poy_charles_david_kochHappy holidays, everyone!

Oops, we meant Merry Christmas. We know how touchy you Christians are about that, thanks to us.

As two of the world's richest men, Christmas is our favorite time of year -- and our most profitable. There is nothing we love more than people buying stuff, especially stuff they don't really need or want and can hardly afford. It's what Christmas is all about.... Read More →

 

will ferrell spaceWill Ferrell parachuted from space today to promote his upcoming film Anchorman 2.

In a surprise publicity stunt, the actor was launched from Spaceport America in New Mexico and fell back down to Earth after a 22-mile drop along with a banner saying "Anchorman 2: In Theaters Tomorrow."... Read More →

 

walmart_5Walmart announced plans today to create its own payday loan business to support its financially strapped employees.

In a press release posted on its website, the nation's largest retailer said that it decided to launch the service after hearing complaints that workers often have trouble paying their monthly bills.... Read More →

 

palin arriveSarah Palin disembarked from a plane in Seoul, South Korea today expecting to attend the memorial service for Nelson Mandela.

According to local reports the former Alaskan governor and Republican vice presidential candidate arrived on Asiana flight 459 from Anchorage at 6:30 a.m. local time and took nearly a half hour to realize that she had flown to the wrong country.... Read More →

 

tumblr_mwktt15HU21qj5rqko1_500If you're concerned about the federal government collecting and storing your personal information online, worry no more.

The National Security Agency (NSA) announced today its new Private Data Buy-Back Program, which will allow ordinary citizens to purchase their personal data -- including emails, phone records and browsing histories -- removing them from government servers.... Read More →

 

kanyemandelaKanye West is under fire today for claiming that he will soon be a bigger cultural and civil rights icon than Nelson Mandela.

In an interview with WGCI radio in Chicago, the notoriously self-promoting rapper said that the 95-year-old South African leader's recent death will finally allow people to focus more of their attention on West's own accomplishments.... Read More →

 

Snapz-Pro-XScreenSnapz313Former Senator Rick Santorum announced today that he is producing a remake of Brokeback Mountain in which the central characters are not gay.

In an interview on Fox News this morning, the conservative Catholic said his film company has purchased a "pro-family, pro-Christian" rewrite of the script and are looking to start production in April of next year.... Read More →

 

105841263_Boris_Joh_289634bLondon Mayor Boris Johnson was outsmarted today when a mentally disabled child placed a stick in front of his bicycle, causing him to trip and fall to the ground.

According to multiple witnesses, Johnson had just left his posh Islington flat when his bike encountered the unexpected obstacle and launched him face-first onto the sidewalk. He suffered only superficial injuries and after a brief round of cursing, continued on his way to work at City Hall.... Read More →

 

Walmart_exteriorA woman was arrested today for stabbing to death three shoppers at a Chicago-area Wal-Mart in order to secure the store's last X-Box One.

Mary Robbins, a married mother of two, reportedly wrestled her competitors to the ground before fatally wounding them with a sharpened Phillips head screwdriver. ... Read More →

 

IranisrealpressIsraeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and former Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad condemned the West's recent nuclear deal with Iran today in a surprise press conference together in Geneva.

Both leaders traveled to Switzerland to protest the preliminary deal that the United States and five countries reached there on Sunday, claiming the symbolic first step toward peace will harm both countries.... Read More →

 

State_Capitol_Topeka_Kansas-400x250The landlocked state of Kansas passed a law today requiring abortion clinics to be able to withstand a tsunami.

In a closely watched vote, Republicans in the state legislature mandated that all health facilities offering abortions be constructed to survive a water surge twice as strong as the one that felled Japan's Fukushima Daiichi nuclear power plant in 2011.... Read More →

 

stasi15n-4-webAlec Baldwin stoked more controversy today by using a gay slur to describe CNN host Anderson Cooper.

Interviewed by TMZ outside his New York apartment, the film and television star was asked if he had a message for Cooper, who last week openly criticized Baldwin on Twitter.... Read More →