Study Links Homosexuality to Eating Grits

May 05, 2014

grits-with-butterScientists at Stanford University released a study today showing that men who regularly eat grits are 70 percent more likely to have gay children.

The prospective cohort study, published in Nature Medicine, followed 15,000 volunteers for 30 years to determine the influence of parental diet on the development of childhood illnesses.

Although the study did find some connection between the maternal intake of sugar during pregnancy and childhood obesity, the most surprising finding was that fathers who ate grits had a much greater chance of having a gay child.

“We were shocked when we ran the data,” says Edmund Bergler, the lead researcher on the project. "But we controlled for every variable. We triple-checked every calculation. And it turned out that eating grits makes your kids gay.”

After investigating further, the scientists discovered that chemical processing of grits creates a substance called homotonin, which acts as a free radical inside a man’s testes and damages his sperm’s DNA.

That DNA damage is passed onto the child and researchers believe it is responsible for the later development of homosexuality.

“Gay people like to say that they are born that way, and they are right,” he explains. "The DNA damage that causes homosexuality happens much earlier, even before conception.

"Homosexuality is a choice. But it's the father's choice. What he eats  for breakfast determines the orientation of his child."

Another scientist on the study says if parents want to minimize their risk of having a gay child they need to avoid certain foods.

“Grits have the highest homotonin levels. Its off the charts," he explains. "However foods like sweet tea, biscuits, chicken-fried steak, and cornbread also have very significant amounts.”

A spokesperson for Quaker Oats, a leading maker of instant grits said they had no comment on the study.

A representative of Cracker Barrel, a Southern restaurant chain, says that orders for grits have dropped almost 40 percent since the study was released.

  • Ron Babineau

    this is enough to make me “grit” my teeth ……….

  • Lakzo30

    This is a hoax…”homotonin”? Also, Edmund Bergler is long dead…

  • Seriously

    A hoax? You’re new here, aren’t you? Let me help: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/satire

  • Todd Wilcox

    Grits are a wholesome Christian meal, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to listen to some Obama-loving gun-hating lefties tell me what to do. This is a perfect example of elitists thinking they’re better than everyone else.

  • Ron Jakubisyn

    One day, people are going to realize that, like the Onion, Daily Currant is a satire site. Until that day we have the following comments.

  • Tom Stevenson

    This article completely ignores the Duke University study which totally refutes the Stanford claims of sperm damage.

    The Duke researchers compared the sperm counts of grits eaters with those of hash brown eaters and found no significant increase in gay sperm. The only difference they noted was that the men who ate grits had gay sperm that were, on average, 30% larger than the gay sperm in the hash brown group.

    The Duke study also noted that the “straight” sons of hash brown eaters were only 50% as likely to satisfy their wives sexually, leading them to believe that the smaller gay sperm led to homosexual men who tended to live in denial of their sexuality.

    According to Dr. Peter Biggs, who authored the study, “We have always known that women prefer southern men over their more effeminate northern counterparts. This could explain why.”

  • Brad Allison

    “What eats for breakfast….” English anyone? Should be “What HE eats for breakfast….”

  • John Preis

    LoL — you gave me a genuine laugh. Thanks! ;)

  • Julia Parnis

    Could someone, please, post a link for the article?

  • Frank

    hahaha.. Kiss my grits! :)

  • Dan Roth

    You’re already at the article. You don’t need a link.

  • Julia Parnis

    thx, but I was talking about the cohort study, which was published in Nature Medicine….

  • Francois

    thisisajoke.com you’re welcome

  • Capistranoboy

    Why shut mah mouth and call me Sally Mae, I shore do luv mah grits in tha mornin’! Mebbe that’s wha Jr. took ta likin’ high heels!…..(What a horrible stereotype!)

  • Katherine Quin

    This. Is. A. JOKE PEOPLE. Not everything on the internet is true for fuck’s sake…

  • Paula Browning White

    EPIC!!! lol

  • MichaelFarese

    Heh. Homotonin.

  • Ummmm

    did he just say – Grits are a wholesome Christian meal? I hope this is part of the satire….

  • bieler

    At least we can all agree that being called homosexual is still an insult, or else this wouldn’t be “funny.”

  • Anthony Shawn Curtis

    God dammit, grits.

  • Terry Cooper

    Had quite a laugh over this one! I live in the South, in a Tea Party stronghold.

