stafford-lightingQuarterback Matthew Stafford and six other Detroit Lions are out for the season after being struck by lightning last night.

Following a heartbreaking loss to the Seahawks on Monday Night Football, the team bus broke down three blocks short of the team’s hotel in downtown Seattle. Rather than wait for a replacement bus, all 52 players decided to walk in the rain to their destination. ... Read More →


clinton-robot-hillaryLeading scientists from around the world warned today that electing a robot as United States president could lead to the extinction of the human race.

In an open letter in this morning’s New York Times, over 500 Nobel-prize winners and other scholars urged Americans to reject the campaign of Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton, fearing a malfunction could spell disaster. ... Read More →


trump-rosie-payDon't worry America, Donald Trump has a plan to fight obesity.

During a campaign stop in North Dakota this morning, a reporter from local WNOT-TV News pressed the Republican frontrunner on his plans for fighting America's growing weight problem.... Read More →


hillaryHillary Clinton has developed a sudden appetite for reforming America's correctional system.

Amidst speculation that she herself could face jail time over the growing email scandal engulfing her candidacy, the former Secretary of State announced today a series of "vital and urgent" proposals to improve conditions in federal women's prisons.... Read More →


kim-davis-ascends-heavenThe Kentucky county clerk recently jailed for refusing to issue gay marriage licences ascended into heaven this morning.

According to local reports, Davis was about to begin a press conference in her hometown of Morehead when a beam of light from the sky appeared and whisked her into Paradise.... Read More →


goodellNFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today a $1.25 million bounty on any player who can take out Patriots quarterback Tom Brady’s knees, resulting in an injury lasting at least four weeks.

During the final press conference before the National Football League 2015 season, Goodell explained the bounty had become necessary after a federal judge overturned Brady's suspension for ‘Deflate-gate’.... Read More →


palin-native-americansSarah Palin claimed today that Native Americans should leave America and go back to their homeland 'Nativia'.

In an interview with Fox News this morning, the former Alaskan governor was asked about her support of Donald Trump and his controversial views on immigration.... Read More →


TrumpMany political pundits wrote off Donald Trump's presidential ambitions after he killed rival Jeb Bush's pet kitten on live television Saturday.

But a new poll released today shows that the eccentric billionaire now leads the GOP field by an even greater margin than before.... Read More →



Photo: Thinkstock

The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia announced today that it is leaning toward finally allowing its female population to use forks.

The highly anticipated move comes as the autocratic Islamic regime faces ongoing criticism around the world for its record on women’s rights, which critics say is among the worst in the word.... Read More →


f_dc_trump_zing_150616Presidential candidate Donald Trump announced in a press conference today, that after much thought and careful consideration, he can finally think of one woman who is not, “ a disgusting animal.”

Trump admitted that this discovery took him a while, but as a candidate he realizes that “women are people too apparently.” Determined to get more female supporters, Trump held an intense focus groups at the Trump Plaza where after days of tests and research, he finally was able to discover one female that does not disgust him.... Read More →


RatricceFormer Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice has finally found a new job.

At a press conference in Cleveland this morning the disgraced NFL star publicly accepted UFC champion Ronda Rousey’s challenge to a “no-rules fight” to be televised later this year on Lifetime.  ... Read More →


f_dc_trump_zing_150616President Donald Trump launched an airstrike this morning against a New Jersey man who insulted him on Twitter.

According to local reports, fighter jets from the 169th airborne destroyed the home of Morristown resident Matt Jones with surface-to-air missiles sometime shortly before dawn.... Read More →