact that, regardless of what abilities you believe you have, your belief indicates that this god(s) is using its spiritual abilities & doing things… through you. How much, though, do you feel like you are doing everything by yourself? In addition to these things, regardless of what god(s) you believe exists, do you feel any connection to this god(s) relationship-wise? Like the young adult concerning who they go to, you have the thought of looking up to this god(s) as well as the thought of this god(s) providing you with things. But, on the inside, you don’t feel like you’re looking up to this god(s) or feel like you’re depending on it, do you? Instead, you feel like you’re doing things by yourself as well as feel like there’s something, like a wall, in between you and this god(s), don’t you?

  • Igor’

    Actually Russian got a subtle hint of its president.

  • Justin

    IF YOU BELIEVE THERE IS A GOD(S) WATCHING OVER US & ALSO HAVE THOUGHTS CONCERNING YOU USING DIVINITY IN THE FUTURE read the previous paragraph &, after… that, read the rest of this one: Now, think of thoughts that the young adult has before & after they are loaned the money. Prior to them getting the money the young adult is doubtfully thinking, “It is/was possible for me to begin using an account in the future, but (now) it may not happen.” Later on though, when they’re heading back to the apartment, the young adult gains back a little confidence & begins thinking, “Right now I’m being provided with money, but in the future I’ll be buying things using my own bank account.” Another version of this that they’ll probably come up with while they’re on their way back is, “In the past I was doing well, financially, & right now I’m just having some trouble. But in the future I’ll be doing just as well as I was.” Due to these thoughts the young adult also has thoughts concerning their placement gaining height in the future. But, while that is the case, the young adult does not want to admit this, even to themself, due to it also meaning their present placement’s lower. Keeping these thoughts of theirs in mind now, study yourself again. Some of you who read this may, with a doubtful mind, believe, “It is/was possible for me to begin using divinity in the future, but (now) it may not happen.” Others of you may claim, “Right now I’m being provided with things/divinity, but in the future I’ll be doing things using my own divinity.” The rest of you may think, “In the past I was doing well, spiritually, & right now I’m just having some trouble. But in the future I’ll be doing just as well as I was.” If any of these descriptions describe your belief, are you not virtually saying one of the things that the young adult says? Now though, whether or not any of those descriptions describe your belief, do you not have thoughts that concern your placement gaining height in the future? Though, when I ask that, are you willing to admit that you do, even to yourself? Or do you not want to admit that due to it meaning your present placement’s lower… like the young adult? When you read the Bible verses below, keep what I’ve said about “gain” in mind.

  • Justin

    IF YOU BELIEVE THERE IS A GOD(S) WATCHING OVER US & PROVIDING US WITH THINGS, INCLUDING DIVINITY IF SO, BUT DISAGREE WITH CATHOLICS compare yourself to the young adult when they’re loaned money so that they can stay in the apartment another month. When this moment arrives, & they’re presently asking that person(s) for the money, how much do they really feel like they’re depending on them? And how much, when they’re heading back to the apartment, do they truly feel like they’ve been provided with the money? At the same time, think of the fact that whoever loans the young adult money is using their financial abilities & paying the apartment… through them. How much, though, does the young adult feel like they are paying for the room themself? In addition to these things, think of the connection to their parents that the young adult felt before moving out…, that relationship. Even if their parents are who they go to at this time, do they feel any connection to that person(s)? Keeping this in mind now, study yourself. Study yourself as hard as the young adult would need to to answer the previous questions correctly. How much, on the inside, do you truly feel… like you’re depending on this god(s)? And how much do you truly feel… like you’ve been given… the things that you claim this god(s) has given you? At the same time, think of the fact that, regardless of what abilities you believe you have, your belief indicates that this god(s) is using its spiritual abilities & doing things… through you. How much, though, do you feel like you are doing everything by yourself? In addition to these things, regardless of what god(s) you believe exists, do you feel any connection to this god(s) relationship-wise? Like the young adult concerning who they go to, you have the thought of looking up to this god(s) as well as the thought of this god(s) providing you with things. But, on the inside, you don’t feel like you’re looking up to this god(s) or feel like you’re depending on it, do you? Instead, you feel like you’re doing things by yourself as well as feel like there’s something, like a wall, in between you and this god(s), don’t you?

  • Justin

    IF YOU BELIEVE THERE IS A GOD(S) WATCHING OVER US & ALSO HAVE THOUGHTS CONCERNING YOU USING DIVINITY IN THE FUTURE read the previous paragraph &, after… that, read the rest of this one: Now, think of thoughts that the young adult has before & after they are loaned the money. Prior to them getting the money the young adult is doubtfully thinking, “It is/was possible for me to begin using an account in the future, but (now) it may not happen.” Later on though, when they’re heading back to the apartment, the young adult gains back a little confidence & begins thinking, “Right now I’m being provided with money, but in the future I’ll be buying things using my own bank account.” Another version of this that they’ll probably come up with while they’re on their way back is, “In the past I was doing well, financially, & right now I’m just having some trouble. But in the future I’ll be doing just as well as I was.” Due to these thoughts the young adult also has thoughts concerning their placement gaining height in the future. But, while that is the case, the young adult does not want to admit this, even to themself, due to it also meaning their present placement’s lower. Keeping these thoughts of theirs in mind now, study yourself again. Some of you who read this may, with a doubtful mind, believe, “It is/was possible for me to begin using divinity in the future, but (now) it may not happen.” Others of you may claim, “Right now I’m being provided with things/divinity, but in the future I’ll be doing things using my own divinity.” The rest of you may think, “In the past I was doing well, spiritually, & right now I’m just having some trouble. But in the future I’ll be doing just as well as I was.” If any of these descriptions describe your belief, are you not virtually saying one of the things that the young adult says? Now though, whether or not any of those descriptions describe your belief, do you not have thoughts that concern your placement gaining height in the future? Though, when I ask that, are you willing to admit that you do, even to yourself? Or do you not want to admit that due to it meaning your present placement’s lower… like the young adult? When you read the Bible verses below, keep what I’ve said about “gain” in mind.

  • Dave V.

    wonder why if somethign talks i.e. about fried potatoes, ALWAYS, AAALWAYYSS the posts become something about ‘christians’ so do the world and americans can’t comment straight in the line about what the original history says… c’mon you and your obsessions, evagelize the whole world or to promote the atheism in a simple reply, don’t you have something else to do in favor of the people or at least yourselves? ¬¬

  • Justin

    IF YOU BELIEVE THERE’S NO GOD WATCHING OVER US & ALSO HAVE THOUGHTS CONCERNING YOU USING DIVINITY IN THE FUTURE read the first “all caps” paragraph &, after… that, read the rest of this one: Now, compare your thoughts to thoughts the young adult has after they go broke & someone else has paid the owner of the apartment so that they can stay there another month. At this time, the young adult gets back to thinking that they’re doing things by themself. They get back to thinking this in addition to thinking, “In the past I was doing well, financially, & right now I’m just having some trouble. But in the future I’ll be doing just as well as I was.” A shorter version of this that they’ll probably come up with later on is, “At the present time, I’m not using a bank account. But I’ll begin using one in the future.” A week or so later, when their confidence has lowered, they may begin doubtfully thinking, “It is/was possible for me to begin using an account in the future, but (now) it may not happen.” Due to this the young adult also has thoughts that concern their placement in life gaining height in the future. But, while that is the case, the young adult does not want to admit this, even to themself, due to it also meaning their present placement’s lower. Keeping these thoughts of theirs in mind now, study yourself again. Some of you who read this may believe, “In the past I was doing well, spiritually, & right now I’m just having some trouble. But in the future I’ll be doing just as well as I was.” Others of you may claim, “At the present time, I’m not using divinity. But I’ll begin using it in the future.” The rest of you may think, “At the present time, I’m not using divinity. But I’ll begin using it in the future.” If any of these descriptions describe your belief, are you not virtually saying one of the things that the young adult says? Now though, whether or not any of those descriptions describe your belief, do you not have thoughts that concern your placement gaining height in the future? Though, when I ask that, are you willing to admit that you do, even to yourself? Or do you not want to admit that due to it meaning your present placement’s lower… like the young adult?

  • Gordon Freeman

    The Olympic rings were created by Hitler. Seriously. How sick is that?

  • Kodie Dezno

    Wait… This is a fake story? *Snickers*

  • wavewright62

    Somewhere on the planet, people have been believing that the sun is a deity for the past 10,000 years at least. Does that trump your 2,000 years? Or did Jesus unleash some cosmic whup-ass on the sun to supplant as the Truth? And then some say Mohammed came along and put his cosmic whup-ass on both Jesus and the sun. And then some say Voltaire came along and gave us some whup-ass for Jesus, Mohammed, and the sun. Or does the sun still rule?

  • Guest

    As a previous Christian, I know not all Christians are like her. But unfortunately, many are. Thank you for your kindness. I wish you well too :)

  • Rachael

    I used to be a Christian. I spent a lot of years genuinely trying to understand the Bible, cover to cover, as to not be a cherry-picker and to really know what I believed in. I present to you Deuteronomy 13:

    13 [a]If a prophet, or one who foretells by dreams, appears among you and announces to you a sign or wonder, 2 and if the sign or wonder spoken of takes place, and the prophet says, “Let us follow other gods” (gods you have not known) “and let us worship them,” 3 you must not listen to the words of that prophet or dreamer. The Lord your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart and with all your soul. 4 It is the Lord your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him. 5 That prophet or dreamer must be put to death for inciting rebellion against the Lordyour God, who brought you out of Egypt and redeemed you from the land of slavery. That prophet or dreamer tried to turn you from the way theLord your God commanded you to follow. You must purge the evil from among you.

