Native American Council Offers Amnesty to 220 Million Undocumented Whites

Dec 12, 2014
Native American Amnesty

Photo: Thinkstock

A council of Native American leaders has offered partial amnesty to the estimated 220 million illegal white immigrants living in the United States.

At a meeting of the Native Peoples Council (NPC) in Albuquerque, New Mexico yesterday, Native American leaders considered several proposals on the future of this continent's large, unauthorized European population. The elders ultimately decided to extend a pathway to citizenship for those without criminal backgrounds.

"We are prepared to offer White people the option of staying on this continent legally and applying for citizenship," explains Chief Wamsutta of the Wampanoag nation. "In return, they must pay any outstanding taxes and give back the land stolen from our ancestors.

"Any white person with a criminal record, however, will be deported in the next 90 days back to their ancestral homeland. Rush Limbaugh will be going to Germany. Justin Bieber will depart for Canada. And the entire cast of Jersey Shore will be returning to Italy."

Sustained European colonization of North America began in the 16th and 17th centuries, when arrivals from France, Spain and England first established settlements on land that had hitherto been occupied by native peoples. Over the past 400 years immigrants from these countries and others throughout Europe have transformed the demography of the continent.

Despite their numerical superiority, many scholars question the legality of the European settlement, as it was founded on a mixture of unauthorized immigration, war and genocide.

Progressive native groups welcomed the council's decision today as a step forward toward normalizing relations with the White community. However, many conservative Native Americans are upset about the plan, claiming that amnesty will only serve to reward lawbreakers.

"Why can't we just deport all of the Whites back to Europe?" asks Ité Omáǧažu of the Lakota people. "They're just a drain on our economy anyway. They came over here to steal our resources because they're too lazy to develop their own back home.

"I can't believe we're just going to let them pay a fine. They should get to the back of the line like everybody else -- behind the Mexicans."

  • USADefenderOne

    To the Victor Go The Spoils. You have no standing for the action you propose.

  • andacar

    I just love you guys that are too fanatical to even realize you’re reading a parody.

  • Fred Hill

    Do I get a EBT card?

  • Thorn A. Fusco

    its ok, he also doesnt realize his irony. He just gave CA to Mexico.

  • USADefenderOne

    And you don’t realize that you must be ever vigilant. There is no humor in our need to be always protective of the sanctity of American sovereignty.

  • USADefenderOne

    Don’t be a buttocks. My borders are well defined and we will remove the aliens invaders from American soil.

  • Jim Knowles-Tuell

    He also gave much of Syria and Iran to ISIS.

  • Shad Walker

    So I guess if someone goes in, kicks your butt, and tosses you out of your own home you would recognize their ownership of your ex-home and belongings.

    Going to bow down if you get car jacked?

  • Christopher Moore

    We appreciate you removing yourself.

  • Farrell McGovern

    Then explain Area 51!

  • Dave Andre

    I didn’t steal anyone’s land. I pay my mortgage every month.

  • CookieMonster

    Hey, what if i can prove i’m legal….lol

  • Kumori

    Another entity stole it and sold it to you.

  • Johnny99

    you got free land

  • Johnny99

    That is what is going to happen to the White Party, they are going down!

  • Johnny99

    you are an invader and you are about to experience a new revolution. Old white guys like you have done enough damage to this country

  • Johnny99

    American sovereignty not White American sovereignty!

  • Kathi Charley

    I’ll take a one way for my entire family back to Scotland, thanks

  • Zack Mayo

    You bought stolen property. So you may get it confiscated. If you put up a fight. You’ll be a law breaker and get deported. I wonder if this is going to happen before christmas 🙂

  • Zack Mayo

    Don’t worry if you can’t. They have nice cookies in Europe.

  • Zack Mayo

    You get a free plane ticket. What else do you want 🙂

  • Dave Andre

    Unlikely, that would mean the government would have to admit the banks are a criminal enterprise. We all know the government won’t stand up to big business or Wall st.

  • Zack Mayo

    How many bankers can you fit on a super jumbo? Or how many can you fit in a container? As those container ships are pretty big. It wouldn’t take long to deport alll the bankers.

  • There’s lots of humour in reading your sad little rants.

  • Dave Andre

    Use containers, then we could hope the ship would sink.

  • Diane Stanley

    These comments are HILARIOUS!!! This is satire. Good lands, acquire some comprehension skills.

  • Diane Stanley

    And you, go take a chill pill and find a sense of humor.

  • Diane Stanley

    blah blah blah

  • G.I. Jane

    And free labor!

  • Guest

    Fair enough.

  • Ryles

    The preponderance of linguistic and biological evidence indicates that Native Americans most likely originated somewhere in northeastern Asia.
    So . . .

  • Jennifer Kerkow

    “In return, they must pay any outstanding taxes and give back the land stolen from our ancestors.” Um, if they are coming here for the very first time then they had NOTHING to do with it. You wanna be pissy about it? Then blame the English, Italians, and Spaniards. The Scandinavians, Polish, Germans, Irish, Romans, Ukrainians, etc. had nothing to do with it. Maybe what they should do is fess up to having owned over 4,000 african slaves? Maybe they should say sorry? Oh, and what of the mixed people? Where do we go? An arm to Scotland, foot to Germany, and my torso to India?

  • Mary Ellen Armstrong

    Stupid attempt at satire! How about researching the DNA of Haplogroup X which gives concrete proof that Whites lived here along side the Indians thousands of yeas ago… This information has been suppressed, but is resurfacing again thanks to the diligence of historians and genealogy experts…..

  • Screw this, DEPORT!…sucking up all the jobs, good land and natural resources…send them back!…

  • Johnny99

    and now the labor is coming after you. Enjoy

  • tobyspeeks


  • Neal

    I understand this is meant to be a joke but it’s incredibly stupid…

    First, you can’t give amnesty when you didn’t have a government or political structure in the first place. Before the Europeans came, the Native American Indians were a sporadic people who occupied parts of the land and were made up of hunter-gatherers. They had no structure, no government, no laws. In fact, most of the tribesmen were barbaric, enslaved each other and murdered/raped/sacrificed each other on a daily basis.

    Second, anyone can play the “we were here first” game forever… History says the Indians came to North America across the Bering Strait. Since we were the first ones to use the resources here to create wealth and establish a government and laws, maybe we should deport them back to Asia? That’s right, we didn’t because we gave them a chance to assimilate and also let them keep their reservations. Or maybe, since we are such “awful, genocidal people,” they should shun our ways of living and convert back their old ways that were proven to be so innovative, like living in tee-pee’s and chasing around animals for food.

  • livesalone

    No structure? No laws? No government? Where do you think we got 1/2 of the Constitution? And they were not all hunter/gatherers either. Some had very well established cities. Seems to me people who were here for 12,000 years (at least) have a bit more claim than those who arrived a couple hundred years ago.

  • livesalone

    link, please

  • USADefenderOne

    With our superior intellect and overwhelming force, we’ve already established ourselves as rulers of this land.

  • USADefenderOne

    Not as long as superior intelligence prevails.

  • livesalone

    Try again… which ones ?

  • USADefenderOne

    Funny, I feel the same about you.

  • USADefenderOne

    Sorry son, but we created this country. It is you who can not exist in a civilized society.

  • USADefenderOne

    I said alien invaders. We invited the extraterrestrials.

