Russia’s President Vladimir Putin is an early favorite among Republican voters to become the party’s presidential nominee in 2016, a new poll has found.
As I write this, the United States is facing the greatest foreign crisis in our entire history: a showdown between pro-America Ukraine and Vladimir Putin’s pro-evil Russia.
It’s a greater crisis than Syria, Libya, Iran, North Korea, Egypt, Tunisia, Yemen, Pakistan, China, Georgia, Somalia, Burma, Venezuela, Iraq, Afghanistan, Israel and Palestine. Well, maybe not all those places, but pretty damn close.... Read More →
The secretive scientific research organization known as "The Dharma Initiative" has denied responsibility for the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.
In a statement released today on the group's website, Dharma's CEO Hugh McIntyre said that despite the similarities between this case and that of the infamous Oceanic Flight 815, the two incidents do not share a common cause.... Read More →
Ukraine is planning to march large numbers of gay men into Crimea in hopes of scaring off Russian soldiers currently occupying the territory.
According to local reports this “gay army” will be unarmed and its mission will be to act as flamboyantly homosexual as possible, causing the deeply prejudiced occupying force to flee back to its homeland.... Read More →
A Canadian university has placed a ban on the use of “colored” ink pens out of concerns that they’re offensive and demeaning to students.
Officials at McGill University in Quebec said students, faculty and staff could face disciplinary action if they use “culturally insensitive” pens with colored ink like black or red. Instead, everyone will be required to use color-neutral pens with gray ink.... Read More →
The United Nations has appointed Sarah Palin as a special envoy to Ukraine, hoping she can help mediate a solution to the growing geopolitical crisis in that country.
According to sources close to the situation, Palin and a team of international crisis experts will fly to Kiev tonight to meet with Ukrainian officials before moving on to Moscow to negotiate a final settlement with Russia’s President Vladimir Putin over the fate of the disputed Crimea region.... Read More →
As the rhetoric in Washington, D.C. moves toward addressing income inequality, super wealthy Americans are expressing interest in moving out -- and going south of the border.
Mexican immigration officials reported that their website saw a massive surge in visitor traffic in the weeks following President Obama's executive order to raise the minimum wage. Data provided by the National Security Agency (NSA) showed that most online visitors originated from the United States' wealthiest Zip codes.... Read More →
Girl Scouts in Colorado have begun incorporating marijuana into their cookies in an effort to boost sales.
According to a report in the Rocky Mountain News, Sara Little of Boulder has sold more than $50,000 of marijuana-infused Thin Mint cookies in the last seven days and is on track to do more than $700,000 in sales this season.... Read More →
This week you may have heard the controversy about me and how I employ a ghostwriter to write all my columns and books, which I don’t bother to read before print.
It’s true. My newspaper and online columns were written by an employee, Tim Graham, while I took all the credit and most of the money. Tim wrote all my columns on how Ellen DeGeneres, Glee, Stephen Colbert and Family Guy are destroying America.... Read More →
President Obama nominated Oprah Winfrey to serve as ambassador to Russia today.
In a written statement, the White House said the veteran broadcaster has been selected to replace Russian policy expert Michael McFaul, who announced last week that he was stepping down after little more than a year on the job.... Read More →
Russia awarded former U.S. Senator Rick Santorum an honorary gold medal today for his work in combating “gay propaganda” around the world.
In a surprise ceremony this morning president Vladimir Putin bestowed America’s most ardent opponent of gay rights with a special edition of Russia's Order of St. Catherine the Great Martyr, which celebrates achievements in cultural preservation.... Read More →
The man responsible for operating the Olympic Rings during last night’s Winter Olympics opening ceremony in Russia was found dead today.
According to local reports the body of Boris Avdeyev was found his hotel room early this morning with multiple stab wounds.... Read More →