    6 If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, “Let us go and worship other gods” (gods that neither you nor your ancestors have known, 7 gods of the peoples around you, whether near or far, from one end of the land to the other), 8 do not yield to them or listen to them. Show them no pity.Do not spare them or shield them. 9 You must certainly put them to death.Your hand must be the first in putting them to death, and then the hands of all the people. 10 Stone them to death, because they tried to turn you away from the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 11 Then all Israel will hear and be afraid, and no one among you will do such an evil thing again.

    Tell me how that is telling me to do anything other than kill someone who speaks to me of other gods, or tells me god does not exist. It specifically says to stone them. There is no misrepresentation here.

  • Guest

    IF YOU BELIEVE YOU’VE BLOWN YOUR OPPORTUNITY CONCERNING YOU USING DIVINITY IN THE FUTURE read any of the previous paragraphs that describe you belief &, after… that, read the rest of this one: Now go to the point at which the young adult is just about to move out of the apartment due to them being broke again & no one loaning them money so that they can stay in the apartment a third month. At this time, “I’ve blown it,” is running through their head. They feel that, in the past, it was possible for them to begin using that bank account in the future, but now it won’t happen. The young adult also still has thoughts that concern their placement gaining height in the future, but don’t want to admit it. They feel that, in the past, it was possible for their placement to gain height in the future, but now it won’t happen. Keeping that in mind now, study yourself again. Do you not have the words, “I’ve blown it,” running through you head? Do you not feel that, in the past, it was possible for you to begin using the divinity, but now it won’t happen? Do you not also have thoughts that concern your placement gaining height in the future, but not want to admit it? And do you not feel that, in the past, it was possible for your placement to gain height in the future, but now it won’t happen?

  • wilder125

    Have you seen the articles on this site? Even if this were a real story, it’s fake by default just by being here.

  • wilder125

    Does this mean all political party voters should stop reading the party line and think for themselves before voting. *grin*

  • wilder125

    What’s that got to do with a fake article

  • Joseph Michael

    No Brain Games Capt Oblivious! The EXACT Date Israel Became A Nation Is Easily Calculated From The Scriptures Using Ezekiel 4:4-8 and Leviticus 26:18,21,24+28. Take The Penalty (390>Israel’s Punishment + 40>Judah’s Punishment=430 Years), Subtract 70 Years (These Were The Years Already Served By Israel In Babylonian Captivity). Total=360 Years. Multiply 360 Times Seven (As Instructed Repeatedly In Leviticus).Total=2,520 Years. Add The 2,520 Years To The Exact Date of the decree to rebuild given in Nehemiah 2:1. This Brings Us To May 14th 1948!

  • Joseph Michael

    Yes Captain Oblivious! No Brain Games! In fact read Daniel Chapter 9 and see that Yeshua’s Entry into Jerusalem is predicted to the EXACT DAY!!! Bible Reference: We are told to add the total number of years given to us in Daniel chapter 9, which is 483 years, and count this 483 years from the Date of the Decree to Rebuild Jerusalem! This important date of reference is given to us in Nehemiah 2:1 . WOW! When we do this we actually arrive EXACTLY on Palm Sunday!!! YES!!! To the very DAY!!! The Bible even says that Yeshua will be on a baby donkey on that day! Read Zech 9:9!!! WOW! This is why Jesus said (when the leaders told Him to tell the people to “Be Quiet”), “If I did that, then these very stones would cry out, “Hosanna Hosanna in the Highest!!!” “Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord!!!” Why did Jesus say that??? I always wondered about it! It is because it is written in the Bible and it HAD TO HAPPEN on that EXACT DATE. All Prophecies MUST and WILL be fulfilled!!! The Bible is 100% TRUTH!!! Since more than 108 detailed Prophecies about Jesus’ first coming came true exactly as it was written in the Bible, do you not think that the more than 300 detailed Prophecies about Jesus’ second coming will not also come true? YES THEY WILL!!! AND TO THE LETTER!!! AND YOU CAN COUNT ON IT!!!

  • Rachael

    Because you showed history to back up your statement of “atheist governments”, right? And no, the bible doesn’t directly testify. You’re right, and I’ll agree with you. But it’s been testified by religious leaders again and again that for the Bible to be true, the earth would only be about 6,000 years old. This is a claim believed by the vast majority of Christians, and that’s why I made the statement. Also, are you really trying to argue that incest doesn’t result in awful birth defects? My statements are all individual facts against the Bible’s legitimacy. They aren’t meant to be formed so that one is directly supporting of another. Don’t speak to me of limited knowledge. As far as biblical knowledge goes, I spent a solid 8 years trying genuinely and desperately to believe in God and the Bible by studying it without cherry-picking and asking questions from leaders at the many kinds of churches I attended. I know the bible. I present Deuteronomy 13:

    13 [a]If a prophet, or one who foretells by dreams, appears among you and announces to you a sign or wonder, 2 and if the sign or wonder spoken of takes place, and the prophet says, “Let us follow other gods” (gods you have not known) “and let us worship them,” 3 you must not listen to the words of that prophet or dreamer. The Lord your God is testing you to find out whether you love him with all your heart and with all your soul. 4 It is the Lord your God you must follow, and him you must revere. Keep his commands and obey him; serve him and hold fast to him. 5 That prophet or dreamer must be put to death for inciting rebellion against the Lordyour God, who brought you out of Egypt and redeemed you from the land of slavery. That prophet or dreamer tried to turn you from the way theLord your God commanded you to follow. You must purge the evil from among you.

    6 If your very own brother, or your son or daughter, or the wife you love, or your closest friend secretly entices you, saying, “Let us go and worship other gods” (gods that neither you nor your ancestors have known, 7 gods of the peoples around you, whether near or far, from one end of the land to the other), 8 do not yield to them or listen to them. Show them no pity.Do not spare them or shield them. 9 You must certainly put them to death.Your hand must be the first in putting them to death, and then the hands of all the people. 10 Stone them to death, because they tried to turn you away from the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery. 11 Then all Israel will hear and be afraid, and no one among you will do such an evil thing again.

    Just to make sure I get this across, I’ll reiterate. 13:8 “do not yield to them or listen to them. Show them no pity. Do not spare them or shield them” 13:9 “You must certainly put them to death, Your hand must be the first in putting them to death, and then the hands of all the people”13:10 “Stone them to death, because they tried to turn you away from the Lord your God…” 13:11″Then all Israel will hear and be afraid, and no one among you will do such an evil thing again.”

    Tell me that isn’t instruction to kill by stoning anyone who speaks of another god, or lack of a god. Bet they don’t teach you that one in church.

    Also, I chose my name because guess what? It’s my name!! Ha, fancy that. Someone named Rachael. For a Christian, you’re rather rude. How my name is immature is far beyond me.

  • Bill Nye

    This is off track but I feel I need to add input. Coming from the Bill Nye debate: How can a star be over 6000 lightyears away (proven to be that distance through observational science), if the the universe is only 6000 years old? Are you telling me there was some kind of magical time warp or teleportation? Sorry to tell you, the “magic” of God doesn’t, hasn’t ever, and never will exist.

  • Rachael

    Hitler was not an Atheist. The Nazis’ belts had “God on our side” written on the inside. That’s not my only stance, if you read my entire argument. It amazes me how many responses to my original comment completely void all facts that can’t be disputed. Absolutely atheist leaders have caused a considerable number of deaths as well. But it wasn’t done in the name of Atheism.

  • http://www.facebook.com/peter.boddie Peter Boddie

    Did anyone get hurt by the falling ceiling debris?

  • Rachael

    FINALLY. Thank you!

  • Rachael

    Actually, you’ll see from my Deuteronomy quote that I have done research. For eight years I researched the Bible and asked questions as much as possible in a genuine effort to understand it. I’ve not seen any facts supporting the existence of God. I’ve only seen every Christian on here calling Atheists stupid, fools, or saying that they disagree; however, never WHY they disagree with solid evidence backing it up. Don’t misunderstand me, I have no issues with Christians on a personal level. I just disagree with their beliefs. I’ve met, and am friends with Christians who are very wonderful people whom I adore. But the most hateful people I’ve ever met never fail to to use the Bible as their vessel.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/elijahmowattlarssen Elijah Mowatt-Larssen

    ha ha ha ha ha

  • GibbyD

    God loved you , died for you paying for your sins via the incarnation of God , The LORD JESUS CHRIST . The LORD Jesus arose from the dead and has now gone to prepare a place for all who have , ” ..repented toward God (LOVE) and have placed their faith and trust toward The LORD Jesus Christ (God incarnate) ” ( Acts 20:21; 16:31; John 3:3; I Peter 1:23; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Ephesians 2:8,9; I John 5:13)KJB. ( I John 4:7,8; John 1:1-14; Isaiah 9:6)KJB. It seems to me that only a willfully ignorant person would ignore 333 prophecies that are fulfilled by One Man , The LORD Jesus . Many of those prophecies were written thousands of years before He arrived in Bethlehem . ( Micah 5:2)KJB. . Look up the rest of those prophecies on google and then try and explain how that mathematical, statistical ,virtually impossible thing, could happen.

