153494454God lost a $100,000 Super Bowl bet to Charles Barkley tonight.

Former National Basketball Association (NBA) champ Charles Barkley was ecstatic about his win. “Always bet on the cheaters,” Barkley told The Boston Times. “You’d be a fool not too.”... Read More →

 

american_sniper_iraq_box_officeThe Hollywood blockbuster film American Sniper failed to gain traction overseas, specifically in Iraq where the film brought in $37.50 on 176 screens. It broke $100 million during its North American release weekend and is up for several Oscar awards.

“The glorification of the invaders sniping our people was not going to go over well,” Iraqi Film Minister Ahad al-Obama told Variety. “I was surprised it was released here to begin with. I don’t know what the distributors were thinking.”

Zero Dark Thirty also failed to make $100 during its three-week run in 2012, making it the biggest bomb in Iraqi history. American Sniper is poised to break that record.... Read More →

 

041414_bachmann_819Michele Bachmann claimed today that Muslims invented global warming in hopes of weakening the American economy before a full-scale jihadi invasion.

In an interview with Fox Business this morning, the former congresswoman from Minnesota was asked her opinion on the recent report that 2014 was the warmest year on record, a fact most scientists believe is linked to human-induced climate change.... Read More →

 

isis_student_debtThe Islamic State (ISIS) is offering to pay 100 percent of student college debt in return for joining their army. The program is aimed at Americans who are disgruntled about their debt load and lack of jobs in their specific fields of study.

ISIS spokesman Haji Mutazz told Al Jazeera, “You become debt free and fight in the name of Allah at the same time. Great deal for everyone. You fight, we pay for your philosophy major.”  ... Read More →

 

fox_news_gays_londonAn expert appeared on Fox News last night and claimed that 85 percent of Londoners are homosexual.

During a segment about the future of gay marriage around the world, Greg Bolton -- the channel’s senior European social policy analyst -- told a stunned panel that rates of homosexuality are rising exponentially across Europe and show no sign of stopping.... Read More →

 

republicans_racisimRepublicans in Congress passed a bill today officially declaring that racism no longer exists in the United States.

Large majorities of conservative lawmakers in both the House and Senate voted for the symbolic measure, which coincided with this year’s Martin Luther King Day holiday.... Read More →

 

milk-sorotity-mlkArizona State University’s Kappa Kappa Gamma (KKG) chapter is getting a lot of backlash after throwing an MLK event this weekend in remembrance of “milk,” as in the beverage.

“No one uses vowels anymore. Of course MLK stands for milk. It’s like a vanity plate,” said sorority president Lisa Henderson in a chapter meeting. “Like how my license plate says, 'PRNCZZ7,’ for Princess 7, obviously.”... Read More →

 

[Sans titre]In a stunning Pewter Poll, it was revealed today that a majority of American high schoolers think civil rights icon Martin Luther King Jr. was president of the United States before his assassination in 1968.

About 3,169 high schoolers from grade 9 through 12 were polled on Jan. 16 in a survey that simply asked if Martin Luther King Jr. was ever the president of the United States. The results shocked Pewter, who reported 67 percent of high schoolers thought King has held that office.... Read More →

 

justin_bieber_hot_terroristTerrorist suspect Hayat Boumediene may not have many friends left in France, but she apparently has a big admirer here on this side of the Atlantic.

Tween pop sensation Justin Bieber reportedly tweeted this morning: “I’d totally bang that hot Paris terrorist chick. Can someone give her my number? lol”... Read More →

 

Photo: Youtube

Photo: Youtube

Atheist militants bombed The Flinstones writers’ offices in Burbank, California this morning because the cartoon’s depiction of prehistoric life contradicts the theory of evolution.

According to local reports, the suspects laid siege to the compound with a series of grenades and IEDs.  They were targeting the creators of the popular cartoon series, but preliminary reports indicate the offices were vacant at the time and no injuries have been reported.... Read More →

 

80379915As he considers yet another run for president in 2016, Mitt Romney revealed today a tattoo of an American flag pin on his chest.

“This time, I'm all in,” Romney told a group of campaign donors in Florida, “and this tattoo proves it. I don't see any other Republican candidates with the flag tattooed on their torso. Maybe they don't love their country as much as I do.”... Read More →

 

macually_culkin_golden_globesFormer child star Macaulay Culkin was accidentally featured in the 72nd annual Golden Globes’ “In Memoriam” segment after a staffer fell prey to a popular Internet death hoax.

The mistake was only seen in the live broadcast. All reruns and online clips of the award ceremony do not feature this error. The memorial segment was jam packed due to an overwhelming amount of celebrity deaths this year, making Culkin’s cameo difficult to catch.... Read More →