  • USADefenderOne

    Same thing. If civilization is to prosper, then you have to understand the social order. Whites have social order, which includes lawfulness, education.and the development of infrastructure.

  • Wren Marxen

    Off to Ireland I go then, Since my mom lost my families “Indian Number”
    and Ive done nothing wrong legally, but with how our country is
    currently going, I dont see it getting better especially if the legal
    people could pay to be legal. In the end I see it just being another
    money game.

  • Johnny99

    which counts you out

  • Johnny99

    You created it on the backs of others who are now coming after you. I am a white male, US Navy Veteran and businessman.

  • Johnny99

    old white guys like you are outdated and will be eliminated.

  • Barry Fitzgerald

    You might have a hard time explaining lawfulness and your recent government leaders actions!

  • Ryles

    All of them-BTW.
    The first migration, that led to the majority of Native American populations, was of a single group called the “First Americans” that crossed from Asia to America in a land bridge called Beringia, that existed during the ice ages more than 15,000 years ago, say researchers.
    The later migrants probably arrived in boats, after the land-bridge disappeared at the end of the ice ages.
    Research coordinated by Andres Ruiz-Linares of the department of Genetics, Evolution and Environment at University College London (UCL) in the UK.

  • Barry Fitzgerald

    ” we gave them a chance to assimilate and also let them keep their reservations”
    I guess you do not see the contradiction here!

  • Ryles

    Yes, really. Ever notice the similarities in facial structure between Native Americans, Eskimos, Far Eastern Russians/Mongolians?
    These similarities also exist in linguistics.

  • Mary Ellen Armstrong

    All of the information I have gathered over the past 4 years (since I began my X2 journey) has been through 23and Me, Ancestry.com, and several Haplogroup X groups I have joined… I had no idea all of this was such a big deal until my DNA results from 3 independent tests confirmed that I come from a line of ancestors that were totally White European, but apparently they coexisted somewhat peacefully with the Native American Indians… So even though myself and many others in this group have 0% Native American or South American blood, we rank amongst those who were considered ”native” people…. I am still learning however, but everything I have found has been substantiated, albeit not very popular because it dispels some of the myths we have been taught in history class… In any event, this group is rare, but quite spread out so they say… Also, some information is on Google and Bing about all of this… My hope is that everyone will stop trying to blame one race for all the ills of mankind and realize that we all come from somewhere, and they we all have a story to tell that is not always the way we were taught….

  • Cassandra Marie Frost

    So how do we apply for this Amnesty and do we get tribal subsidies as a part of this package? What if i have an indian heritage, i’m part blackfoot does that make me a citizen alredy?

  • Guest

    Well they were not a nation, they were 500 nations a great deal of whom were at war with each other and none of them had any immigration policies other then kill them when you see them or don’t kill them. Not to mention that fact that those who came here were not just white. People love to eat this crap up but it is still crap.

  • Craig Winans

    More stupid than funny. SMH

  • Betsy Warren

    Apparently you missed the part where they were being facetious? This was meant as poking fun at all the immigration mess going on, nothing more. They weren’t serious. Get a grip.

  • firejack007

    “Sustained European colonization of North America began in the 16th and
    17th centuries, when arrivals from France, Spain and England first
    established settlements on land that had hitherto been occupied by
    native peoples.”
    What history class did these people attend. We at least know that Nortic people arrived in N.A. in the 10th Century. The first settlers started in the 15th Century. ‘Indians’ migrated from Asia via the Bearing Sea 15,000 years ago to the West. Archeologists have found traces of Europeans on the East coast dating 20,000 yrs ago. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstopics/howaboutthat/9110838/Stone-age-Europeans-were-the-first-to-set-foot-on-North-America.html

    What you all call Native Americans are not native to America. They are Asians that came over through the Bearing Strait. No one was native here. On top of that, ‘Indians’ were tribal and nomadic. They did not own or even lay claim to every inch of America. Nice try.

  • Shawn Schaitel


  • boB

    The land-bridge idea was debunked long ago when scientists realized how the continents fit together and were all once part of the same land mass. The bridge concept was a far reach of the imagination in an attempt to explain how similar plant & animal species existed on far-flung parts of the earth.

  • David Worthington

    So that would mean they actually are the legal authority, since there was nobody else here before them.

  • Sammy Gill

    This can not happen in land of USA

  • Sammy Gill

    Its simply not possible in USA

  • Jonak

    u got “FREEDOM”

  • Antha

    The preponderance of linguistic and motivational evidence indicates that Ryles most likely originated somewhere on 4chan.
    So . . .

  • Kyara Peacock

    “So that would mean they actually are the legal authority, since there was nobody else here before them.” — David Worthington

  • Kyara Peacock

    So…how does it work for me since I was born here?

  • Cory Simenson

    I’m immediately applying for asylum or going marry one of my Native friends.

  • DeSwiss

    Priceless! 😀

  • Trisha Jacobs

    So, no link to any scientific source, in other words. Just commercial sites telling you what you want to hear. Sorry, but you don’t rank amongst those considered “native”.

  • Susan S.

    Have you ever actually studied European history?

    Also, thanks, my ancestors on the Trail of Tears really appreciate you tromping all over their lost heritage.

  • SKroger

    Get Indians in charge!

  • Mark Schmidt

    My grandfather was Osage…your solution of dividing people up among your various genetic nations sounds like a great idea to me. Have a nice flight.

  • Mark Schmidt

    So what? We were here first – your “Thanksgiving” is modeled on a feast in New England to celebrate the murder of over 700 Indian people in order to secure their land. Those pilgrims were scum and had been driven out of Europe and Britain. Spiritual ancestors or Ted Cruz’

  • Capt. Black Strapp Molasses

    Oh !

  • navychick63

    With this goof in the White House and our country in shambles I would be more than happy to move back to Europe where my ancestors came from. Europe is beautiful and clean. This country has become pathetic.

  • Capt. Black Strapp Molasses

    If you follow this logic then you will know that the original inhabitance or those born on this land mass are citizens automatically, commonly known as Native Americans, NOT-unlike the present day inhabitance that are automatic citizens or Native Americans born here, through the Travelers that came here ! Again, If you use the logic or laws implied in this article anyone born here through the travelers that came here are Native Americans and are Automatic Citizens, through Birthing, past or present !!!

  • Janet Raymond

    What makes them think Canada wants Justin Bieber back? lol

  • disqus_SFuH2o3nbA

    Everyone born on this planet, has a right to live on this planet. Not one person born is more entitled than another in this right. We all “came from somewhere” after human life started on this planet, and are equally entitled to live on it.

  • disqus_SFuH2o3nbA

    What a racist piece of crap! First, Europe is a land mass, so blaming Europe for this is like blaming Asia for bombing Pearl Harbor. Name the countries and their people involved, not a land mass! There were MANY countries full of white people in Europe that had NOTHING to do with this! ie, Shouldn’t they “blame” Spain more than Czekoslovakia, for example, if any blame at all is to be assessed about how ALL humans migrated across the globe?

  • disqus_SFuH2o3nbA

    …And since Spain is considered “hispanic”, not “white” by today’s AA/EEO definitions, shouldn’t they be going after HISPANICS, not WHITES??!?