  • Benjamin Smith

    this is the south, it better be the “sweet tea” party

  • nobodobodon

    Literally Unbelievable. (dot org)

  • nobodobodon
  • tjg1984

    I don’t think that’s true. What matters is that the people being ridiculed/trolled think it’s an insult. The people writing the piece, or laughing at it, could very well think that being insulted by that is ridiculous, and I think they would be more likely to laugh if they did.

  • tjg1984

    And on that day, the Daily Currant will likely change its name, because confusing people seems to be part of their fun.

  • MeeshaWoodstock

    this is so funny, it dosen’t even deserve a laugh!
    I love grits, a female so I guess this does not apply to me…

  • Donna Vitagliano

    that is hysterical…the sad thing is that there are too many people who don’t get that it’s a joke!

  • tjg1984

    Thanks, @Helena_Handbasket:disqus for the condescending lecture on making an effort to understand what I’m reading. Now note that in my comment, I did not once claim that I was confused or felt that I had been deceived. I said only that the people behind the Daily Currant *seem to* like it when some people are.

    You are welcome, yourself. :-P

  • Lazarus Leighton

    What about homosexuals that ARENT EVEN AMERICAN? Australian? Mexican? German? TAKE THAT “scientific study”

    Also, what about families that have multiple children but only one turns out gay?
    DO YOUR RESEARCH!

  • Roger Barton

    I’m gay… been gay all my life, and “out” for more than 40 years of it, and I’m not insulted in the least. I think it’s hysterical. Now for more grits…

  • davidvoth

    Those people are homosexuals BECAUSE they aren’t Americans.

    DUH!

  • davidvoth

    Has it ever occurred to you that you may in fact be a gay man trapped in a woman’s body?

  • davidvoth

    There will always be gullible people. That’s why advertising works so well.

  • Matt

    Eating “traditional” southern foods can give you heart disease and death, nothing changes. Say it turns your kids gay, they’re eating kale and tofu the next day. ‘Merica.

  • Mike Delamater
  • Keith Miller

    I have always wanted a gay kid, my friends who have them say they are the BEST, more loving, more creative, caring, and more wealthy…..I am so happy to hear that all I need to do is eat GRITS, is there a specific amount to eat? How often? I don’t care how fat I get as long as I get my Gay Kid! Lol, wonder what bacon creates?

  • Jennifer

    This is sad and disturbing…guess our tax money paid for this research too..find something better to do with our money…like something that will actually help
    J

  • Brittany

    This is satire

  • Sadlycynical
  • Sadlycynical

    Which, makes it that much more fun.

  • http://www.wetravellightly.com/ Travelightly

    Well, maybe as a gay man, eating grits will give you straight kids?!!
    lol

  • Bstein

    This site should be called “The Daily Diarrhea”. What complete garbage this is… liquid poo, everywhere.

  • http://www.wetravellightly.com/ Travelightly

    Very creative. I love it!

  • edav38

    That is the MOST MORONIC Study I have EVER Heard of. Take your Heads OUT of your Nether Regions People

  • http://www.wetravellightly.com/ Travelightly

    groan, but funny! lol

  • brandon

    this is fake…

  • http://www.facebook.com/pages/Veronica-S-Cutting-Author/357885014341481?ref=hl Sheri Veronica

    Ok, so it’s a joke. It would have been nice to have seen the Daily Currant produced this article before reading to the end and scratching my head in disbelief! lol though. Pretty funny! Homotonin, a new word…, maybe. :)

  • Paul

    DURRRR

  • Paul

    It’s satire, that means it’s a joke. No tax dollars paid for this. Idiot.

  • Nicholas Mells

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love this

  • cuivre2004

    LOL! The irony!!!

  • Gradivus

    News reporters with low levels of brainotonin in their bloodstreams will probably be reporting this as a legitimate news article by tomorrow morning.

  • Les Deffner

    Congrats! You passed the Gullibility test. Now that we have confirmation of your gullibility, I’ve some sales opportunities you won’t want to miss!

  • MxolisiT

    (In their own words)
    About
    The global satirical newspaper of record.
    DescriptionThe Daily Currant is an international English language online newspaper which satirizes current events in politics, business, culture, science, and the media.

    Our motto is: Cauta Est Et Ab Illis Incipit Uxor

    Our slogan is: Laugh Smarter

  • Whittney Waitforit Davis

    LOL. No. Laughing so hard I’m wheezing. I gotta get up and go find my inhaler.

  • Rebel Dean

    Tony, I’m going to share this post and am going to use your post. I hope that is OK with you.

    Tony V.

  • lee

    Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat????????????? Who is paying for these ‘studies?’

  • MeeshaWoodstock

    Never!!!
    I love being a woman to the fullest extent…

  • Maggie 4NoH8

    Don’t forget religion!