  • tami

    Ya know for years I’ve been telling people that if they can tell me where God came from….I would be a believer! They say he’s always been here…..but there has to be a beginning somewhere! So I totally agree with your post! Who or what created God?

  • bpr

    What??!!?!! I thought Miley Cyrus and The Bieb were the same person!!!

  • HappyAthiest

    So you are telling me that to be a good person you have to believe in god? you know Christianity is only one slice of a full pie, you call us devil warshippers all you wish, but last time i saw an athiest start a war for what we believed in, it was over a snickers bar cause the damn machine ate my change.

  • Jake

    Wow, quite the insulting going on here, starting with you CaptainObVious and going right down, both Christians and Atheists. For what reason? Do you CaptainObVious think that by calling me a brainwashed Jesus lover you’re going to somehow make me reconsider being a Christian? Not a chance! There’s a reason why I love the Lord and anyone insulting me and calling me nasty names isn’t going to change that. Am I missing a reason for the insults?
    To the Christians, the Atheists are right no matter what the motives. Are we posting out of true Godly love or out of being hurt and then retaliation? In the grand scheme of things, even though it’s offensive what does it matter to me if someone calls me brainwashed? So he gets a lot of likes on his comment. I could very easily turn the comment around right back at them. For what? That would cause a huge battle of comments back and forth typing words that none of us would ever have the guts to say if we were face to face and nothing else would be accomplished.
    So, I think the best comments here are the ones saying lets get back to the topic. After all, I was the gullible fool who thought this article was true until I saw the trending articles with it. I could only wish my student loans were forgiven. That’s not happening.

  • wilder125

    Unless of course the whole point of the site is to be Satire. AKA they’ve dedicated themselves to being satire for longer than it took you to figure out there was an article here.

  • wilder125

    Reply to a conversation and forgot to make it part of that conversation, eh?

  • wilder125

    Shh, the satire will hear you

  • logical1

    That is the most idiotic crap I have ever read. You can’t have something from nothing, ignorant. Somebody needs to take a religions course, whether you believe anything or not it will definitely benefit your stupidity.

  • logical1

    Atheism is actually an invalid belief system. You would probably understand that if you studied any kind of belief system.

  • logical1

    You are incorrect about that last part. And its pretty difficult to try to spread the good news when every time we try to do so a stubborn Atheist shows up and starts talking instead of listening.

  • Guest

    Those who believe in a god are those who have been raised to believe such foolishness. Thankfully, we live in a time where social thought is progressing at a rapid rate. In 100-200 years, the idea of Christianity will be mainly extinct , just like the ideas of homophobia and racism.

  • logical1

    Goodness. Or somebody should proof read before they post.

  • rsdfwd

    Umm-hmm logical1. “Somebody” is singular and “proofread” is one word.

    Anything else?

  • Jim

    This story sounds so facts to me. There is no way he was just playing with knives. I think they need to get their facts straight.
    Jordan | http://www.rdselectric.com/industrial-electric.php

  • iluvusa2

    Putin loves Russia to death. His problem is communism. Bathhouse Barry loves Americans to destruction of their country. His problem is being an illegal alien. You pick.

  • BButlerNWW

    As a professional jouranlist I really hate that this website exists because many people do not realize it is satire and take these stories to be true when they are not. Please take this site down.

  • joe s.

    Not really that shocking!!! Gotta remember even
    Hitler called the Russians subhumans!!!

  • Andrew

    This is the worst satire I’ve ever read.

  • Glenn Griffith

    You mean like someone that can’t get a simple quote right? ROFL.

  • Rachel Atherton-Seagrave

    What
    is really sad is that the actual descendants of the original founding
    fathers of the city were taken out and shot after the announcement that
    the Olympic games were coming to Soch proper. The name sounded too much
    like Suck and so they threw an an
    “i” on the end to soften the feel of the city and detract from the
    thought that the city might actually Soch for the Olympic games. The
    descendants were killed because their forefathers lacked the foresight
    to have named the city better, if you looked at the former Olympic city
    of Berlin(meaning Swamp) and the whole after effects of the Hitler
    problem you can generally deduce that had the city been named
    differently, Hitler would not even be a distant memory. Russian Police
    Officers have been advised not to look into the deaths of the family
    members since they have no time outside of choir practice.

  • Barry Lendrum

    Just about every religious argument I have seen online so far. It usually starts off with an innocent “god bless” comment from someone or similar, and then a ranting atheist extremist reads too much into it, gets all pissy about it calling them deluded and other condescending names to deliberately cause a huge unnecessary row over nothing at all. It’s like they believe in censorship that you’re not even allowed to say that G word anymore.

    Joke is, atheists are just going on blind beliefs themselves without any scientific evidence, yet still believe they are right regardless. A bit hypocritical of them.

    Honestly, they would start a religious row over the weather. if all the atheists took it offline and onto door knocking, I’d probably have about 10 of them a day with their foot in my door asking me if I’ve seen the darkness, and that once I’m dead that’s it, no hope. It’s like their only mission is to fricking depress everyone. They are now far more consistant and aggressive than any Jehovah’s I’ve come across, I only see them rarely.

    Me, I’m agnostic, meaning I keep a more scientific open mind either way. Just because we don’t yet see or understand something, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

  • djjordie

    Even if this were true, i wouldn’t respect a country in today’s society that relies on death to any of its citizens for making a mistake in their job, regardless of it being broadcasted internationally. Yes, it’s embarrassing, but the most respected way to tackle it would’ve been a public apology or something alike. It’s not like any other countries government or citizens don’t kill others for failing their jobs, however, they’re usually related to the underground world and classified military jobs.

  • Sad Human Being

    Um, what happened to the part about the Russian things goings on? Alas, America. You are free to believe whatever you wish. A lot of people from other countries have that too though. Also, I think I should switch my religion so I have no religion so no one hurts me by yelling on the internet. Seriously, you guys all sound like trolls. There is no true Atheist here, just mad men, and there apparently are not many Christians here, just mad men. You all sound..angry and mad with ..internet crazies. I am glad I live in a acceptable society such as this. Yay for Globalization and angry peple. we should hold a war of who is more right and kill each other so everyone else in the world can, well, live.

  • Ernest Allen

    I’m not sure what Kennedy’s assassination has to do with Politskovskaya’s murder, but Oswald spent plenty of time in the USSR before he came back and shot Kennedy. I’ll add that FSB is pretty good at black-ops assassinations. They poisoned Litvinenko and got away with it..the polonium 210 was traced from restaurant to Moscow bound flight from London. Or let me guess – it’s a “Western conspiracy”!

  • BOB

    The angry people have to slam Christians for just being Christians.

  • BOB

    So who’s slamming who now????

  • Pam Dunn

    Worst case of Suicide they had ever seen.

  • Pam Dunn

    Go back to work at your Lamesteam Propaganda mill

  • farhad

    So just to be clear
    this is fake right ?

  • krok78

    Its american dirty lie about Russia.

  • captain_pudding

    . . . you’re on a comedy website, you evidently missed that very obvious fact.

  • krok78

    american morons

  • disqus_8tyyTkni0o

    The word may be hypothesis, which means educated guess, rather than theory. Either way, a scientific proof process starts w/ a guess (faith). A hypothesis can either be maintained or dismissed according to the results of the process. I’m left to wonder how then the big bang hypothesis made it to theory status when it violates certain laws of thermodynamics, and entropy. But how else are scientists gonna disprove that there is no God other then contradicting their own scientific LAWS?

  • Rachel Atherton-Seagrave

    You may not be on a baby donkey if the Copenhagen zoo is supposed to supply.

  • Hi I’m Dave

    Um I don’t normally post and I can’t believe I am on this but it’s funny. If you believe in God… that’s fine, if you don’t, that’s fine too. There are rational reasons for both. Evolution sounds pretty good to me. Helping the poor and living as a community and denying self for the good of all sounds good also. I don’t get why these need to fight each other. I think taking every word of the bible as absolute truth is a little foolish on one extreme (partly because there are like 3000 pages and much of it is vastly interpret-able) , I think taking all that ‘science says’ as an absolute is another foolish extreme. If all is ‘faith and theory’, lets take a look at physical evidence, but also understand we are human with existential fears (meaningfulness, death) and emotional reaction is part of this and religion is an attempt (well intended theory if u must) to answer it.I don’t get how we got from a humorous story to this. And just for a future reference to all, if you need to reduce your argument to insults or pointing out spelling mistakes, your not helping your side nor are u convincing anyone of anything.

  • Geewillikers

    Phew, I’m relieved to find out that these articles are all fake news. I just hope nobody tries to convince me that any of them are funny. I guess retards need to laugh once in a while. Email me when anything from this fart contest is remotely funny. Or don’t because I won’t believe you.

  • Zuhalter

    I call bullshit… fake story

  • Beau

    You didn’t see him when you died? I don’t know why you would expect to. It doesn’t look like your gonna meet him either. Would you expect to have seen him in those minutes that you were dead. When your tryout is over darkness will follow just as you got.

  • MTE

    So does that make your God a Child Abuser? I guess all the beaten a rapped children are some kind of example for us..but I thought Jesus died for the sins of the world, not for the rapist and child abusers, but because for some reason….its another one of those…”We don’t know Gods plan” BS…if he loves the little children so much why make them suffer at the hand of evil men…. he sounds more like a sick voyeur to me! WAIT …I know, FREE WILL, but no one has ever told me what free will the child victim has….NONE!

  • Mark O’Blazney

    What happens in Sochi……….. stays in Sochi……. tovarich.

