Saudi Arabia Seriously Considering Allowing Women to Use Forks

Jul 30, 2014

99847538The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia announced today that it is leaning toward finally allowing its female population to use forks.

The highly anticipated move comes as the autocratic Islamic regime faces ongoing criticism around the world for its record on women’s rights, which critics say is among the worst in the word.

“We hope this gesture of goodwill today will assure our critics that the Kingdom is open to reform on all issues and is sensitive to the needs of its female population,” a spokesperson for the Saudi government says.

Saudi Arabia has banned women from using forks since its formation in 1932 over fears that the utensil represented a threat to the kingdom’s conservative sexual mores.

"There is something very unclean about a woman putting four long hard things in her mouth at once," explains a leading Islamic cleric close to government policymakers.

"When a man sees a woman putting metal with such shapes into her sacred orifice, he cannot help but think the most unnatural thoughts. This measure exists to prevent sexual chaos between men and women."

However, Mario Santerelli, an Italian expatriate who runs an upscale Italian restaurant in Riyadh, has a different view.

“I can’t wait for the ban to be lifted,” he says. “It’s frustrating having to watch women eat pasta with a knife and spoon. Many of my customers are couples looking for a romantic night out. Being unable to properly eat your food kinda kills the mood.”

Once the ban on female fork use is lifted, women will still face a variety restrictions unique to the kingdom, where the status of women is arguably analogous to that of blacks in apartheid South Africa.

All women in Saudi Arabia are required to have a legal male guardian, are barred from mixing with the opposite sex in public, forced to use separate entrances to most buildings, and are most notoriously banned from driving automobiles.

Although there is a growing movement within the kingdom for greater freedom for women, this is the first concrete step the conservative ruling monarchy has made in that direction.

According to sources close to the government, the fork ban is expected to be lifted in a matter of weeks.

  • InMyView

    Guess I`m a pervert – fork in her mouth does nothing for me.

  • Chantel

    How absurd that women can’t eat with forks. I can’t imagine anyone ever making a sexual connection with a fork, but that shows you what kind of culture we are dealing with in S.A. I teach many children from their country, and the men treat women like dogs. During conference week, they don’t want female teachers telling them about their kids and say we are unqualified. They should be on a planet of their own. I have no respect for them and how they treat women or their little girls! I pray for those women!

  • coolmind

    Saudi = one very sick land; they are all sick. All living sick delusion from a sick religion. Did I mention they are sick?

  • http://www.sakkyndig.com Rune Fardal

    “”There is something very unclean about a woman putting four long hard things in her mouth at once,” explains a leading Islamic cleric close to government policymakers.”

    There is something very dirty in muslim mens head….

  • Tony Echavarry

    That’s mighty white of them !

  • Cynthia Ilona Loria

    Just when I thought I’d heard it all. This is outrageous and the fact that it’s been going on since the 1930s is even crazier. As a result of some male neanderthals mentality all women of this culture must live with control!!! F#%*$D!!!!!

  • djvillan

    I really do hope the people commenting here realise this is satire and their responses are very clever counter-satire or this world really needs to learn a thing o two about common sense ;)

  • Cole

    Unfortunately djvillan, they don’t.
    We’re MORE THAN doomed (and your aspiration for a higher-level of cleverness, although entirely the right idea, is equally doomed).
    I am “in Kingdom” as I write this, I assure you all with 100% certainty….forks ARE allowed by all KSA citizens.
    PS – OhEmGee, PEOPLE PUH-LEASE use your heads!!!!

  • Cole

    How’s it feel to know you just got pranked? Nice jumping to conclusions pal.

  • Cole

    Ok so what kind of reaction do you think your comment will get (even from those same neanderthals) now that you know this was satire and you fell hook line and sinker?

  • irwinpenny18

    Wow–now there’s a liberal democracy.

  • Roiyar

    LOL All these laws are based on the perversions of men!!!! so sad.

  • Cynthia Ilona Loria

    Joke or not, Cole no name no picture, your still an asshole!

  • Palexk

    Its…A…Wait for it………….Satire! You’re a teacher, and you can’t figure out when something is a joke or not?

  • Palexk

    This is a satire website.

  • Palexk

    This is a satire website. Chill

  • morsigh

    Oh my god! She licked it! She licked the fork! In public, even. Stone her, stone her hard. Let’s show her how we treat wanton whores. /s
    …and yes, I know what TDC is.