  • thehomelessguy

    That’s what GRITS stands for, “Gays Raised In The South”.

  • Shitzngiggles

    I hope you are serious,… Your post just isn’t as funny if you are being facetious. If you are being serious… yes, we really are better than you righty gun loving christian, grit-eating morons. Period.

  • Delores Harrison

    homotonin?!

    This is a JOKE duh….*serious face*

  • http://madamfergie.com/ Madam Fergie

    I find the chemical link to homotonin here dubious. I think the causal factor may be that grits consumption is behaviorally correlated with southern hospitality, and that maternal graciousness indicates preferential bonding between mother and son, thus causing homosexual orientation.

  • flutterby

    the connection between homotonin and grits is pretty obvious when you consider the lesser known cousin of grits, hominy, which must have gotten its name from the presence of this substance.

  • Dalek1963

    Glad its satire. Would be dubious in the real world even though many would believe it.

  • jojowa

    I guess my son will be gay cuz his daddy is from Mississippi and loves his grits. so does my son so any kids he has will be gay.

  • AlphaT

    Wow…the ignorance is beyond comprehension. :/

  • AlphaT

    Then they need to note “satire” somewhere on the page. Good grief……

  • William Keiser

    Shouldn’t it be called ‘hominy’tonin then?

  • James Donnaught

    Nah . . . that part was serious.

  • powerbase

    Damn! You mean none of this is true? With all the resulting irate comments I think a lot of us are going to find ourselves having a really big FEMA party.

  • powerbase

    See what happens when you can’t man up any more? Duke says we can say queer but not gay. Can you say, “They must be inbred?”, Well can you? Can I say, “Punk!”? Do you feel ducky, well Duke you, punk?

  • powerbase

    Tea party? Why is anything a party, if you can’t get high? Like Jefferson drafting the Declaration of Independence on the Chinese Emperor’s Cannabis Sativa writing it on hemp. If we get rid of the buzz kills, that’s a party!

  • powerbase

    Livin’ high on the hog are you? Many of us aren’t done eatin’ the used grits of Sallie Mae!

  • powerbase

    Is that why you are homeless? Cause you live in the South?

  • powerbase

    That makes it all the more, funnier!

  • powerbase

    Yes, that was mighty Christian of you. How many rounds of ammo do it take to love one’s neighbor. Does it depend on if he is white or black?

  • powerbase

    And to think I thought it was Catholicated Male Nurses fondling little boy toys of the newborns as the reason.

  • powerbase

    If you want more tax the rich. What else are taxes good for? Besides being squandered?

  • powerbase

    As to the satirist’s idjewkation?

  • powerbase

    Only if you think that livin’ in hominy, is gay.

  • powerbase

    And the stupidity…?

  • powerbase

    Judging from all the pork barrel politics, I’d say gay politicians.

  • powerbase

    That is a pretty tall order as it is hard to document a link in html aka webpage:
    Breakfast of Champions!

    which is:

    <a href=”http://www.dailycurrant.com/2014/05/05/study-links-homosexuality-to-eating-grits”>Breakfast of Champions!</a>

    To change the caption with one of your own edit Breakfast of Champions!

  • justin

    And to think, all those years I stared at that guy on the Quaker Oats box…

  • emma852

    my uncle recently got a nearly new black
    Volkswagen Touareg SUV by working off of a pc… blog link F­i­s­c­a­l­P­o­s­t­.­ℂ­o­m

  • John Christopher Ray

    Oh jeez, I’m glad I read the post here because I was about to go off on a rant about how ignorant it is to believe eating grits make your children Gay.

  • Bobby

    Thats so funny because grits come from corn and there is corn in everything. Stanford you are once again WRONG

  • RexTIII

    Homotonin, certainly the culprit!

  • Thomas Favors

    Most of the comments are satirical themselves. You are just out of the loop with things. Do a quick google search on sarcasm and satire, then reread those comments. Most of us know it is a joke and are just going along with it.

  • Thomas Favors

    This would explain so many things about the south

  • unclesamonmars

    This is crazy!My cousin has lived in Hominy, Oklahoma for forty years. She’s never liked men and… Wait a minute!

  • unclesamonmars

    You mean “many do believe it.”

  • unclesamonmars

    Oedipus Oats. At your local Publix today.

  • unclesamonmars

    You have more posting personalities than Palin has stretch marks.

  • unclesamonmars

    You were reading it where? Their website. Wake up and smell the stupidity coming from your upper lip.