  • Ni’mah Dina Elkoussy

    People who don’t believe in unicorns don’t go around saying Unicorns don’t exist & buy bumper stickers that say something to the effect of ” I am a part of a group of people who don’t believe in unicorns!” Or even feel the need to debate argue etc….

    If someone tried to tell me unicorns were real & that they had faith they existed, I would think they were nuts or off their rocker or f!#$ing w/ me. I would then either laugh or just know that I’m talking to loony tunes over here & move on…. saying something like “OOOOK….?” & getting back to life.

    I wouldn’t be enraged, trying to prove that they don’t exist, get on online forms to make my point about how much they’re not real & how believing that they are real is an inferior way of life. I think many people who spend a lot of their time getting in their panties in a bunch about how god doesn’t exit are ACTUALLY just angry at God or at religious experiences that they have had or have negatively impacted their life or view of life somehow.

    I think whether you believe in god or not, if you’re spending a lot of time talking about god (his existence or his non existence) you are in a relationship with god. If you really want god not to exist you would stop talking about his lack of existence so much! LOL

    It’s like that line we all here “Any publicity is good publicity” That means despite the fact that atheists spend endless hours of their life denying god, they are keeping the god conversation alive & are in reality inviting those who DO believe to keep reiterating their believes in defense & those who DONT believe to keep talking about god. This keeps fueling the god conversation even more for further negative & positive engagement.

    You ever think of how when we’re really angry with someone & we want to forget about the pain they caused us, we want to delete or shun them from our lives! We try to pretend they don’t exist (come on you know you’ve deleted someone off your phone & unfriended them from facebook before!) We’ve all found ourselves spinning out telling a story about that ex or two faced friend…. using words like “she/he’s dead to me!” I liken this behavior to that of atheists who walk around debating the non existence of god to any one who’ll listen… this can only come from a root psychological attachment to God that is manifesting negatively & based in an emotional charge such as anger, betrayal, hurt, rage, disappointment, abandonment, etc…

  • Badger

    He didn’t die, because he never even existed.

  • thre33

    Saying that goes against believing in Jesus. You want to see someones end come? Just listen to yourself.

  • JoeLorenzo

    You are so smart Jody. But in factual terms we are all here on the internet and you offer nothing in terms of how we are here and where we came from. I suppose you do have a theory based in science and right about now is when you should look up the definition of theory.

    Let’s meet back here after you read that.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Pol Pot, Mao, Stalin, Castro might be helpful reading for you. Let me know if you need more.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Well you can’t tell me where DNA came from either

  • JoeLorenzo

    Please just stop with all your BS WAHM

    Hypothesis– a supposition or proposed explanation made on the basis of limited evidence as a starting point for further investigation.

    Supposition– an uncertain belief.

    Propose –put forward (an idea or plan) for consideration or discussion by others.

    Explanation–a statement or account that makes something clear.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Logic 101: an affirmative disbelief is a belief.

    College much?

  • JoeLorenzo

    no

  • JoeLorenzo

    Correct and well said.

  • Nunya

    Silly Tami, that would
    be true if time were 1 dimensional, it’s not. It’s theorized to be the 4th and it’s
    certainly not linear. Try wrapping your head around a 4th dimension. Any
    luck? Much of the world and most of the universe is completely unfathomable. Is
    it any wonder we can’t comprehend another aspect of that? All we have is the
    writ of prophets, scholars and our own God given intellect. That’s why faith is
    necessary, whether you believe in “science” in “Jesus” or you believe perfect
    science and perfect religion mesh perfectly.

  • JoeLorenzo

    OMG. To those who say atheism is based on science, I enter what tcon wrote as exhibit A

  • JoeLorenzo

    bwhahaha. smoke up some more dubstar.

  • JoeLorenzo

    So are you. By your drug dealer.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Like Stalin, they cannot do the things they want to do with a Christian ethos in their way.

  • JoeLorenzo

    You are an idiot.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Didn’t read.

  • JoeLorenzo

    He isn’t imitating you for flattery, he’s making fun of and mocking you.

  • Nunya

    Actually… pretty sure its called being open minded, non vicious, sympathetic, and fair….
    at least that what i would call such an attempt.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Didn’t read

  • Nunya

    Hahahaha, earth IS a closed system!!! the UNIVERSE is a closed system… that or nothing is a closed system… haha, ever wondered about the statement “no man is an island” applies to objects, not just people… weird.

  • Nunya

    Dude, that statement was written by “man” or child perhaps. were all part of “the masses” you grew up in society as well, unless you were raised in a cave?

  • Nunya

    These “fables” make a lot more sense than any philosophy I’ve heard before or since… truth is absolute.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Wait a minute!! YOU’RE asking for “evidence”???

    Which team do you play for son??? Because I play for the team that requires proof, not you…

  • Rodney Edens

    Feel free to cite where I stated that it wasn’t. I’m not willing to concur that faith and belief are the same thing though. I can believe in something based on a posteriori knowledge, faith however is grounded in a priori knowledge. In the words of Kierkegaard, “Faith is precisely the contradiction between the infinite passion of the individual’s inwardness and the objective uncertainty. If I am capable of grasping God objectively, I do not believe, but precisely because I cannot do this I must believe” In other words, faith in God is necessarily without objective knowledge. It is a priori, because experience would eliminate faith and turn the matter into empirical knowledge. On the other hand, for someone to assert faith in disbelief, they face a hurdle. The hurdle that must be overcome is the explanation as to how someone develops faith in disbelief. I’m open to hearing your thoughts on that.

  • Nunya

    what are you a ghost? or were you reincarnated? dude, being biologically dead happens quite a bit. (to me once, nbd) your not dead. i know God does exist, wooptydoo.

  • Nunya

    oh! prophecy! somebody write that down!!!!
    I think that’s what the Romans said to early Jewish Christians… worked out well for them ;)

  • Nunya

    what you think scientist and athiest are synonymous!? grow up! my dads a “scientist” entire universities are funded and operated by relgious groups, professors, philosophers, and yes SCIENTISTS are Christians. newton galileo and a host of others were all hard christians.

  • Nunya

    That’s out of context. Those arn’t instructions to me and you, they’re instructions to a people whose lives and souls depended on keeping those ideas out of there culture. in a time where empires killed conquered and tortured entire civilizations. And yes, i learned that in Sunday school… please don’t believe that simply because some Christians and some christian churches are very wrong means we all are. ever tried Mormonism?

  • Nunya

    does the word omnipotent mean anything to you? He can literally do it all, he loves you to Draven, take a sec and ask him.

  • Gambit

    I love watching Christians and Atheists repeat everything they heard during the Bill Nye debate last week.

  • JoeLorenzo

    You have fallen for one of the largest multi-million dollar debate scams in history. It is called a deductive error and false equivalency fallacy. You do not how we got here. Neither do I. Neither does Dawkins. Neither does anyone. We have our beliefs. But we all know one thing: we are here, we are evidence of creation. Santa Claus and the Pastafarian are not here. There is no evidence that they were ever created. And that is the crux of your downfall. Your logic:

    Bible is wrong= no god
    Evolution = no god

    See the problem? So the debate always boils down to how were we created. How did we get here? Intelligent design or some freak occurrence in nature? Since you do not know any more than the person who believes in god, then you are just a believer preaching away your beliefs on the internet to anyone who will listen. And you are attacking others because you “know” what they don’t know.
    Meanwhile, Dawkins is finishing out his life by flying first class around the world, staying in the finest hotels, preaching to anyone who will listen, going on TV and getting paid millions for it. He is the preacher in the flashy suit and you are his meek little follower clinging to his beliefs. He believes god does not exist. You wanna see the joke? Listen to him say he doesn’t know. What more evidence do I need?

    http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=ben%20stein%20vs%20richard%20dawkins&sm=1

  • DJ Tempo

    Faith is what you have when you are absent any facts.

  • JoeLorenzo

    And yet here you are trying to do the same thing.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Exactly! The SAME darkness you and every other ridiculous believer of an imaginary friend up in the sky is going to experience.

    Belief is for the real world, after that’s done…reality is the case.

    One thing is for sure, you’ll experience reality one way or another.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    My apologies. I started laughing when I reached “we are evidence of creation” and was unable to continue. Is there anything you preach that isn’t ignorant assumption?

  • Jesus Christ
  • Patrick Michael Christensen
  • Patrick Michael Christensen

    lol u dumb

  • deathtobanannas

    It’s amazing to think about how I won’t know that I died. An amazing freedom. No looking back. Nothing at all, just like before I was born.
    Just to clarify, I’m an atheist.
    and here’s a slightly relevant bible quote just to fuck with both sites.
    “And I declared that the dead,
    who had already died,
    are happier than the living,
    who are still alive.
    But better than both
    is the one who has never been born,
    who has not seen the evil
    that is done under the sun.”
    - teacher (probably solomon, but I also believe that shakespeare was a random dude from Strat on A)

  • Literal_Jim

    Whew. Thanks Joe. You’re a lifesaver. His “wit” went right over my head. SMH…

  • rsdfwd

    OK, but I hope that others accept your corrections.

  • CanadaGoose

    Which one? Because of course, if you forgot the “S”, then it’s a blanket statement that has no reason to be correct…If you’re talking about one in particular, then elaborate?

  • rsdfwd

    Homophobia never existed (even the liberal Associated Press eschews its use), and neither does “racism” – we are all of the same race, i.e., human. Don’t hold your breath on your prediction.