  • Capt. Black Strapp Molasses

    I totally detest anyone killing anyone. But it seems like you are saying that the earliest arrivals never killed anyone! Not even other warring tribes that were occasionally taken as slaves and tortured. If we could turn back History and correct things that would be great! But there are a few things that you can do to help turn back time. The next time you want to send a message to someone, just use smoke signals. Get rid of your car, TV, cellphone, etc,, Put your stuff on a couple of poles and go into the forest and swamps and birth babies and raise a family through winter snows summer heat and hurricanes, for the rest of your life. That would help. You can leave your keys and stuff in the garbage. You wont ever, need them again !

  • USADefenderOne

    Not really. Law and process is put into place to deal with those who would act outside of the boundaries afforded. Prosecutorial and procedural action should identify lawbreakers, and a legal system provides the opportunity to gauge their fault, if any.

  • USADefenderOne

    Why is it the inferior always want to go after the superior?

  • USADefenderOne

    And that gives you wisdom, how?

  • USADefenderOne

    And you would know that how?

  • Alierias

    You realize that Europe is “Beautiful and Clean” because of how “socialist” they are right? President Obama is centre-right to them…

  • Alierias

    Ah no, the time span you have is wrong. The continental drift you refer to took place when Gondwana broke up hundreds of millions of years ago, when our ancestors were still reptiles therapsids…

  • Alierias

    Peer review, or it didn’t happen

  • Alierias
  • Tevis T

    You’re only entitled to land you can defend and protect. Get over it and read about Rome, Greece, China, India, Russia, and, for that matter, the Aztecs, Mayans, and Powhattan Confederacy–all expanded at the expense of their neighbors.

  • Adam McKay

    I always thought it was funny how people said that the Puritans were driven out of Europe because of religious persecution. From their actions in America it’s clear that these people were psychotic, narcissistic, buffoonish, and even psychopathic. Any persecution they received, they deserved.

  • Cats r Flyfishn

    I’m second generation born here and of Slovak decent, can I stay?

  • Cats r Flyfishn

    Well, we all decended from Adam and Eve so therefore we are all connected genetically, right? /s

  • Cats r Flyfishn

    I thought it was very funny. It was a good use of satire on how conservatives view people of color.

  • eaglesfanintn


  • Amy

    Where did you get your German surname, Mark Schmidt? Sounds as if you’ve some dividing up to do of yourself! Ha!

  • Marvin Gardens

    Deport me to Germany ASAP! I love sausages, cheese, potatoes, mustard, precision engineering, and free universities! And ham. I’ll fit right in.

  • Raji the Green Witch

    No, that’s Free Dumb!!!

  • Mary Ellen Armstrong

    Good point! Perhaps, although I am not convinced we came from Adam and Eve, but I am open…. Somehow we are all connected as inhabitants of this planet….

  • Mary Ellen Armstrong

    Not sure what you mean….

  • David B.

    Good satire! I love it. But the real message is that the country was taken by Right of Discovery, or Right of Conquest, and later by Right of Purchase and/or Treaty. To defend your Right of Discovery you have to have a court, and the court has to have an army to back it up, the Native Americans did not have that at the time. And that’s a fact.

  • Mary Ellen Armstrong

    I don’t consider myself ”native”, that is merely how the data reads…. I am from 98% White European ancestry… Telling me what I ”want to hear”, as you so amateurishly state, would have made me 100% White European, which was not the case…. So, don’t assume you can read my mind or know what I wanted to hear….. There were indeed Whites who lived amongst the Indians in ancient times…. Kindly learn about this so you do not show your ignorance.. It is even written about in the Book of Mormon (which I read 4 times) although many people do not believe in those teachings… The Book of Mormon is also a history of certain peoples! There are PLENTY of links other than on the genealogical sites, I have posted them in articles and blogs for the past 4 years along with all the different theories… If you are THAT interested you will seek them out on your own rather than expect me to do all your legwork, then you would refrain from speaking about that which you have no knowledge of on this subject!!!!

  • Beverly Slapin

    Please clarify. Are you saying that Columbus and his crew and the undocumented and unwelcome immigrants who came for conquest did not torture, enslave and/or commit genocidal acts against the people who were already here, and did not, in general, make a tremendous mess of things? Can you define “Manifest Destiny,” “colonialism,” “global warming” and “climate change”? Are you saying that Indigenous people at that time had no sense of survival and did not know how to live well on the land so as not to make a tremendous mess of things? Do you get all your “information” from FOX “News”?

  • Mary Ellen Armstrong

    PS- Also a myriad of Youtube videos about X2 and the other various haplogroups which have no connection to any of the commercial DNA sites… Blood tests also confirm much long suppressed information… All people have to do is look for truths within the popularly accepted theories that American and world history teach to keep everyone in line!!!! So be it…. Happy Sunday!!!

  • Raji the Green Witch

    Neil, you’re an idiot! the Iroquois Federation had a complete government, right down to a Constitution (Which the U.S. Constitution is modeled on). Many other nations also had a form of government. You can NOT make the claim that there was no government when the Europeans came in, destroyed everything that the Natives had established and then turned around and claimed that there was nothing here until the whites came.
    The principle of ownership belongs to the first person to actually settle the land. That would have been the native tribes, not the Europeans. They didn’t NEED to assimilate. When you go somewhere, it is not acceptable for the hosts to adapt to YOUR ways, it is the other way around. “When in Rome, do as the Romans”. And you stereotype the tribes by assuming that they ALL lived in Tee Pee’s. Actually very FEW lived that way. Most actually had constructed buildings, longhouses, and actual framed construction. No, it DIDN’T look like the Europeans’ houses, but even in Europe, not ALL buildings have the same construction. So, STOP showing off just how much of an ignorant bigot you can be. Would you?

  • Beverly Slapin

    Well, you know what they say: “If you can Google it, it must exist.”

  • CLO

    Behind the Mexicans? Thats the stupid racist line. The Mexicans are Native Americans as well. Native to NORTH AMERICA. YES MEXICO is part of North AMERICA. AS much as you racists want to ignore it. Mexicans are part indigenous…yes they have native american tribes there as well. and these tribes knew no boundaries and traveled throughout the southwest and mexico and central america!

  • Mary Ellen Armstrong

    Google is a tool, just like half the people on this thread! (I did the research work, interviews and countless combing through documentation with a fine-tuned comb) and it took YEARS! I don’t expect anyone to believe me, nor do I care! Obviously I rustled a few feathers, (pardon the pun)…. We all have a right to know where we came from, and process that with an open mind without casting aspersions on others who have dissimilar backgrounds….

  • CLO

    Use this stupid argument all you like. But one thing is clear no one acknowledges any political history from 10,000 years ago. It’s irrelevant. The point of contention between the native americans and illegal European immigrants. It was Native American land when the EURO trash landed. They had that land for thousands of years. In Europe all you had was a bunch of dumb fuck Cro-magnons…Yes Euro-trash your ancestors were brain dead cave people…

  • CLO

    You bought stolen land. It will be returned to the rightful owner!!! ME!! GET OFF MY LAND!!!

  • CLO


  • Mary Ellen Armstrong

    Sour grapes!!! Tally-ho!

  • ridgewalker1

    Ha Ho YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • luvhistory

    Sounds like you’ve never actually been to Europe. There are many beautiful areas, just like there are in the US. Then there are areas that remind me of Appalachia. The Germans are clean — I’ll give you that.