  • unclesamonmars

    Much like the vacuum twixt your ears.

  • unclesamonmars

    Such as retro-actively aborting you?

  • unclesamonmars

    I believe you also love altered states of consciousness.

  • unclesamonmars

    PC police alert.

  • unclesamonmars

    You made me guffaw!

  • Donald Haney

    just…. just stop

  • unclesamonmars

    You’re taking all the fun out of it, Katherine! Shush!

  • unclesamonmars

    Your parents have any children that weren’t stillborn?

  • unclesamonmars

    Could you get out your credit card and purchase a clue? Or are you punking me?

  • unclesamonmars

    You’re not cereal are you?

  • unclesamonmars

    GSP fascist ladies and germs. For those not in the know, Grammar, spelling and punctuation.

  • unclesamonmars

    Same people that paid for the pod in your basement?

  • unclesamonmars

    Duke University, eh? Damn British schools!

  • unclesamonmars

    I wish you were correct.

  • unclesamonmars

    You need to practice “grasping the obvious” Portnoy.

  • unclesamonmars

    If I go to the website, will you kill yourself?

  • unclesamonmars

    Since your privates are posted (What?) I’m going to take it for granted your a religious Bozo.

  • Gambrell Francois

    so true my father always eat grits he works out after ….. now he hates me because im married to a guy :) but oh well he should had added more salt

  • MeeshaWoodstock

    Dear davidvoth and uncleasamonmars…did you not get the original ‘joke’ of this article???
    ….so guess it is on you :)

  • alden

    People generally believe what they want to believe and simply ignore the facts.

  • Alden

    The internet has needed an official ‘sarcasm font’ for years. Only then will those lacking intelligence be able to understand.

  • Sheboygan Schnoid

    Don’t forget snarky bigoted comments about religion and religious people. (In truth, such comments only reveal the ignorance of the one uttering such a remark.)

  • Mom with a gay daughter

    I literally feel like I have lost brain cells reading this. This is the DUMBEST thing I have ever read on the internet.

  • wylekat

    There’s something I can happily say NO to. (I hate grits)

  • powerbase

    It doesn’t apply to you? As to your wish, it is my command!

  • powerbase

    Does he still make you grit your teeth?

  • Brighton Rose

    Nope. Religious people suck. Wanna know why? You did the EXACT same thing Maggie did.

  • Brighton Rose

    You shut your dirty dirty mouth!! EVERYTHING on the internet IS true!!! It says so. On the internet.

  • Brighton Rose

    Um, yeh, I hate tofu. Just sayin’…

  • Chris

    All those foods are Southern. Grits, chicken-fried steak, biscuits, sweet tea. This is a very funny article. So does the South have more gays?

  • Shirley

    How does an article like this turn into a hate religion, hate southerners? What is wrong with you people? I’m a Christian and a southerner, but I have lived all over. I would never put people down because they were born in a certain region or believed a certain way. I’m thankful for my southern heritage and my faith. Thank goodness my parents didn’t raise me to hate people because of the color of their skin, their religious beliefs or where they were born. I feel sorry for the rest of you with your backward way of thinking.

  • Salt Sherwood

    Duke is North Carolina, moron.

  • Ramona

    I don’t know about it being a christian meal I only know it kept my stomach full as a child especially growing up in the south.

  • Blucross

    Thanks for being as I enjoy that satirical humor.

  • Sierra

    If people can’t understand the English part of this article, how in the world do you expect them to understand the Latin part of it? *LOL*

  • Sierra

    What am I missing? It says Daily Currant at the top of the page, and dailycurrant.com in the URL bar. I don’t understand why you had to read to the end to see that it’s satire.

  • powerbase

    I think he was being facetious.

  • Amanda

    This website is fake. They post satirical articles to be funny. None of the stories on The Daily Currant are true. Google it.

  • Lonzo

    I thought this was the “Onion’s” half brother/sister!

  • Rhonda Warmack Houston

    “Homosexuality is NOT choice for the one who is born one. But it’s the father’s choice. Apparently what the father eats for breakfast determines the orientation of his child.”

  • Fremont V. Brown III

    Suggest you look up the word “homotonin”. And tell us what you find.

  • Marilin Walton

    This has got to be a joke.

  • MellyDanielsisf321

    just before I saw the draft ov $5039 , I be certain
    that…my… cousin woz truley bringing home money in there spare time on their
    apple labtop. . there sisters neighbour started doing this for under eighteen
    months and resently took care of the mortgage on there condo and bought a great
    Mercedes . have a peek at this web-site F­i­s­c­a­l­p­o­s­t­.­C­O­M­

  • http://www.biggerfatterpolitics.blogspot.com BiggerFatterPolitics

    The Bible says that gluttons should slit their own throats. It’s in Proverbs. Fundagelical Christians tend to be big fat, slothful and prideful gluttons.