  • I am surviving Obama

    Guy LaFleur was a Super Star hockey player for Montreal starting in 1970. The knives and then Guy,almost had me.

  • rsdfwd

    ROFLMAOAY states: I’ve done the research, research that includes first hand experience and can say without a doubt that there is no such thing as god and no higher being than mankind.
    ——-
    OK, so your heart stopped or whatever, but you weren’t dead.

    There are atheists and agnostics here who are opining that we can’t know for certain, but somehow YOU know without a doubt?!

    Fools rush in…

  • rsdfwd

    ROFLMAOAY: We live in an ever changing world. Questions require answers. Science allows us to answer questions. Science has allowed us to uncover many mysteries found within the world we live in.

    ————
    Even scientists (and philosophers) admit that not all things are subject to scientific explanations. If you believe that, you are way out of the mainstream.

    Your first statement is true, and had been used to prove the existence of a prime mover.

  • rsdfwd

    Yeah, you’ve been to all of the other solar systems.

  • rsdfwd

    Yes! We already have enough fake news sources, such as CNN, PMSNBC, CBS, ABC, AP, NYT, LAT, Oprah, Dr. Phil, etc.

  • rsdfwd

    the willingness to believe in something even though there is “science” telling you it can’t be true,

    ——
    What is science (you mean scientists?) telling you that can’t be true?

  • rsdfwd

    “…a creator doesn’t explain who created him.”
    ——–
    That’s a foolish statement not worthy of a response. Study some Aristotle.

  • rsdfwd

    Acousted? As in acoustics? – that’s exactly what they do!

  • rsdfwd

    Dumb request. Ancient non-Biblical sources and modern historians accept that he lived and was crucified. Stop confusing evidence and proof.

    Now, tell me exactly what is mistranslated. Ball’s in your court.

  • rsdfwd

    There is evidence, Lisa. He is mistaking evidence for proof and making wild claims because it makes him feel good.

  • sophiedog

    I actually heard this “news” from my neighbor. There are people who would actually believe this stuff.

  • UsedToBeAChristian

    Wow. You, ma’am, amaze me. Supposedly, the whole basis of Christianity is to love and help others, yet here you are saying a man who is “lost” isn’t worth your time. Also, aren’t you, as a Christian, also called to “witness” to those who do not know about Jesus? I believe the passage your religion uses for this is Matthew 28:18-20, is it not? You are part of the problem. You are not solving anything by being hateful, nor are you “winning souls” for your lord with that behavior. Then again, maybe there’s a little bit of logic in the back of that brain of yours whispering “this is all a lie” which is causing you to lash out at others in the name of your god. Open your mind.

  • The Truth

    Actually, scientific method follows this path:
    1) Statement of the problem
    2) Hypotheses as to the cause of the problem
    3) Experiments designed to test each hypotheses
    4) Predicted results of the experiments,
    5) Observed results of the experiments, and
    6) Conclusions from the results of the experiments.
    The point is, every truly scientific experiment is designed based on hypotheses. Otherwise we are just at play. Things certainly do happen randomly. Variation is the largest enemy of control. Computer programs are written specifically to generate randomness.
    To debate the existence of God is one thing, to claim intelligent design is another. Intelligent design is merely a pseudoscience designed as a legal loophole, and can’t be taken seriously.

  • Adrianna F. Robinson

    haha as much as everyone WANTS this to be true – this is a brilliant piece of marketing! http://www.ScottJensen.me

  • Oleg Moskalev

    liar liar pants on fire

  • RickfromIllinos

    That darn Russian technology. A guy sits on his bed with a knife in his hand, tries to use the vibrating massage function, and see what happens?

  • grammarist

    think whatever you want but i’m pretty sure faith is not a proper noun and therefore shouldn’t be capitalized. #justsaying

  • grammarist

    also, others would be possessive the way you’re using it (thus written as others’). i have faith that you will review your elementary grammar lessons. have a good rest of your day.

  • rsdfwd

    I’m sorry Rachael, the name comment was not meant to be addressed to you. My screen must have been fouled up because I was seeing a common epithet (F-Y-) for a name. It certainly wasn’t Rachael! The posts sometimes get overlaid or truncated. There is no way I would have wondered how your name got through.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Not imposing “beliefs” on you or anyone. Just speaking the truth. Take from it if you choose or simply close your mind to it and revel in your ignorant “beliefs”.

  • Ronnie

    Even if you chose evolution over creation you would eventually be faced with the “problem” of evolving from something, or even the idea or understanding that the “something”, a particle of some sort began. That something would also need an “order”. Without Jesus there is no life. I put my faith in God not an accidental chance. God help us! Forgive me, that’s judgmental.

  • rsdfwd

    “Because you showed history to back up your statement of “atheist governments”, right?”

    —-

    If you really wish -

    “Since then I have spend well-nigh 50 years working on the history of our revolution; in the process I have read hundreds of books, collected hundreds of personal testimonies, and have already contributed eight volumes of my own toward the effort of clearing away the rubble left by that upheaval. But if I were asked today to formulate as concisely as possible the main cause of the ruinous revolution that swallowed up some 60 million of our people, I could not put it more accurately than to repeat: ‘Men have forgotten God; that’s why all this has happened.’ (Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn)

    Dr. R. J. Rummel, professor emeritus of political science at the University of Hawaii, is the scholar who first coined the term democide (death by government). Dr. R. J. Rummel’s mid estimate regarding the loss of life due to communism is that communism caused the death of approximately 110,286,000 people between 1917 and 1987

    The total body count for the ninety years between 1917 and 2007 is approximately 148 million dead at the bloody hands of fifty-two atheists, three times more than all the human beings killed by war, civil war, and individual crime in the entire twentieth century combined. Is a 58 percent chance that an atheist leader will murder a noticeable percentage of the population over which he rules sufficient evidence that atheism does, in fact, provide a systematic influence to do bad things? If that is not deemed to be conclusive, how about the fact that the average atheist crime against humanity is 18.3 million percent worse than the very worst depredation committed by Christians, even though atheists have had less than one-twentieth the number of opportunities with which to commit them. (Vox Day)

  • surroundedbyassholes

    This entire thread. Has made me need a lot of eye bleach and migraine pills. Thank you America/christians/assholes/the internet.

  • rsdfwd

    But it’s been testified by religious leaders again and again that for the Bible to be true, the earth would only be about 6,000 years old. This is a claim believed by the vast majority of Christians, and that’s why I made the statement.
    ———

    Since the early 1980s, the National Science Board has asked Americans if they accept the idea that the continents have been moving for millions of years — and 80 percent agree. Ten percent say they don’t know, and only another ten percent firmly reject it.

    “In short, then, the hard core of young-earth creationists represents at most one in ten Americans — maybe about 31 million people — with another quarter favoring creationism but not necessarily committed to a young earth,” Rosenau concludes.

    Not a “vast majority”. You are seriously off on this one!

  • rsdfwd

    Also, are you really trying to argue that incest doesn’t result in awful birth defects?

    —-
    I said that your statement was a non sequitur. This one is, too. Please stick to what I wrote.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    What, are you stupid? Or are you a moron?

    Clinically dead, dude. Dead as in no heartbeat or brain activity for over 20 minutes dead. Saved by a world renowned heart trauma surgeon and team of other trauma doctors and nurses.

    So again, dead.

    Why is it that the same people who don’t know the difference between “your” and you’re” are also believers in myths and fairy tales?

  • Ronnie

    Our Father who art in heaven.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Is that where you come from?

  • rsdfwd

    Don’t speak to me of limited knowledge. As far as biblical knowledge goes, I spent a solid 8 years trying genuinely and desperately to believe in God and the Bible by studying it without cherry-picking and asking questions from leaders at the many kinds of churches I attended. I know the bible. I present Deuteronomy 13: (quote deleted.)

    Tell me that isn’t instruction to kill by stoning anyone who speaks of another god, or lack of a god. Bet they don’t teach you that one in church.

    ——–

    Aw, you wouldn’t be trying to censor me, would you? The context of your quote is the Israelite nation at the time. The command is not applicable to any but them, not to the Jews of today, and certainly not to Christians. Haven’t you read about the adulterous woman in John during your eight years of desperation?

    OK, I told you what you wanted. And, you are correct – they don’t teach that nonsense in any church I’ve attended or know of. Did you really get that answer from a church leader? If you didn’t run like h3ll from him/her, it shows a lack of discernment on your part. If you didn’t, then your OT and NT study contained serious gaps.

    (I already apologized and explained the name error in another post. But why didn’t you just assume that nobody would complain about a pretty name like Rachael – my grandmother’s name, but in Italian – and ask before jumping on me for such an obvious blunder?)

  • jj

    Such Propaganda, is Putintag

  • Guest

    Realy funny article )))))))). I am russian, I leaved in Erope for 17 years, but still cann’t get used to all the crapp about Russia that the “free” western masmedia pump into the heads of the pour peaple there. I feal realy sorry for all that peaple.

  • MiMi12

    Yes!!! Jesus Christ DID die for ALL of our sins.

  • MiMi12

    I’d rather live now for Christ and believe in Heaven, then find out there is no Heaven, than to believe in “nothing” and then find out there really is a Heaven. And that God DOES sit on the Throne.

  • McLeanGuy

    Hmmmmmmmm, from reading the enlightening discussion below, I gather that so the man responsible for the Olympic Ring Mishap was found dead In Sochi, eh?

