Politics

Russia Shoots Down Santa’s Sleigh Near North Pole

Dec 24, 2014

santa_russia_sleigh_downed_missileRussia shot down Santa Claus’s sleigh today in international airspace over the Arctic Ocean.

According to local reports, the sleigh was beginning its annual Christmas Eve journey around the world when it was struck by a surface-to-air missile fired from the Russian island of Novaya Zemlya, just a few hundred miles from the North Pole. Santa and nearly all of his reindeer were killed instantly.

Norwegian fisherman soon located the debris field in the frigid waters of the Arctic Ocean. Images of the debris aired on CNN and other international news networks show broken limbs, teddy bears, and gift wrapping strewn throughout the sea.

Although Russia has officially denied involvement in the incident, U.S. intelligence forces say they have proof the missile was fired from a Russian military installation on the island. Several ultra-nationalist politicians in Moscow have praised the downing, which targeted a popular Western celebrity.

“Santa Claus is a symbol of Western decadence and consumerism,” said Alexei Onnatopp, leader of the far-right Golden Bear party. “Whoever killed this fat, corrupt man is a patriot and a hero.”

Today’s events bear striking similarities to the downing of Malaysian Flight 17, which was shot down by pro-Russian rebels in eastern Ukraine this summer using a similar surface-to-air missile. All 285 passengers and 15 crew were killed aboard that flight, which was traveling from Amsterdam to Kuala Lumpur.

Remarkably one reindeer survived today’s blast and is currently being treated for his injuries at a hospital in Norway. Authorities have yet to officially release its name, but sources close to the investigation confirm that it is Rudolph -- the crimson-snouted misfit immortalized in an eponymous 1939 song.

“We were able to rescue him first because of his red nose,” says Lars Sommerhielm, an admiral in the Royal Norwegian Navy. “It stood out amongst the ocean waves. The others we couldn’t get to in time.”

In a speech from the Oval Office, President Obama vowed an appropriate response to the tragedy, which may include tightening sanctions on an already crumbling Russian economy.

“Today Russia has gone too far,”he told reporters. “President (Vladimir) Putin has threatened the hopes and dreams of children around the world. He will be brought to justice.”

A funeral for Mr. Claus has been set for Dec. 28 at the North Pole. Obama, British Prime Minister David Cameron, French President Francois Hollande and other international dignitaries are scheduled to attend.

  • InMyView

    Blame me.. I was too late.. I wished for sleigh anti-missile unit, not for myself but for Santa.. Too late, too late.. all is lost..

  • Al Wolf

    actually if you look at the signature of the surface-to-air missile it was the americans as shot it down and they are blaming the russians. we all know how evil the usa is.

  • Joe Dees

    Actually, the satellites of several countries who have been closely monitoring the area tracked the plume from separatist-held eastern Ukraine, fragments have identified the missile as from a Russian SAM battery, and a mobile AM missile laucher with two missiles missing was cellphone recorded hurrying back over the border into Russia shortly after the shootdown.

  • tomcatters

    tsk it was the old man’s fault..rudolph and the entire reindeer fleet was suppose to retire anytime..boeing and MD offered him a modern sleigh.. a very rare leak says it resembles an f-15se highly modified to a cargo version with canopy designed by google and the rest of the details was closed.. still that old man insists and tolerate animal slavery and so he deserved it

  • Andrei Kin

    have you seen those images? satellite or cell phone? stop spewing bullshit

  • DC

    Oh dear, Kremlin troll, everyone knows you are being paid to do this, and your real name is Alexei Vovk.

  • Al Bandy

    Vovk is Ukrainian, in Russian it is volk

  • Khitz Flores

    nope…the missile …was made in china…LOL

  • vaz vazj

    Президент России в ответ на обвинения в уничтожение Санта Клауса
    выступил с заявлением “Действительно с территории острова Новая Земля
    был произведен залп системы противоракетной обороны.Наша система ПВО
    зафиксировала пуск ракет с территории независимого мирного города
    Ктограда (Whoville). По предварительным данным ракеты должны были
    поразить НЛО,позже стало известно что Санта Клауса.

    По снимкам из космоса видно,как с высокого утеса вблизи Ктограда
    (Whoville) находилась самоходная установка ПВО с кодовым названием “Пес
    Макс”

    Известно,что данная гора находится под контролем террориста ,открыто
    ненавидящего Рождество. Каждый год зеленое существо по кличке Гринч
    выступает с заявлениями на youtube о том что он положит конец этому
    празднику.

    Также известно, несколько месяцев назад авиация США сбрасывала
    гуманитарный груз и подарки на рождество жителям Ктограда
    (Whville).Позже Пентагон признал,что по ошибке вместо рождественских
    подарков скинул на высокую гору вблизи Ктограда на территория
    контролируемую террористом Гринчем новейшую систему ПВО “Пес Макс”.