    There is a reason why Southerners are the most gluttonous. Their gluttony is a result of the cardinal sin of pride “Southern Pride” which is the master sin of the 7 deadly sins. The wages of sin lead to death. Fatties DIE sooner!

    Click Here To See Why the South is So Sinful and Gluttonous</a

  • http://www.biggerfatterpolitics.blogspot.com BiggerFatterPolitics

    There are a lot of closet gays at Duke. Southern males have big gut and man boobs. The Southern women are and manly one with their tattoos and their facial pig bristles.

    The Bible says that gluttons should slit their own throats. It’s in Proverbs. Fundagelical Christians tend to be big fat, slothful and prideful gluttons.

    There is a reason why Southerners are the most gluttonous. Their gluttony is a result of the cardinal sin of pride “Southern Pride” which is the master sin of the 7 deadly sins. The wages of sin lead to death. Fatties DIE sooner!

    Click Here To See Why the South is So Sinful and Gluttonous</a

  • powerbase

    Now there’s a stretch!

  • Thomas Favors

    I am, some people just don’t pick up on satire easily unless there is a disclaimer stating so. A lot of these comments, that are mistaken for being serious, are a response to the satire. Besides, even if it isn’t, it is more fun to let people keep thinking that. I don’t know why you would want to correct them. This site is about humor after all.

  • Sheboygan Schnoid

    Really, now? Do tell.
    (For what it’s worth, everyone has a religion. The main differences are the focus of that religion’s worship.)

  • JazzyJerome

    LOL that was funny.

  • http://www.biggerfatterpolitics.blogspot.com BiggerFatterPolitics

    Click HERE to read why The Bible Belt is the FATTEST and most SINFUL

    Gluttony is one of the 7 deadly sins.

    Philippians 3:19 Their end is destruction, their god is their belly, and they glory in their shame, with minds set on earthly things.

    Proverbs 23:20-21 Be not among drunkards or among gluttonous eaters of meat, for the drunkard and the glutton will come to poverty, and slumber will clothe them with rags.

    Proverbs 23:2 And put a knife to your throat if you are given to appetite!!

  • RJ

    This is a fuckin riot!
    I hate grits and i’m as gay as they come!
    C’mon now!
    LMFAO!!!

  • Geoff Rogue

    Real men eats grits. Girls raised in the south.

  • Paul Wagner

    …but it’s just so fun to troll my friends thanks to this site! I’d rather they continue in satirical stealth mode.

  • klhayes

    Well oh my! Kiss my grits…LMAO!

  • Todd Avery

    Yeah, I know a practicing atheist. He attends atheist worship regularly & prays to a deity they call ” ” every night before going to sleep. It’s a pretty intense religion, that atheism is… I hear they’re pushing it at folks’ front doors now in suits… Pamphlets, magazines, the whole nine yards.

    I just LOVE the argument that atheists believe in God, but just don’t know they do… or that they have a religion, but don’t realize it. It’s ludicrous. Even the Bible says that you’re either born again or you’re not. So if you’re a Christian, how are you gonna tell someone who professes not to believe in God that he secretly believes in God when God says he doesn’t, according to your own beliefs? And according to his beliefs, there’s no God to say either way! This argument is simply ridiculous to me.

  • Jerry Callender

    Idiotic – 70% of all Southern children would have been gay instead of only 2% of us.

  • Kevin

    Personally speaking, I have never had grits, and up until this nano, I had no idea what grits actually are. Now, I may have eaten a man who has consumed grits. Perhaps in the future I should ask him about his culinary choices before I partake.

    And Tom, as for your hash brown study, it is a well known fact that 46% of research statistics are made up on the spot. 67% of people know that.

  • Razvan

    Daaaad, found a shrimpie in my grits!

  • [email protected]

    How did you get a comment from Edmund Bergler?
    1. He has been dead since 1962.
    2. He was never at Stanford.

  • amandamore

    Well, there is always a grain of truth. Everyone knows that chemicals are generally endocrine disrupters at quite low levels. Remenber the male/female frogs in polluted lakes? But real men never believe in something like chemicals that they cannot see.

  • James Stephens

    You do realize this is satire dont you?

  • Raymond G. Whitham

    “Homo”tonin LOOOOOOOOL. Unbelievable what people waste their research money on.