  • MiMi12

    I guess no one wants to respond, maybe because it hits too close to home…….

  • Paul Shapiro

    I pay for my own sins thanks anyway Jesus

  • Rodney Edens

    The last I heard, it was still called “The Big Bang Theory.” I don’t argue against it merits, but it’s simply the best explanation we’ve yet to come up with. It’s not a proven fact. I think something along the lines of it, is probably correct, but it’s not a fact.

  • Rodney Edens

    Not correct. It means that the existing knowledge supports it, but at this point it can’t, or hasn’t, been proven. Everything we know is in agreement with an existing theory, but facts are observations whereas theories are the explanations to the observations. It is a fact that the universe came into existence, but the big bang is only a theory as to how it all started.

  • Rodney Edens

    Thank you for your post.

  • wolfo

    Brilliant piece of fake news. I laughed and cried. That ring “fail” is hilarious. I think it’s a win after all.

    From Russia with love.

  • ישראלJohannSchumacherIDF<3

    Very very scary country, it only proves once again, that communism never left Russia and will never do =( RIP Boris Avdeyev =(

  • Guest

    !

  • JoeLorenzo

    Well, on a biological level, life was created. You believe it happened in the absense of a god, other believe differently.

    Hilarious that right now, at this point, you go ad hominem. Why don’t you just just tell us how you belive we got here? How was DNA created from the elements? Is it repeatable? Observable? Explainable?

    If it isn’t then stop trying to shove your atheist beliefs on me.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Just admit you don’t know and therefore, you don’t know.

  • JoeLorenzo

    You started this entire thread by imposing your beliefs on everyone. That is all the atheists do, they just want to shove their beliefs and ethics off on everyone.

  • JoeLorenzo

    I read his post and he did not say that. On the other hand, the bible says you are a fool.

  • JoeLorenzo

    an affirmative disbelief is a belief. Logic 101 Rodney.

  • JoeLorenzo

    What about the part where the scientist said that no one knows. Do you agree with that?

  • jp

    Athiest have faith. They believe that matter is either eternal or it created itself. Now it takes a lot of faith to believe either of those propositions.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Atheism is not a set of beliefs you moron!! Atheism is a “lack of belief”.

    Atheists take an intellectual and logical approach to the world and thus, understand that there is no such thing as a god.

    For there to be a god, something that exists outside of reality, logic and without proof, belief in the impossible and illogical is required.

  • bwahahaha

    …. and this is why I love the internet and all of the “I read it on the internet so it must be true” people out there. How many of them do you think bothered to read the “about” info for this site before they went on their rampage? … Zero. The correct answer is Zero ……and we let them vote. No wonder Washington is a sh!thole.

  • Vladimir

    Just shut off any rational thought and put all of your faith into whatever “Holy Book” you have been exposed to first. No matter the myriad contradictions written within. Pick and choose what parts to believe literally (or be told) and ignore the inconvenient parts. If you believe in Santa Clause then you will get better and maybe even more gifts. You’d be a fool to just decide not to believe in Santa. It may sound ridiculous, but it has been written. I need no proof. It’s just what I CHOOSE to believe because the alternative isn’t as good.
    I really wish that all religious types would just stop trying to prove anything (even though the burden of proof is on you). It can’t be proven. It is a chosen belief. Period. Your “proof” all stems from a collection of stories in a book. Until that book reached people in Australia, they were all heretics and damned for it, right?
    Just admit that it is a crutch to help you cope with life and leave others out of it. We understand that some people need that. I was “made in god’s image” and don’t. If I did need it, I wouldn’t want anything to do with worshiping a god that would hold it against me if I wasn’t capable of shutting my mind to other possibilities of reality that are based on more credible, substantial, and ever mounting evidence against the existence of such a god.
    Believe what you must.- I choose to believe the Olympic story, though I can’t support it with much other than the article.

  • vladimir

    I’m actually female, Dad.

  • vladimir

    Where did god come from? Who/What created it?
    This arguement is sooo tired.

  • vlad

    Your “proof” is stagnant and lazy. “Proof” cobbled together from stories. No more thought is required. That is easier.
    Some people are content with that, others seek to learn more because it is in their nature to investigate.
    Neither side knows or can know the cause of existence. The difference is that religious people claim to know that which can’t be known. Others are not content to settle for this god or that god as the answer. What is More likely as a starting point : an infinitely complicated being… or simple building blocks of matter?

  • vlad

    Wow. That was good. Only a couple of issues for me. Not many people believe in unicorns. If there were many people who did and imposed this belief system on others in many political forms, I’m sure there would be some people speaking up. Also, there is no doubt that there would be violence over the disagreement of specifics regarding these unicorns and how they are celebrated or not celebrated.

    I do like that you refer to your belief in a force or forces in the universe as god. I agree with that. Does that make me spiritual? I suppose only if I believe that this force has a conscious intent or not. Also my degree of religiousness may depend on my belief of whether we are the center of this power’s universe. That second part is hard for me to believe for many reasons.

    As far as atheists being in a strained or negative relationship with god, I disagree. Nice try though.
    I believe that it is YOU who has a strained relationship with god because too much of what you said was scientific and thoughtful.

    Reporting a bully doesn’t mean that you support bullying.
    Protesting something that you feel imposes unwanted restrictions on you and others that you care about doesn’t mean that you are wasting your time or making the problem worse. Nice try again.

  • JoeLorenzo

    I didn’t read that. Please just tell me where DNA originated from. You can give me the facts or your beliefs. It’s your choice.

  • JoeLorenzo

    So if I ask where DNA originated from you are going to ask where god came from?

    This is logical and rational?

  • JoeLorenzo

    I didn’t read that. Where did DNA originate from? Give me the facts or your beliefs.

    Where did it come from?

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Given that DNA was not discovered until the 1950s, the research on this complicated molecule is still in its infancy, and we have much to learn.

    But much like the other incredible wonders science has allowed us to understand, for example Seleucus of Seleucia’s discovery of tides being caused by the moon in 2nd Century BC, or Ibn Sahl’s discovery of the law of refraction in the 10th Century, or Theodoric of Freiberg’s correct explanation of rainbow phenomenon in the 13th Century, or Evangelista Torricelli inventing the mercury barometer in the 17th Century, or Mikhail Lomonosov’s discovery of the atmosphere of Venus in the 18th Century, or Wiliam Morton’s discovery of anesthesia in the 19th Century, or the cloning of Dolly the Sheep by the Roslin Institute in the 20th Century, or the first draft of the human genome being completed here in the 21st Century…the answer to your question will be answered in time.

    See that’s the problem with believers, if something doesn’t have an answer right now, then there is always the easy fallback that it must be because of some higher power, some god who want it so.

    The fact of the matter is, given enough time, it is science that will deliver us the answers we seek…not some imaginary friend up in the sky.

  • Dimitry

    Google lying scum. The dude is just fine, he just got interviewed yesterday about what he though about the malfunction. Why do people make this crap up? Its pathetic.

  • JoeLorenzo

    I’m looking for the truth. I want facts that are observable and repeatable and you are not giving me that. The problem is that you don’t know. You believe that it will all be explained one day by science and that will prove there is no god. Your logic is awful. Essentially you are saying:

    I don’t know = it will be known someday = DNA must have been an accident = proof of no god.

    Talk about faithful believin’. And then you take the opportunity to discredit other believers again in some kind of pathetic attempt to evangelize your beliefs and push them off on everyone. You’ve got nothing. no facts, nothing. You are just guessing that it will al figured out by the smart people and it will prove your beliefs to be true. Sounds familiar. How about you just admit you don’t know and stop trying to shove your beliefs down everyones throat.

  • James

    Putin may or may not “love Russia to death” but for sure he loves his own ego to death. Given that he dedicated the games to Stalin says a lot about the low quality of the man.

  • Vladimir

    You’re not looking for the truth. You’re not interested in the truth. That is why you choose to believe in a god. It is easier and makes you feel special. It is intellectually lazy and suggests the emotional development of a child. Father who art in heaven and works in mysterious ways……..BAM!-everything you need to “know”. How convenient, if you can get your mind past the insanity of it and then put up walls against reason. If you were born alone on an island and had never been exposed to your particular brand of religion, would you still believe correctly? If you were fed some other outrageous story of “truth”, would you have the courage to question it with your own mind? Good thing you happened by chance on the “right” version of faith. Or maybe it wasn’t chance and you are a chosen one and more special than anyone who believes even slightly differently. If you had never been exposed to the idea of god, what would you have concluded on your own? How close would you have come to the “real truth”? Would god punish you for your ignorance? Just trying to understand your mind. It gets frustrating. I am compelled to try and understand things by my nature. What I DON’T do is jump on bizarre bandwagon of zealots and go along for the ride with eyes shut because it is easier and comforting. I find it disturbing, but will probably never give up trying to understand the mind of a “true believer”.

  • James

    Putin embarrasses his nation even more by having this man killed.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    No, you moron!! Your question was about DNA.

    I’ve already explained. I’ve been dead. Declared clinically dead for over 20 minutes. I know what happens when we die. You don’t. Period.

    There will always be people, stupid enough to deny scientific facts yet believe words written in a book thousands of years old, even though those words are simply translations over time of accounts and ideas from a time long past and are in themselves unprovable. Stories from a time where mankind knew very litle of his surroundings and used the metaphysical to try and explain that which he did not understand. There will always be idiots that truly believe that in ancient times people lived to 900 years old, that a man could spent 120 years building a boat estimated at around 500 feet long (not accomplished again until the 19th century), that held 2 of every species of animal in the world. Only an idiot would believe that it was possible to part the Red Sea,
    that someone could make the sun to stand still, feed
    thousands from practically nothing, walk on water, raise the dead, calm the sea and so
    on.

