Politics

 

palin4thSarah Palin attracted ridicule on Twitter today for tweeting a happy birthday message to George Washington.

The former Vice-Presidential candidate was apparently confused by the meaning of today’s July 4th holiday, which celebrates America’s independence from Great Britain.... Read More →

 

John McCain Joins Sharron Angle At Get Out The Vote Rally In Las VegasArizona Sen. John McCain has called for the bombing and invasion of Belgium in retaliation for its 2-1 defeat of the United States at the World Cup.

“Belgium is a rogue state whose outrageous behavior at the World Cup was a show of aggression toward the United States, for which President Obama must respond immediately with military force,” McCain told Fox News this morning. “In fact, I believe that anything less than a swift invasion and regime change in Belgium would show weakness to our enemies.

... Read More →

 

sectionedblairTony Blair was involuntarily admitted to a psychiatric hospital in London this morning following what doctors describe as an extended period of delusional behaviour.

According to local reports, a team of NHS psychiatrists suspected the former Labour Prime Minister may be suffering from a severe mental condition after he repeatedly denied any connection between the current chaos in Iraq and the invasion he spearheaded in 2003.... Read More →

 

unemployedfranceUnemployed people in France went on strike today, refusing to cash their checks until the government increases benefits.

According to a report in Les Echos Enchaînés, thousands descended on the streets of Paris this morning to denounce capitalism and to protest their “inhumane” unemployment benefits, which average around €1,111 (U.S. $1,500) per month and last for at least two years.... Read More →

 

courtAn unemployed gender studies major from Eugene, Ore. sued “The Patriarchy” today in federal court for refusing to give her a job.

In a 25-page brief, attorneys for Sarah Miller-Jones, 24, argue that gender discrimination from the patriarchy has prevented their client from finding gainful employment since she graduated from university three years ago.... Read More →

 

474054567Authorities in Portland, Ore. have discovered detectable levels of gluten in the city’s water supply, causing a citywide panic.

The city’s water bureau discovered the contamination yesterday and is desperately trying to find out how gluten got into the water. A preliminary report found that the contamination may have occurred “at least eight or nine months ago” when a child dropped a loaf of bread into a local river.... Read More →

 

New Study Finds That U.S. Obesity Rates Continue To ClimbAccording to a new poll released today most overweight Americans believe they are more likely to be killed by a gun than die of obesity.

The survey, conducted by TDC Opinion Research, asked 10,000 severely overweight Americans about their attitudes toward gun violence in the wake of the recent USCB mass shooting.... Read More →

 

453103077The newly opened 9/11 Memorial Museum is reportedly hosting an exclusive dance party and banquet this weekend, with tickets starting at $500 per person.

According to the museum, attendees can “enjoy fine wine, cocktails, high-end cuisine and dance to music from a top New York DJ in one of Manhattan’s premiere locations.”... Read More →

 

President Obama Holds A News Conference At The White HousePresident Barack Obama has called for a $700 billion bailout of the Veterans Administration in response to a growing scandal over veteran abuse and mismanagement at its hospital system.

In a press conference this morning, the president said he was “furious and upset” over revelations that officials at a Phoenix VA hospital covered up the long list of veterans waiting to receive treatment, 40 of whom may have died as a result. Twenty-six hospitals and facilities where similar claims have been reported are now being investigated.... Read More →

 

1200mcconnelKentucky Sen. Mitch McConnell, facing a tough reelection, was spotted last night brandishing a hunting rifle at a Larry the Cable Guy comedy show in Lexington, Ky.

The Senate minority leader, who is unpopular in his homestate, was attending the “blue collar” comedian’s stand-up show at the Lexington Comedy Shop when he reportedly waved the rifle in the air and yelled, “Don’t tread on me, Obama!”... Read More →

 

copsThe New York Police Department has signed a lucrative contract with the Chinese government to provide training and expertise on successfully cracking down on peaceful protests by brutalizing protesters.

According to the $10-million contract, NYPD officers will travel to Beijing and train Chinese police on the best methods for quickly repressing political, social and economic protests against the government and rounding up protesters for arrest with minimal media attention.... Read More →

 

86513420Dartmouth College has expelled a white student for wearing a sombrero to a Cinco de Mayo party.

According to a statement released today by the university, sophomore Ashley Ryan, 20, was thrown out of the Ivy League school for “racial aggression” after a student of Mexican heritage complained that her use of Mexico’s traditional wide-brimmed hat was culturally insensitive.... Read More →