    At least they haven’t disallowed chairs. Women sitting might remind them that they used to have intact genitals.

  • sudon’t

    Cole, please stop informing people that this is satire. I realize it makes you feel smarter, but if everyone knew that this was satire, the comments section would be unbearably boring.

  • Sabbir Shanto

    Satire is amazing, I dont mean the content, but the clueless people commenting below

  • Michelle Tyler

    Promoting hatred, this is just too much bullsh*t.

  • Riad Hassan

    this is a satirical website like the onion.

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  • Jordi

    coolmind=someone who cannot even realise that this is a satire website

  • Cole

    I sense diversion to cover up a Grand Canyon amount of embarrassment. But that’s ok I am not a Neanderthal who will take advantage of that, or any other unfounded insult you may want to fling – it’s your choice to be however you want to be.
    But actually Cynthia I can’t pass this aspect up without responding. A-hole behavior is less so a lack of a picture than a completely uninformed post wantonly attacking men in general and specifically Saudis by way of some stupid knee-jerk reaction that exhibits a completely closed mind, laziness to check something absurd against reality, and a pre-slugged reactionary-only feminist commentary that only serves to dilute the credibility of anything that comes from your mouth (or fingers as this case may be).
    You did damage on multiple levels…do you even realize that?

  • Cynthia Ilona Loria

    Your verbose superior response, the fact that you are here correcting everyone like your some kind of authority, still remains the same as I said the first time your an asshole and just for the record I feel that way whether you are male or female.

  • Cole

    Hey Cynthia, I’ll accept I’m an a-hole if you accept your stupidity caused my need to be one in the first place.

    Hey also, what happened to your name and photo, high-and-(not so)-mighty? …add hypocritical to the above verbosity.

    PS Just for the record *ehemm*, since guilty of correcting, it’s “you’re”, or of course, “you are” (2x btw)…your choice. See how that works now?

    …smug a-hole now.

  • sudon’t

    Sssshhhh!

  • meera

    and its not even funny

  • Aryan

    Is this for real?

  • GFURSLF

    Apparently though, the new freedom will not extend to plastic forks as marital aids are yet to be allowed.

  • GFURSLF

    Couldn’t agree more, sudon’t.

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  • Semweni

    True, but the comment still works!

  • Semweni

    Now Saudi women can fork too! Or four…

  • Daniele Speziari

    Knowing how things work in Saudi Arabia, this news could have been true

  • Guest

    I am living here in Riyadh from four years and a number of times I took my wife to restaurants in open and nobody told me that she can not use fork. She eats with fork openly and nothing happened. Life is easy for her here , its luxurious and comfortable , we have social gatherings regularly , she can move freely. The only problem is that she can not drive. Most of the things which are seen from outside are not as when you start living here. Respect, which females find here , I did not observe anywhere else if you talk about external society.

  • Rijas

    A lie, if told a thousand times, becomes truth.. People who usually get their information from this kind of sites are being fooled about what is happening in the real world..

  • davidnohe

    No, flying aircraft into buildings is promoting hatred. Satire is more like being a faux bully that eventually makes you say, “Ah, I feel dumb. You really got me there!”

  • vijaytonse

    They should actually try chopsticks, which I have found to be very convenient for eating various kinds of pasta !

  • vijaytonse

    Frankly, I find it hard to believe that the esteemed Religious clergy would bother to interfere with methods of eating. Most Arabs( especially bedouin tribes ) eat with their first two fingers and the thumb, traditionally from a common plate, a custom which developed in a situation where water to wash hands was always scarce, but maybe eating pasta like that would be difficult. However, the use of chopsticks would actually be an extension of the existing traditional Arab way of eating.

  • Michelle Tyler

    You are brainwashed.

  • Michelle Tyler

    Obviously you don’t know or you wouldn’t even have made that comment.

  • Michelle Tyler

    Thank you. I’m afraid it is all falling on deaf ears.

  • davidnohe

    yes, of course. 9/11 didn’t happen. I’m brainwashed. And your accusation that I’m brainwashed was a pretty hateful statement for you to have made.

  • Michelle Tyler

    9/11 did happen, I didn’t say it didn’t. Nor is this about 9/11. Sites putting up articles like this, even under the pretense of being satire, is what promotes hate. The fact that it is not about Americans specifically is what makes it ok to everyone. We live in a world where people believe everything they are told even if it is common sense not to. Many of the comments here of people believing what the article says just shows how brainwashed people are.