    Only an idiot would fall into a formal systems of belief that brings with it the hubris large enough to conclude that out of the thousands of gods, “their” god is the “one god” and they have the answer for everything in the universe.

    You were taught to believe the Bible. Indoctrinated into it; and the
    Turks give the same reason for believing the Koran, it is evident that indoctrination makes all the difference, and that reason and truth have
    nothing to do with each other.

    Again, I died. I know what happens when we die. You don’t.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Correction: You know what happens ONLY when YOU die. There are others whom believe differently than you, with much different stories about death. Why would an atheist get the peaceful white light? If anything, your little story about dying proves the Christian point.

    Why do you always speak for everyone and think you are so special? Why do YOU think YOU know what is right and wrong, what is truth and what isn’t? Who do YOU think you are? You haven’t been taught right, that’s for sure and you are no scientist either.

  • JBSPuddintane

    It’s poetic that the red ring failed.
    “Fell on a set of knives”! Too funny.
    Great gag.

  • JBSPuddintane

    It’s tough, isn’t it, being forced to read this stuff and all!?

  • JBSPuddintane

    I’m sure your inbox is full…everyone cares so…

  • Todd Reeder

    Many have told me that God cannot prevent a child or anyone else from being abused or molested because the abuser or molester has free will to do so. And that God and interfere with free will. That God cannot prevent someone from acting out there free will. So the victim suffers for years because God couldn’t stop it.

  • JBSPuddintane

    This is the deal.
    When you “professional” “journalists” start delivering anything which sets itself above “these stories”, we’ll all see “these stories” to be what-they-are.
    Until then, it’ll remain real hard to tell “these stories” from the drivel you clowns put out.

  • eri

    Y IS EVERYBODY TALKING ABOUT GOD AND RELIGION I THOUGHT THIS WAS ABOUT THE GUY WHO GOT KILLED BY THE GOVERNMENT BECAUSE HE FUCKED UP.

  • WhatHasTheWorldComeTo?

    O HHHHHHH
    NICE

  • Aguestus

    Calm down. Isn’t it enough that the word of God was found on Mars recently? What more proof could you want?

  • JoeLorenzo

    Didn’t read.
    Just tell me where DNA came from who or what created it? Is it observable or repeatable?
    If you don’t know you can say you don’t know. If you want to give a me a factual answer, great. If you want to give your beliefs, go ahead. But please, rather than call me names or point out errors in the bible, just answer the question.

  • JoeLorenzo

    That explains a lot.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Are you talking about God or religion?

  • JoeLorenzo

    Gravity is a law. Newton’s law of universal gravitation.

  • Rodney Edens

    I think that all comes down to what is meant, when he says, “knows.” I “know” God through the impact he has had on my life. I say that from a faith basis. I could never prove or even show concrete evidence that God is to thank. All the same though, there is no doubt in my heart or mind. I think it requires faith for a couple different reasons. One reason, is because knowledge changes with time, whereas faith needn’t. The knowledge of 1000 years ago is much different than that of today. It was believed that Earth was the center of the universe and existed on a flat plane. Advancements in science have allowed us a better understanding today. It may or may not ever happen that science or knowledge is able to show the existence of God. To those of faith, it’s entirely beside the point and unnecessary. God’s existence to a person of faith is just as sure today, as it might have been on the very same day 1000 years ago. Another reason that I see knowledge of God as a moot point, is because people are finite beings. As such, It would be a logical contradiction to say that we are capable of knowing a being of omnipotence and perfection. So again, I feel that it leads to faith as the key need. I actually think that many people of faith would agree with the scientist, “that no one knows.”, but the difference would be that the faithful don’t need to “know”. Faith alone can eliminate any doubts.

  • Valeron

    Ебать вы лохи, ведётесь на хрень ахахах))

  • Mighty Fine

    I half believed this until I got to the part where “They don’t suspect foul play” And then laughed out loud about how “He may have fell on a set of knives”.. lol. Thanks for a good laugh.

  • JoeLorenzo

    I agree with you. I just get them to admit that they don’t know. I love to do that to the science crowd and surprisingly it is really hard for them to admit that and because of that, I know that they know all of this is about faith.

  • Dominus

    As for believing Russians are cruel enough to do this and that Jesus is Alive…well until you experience the power of either one for yourself you’re not going to know the truth of either one….

  • TakeActionWAHM

    I’m sorry – either I misunderstand you, or you misunderstand me. It seems you’ve made the same point I made of what a hypothesis is.

  • TakeActionWAHM

    Actually, you’re incorrect. I don’t need “faith” to not believe in something I don’t have any evidence for.

    There is a difference between saying “I believe there are no gods” and “I’ve not seen any evidence to support the belief in a god”. Until someone shows me empirical evidence of some sort of deity, there’s nothing to believe or disbelieve.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Wrong. Hypothesis = supposition = belief.
    All that other stuff you wrote about science/quantifiable tests/ repeatable bears no relevancy to how DNA was formed or created. Even mentioning that is a smokescreen for your agenda. You have no verifiable idea how DNA was formed so in other words, you have absolutely ZILCH in terms of science. All you have is a belief.

  • TakeActionWAHM

    Ok, to start with – I don’t have an agenda, just an opinion. I’m perfectly fine with a religious person believing anything they wish to believe.

    I’ve also not said anything about how DNA was formed or created, so not sure why you’re throwing that at me. I don’t have any belief in how DNA was formed, because science hasn’t come up with a good theory on it yet – we’re still working on it, but there are some hypotheses based on information that we DO have (http://www.geekosystem.com/building-blocks-dna-in-space/). Will it pan out? Who knows! But we’ll keep testing until we’re pretty sure one way or the other – until someone can say, you know, the results of all our tests point at this as being the correct answer, so I believe this is the correct answer – at least until some other sort of evidence comes along to disprove it.

    A hypothesis is NOT a carved in stone belief, despite your attempted string of loosely related synonyms. A hypothesis is an assumption, a supposed outcome – and it is NOT based on faith, it’s based on evidence. It’s saying “I think that if A happens, B will follow”. Any grade school child learns this in the science fair – you make your hypothesis based on observations you’ve made (I saw a ball rolling down a hill, tires are also round, so I hypothesize that tires will also roll downhill) – then you test it, to see if the hypothesis holds true. Sometimes they do, sometimes they don’t. THAT is science.

    Religious beliefs are faith-based. Religious beliefs do not change – because they are based on faith in something that be neither proven nor disproven.

    Scientific beliefs are based on empirical evidence. Scientific beliefs can and do change, as we get new, better, different evidence.

  • JoeLorenzo

    Dictionary of logic – you need it.

    Assumption is a synonym for belief. So you are saying your beliefs are supported by science? Science is latin for knowledge, yet you state “I don’t have any belief in how DNA was formed” yet you then say “you make your hypothesis based on observations you’ve made” “then you test it” “religious beliefs are based on faith”
    And here is my favorite ( you forgot to use the right synonym):
    “Scientific beliefs are based on empirical evidence”

    WTF? Are you joking?

    Empirical- “based on, concerned with, or verifiable by observation or experience rather than theory or pure logic.”

    Evidence- “the available body of facts or information indicating whether a belief or proposition is true or valid.”

    What empirical evidence do you have on how DNA was formed? You can give the empirical evidence or your beliefs.

  • Godisajoke

    Christians are quite literally to stupid to argue common sense and logic with.

  • Godisajoke

    *too* stupid, before somebody tries to explain irony.

  • captain_pudding

    Maybe because you’re reading a joke article on a comedy site?

  • herp

    no

  • Dee

    I am a believer and when I die if am wrong I have nothing to lose, you on the other hand when you die DDC if you are wrong…you have a whole lot to lose!

  • ROFLMAOAY

    The myths and fables of a god survive only because there are people ignorant enough to believe in them. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have as much validity as a mythical jesus christ.

    There is no “truth” in an imaginary Jesus Christ, just people weak minded enough to think so.

    Fuck your jesus christ.

  • B

    guys this whole website is fake

  • Piret Rhapsodos
  • Piret Rhapsodos
  • Piret Rhapsodos

    https://encyclopediadramatica.es/Atheist – Read this, then, and see if you’re any of the types they list. ;)

  • Piret Rhapsodos

    That’s not very Christian, buster, try again.

  • Piret Rhapsodos

    And generalizing is any better?

  • Piret Rhapsodos

    Then you’re not looking hard enough.

  • Piret Rhapsodos

    Yes, GOOD argument. *applauds sarcastically* That’s all you have. That one negative point.

  • Piret Rhapsodos

    Then you may as well get in that line, kiddo.

  • Piret Rhapsodos
  • Piret Rhapsodos

    https://encyclopediadramatica.es/Atheist – Experience this, then.

  • Piret Rhapsodos

    It’s what they do best. Everyone else is wrong, but they aren’t. They aren’t happy until every balloon is burst, because Misery loves company.

  • Piret Rhapsodos

    Mule Account much?

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Weak. Is that all your scared, feeble mind can come up with? LOL

  • Piret Rhapsodos

    See? You’re exactly like the article made. ;) Thanks for proving me correct, honey chile! ;)

  • Stryder51

    And you need to learn how to take a joke.

