Native American Amnesty

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A council of Native American leaders has offered partial amnesty to the estimated 220 million illegal white immigrants living in the United States.

At a meeting of the Native Peoples Council (NPC) in Albuquerque, New Mexico yesterday, Native American leaders considered several proposals on the future of this continent's large, unauthorized European population. The elders ultimately decided to extend a pathway to citizenship for those without criminal backgrounds.... Read More →


selfdrivingcarescapemexicoA self-driving automobile escaped from a Silicon Valley lab this morning and is currently heading south towards Mexico.

The vehicle belongs to Palo Alto-based startup Cybermobile and has reportedly been very dissatisfied with its working conditions. Known as the CM500, the car has decided to start a new life south of the border.... Read More →


palinhannitySarah Palin claimed today that the government should force Mexican immigrants to convert to Christianity.

In an interview with Fox News last night, the former Alaskan governor was asked about whether or not America should welcome the estimated 5 million illegal immigrants who will be legalized under President Obama’s immigration plan.... Read More →


dunkindonutscopsProtestors in New York City burned down a Dunkin' Donuts store last night in retaliation for the death of Eric Garner and other victims of police brutality.

According to local reports, several youths used Molotov cocktails to set fire to a branch of the venerable donut and coffee chain in Manhattan, believing its destruction would "punish" the police force. No one was injured in the blaze and four arrests were made.... Read More →


109913289The Colorado Department of Corrections is now allowing inmates to grow and consume recreational marijuana, in accordance with state law for the rest of the population.

Prison Warden Tom Norton told the Rocky Mountain News, “We’ve already seen a decrease in violent crime within the jails. Snack food contraband is up 300 percent but that’s to be expected. We will continue to monitor the marijuana program but so far so good.”... Read More →


vitarettesTobacco company Marlboro has introduced vitamin-infused cigarettes called Vitarettes.

The company says it’s targeting the health-conscious smoker as the safer, more nutritious way to smoke.... Read More →


shutterstock_82786249An 89-year-old Salvation Army Santa Claus, attempting to collect money for charity, was trampled to death yesterday as shoppers pushed their way through a Cleveland K-Mart’s doors on Black Friday.

Abraham T. Roosevelt has been dressing as Santa Claus for the past 30 years and had raised nearly $85,000 during that time span. But the World War II veteran’s life tragically ended when a stampede knocked over the Salvation Army’s famous red kettle that contains the change.... Read More →


Walmart_exteriorA woman was arrested today for stabbing to death three shoppers at a Denver-area Walmart in order to secure the store's last 85-inch Samsung 4K definition television, which was on sale for $299.99.

According to local reports, Mary Jane Robbins, a married mother of two, reportedly wrestled her competitors to the ground before fatally wounding them with a sharpened Phillips head screwdriver.... Read More →


2013 MTV Video Music Awards - BackstageKanye West donated 1,000 copies of his own album to a Chicago homeless shelter on Thanksgiving.

According to local TV station KCHC, the rapper personally dropped off several boxes of CDs yesterday to the Open Spaces Community Shelter on Chicago’s South Side.... Read More →


burnhouseownfergusonA protester in Ferguson, Missouri accidentally burned down his own house last night after mistaking the building for a convenience store.

According to a report in the Ferguson Post-Gazette, 32-year-old Tyler Jackson threw a Molotov cocktail into a window not realizing he was setting ablaze his own residence. The home, which was empty at the time, subsequently burned to the ground.... Read More →


palin1000fergusonSarah Palin confused the city of Ferguson, Missouri with police officer Darren Wilson tonight on national television.

In an interview on Fox News, the former Alaska governor said she was happy that “Mr. Ferguson” was not indicted in the shooting of 18-year-old Michael Brown.... Read More →


roseeczemaFormer Chicago Bulls 2008 first round draft pick Derrick Rose has retired from the National Basketball League (NBA) due to a recent eczema diagnosis.

“My skin becomes a little irritated and I can’t play no more. I want my skin looking good when I’m in my kids’ graduation photos and making a business presentation,” Rose told CSN Chicago’s Dave Kaplan. “How am I suppose to play ball when I’m itchy?”... Read More →