American anti-tax crusader Grover Norquist has shocked the U.S. political establishment by expatriating himself to the East African nation of Somalia, The Daily Currant can reveal.

Until last week the 61 year old Norquist had led the powerful Washington pressure group Americans for Tax Reform, best known as the originator of a pledge which forbids members of the U.S. Congress from raising taxes under any circumstances.... Read More →


Following news of a pro-bailout victory in Greek national elections yesterday, a group of ordinary residents in the impoverished Sudanese region of Darfur have accelerated their efforts to raise emergency aid money for the Greek people.

Denizens of the war-torn region have been emotionally devastated by the suffering unleashed by Greece's sovereign debt crisis and have built a sophisticated humanitarian effort to assist the Greeks in their time of need. ... Read More →


In a passionate speech to a convention of conservative Tea Party activists, former U.S. Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin has called on President Obama to invade the Australian state of Queensland to preemptively deter what she described as "the gathering threat" of  Queen Elizabeth II's imperial ambitions.

Always vigilant about external threats to American power, the 48-year-old former Alaskan governor and Fox News contributor explained to the audience that she first became suspicious of the British Empire during a visit to Canada where she encountered banknotes featuring images of the British Monarch.

Palin later encountered similar images on a trip to the Australian outback with her family.... Read More →


U.S. fast food restaurant chain McDonalds has added a "healthy" new option to its menu by introducing a new antioxidant loaded Pomegrante Double Big Mac, The Daily Currant can reveal.

The new sandwich will launch in test markets next month, and is set to be introduced worldwide by the end of the year. It esentially consists of a Big Mac doubled in size with six pomegranate arils sprinkled on top of the cheese. ... Read More →


Today the U.S. state of Arizona continued its bizarre assault on women's reproductive health by passing into law a ban on women menstruating before they are "properly married".

The bill - known as SB 11235 - will make menstruation a crime punishible by up to 1 year in prison unless done with a permit signed by the woman's husband.

The goal of the new law is to reduce out-of -wedlock births and cut down on what one Republican male lawmaker deemed "harlotry".
... Read More →


Donald Trump, the millionaire son of a millionaire real estate investor, has announced today the development of 'Obamaland' - a $200 million hotel / casino complex near the site of what Trump insists is U.S. president Barack Obama's place of birth in Kenya.

The glitzy resort on the Lake Victoria shore is aimed both at serving Kenya's's burgoning middle class, and attracting international tourists interested in seeing Obama's supposed birth site in the East African country. ... Read More →


In an unprecedented move Google (GOOG) honored a fellow Silicon Valley competitor with their own Google Doodle today, placing a real-time update of Facebook's (FB) stock price on Google's hompages around the world.

Google normaly reserves the prestigious Doodle for celebrations of national holidays or for honoring significant historical figures.

However, the doodle team at Mountian View, California based Google thought today would be a good day to break with tradition and congratulate its Palo Alto rival on its successful IPO listing on the Nasdaq stock exchange last week.... Read More →


Hollywood actor / director / raging alcoholic Mel Gibson has been questioned by authorities following an accusation of assault at a pricey Santa Monica, CA deli.

The Oscar winning star of Braveheart, Mad Max, and the Leathal Weapon series reportedly became violent during a confrontation with a waiter regarding his order.

Although Gibson had ordered a ruben with chicken soup, his waiter - a  21 year old UCLA film school student - was so star-struck he forgot to tell him that the only soup they had left was matzah ball - a traditional Ashkenazi Jewish dish:... Read More →


Billionaire media mogul Rupert Murdoch - the founder and chairman of News Corporation (NWS) - is reducing the amount of panda blood he has injected into his heart each day, The Daily Currant can reveal.

The Australian-born 81 year old has consumed raw vials of baby panda blood each day for the past ten years in an effort to stave off death and avoid a messy secession fight among his family for control of his media empire.

There is no scientific evidence that the treatment works, and it entails capturing and eventually killing scores of baby great pandas - one of the most notable endangered species in the world.... Read More →


romneyMitt Romney - the dendrophile U.S. Presidental candidate from the state of Michigan - abruptly halted a campaign stop today in the neighboring state of Ohio due to his intense discomfort with the height of that state's trees.

Romney was at a campaign rally in Mill Stream Run Park  in Strongsville Thursday when half way into his stump speech he began to become visibly uncomfortable as he stared into the forest beyond the crowd.

Deep into a stinging critique of Barack Obama and his "failure to lead on the economy", Romney paused unexpectedly for about fifteen seconds as he scanned the forest's horizon like a Roman sentry looking for Visigoth trebuchets before commenting to a puzzled crowd:... Read More →


Confusion reigned across the globe today as North Korea announced that it had yesterday successively tested a new orbital heavy lift launch vehicle by launching a massive payload of 50,000 kilograms of rice into low-earth orbit.

The diplomatically and economically isolated Stalinist dictatorship  - officially known as the Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK)- revealed the May 21 launch on state television and boasted that its Juche I rocket will herald  "a new era in the struggle against American imperialism of the heavens"... Read More →


In a move rife with symbolism newly elected French president François Hollande has hired eight underprivileged youths from one of France's poorest neighborhoods to help clean up the Elysee presidential palace recently vacated by his predecessor Nicolas Sarkozy.

The ad-hoc cleaning crew from the troubled Paris suburb of Clichy-Sous-Bois will spend two months powerwashing the palace's walls, floors, and corridors with Karcher brand electric high-pressure water cleaners to remove unsightly levels of mold, rust, and calcified decay which had built up during the Sarkozy presidency. ... Read More →