  • finishstrongdoc

    Hormonal birth control waste cannot be purged from our water supplies at water treatment plants. Real men admit mistakes and overcome them. Some mistakes are shared by the whole community, like water supplies, and then the good suffer along with the evil.

  • David Oland

    duh

  • David Oland

    then why argue? if you don’t believe in a god why write God? and if you can ignore that there is any evidence of a god, why do you need to comment on God? most atheists I know put a lot of effort into fighting those who do believe in God, the Christian one, not others, a LOT of time into it. if you think God does not exist, why waste all that time, and even money if you go to court over stuff? Seems kinda obsessive. and actually some atheists want to have meetings so as funny as it sounds, there are atheists “churches”. so “worship regularly” is actually a possibility, and you are in a way putting them down for wanting to have a gathering. a friend in Egypt told me in his country although it says the majority are Muslim, there are other beliefs, and atheism is one. they may not be allowed to publicly bash Islam there (unless you want to die) but that does not mean they would not pick apart all of Mohamed’s book of lies if they were online and felt safe. Luckily in America we have freedom to discuss both online and in person religion and atheists are not afraid of being slaughtered for it.

  • David Oland

    I love em! just began eating them a few months ago at school!
    you don’t think…that won’t hurt me will it?

  • David Oland

    It said if your parents eat it their KIDS will be gay.
    it said nothing about it turing YOU gay.
    so, RJ, ask mommy and daddy what they had for breakfast before they had you…

  • RJ

    even with that-my dad definitely doesnt eat grits! never has!
    mom didn’t eat them hardly ever!
    So regardless of what I Said, i don’t have to ask my mommy or daddy anything i KNOW what the background involved!

  • Bastion

    I knew it was coming: that tired argument that to deny something exists somehow confirms its existence. Huh? I can vehemently deny the existence of rainbow-colored unicorns…doesn’t make them real.

    Fortunately, I feel no pressing need to deny the existence of rainbow-colored unicorns because the rainbow-colored unicorn-believers are not in significant possession of the government and levers of power. Huzzah!

  • Bastion
  • Bastion

    And it doesn’t have to be on every page. When one reads information on the Internet, one should ALWAYS check the background of the source. The “About” page is a good place to start. Putting it on every page is tantamount to the infamous “Caution: The Hot Coffee Inside This Cup Is HOT!” warning…

  • Darrell D. Elliott

    Funniest thing I ever heard….good Lord!

  • Liana De Laurent

    HAHAHAHAHH SOFUKCING STOOOPID….Science of bs…..wow u guys are just bad……if u wanna divide people and create separation at least with something more brilliant than a friken Kasha that makes u “gay” lmao idiots…

  • Liana De Laurent

    yup same…lol

  • Liana De Laurent

    better question is WHO IS PAYING TO THE NEWS TO HAVE THE FAKE STUDY PUBLISHED…cuz its all bs OBVIOUSLY lol

  • Liana De Laurent

    yeah for real…..i think it would be funnier if they used Kelbasa as the meal LOL

  • Liana De Laurent

    dont get ppl started on that LOL

  • Liana De Laurent

    every religion….has ONE thing in common..and that is ..there is a higher power………we are all one……along with the power that created us……now put down your guns

  • Darrell D. Elliott

    Could well be a Federal Government Grant?

  • John Knuckles

    Go easy on him, he goes to Stanford. He is expected to be a moron.

  • Scott Dweeps Demand

    You morons realize this is satire right?

  • James Donnaught

    “But real men never believe in something like chemicals that they cannot see.” With the exception of real tinfoil-hat men, who totally believe in chemtrails.

  • effepi

    ehm, sorry if already mentioned, but doesn’t the fact that “Edmund Bergler, the lead researcher on the project” died in 1962 make this article qualify as a hoax?
    I mean it seems most unlikely that there would be an article hidden for more than 50 years suddenly discovered and published without checking it out again. so…

  • William Harper

    The only time it is gay is if you eat someone else’s grits.

  • theabroma

    What in the heck are “gay sperm”? And, I love the denigration of gays going on here: that the say the have no choice and that’s true because Daddy’s sperm is “damaged.” Why damaged? Plus, since grits are made from hominy, and hominy is made from field corn treated with an alkali, typically wood ash or calcium hydroxide (pickling lime, or builder’s lime), and since that is the way that corn has been processed for several thousand years in Mexico to make masa for tortillas, tamales, etc., then why is there even one heterosexual male in Mexico? This sounds like numbers talking out of the rear end of some superficially significant but truly rotten, poorly and improperly calculated and analyzed data. Lies, Damned Lie, and Statisticians.