  • ridgewalker1

    Yes, and modern humans all originated (based on mitochondrial DNA) in Africa so…

  • ridgewalker1

    AH HO Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • baycommuter

    That’s why you buy title insurance.

  • Justin Bieber will depart for Canada!

  • Neal

    “Iroquois Federation had a complete government, right down to a Constitution (Which the U.S. Constitution is modeled on).”

    Sorry, I should’ve clarified. The Iroquois Federation was not a centralized government like you would’ve seen in other countries at the time. They didn’t develop policies and laws and implement them among all of the people, but their system did have a heavy role in ceremonial/ritual purposes.

    Also there is no evidence that our Constitution was modeled after the Iroquois Federation. The multitudes of records we have of the debates on the Constitution and also the Constitutional Convention have zero references to the Iroquois, but there are significant references to European governments. Also the Iroquois system was not democratic whatsoever. The people had no chosen representation and did not hold elections. The leadership positions were ancestral and were inherited from family members. So if anything, The U.S. Constitution was modeled in contrary of the Iroquois style of government.

    “The principle of ownership belongs to the first person to actually settle the land.”

    And what about all of the other land that wasn’t settled yet when the Europeans came? Is that not rightfully theirs, or can the Indians also claim it simply because they were settled on the same continent at the time? Where do you draw the line? This goes back to what I was saying before. I’ll give the example of the Sioux tribe claiming their land today was taken by European settlers. But how did they get that land in the first place? That’s right, they conquered it from other tribes that conquered it from someone else before them. So if “The principle of ownership belongs to the first person to actually settle the land” then you need to look even further back to maybe the first person to set foot on North America when he crossed the Bering Strait. His family’s land was eventually taken by others or they migrated.

    Before America, people conquered each other to get land and resources and that was how you obtained wealth. America is unique because it introduced a way to create wealth without taking it from others by being innovative. And as a result, many Native Americans still living here have a much higher standard of living than they would have in their ancestor’s culture. It’s the same reason you don’t see Native Americans on their reservations today living in longhouses and tee-pee’s and hunting with spears and bow and arrows (btw, “most” did not have longhouses and construction. This was actually unique to the most developed like the Iroquois). They understand that the rights that are protected for them under the U.S. Constitution allow their land to be protected and for them to open businesses like casinos to obtain wealth instead of having to tackle another tribe to get it. This is best for everyone.

    So what do you suppose is the solution to this problem you speak of? If America really belongs to the Native Americans we should leave right? Do you plan on staying or moving?

  • csigirl2

    And from a mitochondrial perspective, we all came from Africa. Your point is pointless.

  • Neal

    I would love to hear your explanation of how “we got 1/2 of the Constitution” from Native American tribes, please explain.

    there is no evidence that our Constitution was modeled after the Iroquois Federation. The multitudes of records we have of the debates on the Constitution and also the Constitutional Convention have zero references to the Iroquois, but there are significant references to European governments. Also the Iroquois system was not democratic whatsoever. The people had no chosen representation and did not hold elections. The leadership positions were ancestral and were inherited from family members. So if anything, The U.S. Constitution was modeled in contrary of the Iroquois style of government.

    And they were not all hunter/gatherers huh? What did they do for a living, how did they feed their families? Did they go to their manufacturing jobs in their “very well established cities”? Get real.

  • Neal

    We gave them a chance to assimilate and *then* let them keep their reservations. There, does that make sense to you now?

  • Neal

    You do realize that there are millions of conservative people of color in the U.S., don’t you? Nothing like showing your prejudice by calling someone else prejudice…

  • energy decisions

    All that beauty and cleanliness is brought to you by socialist policies. If you hate what the media tells you the man you call a “goof” is doing here, you’ll *really* hate what’s there.

  • Roklobster

    1) It is satire and more funny because we beat the “native” Americans into the ground. So, they have no place to give us amnesty at all because they were, and still are, the losers. Instead of assimilating like any smart group would do, they can sit on their reservations, get drunk and run their casinos. I have Native American blood and am pretty much just ashamed at the joke THOSE people have become… Not “my” people because i’d never claim them.

  • Neal

    Thank you, someone who understands history…

  • Mike Sovocool

    We are called, “Caucasion”, not whites, I am so offended!

  • dc3gal

    I love it!!!

  • Riot Nrrrd™

    No, I’m pretty sure it would mean that there’s no such thing as a “non-immigrant”, since they came over the Asian Land Bridge.

  • JustMom

    no, he means we allocated shitholes for them to walk to and try to survive in. The sad truth is, when conquering a land, it’s wise to eliminate current inhabitants. A conquered people don’t want to assimilate, they want to grieve.

  • Roklobster

    Comment censors only leave comments sympathetic to “native” Americans… nice. Worthless site anyway.

  • JustMom

    Not if we have bigger guns and more people. It’s called conquering a land. We weren’t the first ones to do it and we won’t be the last.

  • JustMom

    Ancestry.com is not google. It helps you access birth, death records, marriage licenses, etc. You are rude.

  • Danny

    You mean law breakers will get shot by police on sight without questions

  • prado4587

    They need to be sympathetic to all Americans including Central and South Americans

  • JustMom

    And they also appreciate you using their memory to insult people.

  • JustMom

    You’re ignorant. You have never been on Ancestry.com. It just gives you access to birth and death certs and census info. Hardly commercial sites telling you what you want to hear. How do you research heritage?

  • Neal

    So you think the European settlers should’ve committed genocide of the remaining 20% of Indians that weren’t killed by disease? In this case, don’t you think it would’ve been wise to assimilate? Their standard of living would be much higher and their rights protected under the Constitution.

  • Boris Borcic

    “non-immigrant” is whoever arrived before anybody else (outside animals) was there to perceive immigration.

  • Andrew Roling


  • Guest

    lmao..guess I’m going back to FLORIDA!!
    This is ridiculously funny…and I fell bad for anybody who takes this seriously!!lmao…not quite the same as what the emporer obubba is trying to do!

  • Jesse Maiolo

    Lmao..guess I’m going back to FLORIDA!!
    This is ridiculously funny…and I feel bad for anybody who EQUATES this with what your glorious leaders are trying to do!
    …Not even close to the same thing…

  • thesafesurfer

    How do you offer amnesty to your conquerors?

  • bpollen

    While you may understand the current view of American history, you apparently have no concept of satire. You must be REAL fun to watch SNL with…

  • AsktheWhiteGuy

    “In return, they must pay any outstanding taxes and give back the land stolen from our ancestors.” So we don’t have to learn a tribal language?

  • CLO

    Sure it’s satire based on a controversial subject. I think the people have dropped the satire and moved on to argue about the subtext.

  • Zeev_A_M

    Great, next PETA will be asking us all to move back to Africa… 😉

  • Zeev_A_M

    Hey now, no one said anything about free transport

  • Zeev_A_M

    Yes, if you pay a fine, have a clean record, and get in line… Behind the Mexicans lol

  • Zeev_A_M

    Well, no human was “native” anywhere but Africa. But they enjoy a laugh there, so it is best if you just pay the fine and stay… 😉

  • Shad Walker

    LMAO, superior intellect, this coming from the guy who didn’t get this was a satire piece.

    So now your just riding the coat tails of white people that actually are smart.

    On top of that, you didn’t even attempt to answer the question directly posed to you; just a pathetic attempt to side step it.

    And somehow you consider yourself an intellectual? No dude, you’re just a tool.