    Это напоминает недавнюю ситуацию ,когда в руки террористов Исламского
    государства попало оружие,припасы и гуманитарный груз,назначавшийся для
    мирных жителей и войск борющихся с террористами.

    Президент России Владимир Путин заявил ,что не даст западным партнерам
    оклеветать нашу страну и запятнать нашу репутацию кровью,оставшейся на
    на чужих руках.

    Наши ПВО действительно произвели залп,их целю были ракеты,выпущенные с
    территории государства (Whoville),но смогли сбить лишь 3 из 4 ракет
    выпущенные террористом Гринчем с горы в районе города Ктоград.

    Мы приносим свои искрении соболезнования Оленю Рудольфу и надеемся на его скорейшее выздоровление.

    Также президент пообещал отправить гуманитарный конвой с подарками всем
    детям,которые не успели получить их от Санта Клауса.В Москве уже
    формируется первый гумконвой.

  • Randolf Reyes

    He rejected the new model because in test runs he has troubles getting in and out of the cockpit. I guess the old man already forgot evasive manuevers because of Alzheimers, one of the reasons for his demise!

  • Rita Smith

    It’s simple. Russia has found oil in the Arctic, and intends to sell it for rubles. America wants to bring a little bit of “democracy” in this place. The tragedy of Mr. Klaus a good reason to throw bombs. As of 11 September.

  • Mira

    That’s what the head in your TV told you, right?

  • Lubomyr Luciuk

    Putin has certainly been naughty, not nice

  • Lubomyr Luciuk

    If you believe in what you write have the courage to sign your comments using your real name.

  • Lubomyr Luciuk

    Actually it would be Wowk, and Volk is what the Fuhrer went on about

  • Серж

    In Russia, we eat Santa Claus for lunch. We are really sorry, but we need more Santa. Give it to us!!!1111oneoneразразадынадын

  • Billy Farmer

    lol I hope right wingers dont complain about what obama wears to the funeral

  • MCDuguesclin

    Gorafi news

  • Andrew Kuznetsov

    Russian brave army attacked and successfully destroyed Santa during it’s flight over north pole. Who is laughing now?

  • maxime1793

    Nobody transliterates в from Ukrainian with a ‘w’.

  • maxime1793

    Oh ja, everybody who does not believe obvious propaganda is paid by teh Kremlin facists.

    Grow up.

    Merry Christmas (if you believe in it unlike most the Western political leadership).

  • Dasher

    hilarious!

  • SuperMENSA.org

    hes thinking of Polish

  • John McMickle

    This is all BS so what difference does it make.

  • tomcatters

    so possibly the same chinese manpads that shoot down a jordanian f-16 by ISIS recently?

  • Brian Mckenzie

    On the 12th day of Propaganda Western Lies gave to the world
    One Buk Launcher
    Two Su-25’s
    Three Rapid Trident Exercises
    Four new sanctions
    Five hundred pounds of fake gold
    Six Satan Missiles
    Seven T-72 B tanks
    Eight months of LIES
    Nine fracked oil Fields
    Ten Neo-cons a leaping
    Eleven ding bat press conferences
    and 12 days of Golf

  • ivanhoemy

    It was Muslim extremists from ISIS that did it, they have been plotting this for a while as they hope that this will be the catalyst that finally stimulates Russia and the USA to pull out the nukes and blow themselves up so that they can conquer the rest of the world.
    This was brought to the attention of the Americans by Israeli Intelligence but the CIA have chosen to ignore this intelligence and go with the computer generated evidence created for them by Pixar.

  • ivanhoemy

    Everything is made in China, it seems now all we do is import the junk and lay off everyone who is not working at WAL*MART

  • ivanhoemy

    I heard that Obama said off the record that it was about time some one “took out that fat old white elf ” And the idea that a “old whit guy hands out gift’s to all of the good kid’s is just racist” rhetoric. “No white guy is any good” and the “old elf was probably a pedophile”.
    Obama the Prez

  • Al Wolf

    you do understand this is a post on santa. also i piss on your flag for fun. the usa is the largest police state in human history and is far from being free.

  • Al Wolf

    dc needs to be nuked. clean out those corrupt stains.

  • No, no! It was not Russian missile! Santa was shot down by unidentified airplane! [Picture is provided by RT]

  • Andrei

    in soviet russia, putin is santa claus… all others are just CIA or other american decadent pawns, now you know the truth…oh, and we keep Crimeea just because. Spasibo!

  • Серж

    Where is my Santa? I am hungry!!!11

  • CalidiusEroticus

    I think the people of the Cook Islands did it. You think they are nice but the truth is very different.

  • CalidiusEroticus

    Nyet comrade.