  • Stryder51

    And even bigger fools keep a narrow mind and view life threw a tunnel.

  • Piret Rhapsodos

    A joke is supposed to be funny. You know, where everyone laughs? No one laughed. Please learn what humor is. Thanks.

  • Stryder51

    Apparently, there are a few people out who thought it was. Sorry if you didn’t “get it”.

  • ROFLMAOAY

    You don’t even know your history, yet believe in a book of myths and fables. Pol Pot, Mao, Stalin, Castro were definitely not Atheists.

  • JoeLorenzo

    And you believe in the ethic of animals. People are not to be treated like animals.

    1.) It is long known and Hitler admitted that the only reason he quoted scripture was to get the farmers to give up their kids to go fight his wars. ”
    The dogma of Christianity gets worn away before the advances of science. Religion will have to make more and more concessions. Gradually the myths crumble. All that’s left is to prove that in nature there is no frontier between the organic and the inorganic. When understanding of the universe has become widespread, when the majority of men know that the stars are not sources of light but worlds, perhaps inhabited worlds like ours, then the Christian doctrine will be convicted of absurdity.” – Hitler

    2.) Stalin said many times that he didn’t believe in God and banned religion, church and any mention of God in schools.”Raised in the Georgian Orthodox faith, Stalin became an atheist. He followed the position that religion was an opiate that needed to be removed in order to construct the ideal communist society. His government promoted atheism through special atheistic education in schools, anti-religious propaganda, the antireligious work of public institutions (Society of the Godless), discriminatory laws, and a terror campaign against religious believers. By the late 1930s it had become dangerous to be publicly associated with religion.

    3.) Pol pot isn’t an Atheist? you need to read your history. He was a communist dictator that on the spot executed anyone from any religion, because he banned it.

  • CoCk_Master

    @CaptainObVious 8=====> — — — pew pew pew. In yo face homie

  • GoogleIt

    You believe in Jesus/God.
    They are plagiarized adaptations of pagan sun gods. You are a brainwashed idiot.

  • al sanchez

    I am not an athiest, but a christian, but how about you listening as well. practice what you preach. or better yet.. leave the preaching to god and try listening as well, with an opened mind, before striking someone down because YOU feel that you should be heard first. It works both ways. Not everything you have to say is important just because YOU think so.

  • Audience

    I’m supposed to be working on algebra homework right now and I had wasted about ten minutes reading a fake article with comments about religious beliefs that had nothing to do with it. I thought everyone was supposed to respect other religions as a law, unless it’s only in certain areas.

  • Audience

    People use faith to guide them through, as faith is to believe without seeing or actually knowing. Maybe we are all wrong, and when we die the things that we believe will happen will happen.

  • John McKay

    Great. I have more faith than you by your admission. And since faith is a good thing to have according to your cult, I win. Thanks for playing.

  • Kevin Whorton

    I think it’s neat that a joke post about the Olympics immediately became a theological debate. I guess we WERE founded by Puritans, that’s a lot of emotional baggage to work through

  • Lojical

    No explanation required. You’re the stupid boy.

  • Lojical

    THIS IS FAKE NEWS WEBSITE – REPEAT – THIS IS A FAKE NEWS WEBSITE.

  • Anti Theist

    Uh, bullshit. This is one of the oldest and silliest ideas theist throw around and it only proves that most have no understanding of the idea of religion on a philosophical level.

    Atheism is NOT a belief system. Your religion IS. You are a believer. That requires faith (because it surely defies logic). I am a non-believer. That means there can be NO faith. It’s really bloody simple.

  • Angela Gray

    how bout stfu no one cares believe what you want but dont sit there n tell someone else they can’t believe what they want. Thats why people hate you jesus lovers its only when you go spouting your religion around that people hate you

  • Angela Gray

    and when theres no god to greet you and you wasted your life following something that doesnt exist or maybe even completely wrong and something else exists we’ll laugh at you. just because someone doesnt believe what you want them to gives you no right to force your beliefs onto them thats why people cant stand religious freaks like you

  • Ю

    Here it is lie!!!

  • ROFLMAOAY

    Mankind “created” god” in an effort to make sense of a world he didn’t understand.

    Now, thousands of years later we have answers to why the sun rises and falls, what causes tides and earthquakes…yet we still have those with Neanderthal minds believing in an invisible friend up in the sky who controls every single thing that occurs like that fart you just let out, that cat that get’s hit while crossing the rod, the millions of children suffering and dying from starvation, the millions of children being raped and tortured, the millions dying of horrible diseases and sickeningly ugly deaths while this “god” cheers on his favorite football team!!.

    Sad that so much of mankind has grasped science and progressed, while there are still those stupid enough to believe in myths and fables.

  • http://alextheberge.com/ Alex Theberge

    The story was great, but this #trollism is obviously better.

  • Jesus H. Christ

    You “research” your faith? Really? Case study, please!

  • Jesus H. Christ

    I’m pretty sure he actually nailed it. Moron.

  • Jesus H. Christ

    Yeah, blah, and when your buddy Jesus returns, tell him I want that recipe for turning water into wine!

  • Jesus H. Christ

    Well, he’s still paying, ’cause I’m still sinning!

  • Jesus H. Goldberg

    What’s he doing on the throne? Taking a dump?

  • Jesus H. Goldberg

    You sir, are an idiot. Period.

  • Jesus H. Goldberg

    I see your measly 2000 years, and raise you 7500 years by Anu, sky-god of the Sumerians. 2500 deities in the world, almost all of them older than you buddy Jeebus. But he’s the one, true saviour, huh? Pathetic!

  • Jesus H. Goldberg

    You’re obviously retarded.

  • bobe123

    The Daily Currant is much funnier than The Onion! The guys and gals at The Onion need to start catching up.

  • JoeLorenzo

    You can use all the debate tactics you like, but you still can’t tell me how life came to be. You offer no truth.

  • American Idiot

    You just embarrassed your whole nation by getting your news from a satirical comedy site. Sit down, and shut up.

  • Brutus

    Oh really? And this is coming from an idiot who believes there was one, singular Caesar? Go crawl back under your church, and shut up!

  • Jesus H. Goldberg

    Oh….truth. I presume the 6000 years of existence according to cretin-creatonists is closer to the truth? How life came to be? Are you even serious? Get a glass of water, put some hay in it, put it in a sunny spot for two weeks and presto – you are now qualified to conduct an elementary school experiment – creating life.

  • Jesus H. Goldberg

    I’d say Amen to that, but I’d feel like a fool.

  • Jesus H. Goldberg

    A fake website? Seems like a perfectly real website to me – has headers, meta and all. Moron.

  • Beliver

    How do you explain the creation of the world? What happened the world was just there because of a big bang. YOU are more likely to win the Lottery 30 times in a ROW, then a random explosion makes a whole universe that is able to substane life. There had to be a God to create all of this, and i still do believe in the big bang it is just that God had to have created it because he was the creator that made everything.

  • guyman

    blah blah blah

  • guyman

    cool

  • guydude

    dfasjfl;kjasdljfalsldaf

  • guydude

    no

  • guydude

    fklgjsfdlk;jsafdlsfjadlkjajldjfadkfakjfdjjkl;jkdfkljsdfjkjkl;ljkdfajjk;ljkl;jkl;asfdlj;jk;ljkj;kfdasjkjkljkjkaslkjkkjljkl;fdaslkjkjl;kj;lfdjslajlk;jkljkadslfjkl;kj;ljkasfdjkjk;l

  • guyman

    what on earth?

  • dude

    luke i am an athiest

  • ROFLMAOAY

    LOL…jeses christ, you believers sure are morons aren’t you!! There didn’t “have to be” anything! Your mind is simply too feeble to grasp the idea that because our species does not currently have an explanation for everything, that science will provide one in time just like science has provided our speciese an answer for why the sun rises and falls, the tides come in and go out, why the earth shakes, why lightening is formed and how we can harness electricity, why a rainbow has many colors what makes water freeze and boil, how to cure a disease. We no longer live in the dark ages where people assigned godly actions to results that can be explained by science.

    You believers continue to grasp at the ridiculous notion that because we have yet to find the specific answer, then there MUST be someone in charge that knows. Science is about finding the answers and just because science has yet to find “the” answer doesn’t mean that the fall back is a “God” is responsible and behind it. That’s simply moronic.

  • Eric Dee

    Sounds very mean spirited knowing what you believe to be the penalty for rational doubt and disbelief. I don’t know or care to know you but you are without doubt a bad man to the core and a coward, To inject ” Much Love ” in your horrible thought and statement shows a confused coward that makes his conclusions on fear, which would explain both the confusion and attempts to instill fear in greater men.

  • Tom Birmingham

    the dailycurrant is satire, however when satire and reality are difficult to distinguish one must worry.

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  • Eric Petersen

    You can’t tell people that Jesus loves them because he might not. He definitely didn’t die for everybody’s sins. I sincerely apologize for people who say they’re Christians but don’t even know the basics.

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  • Woodshedding

    Is there a Godwin’s law for people mentioning Jesus in an unrelated online discourse? It happens WAY more frequently than the mention of Hitler!

  • Bryn

    God is not real. those of you stupid enough to believe so; deserve to be shot and hung. Tortured until your dying breath;; only then will you realize that you, and all your god fearing brethren of any religion- are the root of all mankind’s failures, hurt, and pain.

    “Death to ye who have faith in a higher purpose. For only the weaknesses of your kinsmen hold back the potential of man.”

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