  • Zeev_A_M

    If not humor

  • USADefenderOne

    I wouldn’t lower myself to your childish effort to engage me in a meaningless hypothetical. Intentionally, there was no effort to answer your question which is a case better handled by the police, not the United States Government.

  • Zeev_A_M

    Maybe you should read Mark Twain, or watch SNL, or The Daily Show, you know, develop a sense of humor.

  • ….

    Wasn’t Canada part of their territory also? I guess they need to claim Beiber as one of their own.

  • ….

    How do you know that no one else was here before them? They seem to claim any/all remains found as their “ancestors” but they can’t prove when they arrived on this continent. They may have killed off/run off all the people who were here before them.

  • David Worthington

    Facepalm, ok you tell me where did whoever was here first come from?

  • An Opinion

    Bad move.. weren’t most Mexican already here though? Part of the native population?

  • kenshade

    It is Satire, however, the basis of the Satire is sound. It is based in fact. To make matters worse the first settlers to land on these shores took SNAP offered by the Native People to prevent them from starving.

  • Tevis T

    That’s because this is NOT a joke. This is the propaganda that hate groups like La Raza (“the Race”) and MECHa spew to justify their talk of reconquista and the elimination of the United States. It’s not funny when hate groups spew it, it’s not funny here either.

  • Capt. Black Strapp Molasses

    Not saying that at all ! But for your information, Columbus never came to North America, he landed in the Caribbean, after months in the roaring sea, puking, lack of supplies etc. he and his men turned into nut cases. and in the existing records from that time several of his men were eaten by cannibals! But as I said you can’t change History ! Although as I said you can live like the early inhabitants if you want by starting with throwing away your computer and using smoke signals to communicate, as well throwing your car keys, cell phone TV etc. in the garbage, and go live in the woods and swamps, to live. But since you know so much about FOX News, global warming, climate change it sounds like you are Addicted to your TV and wouldn’t be able to do without all those things that came with every cultures sacrifices, trying to make for a better life! Now go out and help make for a better environment, and through those things in the Garbage !

  • Elizabeth Segleau

    I would enjoy going back to Ireland or Costa Rica. You have a right to deport me. I offer to be your first official deportation case. I understand your position and I agree with it.

  • Kalcen

    Be careful now. By your own standards that you impose on Raw Story, which you have no right to, your comment can absolutely be viewed as racist. Which is a ban-able offense per your own standards, not Raw Story’s.

  • ponce

    When can I get my driver’s license? Where will I pick up my bridge card? Is there a Wamsuttacare website?

  • Michael R. Saunders

    it’s not funny…it’s hilarious

  • Michael R. Saunders

    maybe they didn’t want to assimilate

  • Michael R. Saunders

    no point in trying to educate Neal. He’s pretty much an imbecile.

  • Michael R. Saunders

    lmao @ let them keep their reservations
    That’s like the Nazis saying they let the Jews keep their concentration camps..

  • Tevis T

    Wow, you really hate America that much, eh?

  • Michael R. Saunders

    who said I hate America? you’re projecting, dude

  • Tevis T

    Me: “It’s not funny when hate groups spew it [the elimination of the United States”.
    You: “it’s not funny…it’s hilarious”.

    You think the elimination of the United States is hilarious, your words not mine.

  • Tevis T

    USA Defender One: Can you imagine any of the nomadic tribes that were defeated ever putting someone on the moon or even launching a rocket?

  • Fred Hill

    Your smoking crack.

  • Fred Hill

    Promises promises.They will never show up.More lies.I want section 8 housing and a EBT card like the rest of the amnesty people.Free healthcare too.

  • Fred Hill

    I am the labor force fool.They call it a productive citizen of society.Bet you never heard of or contributed to it did you?

  • Fred Hill

    Please stop telling them whats going on here.Its a great place to have some fun with the sheeple.

  • Fred Hill

    It makes no difference who WAS in charge,but only who IS in charge now.The cycle continues as we speak.Big medicine on the horizon…..

  • Dale Paris

    A part of me wishes this were real, I would apply for citizenship. Let’s face it, ‘Merica is broken and will stay that way until term limits are applied to Congress.

  • Matthew Elswick

    I am a native American and no one asked me about this.

  • bouvfan

    Sounds good to me. Where can I sign up?

  • Wren

    We can dream can’t we?

  • Wren

    If I won the lottery I would buy a whole bunch of beautiful land and buy it up and give it back to the earth.

  • mittendrin


  • Mary Ellen Armstrong

    Merci beaucoup, but I did in fact mean ‘fine-tuned’…. (You would have to know me to understand why I referred to it as such)! If you are spot-checking peoples comments, I have seen about 27 typos, misspelled words and grammatical errors…. Have fun seeking them out, some are hilarious, although I am not one to call attention when someone spells something that appears to be in error…. There might be a perfectly logical reason that is naked to my eye!!! Or perhaps they weren’t given the luxury of an ivy league education…..

  • WannaMontana

    NEWSFLASH: There was a war. The Native Americans LOST!

  • Ken Segal

    Very clever and true!

  • chomama1

    Ask the indians.

  • chomama1

    The indians in America were largely nomadic and they crapped where they pleased. When people started turning yellow from hepititis, they knew it was time to fold the tepee and move elsewhere. And, no, I didn’t learn that on FOX.

  • ozlanthos

    I’ve heard about excavations that recovered artifacts that trace back to ancient Spain, and also Ethiopia.


  • Michael R. Saunders

    whatever///just go away troll…I’m not going to engage with an idiot who doesn’t see the humor in this satirical piece. and oh, by the way, Fuck the USA 🙂

  • Yaqi

    you can come to my house, bimbo

  • estfar

    This was the best thing I’ve seen….you might think it’s a joke but think about it. This country belongs to the original inhabitants — time to send the crazies back to their own continent. Imagine if we could load up all those Norwegian ships with immigrants and send them back where they came from.

  • Mome Dimovski

    “founded on a mixture of unauthorized immigration, war and genocide”
    … & thats TRUE …….. they KILL over 100 Milions of Native
    Indians !!!!

  • Neil Murray

    Love it!

  • Gary Grimm

    not to put too fine a point on it, but we won.

  • pg1960

    Isn’t it obivous?Jayzus (that is to say the Gun Loving, Gay Hating, White, etc., version of Jesus) created them and setlled them here first. (He went back in time to do so of course, piece of cake for Jayzus). 🙂

  • N. Flagrante

    What about all of the blacks, Latinos and Asians – do they get amnesty too? Last time I looked the country was more than just whites and Indians. Or are you only comfortable making jokes at white peoples’ expense?

  • And these white terrorists refuse to assimilate in to Native American culture, they refuse to learn the language of our country.

  • Genetics, you frothing stupid Republican.

  • BrokeGopher

    See what happens when you don’t enforce immigration laws? Eventually the illegals take over.

  • Jed Cooper

    These people seem a bit upset. Maybe we should offer them some smallpox blankets as a peace offering.

  • Jeremy Turcotte

    I get the joke, but it’s worth reminding everyone that until about sixty or seventy years ago, war and conquest has been a totally legitimate way to seize land and resources across all cultures and civilizations in every part of the world since human history began. But that’s no excuse to give everybody a fair shake these days!

