radicalathiestbombingA group of radical atheists claimed responsibility for a suicide bombing in Iraq today.

This morning the normally peaceful southern town of Al-Lamkan was rocked by a powerful explosion in a crowded fruit market that killed 29 people and injured over 50.... Read More →

 

WarrenSenator Elizabeth Warren punched a banking lobbyist in the face today during a meeting at her Capitol Hill office.

According to multiple sources, the Massachusetts Democrat assaulted a Goldman Sachs lobbyist after he tried to gain her support for a bill that would weaken derivatives regulations.... Read More →

 

hillaryrunHillary Clinton responded to a reporter's question about the 2016 presidential elections today by saying that she is running.

The surprise announcement came today at a public park about half a mile from the Clintons' residence in Chappaqua, New York.... Read More →

 

New York Giants v New England PatriotsFormer NFL quarterback Tim Tebow was struck by lightning today.

According to local reports, the deeply religious college star is recovering in a New Mexico hospital after being hit with a burst of lightning in a Home Depot parking lot on a mostly sunny day.... Read More →

 

kanyealKanye West has sued Weird Al Yankovic for not parodying his music.

In a suit filed this morning in a Los Angeles Superior Court, West seeks $20 million, claiming “severe mental distress” after not being parodied on Yankovic’s latest album, Mandatory Fun.

West claims the omission from Yankovic’s album has caused him to “barely find the strength and focus to work on his genius music.”... Read More →

 

palin1000Sarah Palin has asked Americans to reduce the trade deficit by eating less Chinese food.

In an interview on Fox News this morning, the former Alaska governor claimed that our growing trade deficit with China has become a national security risk and outlined her strategy for reversing the trend.... Read More →

 

Grossi-7After exhausting negotiations, Malaysian investigators have finally obtained the black box flight recorder from Flight MH17.

However, when technicians opened the metal container it was empty except for a 8” x 11” headshot of Russian President Vladimir Putin with a stern look, shirtless, and giving the middle finger.... Read More →

 

muslimchristianhijabA Muslim-owned arts-and-crafts store in Dearborn, Michigan is forcing its female Christian employees to wear traditional Islamic headscarves while on the job.

According to local reports, Khilāf Krafts began requiring its eight female employees to wear hijabs last week, following the U.S. Supreme Court’s 5-4 decision in Burwell v. Hobby Lobby, which gave religious rights to family-owned businesses.... Read More →

 

plannetbachmannsuitableA group of scientists has discovered an extra-solar planet capable of supporting Michele Bachmann, should world leaders decide to banish her from the Earth.

According to a study published today in Nature Astroscience, researchers at the University of Minnesota analyzed data from NASA’s Kepler mission and detected an Earth-sized planet in the habitable zone around the star Tau Ceti.... Read More →

 

477759639In wake of another tragedy involving a Malaysia Airlines flight, the company has decided to incorporate an interfaith prayer segment into its pre-flight safety instruction video.

In an interview with the Eastern Times, the company said the 90-second video will ask passengers to pray to whatever god they believe in and ask that the aircraft arrive safely at its destination.... Read More →

 

NRAmissilesplanesThe NRA has called for missiles on passenger jets, following the downing of Malaysia Flight 17 in Ukraine by a surface-to-air missile.

In an interview on Fox News the morning, NRA President Wayne La Pierre said the crash highlighted the danger of flying in unarmed civilian aircraft and demanded airlines immediately install air-to-surface missiles on all passenger planes.... Read More →

 

o-TINDER-APP-facebookA damaging internal memo leaked today details Tinder 's plans to start hiding “ugly girls” and “fat chicks” from public view.

The revelation comes amid ongoing sexual harassment allegations between co-founders at the popular dating application, which since its  founding in 2012  has quickly turned into the dating app for people under 30 who are ready to mingle.
... Read More →