  • jazztazz

    that is pure bullshit!!!

  • XY

    Well, this puts Deliverance in whole new light.

  • Danny Wade

    If certain food makes you gay, and two major satire sites have food names, I’m pretty sure reading their articles will make you gay.

    Oh crap, I just looked at a guy’s butt. That confirms it.

  • Kimberly Grimm

    For those that think this is real.

    The Daily Currant is an English language online satirical newspaper that covers global politics, business, technology, entertainment, science, health and media. It is accessible from over 190 countries worldwide – now including South Sudan.

    Our mission is to ridicule the timid ignorance which obstructs our progress, and promote intelligence – which presses forward.

  • Sheboygan Schnoid

    Now THERE’S a strawman response. When did I ever say that atheists believe in a god. (Hint” Never did say that.)
    The term “atheist” literally means “without god” or “no god.” It does not mean “without religion.” And, yes, atheism is a religion. It, like Buddhism, is merely one that has no deity.
    Try a more rigorous reply next time.

  • Sheboygan Schnoid

    It is demonstrably incorrect to claim that every religion shares the belief that a higher power created us all.
    If you’re going to try to join a debate and then seek to chastise others, please have an inkling of what you’re talking about. Now…put down your wagging finger.

  • Robert Rice

    The biggest part of religion boils down to creation or evolution. I like to ask what if both are right? We were created and evolved into what we know today. I can’t think of 1% of the current population that could survive pre 1700’s much less not be outcasted because they look different. Hence evolution and with change come new and different living perspectives, like being gay.

  • LG Chancellor

    the u.s. government probably pays for these studies. You now how they like to waste money on BS

  • Jess Golden

    This has to be satire

  • Susan LaDue

    Wow there must be a disproportionate number of gay people in the American south!! Just kidding. This article is a crock – no science involved.

  • Li Wildtimbers

    Really? That is funny bc my dad REFUSED to eat grits. Said that they were the most horrible thing he ever tried when he was a kid and he never ate them again. 3 out 4 of his kids ended up being straight.

  • http://hisheartandhome.com Jayne Evans

    This is about as stupid as it gets!

  • Wayne

    If this isn’t dumb, then I need to be re-educated on the definition of what it means to be dumb!

  • Walter White

    I thought the cause of homosexuality was being born in Texas?

  • momazilla

    Grits, cornbread, biscuits, sweet tea…. Sounds like a typical Southern diet. Which has the fewest guys than any other area of the country. My guess is they did not test for tofu and sprouts.

  • Johnny Davis

    all these products contain GMO. I also heard that soy makes kids gay. Soy is also hugely GMO and soy and corn derivatives are in practically everything people eat, it’s definitely an agenda, it’s not the plant God created, but the sick perverted gene splicing that is creating the problem in all these foods

  • David Oland

    So funny when someone cheers their own thoughts! XD It is like when people write up a rant on FB then click LIKE to their own words.

  • David Oland

    I know they did a study on why a very few are carriers of HIV but never get sick, and found out this one guy had on both chromosomes an altered gene, which was from evidently surviving the Black Plague…I do not get why, but the show on TV said they found many of European decent had one chromosome with the marker, but the ones with both somehow had an evolved type of white blood cells that didn’t all get destroyed like the rest of us do. They hoped to use that discovery to find a prevention for acquiring HIV. Biology is complex.

  • aurelius

    This is worse than sweetened ice-tea!

  • God

    Please, if they are to stupid to realize it and want to share their stupidity with the World, let them! Let them seethe and loathe in their hatred of the Government wasting money on proving grits make you gay. People have been telling them for years it’s fake, it’s satire, they’re ignorant assholes who don’t know what satire means, and they and their leaders will never be able to comprehend the word irony, so fuck em!

  • strataxx

    What’s a labtop

  • strataxx

    Why so hateful?

  • Waitforit777

    8 out of 10 Americans are so scientifically illiterate they are convinced this is serious. Seven of those 10 are irrigating their colons with Lysterine to purge the dreaded homotonin out of their systems. …The remaining 1 in 10 live in San Francisco and are finding trendy and expensive ways to prepare grits while sashaying to the Village People.

  • BendExPat

    Oh for God’s sake! As Samuel Clemens once quipped, “You have your lies, your damn lies, and your STATISTICS”. Statistically, everyone who ate apples in 1850 are now all dead. Conclusion: Eat apples are deadly!

  • usorthem3

    Kiss my grits then.