  • Donna Libbey

    However, they made it to this continent far earlier than we did. First comers get the prize. Unless those after don’t play fair, and we didn’t. I’m not pointing a finger. My ancestors came from England to mine coal. We are all here at the expense of the First Nation as they are called in Canada.

  • Hi all….

  • Still laughing! hahahahahahah

  • Sure, on your way out the door. Oh, but you can’t buy food with it where your going.

  • Take a number and get in line lol

  • Fred Hill

    Enlighten me with your mystical powers on my destination.Someone said I got plane tickets but never said where I was going.

  • Fred Hill

    I can’t.This is an affirmative action thing.They keep telling me they are out of numbers when I show up.I wonder if they are racist?Just keeping the white man down.

  • Fred Hill
  • Chosun1

    That’s a huge over-generalization. Some native peoples were nomadic. Many others were not.

  • Curt Mudgen


  • pg1960

    Perhaps, but since my post had nothing to
    do with Jay-Z, it appears there is only one fool commenting on this post, and as you seem unable to get satire, or indeed anything that is not stated in a
    blatant and obvious manner, I will come right out and say it is Fred Hill. And no, I am not on EBT, I am a white, professional who works a white collar job,
    gives to charity, pays taxes, etc., but unlike you I am not full of racist paranoia.

  • Bellskinno

    good luck tonto , its a global thing these days , hoped your ancestors enjoyed the walk from Mongolia and europe , ours just took the boat

  • Beverly Slapin

    More likely, they fumbled. Unfortunately, I fell into it as well. Somehow, I have a low tolerance for racist crap.

  • archer52

    IF we went back to Europe we’d straighten it out, send their immigrants back to Asia and the Middle East and save the day.

    In a generation, the Indians would be back on horses and dying of all sorts of diseases. The cities would not function, the science would die out.

    The reason the Indians lost is because we had guns and organization and a vision, they didn’t. They chose to live off the land by and large, we chose to ride the skies and fly to the moon.

    Same with the Middle East and Africa.

  • southtpa

    how did Indians hold title to any property prior to the Europeans? immigration was approved according to English, Spanish and French kings.

  • Gerry Poe

    I am Chickasaw and we were not Nomadic! We did not live in Tee-Pees and move all over the place. So get your crap straight chomama1!!!!

  • Elaine Maldonado-Torres

    You can get all that and more…just ask the other white folks in rural Kentucky who are currently at the top of the list for section 8 housing and welfare in that state.

  • Rubberman99

    Heck, I’d move back to the Ukraine and/or Ireland if necessary. Or would that be Mongolia? Don’t know. Too much mixed blood in the family…

    Also, since my wife and daughter were adopted by the Chippewa tribe, does that make me extempt from deportation?

  • Truth Speaker

    My dream is to open a casino to help all my oppressed poor white brothers and sisters.

  • James Bruce Henderson

    My people did a terrible job of protecting their border and upholding their immigration laws back in 1492 – much like Americans today. Wait…..there WERE no borders or immigration LAWS back then!

  • Johnny99

    we employ 45 people on our crew, three star coaches and two crew coaches. I pay more in taxes in a quarter than you earn in a year. sorry freddie, another epic failure

  • Johnny99

    for a date with your dad

  • Guest

    This is by far the most stupid thing I ever read. First, it’s called we conquered this land! Daily currant, you guys are stupid. Second, we formed a so-called government and started to protect our lands. There is a huge difference! People have fought for land and resources since the beginning of time. Do you think Germany should pay for everything Hitler has done? NOPE! This is a pointless website; however, it’s funny to read about how unwise people are now days.

  • LAN8

    “the entire cast of Jersey Shore will be returning to Italy.” – that, by itself, might be worth the taxes.

  • Stephen

    What i see is this. Makes no difference who was there forst or not, what does make a difference is at least the native people of the current USA are making an attempt at negotiations. Since the internet is available to most people now, this is clear, documented proof that at least they are wiling to help to negotiate. The big question now is…will white people do the same honor and extend a welcoming handshake to open up negotiations.

    You can say all you want about history, but there are mainly 2 sides…the evil and downright genocidal astrocities that should be forgot, on all sides, let alone saying so and so did this, we want revenge. Then there is the good that people do, i’m almost certain that despite the media loving a good bad news story, there has to be good and even great things that both sides have done too.

    It’s with that in mind, the fact that we can all do good, that these negotiations should be official and noticed by all. To show to the world, that things need to change if we are to all get along and live in relative peace. I’m not saying we can all get along, after all, some vile evil acts cannot be forgotten so fast, but we all can do good.

    Doing good might not prevent history or rather, change it, but hopefully we can be strong enough to all move on, and never let that happen again, ever.

    I’m in the UK, but if any native indian, or whatever you would like to be called, comes to the UK, i would like to think that i can offer a great hospitality and welcome all members of all tribes and so on. Why?, because i was brought up to respect others, no matter of beliefs and so on. No matter what society we all belong to, it’s just common sense to try and understand and negotiate and learn. So by offering something on the table, at least it’s a start, and the healing can begin.

  • JustAnotherBill

    That would be the million dollar question wouldn’t it? The natives do not have an answer for that either so to just take their word that they were the first is all speculation with no proof.

  • JustAnotherBill

    I take it you were a witness to this Ryan? Or are you just spewing hearsay from someone who wasn’t there either but who had to come up with something to fill the history books with. We each believe who and what we choose to believe, if no one was there it’s all just speculation on someones part who may have gotten it right or may have gotten it wrong. I guess it all depends on what you choose to believe that fits your way of thinking. Either way it’s time to get back to the here and now where we know for sure with proof exactly what happens and where and by whom, most of the time anyways except in the backwater woods or somewhere they don’t have the means to verify with certainty all the facts.

  • Fred Hill

    We?You got a mouse in your pocket?You got a crew?Wow,you must be special.Took the short bus to school I guess.Thanks for the 3 star coaches and crew coaches comment.You really showed me with that one.Hahaha….another epic failure claim after telling me some BS about 5 star hotels/coaches in a crewcab shortbus…Lololhahaha…Wtf,are you in a circus?

  • Fred Hill

    Wow johnnycat,that was epic.

  • Fred Hill

    Did you ever stop to think the JayZ reply was total satire BS?You know,like the way you spelled jesus.That’s what this domain is.Why would you come here being so thin skinned?By the profile you are so self-impressed by for all to see,I bet you have a kid named Beaver too right?Gee Ward,you were sure hard on the Beaver last night………you damn fool.

  • Maheen

    This is awesome.

  • Bible Thumper

    Okay I want free housing , free ebt card, free ssi or dsi, i want to sit on my butt have many kids and teach them the same thing, oh and i want dog food for my five dogs feed for my horses and vet care, and free health care for my 20 members in the house , cousins are moving in they need some too, oh and i need free housing assistance with cani , lol let see i can make a list o need future care for the rest of my life ,oh and i did do a crime but i not tell (
    america you pay now (are you getting it yet)

  • John Vodochodsky

    Please tell me this is either tongue in cheek or because what the federal government is doing, or both.

    If this is real I have the following questions: What is their definition of the “large, unauthorized European population”? Is it the white population that were already born here and are U.S. citizens? If it is why are they doing this to a population that has lives here legally? Or is it illegal in their minds? Is this based on personal opinion? Where is this coming from? What if some of the white people are NOT of European descent? How far back in the European heritage are the Native Americans going? How many generations back to determine the heritage of the white people?