  • https://www.facebook.com/pages/Pet-Agree-Dog-Training/267410594145 Jillian Gray

    That’s great. However, I’m from the North and live in the South and I would never date a Southern man. As a hashbrown eater myself I see a correlation between men who eat grits and the belief that women are inferior.

  • bearmon2010

    Oh please.. Its false and untrue!

  • Theresa Pugh

    God you have sinned…go back to school…LOL

  • http://www.queerevolutionary.net/QueeRevolutionaryBlog/queerevolutionary/ QueeRevolutionary

    I BET YOU GAY BASHING MOCKERS WILL CENSOR MY COMMENT BECAUSE YOU JERKOFFS THINK THE ONLY GOOD GAYS ARE GAY BASHED GAYS MOCKED BY YOU IDIOTS. READ THIS http://koin.com/2014/03/27/prosecutor-jessica-dutro-killed-son-thought-gay/ AND TELL EVERYONE HOW FUNNY YOU THINK THAT IS THAT A MOTHER KILLED HER 4-YEAR-OLD SON BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT HE WAS GAY. YOU THINK GAY BASHING IS FUNNY. TAKE DOWN THIS BULLSHIT MOCKING GAY BASHING DO IT NOW YOU GAY BASHING IDIOTS.

  • Outsider

    It’s not a joke on gays it’s a joke on people living in the Southern Red states that have resisted equality for so long. Look at the list of foods, all southern favorites. There is no such thing as “homotonin” but to the ignorant crowd of bigots out there who don’t get the humor, are right now emptying their fridges to fight this “threat.” Maybe it might also make them consider that horrible lives that other people are forced to live are in fact the result of one’s own bigoted attitude and behavior.

  • Astraea

    They had me up to ‘homotonin’ :)

  • http://archive.org/details/antifederalist_0707_librivox The Federal Farmer

    That explains a lot!

  • DASKAT

    It’s a northern conspiracy to eradicate southerns males so they can get all the white women.

  • DASKAT

    I want a pod

  • Joseph Miceli

    Never date a Southern man? Do you really think all of us are Neanderthals? That says more about you than it does about us.

  • JY

    This is satire you know.

  • jackthecat2010

    Be glad they didn’t put cinnamon on their grits, who knows what we would have.

  • Pondered

    Right, right. BS like cancer research and lead toxicity.

  • gaypalmsprings

    My father took homotonin supplements, and I am gay. What more proof do you need?

  • sunflowergirlntx

    Well I can’t blame her for being biased if she is northern. I would date a fuckn Yankee myself.
    ;)

  • sunflowergirlntx

    Really? Duh. You just now figuring this out?

  • sunflowergirlntx

    I do wonder how something that doesn’t exist (God) manages to piss Atheists off all the time.

  • sunflowergirlntx

    They do it out of meanness.

  • inicholson

    What are grits?

  • Earthling3

    Hey, I wouldn’t date a Southern man either. I’m not gay.
    I might date a Southern girl, though.

  • Cliff Andrews

    This article is BULL$HIT! It made me laughed so hard! Those bigoted people are so NUTS!!!!!!

  • Celt

    Duke is not in the UK…good god.

  • Christopher F.

    They’re cooking meth with their labtop kit?

  • crom777

    You didnt realize that was a joke?

  • AvalS

    This is so-o-o unreal!

  • Joseph Miceli

    Well, you might give it a try. One time doesn’t make you gay.

  • terre

    Well his grit eating father probably didn’t expect him to turn out some fancy-pants either but he should have stuck to biscuits and red-eye gravy then.

  • terre

    too. stupid.

  • Desereé Cundiff

    Please tell me that folks don’t actually believe this bullshit… :/

  • Elizabeth Blumberg

    To stupid!

  • thinkingabovemypaygrade

    A study shows…that people who grow up are more likely to grow old. Dr. Howard, Dr. Fine, and Dr. Howard have been funded by the CDC to determine the likelihood of this outcome for persons who reach adulthood.

  • Earthling3

    The problem with that is that the amount of alcohol necessary to make me mentally willing to take the plunge would render me physically unable to perform.

  • Cpt_Justice

    Oh, yes, the article on grits making gay sperm – THAT gets by you, but let someone be silly about where Duke is & you jump all over *that*! Good job! (RME…)

  • Joseph Miceli

    LOL! To each his own!

  • Truman’s Mom

    Once – a philosopher, twice – a pervert.

  • Joseph Miceli

    Well, fuck you very much, I’m sure!:)

  • Joseph Miceli

    Moran?