  • John Vodochodsky

    What political history from 10,000 years ago. Please show facts that such a thing existed and I will be glad to acknowledge it. If you’re going to make such a statement you really should have facts to back it up. I have a question for you though. What if a white person residing in the United States today is not of European descent? Case in point is myself. My ancestral heritage is not from Europe, yet I am white and I was born and raised here in the U.S. and of course still reside here. So you think my heritage is euro trash as you so un-eloquently put it even though you did not know that until now? You made a broad and blanket statements without any facts. A word of advice before making any more statements like this you may want to do a little research. It is better to be merely thought of as a fool, rather than open your mouth, or put your hands on and type on a keyboard, and remove all doubt.

  • sudon’t

    Very funny, Indians! But we white folks conquered this place by force of arms, (and the judicious use of blankets). All these other folks, (most of whom are half-Indian, btw), are trying to sneak in after we did all the hard work. If you’re serious about emigration, you’d better be prepared to commit genocide. If the Israelis had read their own Bible, (Joshua, Chronicles), they’d be living in peace now.

  • Johnny99

    Touring show that people related to you have supported. I guarantee you or your family have purchased our products. Thank you

  • Johnny99

    Fred, your sixth grade education must help you a lot old man.

  • Rmarcus8

    Um…I have real problem with this. My dad’s family came from Bialystok which is now in Poland. But when they escaped it was in Russia. (Then there were the Germans, oy) Mom’s family is even more complicated. Austria-Hungarian and Dutch. But see, a part of the Dutch side escaped from Portugal and landed in The Hague during the Inquisition. So I’m not entirely sure where I get shipped back to. If I have a choice can it be like summers in Holland and a winter break on the coast of Portugal? I mean, that’s where we got on the boat. Or at least 1/8th of me did.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    They weren’t really 500 nations. They were more like 500 individual states of a single massive republic. They didn’t always get along swell, but the notion that they were always at war with each other is completely false.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    oh man, you’ve read the book of Mormon 4 times and think it’s at least somewhat historically accurate and then you say you aren’t convinced that we came from Adam an Eve? The cognitive dissonance is astounding!

    Here’s what REAL research will tell you: There was no Adam and Eve. Every person alive today can trace their DNA back to one Male and One female. However, they lived 100 years apart. (look up the human genome project)

    The book of Mormon is the creation of a con-artist who was trying (and succeeded) to create his own religion. DNA evidence proves all claims of the Book of Mormon to be false.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    It does not, however, have anything to do with genetics.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    That was horrible, but I’m still laughing.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    Aliens are real!?

  • Mackenzie Covert

    “Whites have social order” Not only is that incredibly racist, it’s demonstrably false.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    “Why is it the inferior always want to go after the superior?”
    Good question! Why ARE you trying so hard to go after the Natives and the Mexicans?

  • Mackenzie Covert

    Not only would they have eventually done it, they would have set up a colony there that would still be prospering.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    you actually think white people are smart. Have you taken a look at china lately? More Chinese kids pass AP English every year than American kids take AP English every year.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    Except the daily currant doesn’t think American’s need to all die. The daily Currant think’s Americans are hateful hypocrites that could learn a thing or two from their own history.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    And it is funny to look at how stupid Anti-Immigration activists sound when compared to their own heritage.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    no, Spain colonized the Bahamas and Modern day mexico. England colonized Massachusetts and Virginia.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    This is Satire.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    Your history is impossibly inaccurate and racist.

  • Two Eagles Kelsey

    Mitakuye oyasin! We are all related! We came from the same two parents except we’ve changed to deal with the different areas that we moved into.This killing one’s brother started with the first two sons when one killed the other because he did what he was told while the other wanted to “do it his way.” It wasn’t accepted and he grew jealous of his brother and killed him. This has continued all down through history. Someone does something differently than his brother and he decides he needs to kill him to gain what his brother has.

  • Mark 2112

    typical liberal, always resorting to angry replies.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    you mean like the rights of black people were protected by the constitution?

  • Neal

    Instead of just telling me my history is inaccurate, you should explain why.

  • Neal

    Black peoples rights weren’t protected under the Constitution at that time because they weren’t considered citizens. Americans offered land and citizenship to the Indians and actually gave some of them opportunities to assimilate into their families, which was unusual for them.

  • Jessica Johnson

    Actually, they do DNA stuff now. I’m not exactly sure how it works, but from what I gather, your DNA results basically match you up with other people who have also spit in tubes, and you compare your tree to their (potentially unsourced) tree, and you try to figure out who your common ancestor was.
    But the first rule of genealogy is “cite your sources”, really. Something that really seems to be lacking in the claims above.
    But Ancestry.com has gotten into the genetics game now.

  • NothingMan00

    They were here for centuries and they accomplished nothing.

  • disqus_SFuH2o3nbA

    Every place you mention is part of “The Americas”, which is where native american indians roamed (ie, they were not limited to the area that would eventually become the USA). When I visited Central America, the tour guides explained how the Spanish killed off the natives (Native Americans) living there. One interesting thing I remember they said was that the natives never saw men on horses before, and they actually believed that this combination was 1 creature. So the natives would stab the horse, and wonder why the guy on top was still alive stabbing them with a spear. So the Spanish were a big part of genocide of native Americans in “The Americas” (since the USA was not formed then). Also, the church that Spain followed allowed killing off the natives in 2 cases: if the natives were committing cannibalism or making human sacrifices. Since the natives of Central America did both, they were fair game and sanctioned by the Spanish churches for killing off. But my point is that Spain and England need to be held accountable (not all countries in Europe), just like Japan is held accountable for bombing Pearl Harbor, and not all countries in Asia are held accountable for bombing Pearl Harbor.

  • USADefenderOne

    Your attempt to make the statement relative lacks merit. The discussion is the rude statement by Johnny99 who claimed the “White Party” – whatever that is – is “going down.” Are white people smart? Of course. They built a system of government that provides opportunity even for the most downtrodden. While Blacks have not taken up the burden of learning as whites do, the opportunity is there for the taking.

  • USADefenderOne

    You have confused the meaning of inferior and superior.

  • USADefenderOne

    Of course it is racist – it refers to race. Demonstrably false? Not so.

  • USADefenderOne

    I suggest you consult a dictionary for a definition. You’ll enlighten yourself when you do.

  • filthburger

    Ummm, you’re.

  • filthburger

    Ask the Mormons.

  • filthburger

    I’m in charge, Fred. You are fired. Move to Dubai, please.

  • Jolly Toes

    I do realize this is satire. And all I can say is that whites TOOK America. They didn’t move in illegally, they came in and TOOK what they wanted and now they own it. If the Indians want it back, take it like the whites took it from you.

  • Jolly Toes

    Yes, there were peoples unrelated to indians in the north americas before the last ice age. True story.

  • Jolly Toes

    I know! It’s like the Indians were retarded, right?! Thousand of years living in communities and they had almost no technological advancement. Must have been the inbreeding.

  • katz5253

    Great times for the Lakota people. Many blessing to All of you!!!

  • easyco69

    “I guarantee you or your family have purchased our products.” – You make toilet paper?

  • disqus_SFuH2o3nbA

    Yes, I know it’s satire, but it was written with a purpose, and it prompted me (as well as others) to address this issue in the non-satirical sense as well. It’s too important to just write off as a joke when there are real racial issues going on, like how everyone stereotypes “European whites” negatively now and that’s fine: 2014 became the year that hating all white people became OK. As someone who fought for racial equality in the 1960’s, I don’t like to see negative stereotyping of any racial groups starting back up in our culture.

  • Michael Difani

    My pop’s people immigrated to Missouri from the area around Strasbourg on the Rhine River, dividing Fr.and Germany before our civil war. In W. Germany the only people I saw as a GI in the early 60’s other than Germans were Turkish “guest workers” to help clean up rubble.

  • David Worthington

    Facepalm with two hands.

  • Time4Dogs

    Too bad they sold Manhattan to the whities, that means contrary to the bunk spewed here, whites are mostly all here legally.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    ^Forgot how to humor.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    not at all.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    It’s not so much that white people don’t have social order, (although I’m sure If I looked hard enough I could find an example), It’s the implied statement that the Native American’s didn’t that is so easily proven false. We based our US constitution in large part on Native American Government. We stole some of our best ideas from the Natives.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    Johnny 99 seems to have a better understanding of current events than you do. While you’re hung up on measuring the size of your penis to the African Community in the US, other countries around the world are beginning to outperform you in almost every way. The most impressive performances coming from non-white populations that outnumber white people by huge margins.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    Except within the context of this fake article, the Natives were only talking about kicking European people out of what is modern day US. Hence the comment about getting in line behind the Mexicans, who are of largely Spanish decent and live on the North American Continent.

  • Mackenzie Covert

    But …. it’s satire. No one is reading this article and saying, “Yeah! F* all the whiteys!”

    There are however, a lot of people saying, “yeah! F* the hypocrite republicans!”

  • Mackenzie Covert

    You’re joking right? I can show you examples of text books from that time period when people were literally teaching their children in schools that Native Americans and Black people were sub-human species. An assimilated native would have been treated similar to a free black man living in the north.

  • All humans came from Africa. Everybody is African. happy now.

  • They left the Netherlands because of TOO much religious freedom and tolerance. They were afraid their kids would be tempted away from their faith. They came here to set up a theocracy and string up some Quakers in the process. The religious freedom B.S. is the opposite of the truth.

  • Mackenzie Covert
  • Donotask

    What a smarty pants council I say. Nothing like sore losers. Europeans were not “immigrating”, they came with the intention to conquer and take over. The only difference is their tribal leaders weren’t purposely inviting us in my the millions, and betraying their own people’s wishes. After a time, they made it very clear we were not wanted. If they want to be so PC, open their reserved lands up to global diversity, like the rest of us are being forced to do. I don’t see anyone standing in lines for hours at American Embassies around the world to go and live on the Native American reservations. They are wanting to live in the “European” part of America! There was no intention for America to be “multicultural”, otherwise we’d be ruling side by side with the American Indian. The hippies and their kids are systematically destroying the beautiful country the Europeans built, and giving it all away. We can only hope the baby boomer ‘Woodstock’ pot smoking morons die slowly from a painful cancer. Gone is our safe, free from diseases like leprosy and antibiotic resistant TB Brady Bunch world. Well done!

  • davidlaing

    There’s merit in this, and it deserves our acknowledgement and serious attention. That said, of course, it raises the larger question of where will the deportees go? Most of us come from lands that our ancestors took from others, who may have taken them from still others in turn. If American aborigines should be able to take back their unjustly appropriated lands, then all nations should be able to do the same thing, which would probably leave most of us with no place to go because most of us are mixtures of many aboriginal races, and so determining the proper place to send us back to could be quite a challenge, if not a mission impossible. Furthermore, although many traditional Native Americans would dispute this, North America has seen many waves of “native” migrations out of Asia, many, if not most, of which have involved the displacement of prior inhabitants. So, determining the ultimate roster of “who belongs here” and who doesn’t might be a bit more complicated than it seemed at first blush. Maybe we could all simply agree just to stay put and get along?

  • Gerry

    so just where will they send us? most of us are mulit-nationality bred, I guess they will cut us up in tiny pieces and ship some here and some there.

  • Rose McFrog

    Spiritual ancestors of Ted.

  • Ronald Arthur

    http://minglecity.com/forum/topics/cr-patterson-born-slave-built and so was the cellphone created by Blacks. and the TV well check her out…http://blackinventor.com/valerie-thomas/

  • Ronald Arthur

    so where are u from?

  • John Vodochodsky

    My ancestral heritage is from Bohemia. You’ll have to do some legitimate research to figure out exactly where that is. I’m not going to give you all the answers.

  • paulalovescats

    But a child of an illegal immigrant is instantly legal. So now, ten generations down, I’m legal. Now what are you going to do?

  • paulalovescats
  • Ronald Arthur

    ok so you are slavic. That place is part of the Czech republic.

  • Ronald Arthur
  • Liberal Mariah Yonce

    This article has needed to stated for a long time!!! The United States is a illegal Nation.

  • 40TiL5

    What is racist about Natives giving amnesty to the whites who stole the land tried to kill them and the buffalo off?? Its amazing how quickly the guilty party forgets their own history and screams “RACISM!” How can you sleep with the blood on your hands?

  • Beverly Slapin

    I really don’t know what you’re replying to. My comment was that I dropped the ball by replying to racist comments, rather than just letting satire be satire.

  • John Vodochodsky

    No, I am not Slavic. I am an American. I was born and raised in Iowa, which the last I checked is in the United States. My ancestral heritage is from Bohemia, which may have originally been created by the Slav people. Since you have not figured it out I will just have to tell you. My heritage is Bohemian. As I was not born there I am not Bohemian, only my ancestral heritage is. I am American. Some people do not understand the difference. If this article is true and not tongue in cheek I refer back to one my original questions. What about people who’s heritage is not from Europe? Mine is not, so would I be exempt from being deported?

  • finnmcgowan

    Yeah? What about my smoking crack?

  • finnmcgowan

    “Hill” is an English word, so you’ll be deported to England, from whence you came.

    Yeah, maybe you’ve never been there. Maybe “Hill” isn’t your birth name but you’ve taken your husband Benny’s name. Maybe you don’t speak the local language. Such details aren’t our problem, you’re going “back” to England.

  • finnmcgowan

    Well, if there are peoples here that predate “the natives” then let those pre-natives take it up with the natives as to who came first.

  • Ronald Arthur

    Lots of white people came from Central Asia

  • Ronald Arthur

    Lots of white people came from Central Asia.

  • David

    Too bad it’s not for the Indians, who aren’t native to North America any more than the “Whites” are, to offer anything to anyone.

    Conquered people who aren’t native to a landmass don’t get to make deals, they take what they are offered and live with it, if they are lucky enough to be offered anything at all.

  • World Wide Waco

    I THINK THE WHOLE POINT HERE IS THAT NO ONE IS RIGHT IF EVERYONE IS WRONG…we are supposed to believe in GOD given rights…if there be your feet then there you ought to be and be free…whatever happened to just saying amen to people GOD created everyone and GOD doesn’t make mistakes

  • kat karsecs

    The preponderance of linguistic, biological, and archaeological evidence also indicates that modern Europeans, except for the Basque, all originated in the Asian steppes near the Caspian Sea. By extension, European-Americans are also Asian. So…start packing your bags, you’re going back to Kazakhstan where you belong, you Asian horse-buggering barbarian you.